Today I found myself pleading with God to fast forward this tough season.
I begged for the joys of yesterday.
I pleaded for the hopes of tomorrow.
And most of all, I prayed that this season of hardship, trial, and struggle would end. Now.
Now, as many of you know by now, our God doesn't work in the ways we expect Him to.
Instead of snapping His fingers and taking away all the pain, He gave me a new perspective.
Maybe, just maybe, life isn't all about the good moments.
Maybe life is in the messy.
Maybe it's all about the moments you sit with a friend while she cries.
Maybe it's the silent tears as you try desperately to sleep.
Maybe it's the faked smiles and vulnerable coffee dates.
Maybe life is in the desperation.
Maybe life is about reaching the end of ourselves,
deciding we can't go on any longer,
and realizing our deep and desperate need for our Savior.
Maybe these are the moments that remind us that this world is not our home.
Maybe these are the moments that drive us to cling to the cross.
Maybe, just maybe, these messy and chaotic moments make the sunny days brighter.
Maybe Paul wasn't kidding when he said to rejoice in suffering.
Messyness and New Perspective
Dear Northwestern (and other private Christian colleges)
Dear Northwestern (and other private Christian colleges)
This post is written as a response to the UNW confessions page on facebook.
Dear Northwestern Students,
I appreciate your honesty, even if its' anonymous. Life can be hard, and there can be an unspoken pressure to meet an unachievable standard. You may be feeling the legalistic tendencies that circulate in conservative circles. The bar is set high - be happy, get good grades, have your life together, get a ring by spring, don't smoke, don't drink, do do drugs, don't have sex, be a republican, agree with conservative beliefs, and the list goes on.
First of all, I pray that you never feel like you have to be perfect. I pray that you realize that vulnerability and transparency are beautiful things. Where in the Bible does it say we won't struggle? (John 16:33; look at Paul's life in 2 Corinthians 11:16-33) Where does Jesus say life will be easy? (Luke 9:23-27) Where do we get the idea that we're supposed to be perfectly happy all the time? Our lives as Christians is a battle - there's a spiritual battle that's raging around us constantly. In America we tend to get pretty 'busy'. With all the things that are fighting for our attention, even good things, you don't have to try very hard to go days, even weeks without even thinking about God. Until we realize that we have to daily lay down our own desires and fight to desire God, we've already lost. (2 Corinthians 12)
That all being said, you will struggle. You will fall short. My prayer is that Northwestern can be a community of believers that come together and fight as the unified body of Christ.
My challenge is this: be real. If there's anything I've learned in the past few weeks, it's that there's a lot to be said about being real and open with people. Don't just say you're fine and paste on a smile, be real. That all said, there's a time and a place for this. I encourage you to find a few close friends of the same gender to confide in. That could be a professor you think is cool, a counselor, your roommate, your best friend, or really anyone on staff for that matter. You aren't alone. You are surrounded by people who genuinely want to care for you and help you grow. I know it can be scary to be that vulnerable with someone, but if you truly want to get better, get perspective, and grow - it needs to be done. When someone asks you how you're doing, don't be fake - but also, not everyone needs to hear every detail of your life. Be wise. (Romans 12:14-21)
Second, I think that as a school body we desperately need a heart check. I hear all the time that people don't pay attention in chapel. How many times do you see people sleeping or mindlessly scrolling twitter? I realize you're tired, stressed, bored, whatever. But my question is this - if you truly desire to pursue Christ and know Him more, don't you want to take every opportunity that's given to you to do that? We are given a sweet opportunity to listen to the work God is doing in peoples' lives, hear different perspectives, and learn truth daily. Why aren't we more excited about that? Why are we sleeping and refreshing our newsfeeds?
My challenge is this: check your heart. Is your heart hard? Are you cynical? Why aren't you listening?
Thirdly, this season is a fight to desire God. If you went to public high school, you know the daily struggle that comes from standing up for your faith. I remember daily having to rely on God for strength to stand up for what I believed in. At UNW, thankfully, that isn't the case. I'm extremely grateful for these years of being able to wholeheartedly pursue God without the constant attack from the world.
Now, while that's the case, there's also a tendency to be passive in our faith. Because we aren't constantly defending our beliefs, it can be easy to stop pursuing God completely. We're surrounded by so many spiritual things that it can be easy to forget to pursue our personal relationship with Christ, and that terrifies me.
No, your salvation does not depend on how often you pray, read your bible, or go to chapel. By no means. BUT - if you truly understand who our God is, you'll WANT to do those things. Honestly. Read Jeremiah 38-39. Look outside. We serve an AWESOME and POWERFUL God. If we understand even one bit who He is, our lives will look different. We'll want to learn more about Him. We'll want to talk to Him. We'll want to hear about Him. And we WILL bear fruit. True salvation is always accompanied by fruit, not because we're saved by the good things we do - but because we want to do those good things out of the overflow of our gratitude and love for Christ.
Ask yourself this: what, and who, am I living for? Where's my focus? What am I pursuing? Am I bearing fruit? (John 15)
Finally, let college be college. I just want to throw it out there that if you don't find your future spouse here, the world will not end. Pursue God. Breathe. Learn. Grow. Take this time to figure out the dreams and desires God has given you instead of frantically trying to attract the opposite sex. I don't know about you, but I'm not about wasting my life. I think pursuing God is a way better way to spend my time than trying to figure out if someone likes me. Not to say dating doesn't have its place, I'm just saying it shouldn't be our sole pursuit. Singleness isn't some sort of disease. Singleness isn't a punishment. Singleness is a beautiful season to pursue God wholeheartedly, learn who He's made you to be, and enjoy life. When else do we have this much time to get to know God's heart? Why are we so quick to waste our time 'waiting' for our future spouse? (more on this in another post I wrote earlier this semester)
All that to be said, we as a whole need to ask God to remind us more often of how blessed we are to go to a sweet school like Northwestern where we have the opportunity to learn more about our Creator daily without persecution. Praise God for this sweet gift of a season. When else will we be surrounded by a such a large body of believers in our age group? When else will we be able to walk down the hall, knock on any door, and talk about our Savior on such a deep level? When else can we pull a stranger aside and ask for prayer? I think we're too quick to complain about rules and regulations, and too slow to remember that we're here for a season - can't we just be grateful for the time we have here instead of complaining about vis hours and the doc?
Heart check: How's your attitude? What're you putting in front of God?
I hope in all of this you hear my heart - pursue God. Return to Him. Make War.
Resources:
If you haven't listened to this yet, you're crazy. It's awesome, free, and full of truth.
Read Jesus + Nothing = Everything by Tullian Tchividjian. Seriously. Life changing.
Dear Northwestern Students,
I appreciate your honesty, even if its' anonymous. Life can be hard, and there can be an unspoken pressure to meet an unachievable standard. You may be feeling the legalistic tendencies that circulate in conservative circles. The bar is set high - be happy, get good grades, have your life together, get a ring by spring, don't smoke, don't drink, do do drugs, don't have sex, be a republican, agree with conservative beliefs, and the list goes on.
First of all, I pray that you never feel like you have to be perfect. I pray that you realize that vulnerability and transparency are beautiful things. Where in the Bible does it say we won't struggle? (John 16:33; look at Paul's life in 2 Corinthians 11:16-33) Where does Jesus say life will be easy? (Luke 9:23-27) Where do we get the idea that we're supposed to be perfectly happy all the time? Our lives as Christians is a battle - there's a spiritual battle that's raging around us constantly. In America we tend to get pretty 'busy'. With all the things that are fighting for our attention, even good things, you don't have to try very hard to go days, even weeks without even thinking about God. Until we realize that we have to daily lay down our own desires and fight to desire God, we've already lost. (2 Corinthians 12)
That all being said, you will struggle. You will fall short. My prayer is that Northwestern can be a community of believers that come together and fight as the unified body of Christ.
My challenge is this: be real. If there's anything I've learned in the past few weeks, it's that there's a lot to be said about being real and open with people. Don't just say you're fine and paste on a smile, be real. That all said, there's a time and a place for this. I encourage you to find a few close friends of the same gender to confide in. That could be a professor you think is cool, a counselor, your roommate, your best friend, or really anyone on staff for that matter. You aren't alone. You are surrounded by people who genuinely want to care for you and help you grow. I know it can be scary to be that vulnerable with someone, but if you truly want to get better, get perspective, and grow - it needs to be done. When someone asks you how you're doing, don't be fake - but also, not everyone needs to hear every detail of your life. Be wise. (Romans 12:14-21)
Second, I think that as a school body we desperately need a heart check. I hear all the time that people don't pay attention in chapel. How many times do you see people sleeping or mindlessly scrolling twitter? I realize you're tired, stressed, bored, whatever. But my question is this - if you truly desire to pursue Christ and know Him more, don't you want to take every opportunity that's given to you to do that? We are given a sweet opportunity to listen to the work God is doing in peoples' lives, hear different perspectives, and learn truth daily. Why aren't we more excited about that? Why are we sleeping and refreshing our newsfeeds?
My challenge is this: check your heart. Is your heart hard? Are you cynical? Why aren't you listening?
Thirdly, this season is a fight to desire God. If you went to public high school, you know the daily struggle that comes from standing up for your faith. I remember daily having to rely on God for strength to stand up for what I believed in. At UNW, thankfully, that isn't the case. I'm extremely grateful for these years of being able to wholeheartedly pursue God without the constant attack from the world.
Now, while that's the case, there's also a tendency to be passive in our faith. Because we aren't constantly defending our beliefs, it can be easy to stop pursuing God completely. We're surrounded by so many spiritual things that it can be easy to forget to pursue our personal relationship with Christ, and that terrifies me.
No, your salvation does not depend on how often you pray, read your bible, or go to chapel. By no means. BUT - if you truly understand who our God is, you'll WANT to do those things. Honestly. Read Jeremiah 38-39. Look outside. We serve an AWESOME and POWERFUL God. If we understand even one bit who He is, our lives will look different. We'll want to learn more about Him. We'll want to talk to Him. We'll want to hear about Him. And we WILL bear fruit. True salvation is always accompanied by fruit, not because we're saved by the good things we do - but because we want to do those good things out of the overflow of our gratitude and love for Christ.
Ask yourself this: what, and who, am I living for? Where's my focus? What am I pursuing? Am I bearing fruit? (John 15)
Finally, let college be college. I just want to throw it out there that if you don't find your future spouse here, the world will not end. Pursue God. Breathe. Learn. Grow. Take this time to figure out the dreams and desires God has given you instead of frantically trying to attract the opposite sex. I don't know about you, but I'm not about wasting my life. I think pursuing God is a way better way to spend my time than trying to figure out if someone likes me. Not to say dating doesn't have its place, I'm just saying it shouldn't be our sole pursuit. Singleness isn't some sort of disease. Singleness isn't a punishment. Singleness is a beautiful season to pursue God wholeheartedly, learn who He's made you to be, and enjoy life. When else do we have this much time to get to know God's heart? Why are we so quick to waste our time 'waiting' for our future spouse? (more on this in another post I wrote earlier this semester)
All that to be said, we as a whole need to ask God to remind us more often of how blessed we are to go to a sweet school like Northwestern where we have the opportunity to learn more about our Creator daily without persecution. Praise God for this sweet gift of a season. When else will we be surrounded by a such a large body of believers in our age group? When else will we be able to walk down the hall, knock on any door, and talk about our Savior on such a deep level? When else can we pull a stranger aside and ask for prayer? I think we're too quick to complain about rules and regulations, and too slow to remember that we're here for a season - can't we just be grateful for the time we have here instead of complaining about vis hours and the doc?
Heart check: How's your attitude? What're you putting in front of God?
I hope in all of this you hear my heart - pursue God. Return to Him. Make War.
Resources:
If you haven't listened to this yet, you're crazy. It's awesome, free, and full of truth.
Read Jesus + Nothing = Everything by Tullian Tchividjian. Seriously. Life changing.
Blessed be His name
Blessed be His name
This semester has been
one of the hardest seasons of my life thus far. I've never been so
broken. I've never felt so weak. But, I've never been more aware of the
hope I have in Christ and His power in redeeming His children. My sweet
Jesus is walking with me through the pain as I hash out some things from
my past and go through the grieving process I wasn't previously able to
do. My Abba is doing sweet healing work in my family that I've been
begging for for years. I'm eternally grateful, but at the same time it
sometimes brings about indescribable pain. I am being made new. I am being
rebuilt. I am being redeemed.
As I walk through some pretty dark days, I'm never alone. I never lose hope. I grieve, but my Abba continually reminds me that He's walking with me. That He has a purpose. That it's going to be okay. I'm grateful for this weekend. For resting. For breathing. For the opportunity to re-energize before jumping back into the battle.
I can't say when this will be over. I don't know when I'll be back to normal. I honestly don't know who I'll be on the other end. All I know right now is that my Abba is with me, He is in control, and He is my comfort. Blessed be His name.
As I walk through some pretty dark days, I'm never alone. I never lose hope. I grieve, but my Abba continually reminds me that He's walking with me. That He has a purpose. That it's going to be okay. I'm grateful for this weekend. For resting. For breathing. For the opportunity to re-energize before jumping back into the battle.
I can't say when this will be over. I don't know when I'll be back to normal. I honestly don't know who I'll be on the other end. All I know right now is that my Abba is with me, He is in control, and He is my comfort. Blessed be His name.
Life is War
Life is War
Life is war.
Tonight has been a fight.
My Abba has given me an awareness of satan's lies. He's spoken truth into them.
He's helped me put on my armor.
As I fight to speak truth into the lies, I'm reminded that I'm a daughter of the King.
I am beloved of the Creator.
I am cherished beyond measure.
I am loved more deeply than I can fathom.
Tonight I'm grateful that my Abba is with me. He fights for me. He's faithful.
Praying for a continued awareness of the daily battle that rages.
The battles are raging, but the war is won.
In the end, Jesus wins.
It is finished.
I belong to Yahweh.
Tonight has been a fight.
My Abba has given me an awareness of satan's lies. He's spoken truth into them.
He's helped me put on my armor.
As I fight to speak truth into the lies, I'm reminded that I'm a daughter of the King.
I am beloved of the Creator.
I am cherished beyond measure.
I am loved more deeply than I can fathom.
Tonight I'm grateful that my Abba is with me. He fights for me. He's faithful.
Praying for a continued awareness of the daily battle that rages.
The battles are raging, but the war is won.
In the end, Jesus wins.
It is finished.
I belong to Yahweh.
A Restless Heart: A Semester of Struggling & Fighting
A Restless Heart: A Semester of Struggling & Fighting
"My heart is restless until it rests in You." {Augustine}
If I had to sum up the semester so far in a few words they'd probably be vulnerability, humility, honesty, and wandering.
Vulnerability. I came into this school year more visibly broken than I've ever been. Summer was great and terrible in ways I still struggle to verbalize. I still had a lot of processing to do when I arrived at school for the semester, and I continue to process the things I learned and the ways I grew and changed over the summer. For the first time in my life, I chose to be alone. I sat in my room for hours, hashing things out with my Abba. Asking for understanding. Pleading for wisdom. Begging Him to come alongside me to soften the pain. Being real with people never used to be something I was good at, and I'm definitely not saying I have it all figured out, but I've been more real with people in the past two months than in the rest of my life combined.
Humility. Oh man. I've hated this lesson. This semester has been pretty rocky spiritually, and for what seems like the first time in my life I've had to admit that I don't have it all together. I've had to learn to rely on others for strength. I've had to learn to turn to others for advice and wisdom when I've genuinely not known what to do. In this season of struggling and fighting, I've been more jealous of other peoples' faith more than ever before. I long for the days I've been overwhelmed by joy. I long for the days of pure contentment and desire for my Savior. I desperately grasp at the past seasons of sweetness, but know that for whatever reason it isn't to be.
Honesty. Over the past two months I've had to admit that I'm not doing well more than ever before. I've learned to be honest about how I'm doing instead of the classic 'smile and say you're good'. Man. It doesn't feel good. I grew up hating my weakness and vowing I'd be strong, so to admit that I don't have answers and that I'm still a work in progress has taken a big wack at my sense of identity. Praise God that my identity isn't in my own strength, but in His.
Wandering. Maybe a better phrase for this would be 'frusteration at my lack of desire for God'. I find myself, more subconsciously than anything, choosing other things over God. Knowingly choosing to lay on my floor instead of reading my bible. Knowingly surfing the web instead of doing devotions. A lack of desire. A wandering. With that awareness, I'm learning to fight for my Jesus. I'm learning to face the music - to lean into the pain. I'm not alone in this process.
My prayer for this season is constantly asking God to remind me. Remind me of His goodness, His mercy, His faithfulness, His love, etc. At the end of the day, I don't understand the ways I've changed. I'm not sure when things will be good again. I don't have answers. All I know is that God is in control, and I'm not alone. My Hope is with me. I am His.
If I had to sum up the semester so far in a few words they'd probably be vulnerability, humility, honesty, and wandering.
Vulnerability. I came into this school year more visibly broken than I've ever been. Summer was great and terrible in ways I still struggle to verbalize. I still had a lot of processing to do when I arrived at school for the semester, and I continue to process the things I learned and the ways I grew and changed over the summer. For the first time in my life, I chose to be alone. I sat in my room for hours, hashing things out with my Abba. Asking for understanding. Pleading for wisdom. Begging Him to come alongside me to soften the pain. Being real with people never used to be something I was good at, and I'm definitely not saying I have it all figured out, but I've been more real with people in the past two months than in the rest of my life combined.
Humility. Oh man. I've hated this lesson. This semester has been pretty rocky spiritually, and for what seems like the first time in my life I've had to admit that I don't have it all together. I've had to learn to rely on others for strength. I've had to learn to turn to others for advice and wisdom when I've genuinely not known what to do. In this season of struggling and fighting, I've been more jealous of other peoples' faith more than ever before. I long for the days I've been overwhelmed by joy. I long for the days of pure contentment and desire for my Savior. I desperately grasp at the past seasons of sweetness, but know that for whatever reason it isn't to be.
Honesty. Over the past two months I've had to admit that I'm not doing well more than ever before. I've learned to be honest about how I'm doing instead of the classic 'smile and say you're good'. Man. It doesn't feel good. I grew up hating my weakness and vowing I'd be strong, so to admit that I don't have answers and that I'm still a work in progress has taken a big wack at my sense of identity. Praise God that my identity isn't in my own strength, but in His.
Wandering. Maybe a better phrase for this would be 'frusteration at my lack of desire for God'. I find myself, more subconsciously than anything, choosing other things over God. Knowingly choosing to lay on my floor instead of reading my bible. Knowingly surfing the web instead of doing devotions. A lack of desire. A wandering. With that awareness, I'm learning to fight for my Jesus. I'm learning to face the music - to lean into the pain. I'm not alone in this process.
My prayer for this season is constantly asking God to remind me. Remind me of His goodness, His mercy, His faithfulness, His love, etc. At the end of the day, I don't understand the ways I've changed. I'm not sure when things will be good again. I don't have answers. All I know is that God is in control, and I'm not alone. My Hope is with me. I am His.
Why I No Longer Write Letters to my Future Husband
Why I No Longer Write Letters to my Future Husband
If you've grown up in the church, it's more than likely you've gone to one of those weekend long women's retreats, heard a beauty/dating seminar, or had a girl talk in youth group or bible study. And, if that is true, you've probably met the plethora of women who write letters loyally to their future husband.
I used to be one of those women. I remember tear filled nights of loneliness, bitterly scrawling on some notebook paper. Some notes were filled with earnest love and prayer for his life as he surely encounters all of the dangers and heartache that come with our time on earth. Others were filled with telling him about my life at the time, trying to prove that I'm cool or funny or popular. Some were filled with questions - what's taking you so long? Where are you? Haven't I waited long enough? But, those seldom made it in the box that I'd give him someday.
Lately, God's been changing my heart towards these things I used to think were required of christian women. "Waiting." The letter writing. Etc.
I'm not 'waiting' for my future husband. I'm not sitting around wasting my life until he gets here. And while I learned that a few months ago (http://aunicabuseman.blogspot.com/2013/05/im-not-waiting-for-my-future-husband.html) , and continue to learn that day by day, my Abba continues to reveal to me other ways that indicate that I'm not living my life in the moment.
By writing letters, it caused me to focus not on the day by day, but on the future. Longing for married days. Longing to meet my best friend. Longing to be cared for. Cherished. Loved. Writing letters to my future husband, while it's a nice idea, has caused me to struggle to focus on what God's doing now. Writing letters has caused me to be discontent with the blessings Yahweh is giving me now.
Instead of pursuing the idea of a husband, pursue your relationship with Christ. Channel that energy and time into your time with your sweet Jesus. Seek Christ. Above all else. Write letters to your Abba. Spend time pouring your heart out to Yahweh. Find rest in His presence.
So, I challenge you. While writing letters to your future husband is in no way an inherently bad thing, is it causing you to be discontent? Is it causing you to be distracted? Are you fully able to be grateful for the sweet blessings Abba is giving you in the now? Are you able to live your life in the moment?
{{This all being said, I do not in any way, shape, or form think that writing to your future husband is inherently bad. I am not telling you to stop if it isn't distracting. I am simply challenging you to examine your motives and make sure it isn't causing your heart to become discontent in the presence of our sweet Jesus.}}
{This blog post is in no way meant to offend. I'd love to talk about it if you have any questions.}
I used to be one of those women. I remember tear filled nights of loneliness, bitterly scrawling on some notebook paper. Some notes were filled with earnest love and prayer for his life as he surely encounters all of the dangers and heartache that come with our time on earth. Others were filled with telling him about my life at the time, trying to prove that I'm cool or funny or popular. Some were filled with questions - what's taking you so long? Where are you? Haven't I waited long enough? But, those seldom made it in the box that I'd give him someday.
Lately, God's been changing my heart towards these things I used to think were required of christian women. "Waiting." The letter writing. Etc.
I'm not 'waiting' for my future husband. I'm not sitting around wasting my life until he gets here. And while I learned that a few months ago (http://aunicabuseman.blogspot.com/2013/05/im-not-waiting-for-my-future-husband.html) , and continue to learn that day by day, my Abba continues to reveal to me other ways that indicate that I'm not living my life in the moment.
By writing letters, it caused me to focus not on the day by day, but on the future. Longing for married days. Longing to meet my best friend. Longing to be cared for. Cherished. Loved. Writing letters to my future husband, while it's a nice idea, has caused me to struggle to focus on what God's doing now. Writing letters has caused me to be discontent with the blessings Yahweh is giving me now.
Instead of pursuing the idea of a husband, pursue your relationship with Christ. Channel that energy and time into your time with your sweet Jesus. Seek Christ. Above all else. Write letters to your Abba. Spend time pouring your heart out to Yahweh. Find rest in His presence.
So, I challenge you. While writing letters to your future husband is in no way an inherently bad thing, is it causing you to be discontent? Is it causing you to be distracted? Are you fully able to be grateful for the sweet blessings Abba is giving you in the now? Are you able to live your life in the moment?
{{This all being said, I do not in any way, shape, or form think that writing to your future husband is inherently bad. I am not telling you to stop if it isn't distracting. I am simply challenging you to examine your motives and make sure it isn't causing your heart to become discontent in the presence of our sweet Jesus.}}
{This blog post is in no way meant to offend. I'd love to talk about it if you have any questions.}
All Other Ground is Sinking Sand
All Other Ground is Sinking Sand
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
Psalm 51:10
Even though I moved back into my dorm over a week ago, I continue to process things my Abba taught me this summer.
I've never been more aware of the urgency of the gospel. I've never felt the burden I have for those around me who don't have a grasp on it's sweetness. If we truly understand even a teensy bit who our Abba is, how can we not be transformed? If we have any form of grasp on what our sweet Jesus did for us, how can we not bear fruit and start to look like Him? My heart bleeds for the thousands of people who go to church and go through the "Christian" motions, but have no true grasp on who Jesus really is. The gospel is life changing. We. Will. Look. Different.
Each morning I pray that Yahweh would work. I pray that He would teach me. I pray that He would give me words, and reveal words to me. Today, my heart's prayer was the passage in Psalm 51:10 that i quoted at the beginning. Create in me a clean heart, Abba. Give me understanding.
My soul is at rest. Praise God for the rest that can be found solely in His presence. Praise Him for His infinite comfort. We have a God that listens. We have a sweet Abba that cares deeply for His children.
and renew a right spirit within me.
Psalm 51:10
Even though I moved back into my dorm over a week ago, I continue to process things my Abba taught me this summer.
I've never been more aware of the urgency of the gospel. I've never felt the burden I have for those around me who don't have a grasp on it's sweetness. If we truly understand even a teensy bit who our Abba is, how can we not be transformed? If we have any form of grasp on what our sweet Jesus did for us, how can we not bear fruit and start to look like Him? My heart bleeds for the thousands of people who go to church and go through the "Christian" motions, but have no true grasp on who Jesus really is. The gospel is life changing. We. Will. Look. Different.
Each morning I pray that Yahweh would work. I pray that He would teach me. I pray that He would give me words, and reveal words to me. Today, my heart's prayer was the passage in Psalm 51:10 that i quoted at the beginning. Create in me a clean heart, Abba. Give me understanding.
My soul is at rest. Praise God for the rest that can be found solely in His presence. Praise Him for His infinite comfort. We have a God that listens. We have a sweet Abba that cares deeply for His children.
Reflections & Lessons {Summer 2013}
Reflections & Lessons {Summer 2013}
Maybe it's the fact that I'm tired. Maybe it's all the moody music. Maybe it can be attributed to spending the majority of my summer with a thinker. Whatever the reason, I've been spending a lot of time processing and reflecting this summer. It's been weird to delve into my soul and end up somewhere foreign, realizing I'm a way different person now than I was a few months ago.
I'm not sure if these differences are permanent or just a reaction to my job this summer.
- My soul feels peaceful and at rest. There used to be days when I'd feel some form of manic, allowing stress to control me - running around like crazy and feeling overwhelmed to the point of tears - but no longer. I'm a lot less hyper. I feel older. My soul feels heavier. I feel a constant sense of peace that can solely be attributed to the Spirit working. I'm comfortable. I'm calm. I'm real. Even when things are crazy, I don't feel stressed - I feel the calm and peace that can only come from a deeper understanding of and communion with the Father.
- I think a lot more. I process things as I encounter them instead of pushing them down to deal with later. I'm pretty sure this change is a healthy one, it's just weird. I'm more apt to ask myself how I'm feeling in the moment instead of waiting for weeks to pass without realizing that I'm not doing well or that a situation affected me in a certain way. I guess you could say I'm becoming more in tune with my feelings.
- This summer I learned to be myself. I learned the beauty of being feminine. The rest that comes from being comfortable and cared for. I learned to be meek. I learned to allow myself to be weak. I don't have to be strong. I don't have to have all the answers. I can be quiet if I don't have anything to say. I can fade into the background if I want to. I don't have to be loud. I don't have to fill the silence. I'm a lot less apt to use a loud voice. I'm a lot less apt to speak without thinking it through.
- I'm more okay with being alone now. Before this summer I almost feared being alone. I feared going places alone. But, after a summer without campers, I've learned to be comfortable with going places by myself. It's weird to be okay with anonymity. It's weird to think about posting things on twitter, facebook, or instagram - but stopping, and finding rest in the fact that people don't know all the things I do. I'm finding peace with not constantly telling people about my life. I'm content and comfortable with who I am, so I no longer feel the need to prove to people that I'm hip, cool, or whatever else.
- I still love my sweet Jesus more than anything. He becomes sweeter to me daily, to the point where I can't imagine loving Him more. Maybe i won't love him more, just deeper? I have a lifetime to find out. Praise Him for His providence. Praise Him for growing me and challenging me. Praise Him for working in my heart and making me new.
I'm eternally grateful.
I'm not sure if these differences are permanent or just a reaction to my job this summer.
- My soul feels peaceful and at rest. There used to be days when I'd feel some form of manic, allowing stress to control me - running around like crazy and feeling overwhelmed to the point of tears - but no longer. I'm a lot less hyper. I feel older. My soul feels heavier. I feel a constant sense of peace that can solely be attributed to the Spirit working. I'm comfortable. I'm calm. I'm real. Even when things are crazy, I don't feel stressed - I feel the calm and peace that can only come from a deeper understanding of and communion with the Father.
- I think a lot more. I process things as I encounter them instead of pushing them down to deal with later. I'm pretty sure this change is a healthy one, it's just weird. I'm more apt to ask myself how I'm feeling in the moment instead of waiting for weeks to pass without realizing that I'm not doing well or that a situation affected me in a certain way. I guess you could say I'm becoming more in tune with my feelings.
- This summer I learned to be myself. I learned the beauty of being feminine. The rest that comes from being comfortable and cared for. I learned to be meek. I learned to allow myself to be weak. I don't have to be strong. I don't have to have all the answers. I can be quiet if I don't have anything to say. I can fade into the background if I want to. I don't have to be loud. I don't have to fill the silence. I'm a lot less apt to use a loud voice. I'm a lot less apt to speak without thinking it through.
- I'm more okay with being alone now. Before this summer I almost feared being alone. I feared going places alone. But, after a summer without campers, I've learned to be comfortable with going places by myself. It's weird to be okay with anonymity. It's weird to think about posting things on twitter, facebook, or instagram - but stopping, and finding rest in the fact that people don't know all the things I do. I'm finding peace with not constantly telling people about my life. I'm content and comfortable with who I am, so I no longer feel the need to prove to people that I'm hip, cool, or whatever else.
- I still love my sweet Jesus more than anything. He becomes sweeter to me daily, to the point where I can't imagine loving Him more. Maybe i won't love him more, just deeper? I have a lifetime to find out. Praise Him for His providence. Praise Him for growing me and challenging me. Praise Him for working in my heart and making me new.
I'm eternally grateful.
I'm Convinced
I'm Convinced
I'm convinced.
I'm convinced that God reveals himself to us in new ways in all circumstances. I'm convinced that He uses all things to bring himself glory.
Hard times? We learn of His faithfulness. We learn of His comfort. We learn that He is our foundation. We learn that He is unchanging.
Feeling far away? We learn of His patience. We learn of His kindness. We learn of His unconditional love.
Good times? His joy. His ability to provide. His goodness.
Creation? His majesty. His magnificence. His creativity.
Sick? He's our healer. He's our comfort.
Tired? He gives us energy and strength. When we are weak, He is strong.
Sorrow? Our God is a God who understands. He's been there.
Lonely? Jesus experienced the depths of loneliness. At His darkest hour, his closest friends fell asleep.
I'm convinced that, no matter what the circumstances, all things point to my Creator.
I'm convinced that God reveals himself to us in new ways in all circumstances. I'm convinced that He uses all things to bring himself glory.
Hard times? We learn of His faithfulness. We learn of His comfort. We learn that He is our foundation. We learn that He is unchanging.
Feeling far away? We learn of His patience. We learn of His kindness. We learn of His unconditional love.
Good times? His joy. His ability to provide. His goodness.
Creation? His majesty. His magnificence. His creativity.
Sick? He's our healer. He's our comfort.
Tired? He gives us energy and strength. When we are weak, He is strong.
Sorrow? Our God is a God who understands. He's been there.
Lonely? Jesus experienced the depths of loneliness. At His darkest hour, his closest friends fell asleep.
I'm convinced that, no matter what the circumstances, all things point to my Creator.
Dear Men (Part 2)
Dear Men (Part 2)
[Note: the sterotypes referenced in this post are stereotypes and are not actually a reflection of what I think all men are like]
Dear Men,
I want to do a few things with this post. First I want to encourage you, second I want to challenge you, and finally I want to point you to the cross.
First of all, for those of you men that are earnestly seeking Christ - thank-you. As a woman who daily seeks the Lord, I appreciate you on so many levels. Thank-you for caring for your sisters in Christ. Thank-you for being real men. Thank-you for seeking God. Thank-you for being honorable. Thank-you for fighting for purity. Thank-you for respecting us as women.
What does it mean to be a real man? Being a real man doesn't mean you can lift 300 lbs. Being a real man doesn't mean you can grunt as loud as a bull. Being a real man doesn't mean you can burp for 3 minute straight. Being a real man doesn't mean you can eat 30 wings without taking a breath. Being a real man is something more. True masculinity is found in the cross. I'm more impressed by a man that seeks God, that prays, that is willing to be vulnerable, that isn't afraid to admit that He's wrong, that leads without being a dictator, that allows me to be feminine, that points me to Christ, that is confident in who Christ has made him to be, who doesn't try to be someone else, who loves unconditionally, who knows when to listen and when to fix things, who desires to know me as a woman instead of an object, who serves others with joy, who pursues purity and honor; a real man is a man who seeks Christ above all things. A real man isn't afraid to be the man God has created Him to be. A real man seeks to use the gifts God has given Him instead of striving to fit a mold society has made. A real man encourages others to use the gifts God has given. A real man leads in a way that allows others to flourish.
Please, please be intentional. Act with integrity. A woman should never wonder about your intentions or feelings. Be careful with how you interact with women. Watch what you say. If you want to stay friends, be clear about that. If you want to pursue her, do it. None of this half hearted wondering stuff - not okay. Seek God. Lead. Be intentional.
Men. Seek Christ. I'm way more attracted to a man who's himself than a man that tries to fit into society's mold. Praise God for who he's made you to be. Find rest in who you are in Christ. Don't try to be someone you aren't.
C) Ask God to reveal the gifts He's given you. (1 Corinthians 12)
Ephesians 5. Enough said.
Thank-you. For caring. For seeking. For desiring integrity. For fighting sin's temptations.
Believe me when I say I pray for my brothers in Christ. Thank-you for all that you do. I appreciate it on so many levels. I say all of these things in hopes that I can encourage you to seek God and seek to be the man He's created you to be. I pray that this provides rest for your soul as you find joy in the process of figuring out your gifts and abilities. Praise God that He's created us each with a purpose.
Dear Men,
I want to do a few things with this post. First I want to encourage you, second I want to challenge you, and finally I want to point you to the cross.
First of all, for those of you men that are earnestly seeking Christ - thank-you. As a woman who daily seeks the Lord, I appreciate you on so many levels. Thank-you for caring for your sisters in Christ. Thank-you for being real men. Thank-you for seeking God. Thank-you for being honorable. Thank-you for fighting for purity. Thank-you for respecting us as women.
What does it mean to be a real man? Being a real man doesn't mean you can lift 300 lbs. Being a real man doesn't mean you can grunt as loud as a bull. Being a real man doesn't mean you can burp for 3 minute straight. Being a real man doesn't mean you can eat 30 wings without taking a breath. Being a real man is something more. True masculinity is found in the cross. I'm more impressed by a man that seeks God, that prays, that is willing to be vulnerable, that isn't afraid to admit that He's wrong, that leads without being a dictator, that allows me to be feminine, that points me to Christ, that is confident in who Christ has made him to be, who doesn't try to be someone else, who loves unconditionally, who knows when to listen and when to fix things, who desires to know me as a woman instead of an object, who serves others with joy, who pursues purity and honor; a real man is a man who seeks Christ above all things. A real man isn't afraid to be the man God has created Him to be. A real man seeks to use the gifts God has given Him instead of striving to fit a mold society has made. A real man encourages others to use the gifts God has given. A real man leads in a way that allows others to flourish.
Please, please be intentional. Act with integrity. A woman should never wonder about your intentions or feelings. Be careful with how you interact with women. Watch what you say. If you want to stay friends, be clear about that. If you want to pursue her, do it. None of this half hearted wondering stuff - not okay. Seek God. Lead. Be intentional.
Men. Seek Christ. I'm way more attracted to a man who's himself than a man that tries to fit into society's mold. Praise God for who he's made you to be. Find rest in who you are in Christ. Don't try to be someone you aren't.
C) Ask God to reveal the gifts He's given you. (1 Corinthians 12)
Ephesians 5. Enough said.
Thank-you. For caring. For seeking. For desiring integrity. For fighting sin's temptations.
Believe me when I say I pray for my brothers in Christ. Thank-you for all that you do. I appreciate it on so many levels. I say all of these things in hopes that I can encourage you to seek God and seek to be the man He's created you to be. I pray that this provides rest for your soul as you find joy in the process of figuring out your gifts and abilities. Praise God that He's created us each with a purpose.
Transparency & Answered Prayers
Transparency & Answered Prayers
This summer has been a whirlwind. I've had some pretty dark days, when I wasn't sure things could get worse, and some days that were so filled with joy I thought I would burst.
Fear has always been something that's controlled me. Daily I come before the Lord and confess new found fears that influence me in my decisions. One particular fear I've struggled with this summer is the fear that, due to some past circumstances, I'll never be able to allow a man to love me - that because I don't feel like I deserve to be loved, I'll choose to be with someone who makes me unhappy. Believe me when I say I came before the Lord and pleaded with Him on many occasions to change my heart. To reveal to me His plan for me. To realign my sense of worth.
After a while, things got busy, and I forgot about it. This morning I was asking God to show me lessons He taught me or ways that He worked in me that I otherwise overlooked in the moment. Wow. Can we just talk about how awesome our God is? And how powerful? And how breathtaking? He provided people in my life this summer to show me love and to give me a glimpse of what marriage will be like. He showed me what it feels like to have someone you can trust no matter what. Someone you can find comfort in. Someone you can be completely real with. God gave me a glimpse of the goodness He has in store for the future. He calmed my fears, but told me to wait. It's not time yet. Praise God for His ability to speak into my heart in ways I could never have imagined possible.
I could never have imagined how God would work. To protect my heart, but reveal His purpose simultaneously. Praise Him. He provides for His children. Words can't even describe the depths of my gratitude.
Singleness is a gift. Praise God for this season of learning, growing, and joy.
Praise God. Praise God. Praise God.
Daily I ask God to provide joy. To remind me where my foundation lies. To reveal to me His purpose and providence. Praise God for His ability to speak into even the deepest parts of my heart. I could never have imagined the depths of a relationship with a relational God. He cares for me, deeply, and I in turn care for Him with every fiber of who I am. Praise Him for His patience when I am stubborn. Praise Him for His affection. Praise Him for His infinite power and ability to speak into all circumstances and situations.
Fear has always been something that's controlled me. Daily I come before the Lord and confess new found fears that influence me in my decisions. One particular fear I've struggled with this summer is the fear that, due to some past circumstances, I'll never be able to allow a man to love me - that because I don't feel like I deserve to be loved, I'll choose to be with someone who makes me unhappy. Believe me when I say I came before the Lord and pleaded with Him on many occasions to change my heart. To reveal to me His plan for me. To realign my sense of worth.
After a while, things got busy, and I forgot about it. This morning I was asking God to show me lessons He taught me or ways that He worked in me that I otherwise overlooked in the moment. Wow. Can we just talk about how awesome our God is? And how powerful? And how breathtaking? He provided people in my life this summer to show me love and to give me a glimpse of what marriage will be like. He showed me what it feels like to have someone you can trust no matter what. Someone you can find comfort in. Someone you can be completely real with. God gave me a glimpse of the goodness He has in store for the future. He calmed my fears, but told me to wait. It's not time yet. Praise God for His ability to speak into my heart in ways I could never have imagined possible.
I could never have imagined how God would work. To protect my heart, but reveal His purpose simultaneously. Praise Him. He provides for His children. Words can't even describe the depths of my gratitude.
Singleness is a gift. Praise God for this season of learning, growing, and joy.
Praise God. Praise God. Praise God.
Daily I ask God to provide joy. To remind me where my foundation lies. To reveal to me His purpose and providence. Praise God for His ability to speak into even the deepest parts of my heart. I could never have imagined the depths of a relationship with a relational God. He cares for me, deeply, and I in turn care for Him with every fiber of who I am. Praise Him for His patience when I am stubborn. Praise Him for His affection. Praise Him for His infinite power and ability to speak into all circumstances and situations.
Praise Him
Praise Him
To say that this summer has gone by quickly would be the understatement of a lifetime. One week left of camp, then I'm home. Here's a recap of some of the things I've been learning:
We don't serve a God who doesn't care. We don't serve a God who doesn't understand.
Lonely? He's been there. His closest friends fell asleep in His deepest time of need. [26:36-46]
Rejected? He's been there. He was beaten, spit on, and cruxified. [Matthew 27:27-31]
Hebrews 4:14-16: "Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
I've learned to cling to the cross in ways I could never have imagined possible. There were times this summer when I wasn't sure how I'd make it to the next day. Days where I couldn't understand why. Weeks of deep, aching pain that never left. Those were the days I learned to cling to my sweet Jesus. Those were the days I learned what it truly meant to make Christ my foundation. When everything else fell around me, when all the things I had previously found solace in failed, I learned to cling to Christ with more fervor than I knew to be possible. When my heart was breaking, and I didn't even have the strength to cry, I learned to cling to Him. I came to realize that I really, truly can't do it on my own. I needed my Hope. I needed my Strength. I needed my Jesus with a new found desperation that I pray for daily. Christ brought sweetness to what otherwise would have been some of my darkest days in a long time. Through those weeks, my identity was tested - would I choose to crumble under the weight of all the pressure, or would I stay calm in the knowledge that my identity is found in Christ, and not in circumstances? Through those weeks, I experienced joy in ways I couldn't have known to be possible otherwise. Even when I was sad, broken, and all the fears I'd ever experienced were coming into realization, I experienced joy through hardship. I was refined through the fire. I found a thirst for Christ deep in my soul that couldn't be quenched. Praise God for His ability to work even through the hardest of situations.
I've learned the sweetness of communion with Jesus. The beauty in time with my Lord. I've learned to find my rest in His presence. I've learned the importance of taking time away from the craziness of life to sit with Him. I've learned to pray from my heart, and ask for big things. I've learned gratitude I could never have imagined. I've learned to breathe deeply in the presence of the Lord. I wouldn't trade my intimacy with Christ for anything.
Along that note, praise God for seasons when I get to focus on Him. Praise Him for renewing my mind. I am a new creation. He reminds me of that daily. I used to view singleness as a burden and a punishment, but it's neither of those things. When else will I be able to focus solely on my sweet Jesus? Praise Him for the gift of singleness and the beauty of this season of life. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
God's given me a deeper understanding of the gospel. I used to come before the throne with the mindset that since I'd done so many good works for God, I deserved to be blessed. Now it's because He's blessed me that I desire to do good works. Praise Him for His ability to redeem. I can't even put into words some of the things He's taught me about the gospel. Praise Him for this season when I can see the changes He's making in my heart. I can feel His peace and rest.
Not sure that was all that articulate. Feel free to ask me how God's been working, I love talking about my sweet Jesus!
We don't serve a God who doesn't care. We don't serve a God who doesn't understand.
Lonely? He's been there. His closest friends fell asleep in His deepest time of need. [26:36-46]
Rejected? He's been there. He was beaten, spit on, and cruxified. [Matthew 27:27-31]
Hebrews 4:14-16: "Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
I've learned to cling to the cross in ways I could never have imagined possible. There were times this summer when I wasn't sure how I'd make it to the next day. Days where I couldn't understand why. Weeks of deep, aching pain that never left. Those were the days I learned to cling to my sweet Jesus. Those were the days I learned what it truly meant to make Christ my foundation. When everything else fell around me, when all the things I had previously found solace in failed, I learned to cling to Christ with more fervor than I knew to be possible. When my heart was breaking, and I didn't even have the strength to cry, I learned to cling to Him. I came to realize that I really, truly can't do it on my own. I needed my Hope. I needed my Strength. I needed my Jesus with a new found desperation that I pray for daily. Christ brought sweetness to what otherwise would have been some of my darkest days in a long time. Through those weeks, my identity was tested - would I choose to crumble under the weight of all the pressure, or would I stay calm in the knowledge that my identity is found in Christ, and not in circumstances? Through those weeks, I experienced joy in ways I couldn't have known to be possible otherwise. Even when I was sad, broken, and all the fears I'd ever experienced were coming into realization, I experienced joy through hardship. I was refined through the fire. I found a thirst for Christ deep in my soul that couldn't be quenched. Praise God for His ability to work even through the hardest of situations.
I've learned the sweetness of communion with Jesus. The beauty in time with my Lord. I've learned to find my rest in His presence. I've learned the importance of taking time away from the craziness of life to sit with Him. I've learned to pray from my heart, and ask for big things. I've learned gratitude I could never have imagined. I've learned to breathe deeply in the presence of the Lord. I wouldn't trade my intimacy with Christ for anything.
Along that note, praise God for seasons when I get to focus on Him. Praise Him for renewing my mind. I am a new creation. He reminds me of that daily. I used to view singleness as a burden and a punishment, but it's neither of those things. When else will I be able to focus solely on my sweet Jesus? Praise Him for the gift of singleness and the beauty of this season of life. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
God's given me a deeper understanding of the gospel. I used to come before the throne with the mindset that since I'd done so many good works for God, I deserved to be blessed. Now it's because He's blessed me that I desire to do good works. Praise Him for His ability to redeem. I can't even put into words some of the things He's taught me about the gospel. Praise Him for this season when I can see the changes He's making in my heart. I can feel His peace and rest.
Not sure that was all that articulate. Feel free to ask me how God's been working, I love talking about my sweet Jesus!
I'm Not Waiting For my Future Husband
I'm Not Waiting For my Future Husband
As a woman who strives to honor and seek after Christ, this statement may come as a shock to you. I'm not waiting for my future husband. Now before you get your undies in a wad, I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about time.
Ladies, I love that you're protecting your hearts. I am too, but along the way we've reached a point where we believe that we deserve to be blessed. We've ended up putting our future husbands on a pedestal, expecting them to meet our criteria - to laugh at our jokes, to listen to us talk for hours, to watch all the sappy romance movies and hold us while we cry, and so on and so forth. We so easily compile lists of things we want in our husbands. Now I'm not saying that's bad, by no means - there are definitely things that I desire in a husband that are extremely important, but I think when we start to make lists that are hundreds of qualities long we've strayed from the original idea. We're setting a standard of perfection. We assume that since we've been faithful in our waiting, God will give us exactly what we want. A perfect prince charming. But women, men are human too - we're all fallen. We fall short of the glory of God on a daily, if not hourly, basis. So women, please be careful when you're making your lists. Seek God. By coming into relationships with these expectations of deserving perfection, we're sabotaging them early on - no man can fulfill the deep desire you have to be cherished. No man can fill the place in your heart that aches to be loved deeply. If you seek a mortal man to fill that void, you're only going to come out of that relationship brokenhearted and cynical. As much as I'll love my husband someday if I get married, He's going to fail me. Many times. Because we're human, and we fall short.
Waiting. My issue is with the wording. I'm not waiting. Waiting implies that I'm not living my life to the fullest in this moment. Waiting is assuming that since we're seeking God now, we'll deserve to be rewarded down the road. Waiting. I'm not waiting. I'm living. I don't want my husband to wait, either. I want Him to glorify God, but I want Him to live. I don't want him to waste the time he's been given right now waiting for me. How can I be fully focused on glorifying and praising my Creator if my eyes are fixed inwardly on my own seeming "persecution" for being single at this moment instead of on His glory? Ladies. Singleness is a gift. If there's anything I've learned this year, it's that. I am joyful and glad to be single in this season. I'm not saying my desire to get married is any less. I'm not saying I don't still struggle with longing to be cherished by a man from time to time, but the times I've gotten to spend with my sweet Jesus, unabashedly basking in His glory - I wouldn't trade them for prince charming himself. This a season that you can seek God with all that you have.
God doesn't call us to wait. He doesn't want us to be counting down the days until we'll meet our husbands. Our God is a jealous God, give Him your attention. Allow Him to cherish you. As much as I'd love to say that someday I'll meet a guy that will "complete me", I'm not sure that's true. I'm a broken person. He'll be a broken person. I'm not sure that two broken pieces always make a whole. Most likely, we won't be broken in the same ways. The only way to find true wholeness is through Christ. HE completes me. By putting my life on pause until I get married, I'm wasting the precious time God has given me right now. God is more than enough. THIS is eternal life - to know Jesus Christ. Not "my life will actually start when I get married".
Women. Please be careful. Guard your hearts. Don't chase men. Don't pine for the future. Live in the season God has placed you in right now. By living with our eyes focused on our potential future marriages we're sabotaging our time right now. We're missing out on the blessings God is giving us in these moments when we've got our eyes on what we think we deserve. I don't know about you, but I don't deserve anything.
My challenge is this: instead of "waiting" live. Seek Christ. Cherish Him. Enjoy this season of life. Maybe you'll get married, maybe you won't - but don't let that be the end of the world. Find your identity in Him, not in your future spouse. Put on your armor. Fight for your joy.
Ladies, I love that you're protecting your hearts. I am too, but along the way we've reached a point where we believe that we deserve to be blessed. We've ended up putting our future husbands on a pedestal, expecting them to meet our criteria - to laugh at our jokes, to listen to us talk for hours, to watch all the sappy romance movies and hold us while we cry, and so on and so forth. We so easily compile lists of things we want in our husbands. Now I'm not saying that's bad, by no means - there are definitely things that I desire in a husband that are extremely important, but I think when we start to make lists that are hundreds of qualities long we've strayed from the original idea. We're setting a standard of perfection. We assume that since we've been faithful in our waiting, God will give us exactly what we want. A perfect prince charming. But women, men are human too - we're all fallen. We fall short of the glory of God on a daily, if not hourly, basis. So women, please be careful when you're making your lists. Seek God. By coming into relationships with these expectations of deserving perfection, we're sabotaging them early on - no man can fulfill the deep desire you have to be cherished. No man can fill the place in your heart that aches to be loved deeply. If you seek a mortal man to fill that void, you're only going to come out of that relationship brokenhearted and cynical. As much as I'll love my husband someday if I get married, He's going to fail me. Many times. Because we're human, and we fall short.
Waiting. My issue is with the wording. I'm not waiting. Waiting implies that I'm not living my life to the fullest in this moment. Waiting is assuming that since we're seeking God now, we'll deserve to be rewarded down the road. Waiting. I'm not waiting. I'm living. I don't want my husband to wait, either. I want Him to glorify God, but I want Him to live. I don't want him to waste the time he's been given right now waiting for me. How can I be fully focused on glorifying and praising my Creator if my eyes are fixed inwardly on my own seeming "persecution" for being single at this moment instead of on His glory? Ladies. Singleness is a gift. If there's anything I've learned this year, it's that. I am joyful and glad to be single in this season. I'm not saying my desire to get married is any less. I'm not saying I don't still struggle with longing to be cherished by a man from time to time, but the times I've gotten to spend with my sweet Jesus, unabashedly basking in His glory - I wouldn't trade them for prince charming himself. This a season that you can seek God with all that you have.
God doesn't call us to wait. He doesn't want us to be counting down the days until we'll meet our husbands. Our God is a jealous God, give Him your attention. Allow Him to cherish you. As much as I'd love to say that someday I'll meet a guy that will "complete me", I'm not sure that's true. I'm a broken person. He'll be a broken person. I'm not sure that two broken pieces always make a whole. Most likely, we won't be broken in the same ways. The only way to find true wholeness is through Christ. HE completes me. By putting my life on pause until I get married, I'm wasting the precious time God has given me right now. God is more than enough. THIS is eternal life - to know Jesus Christ. Not "my life will actually start when I get married".
Women. Please be careful. Guard your hearts. Don't chase men. Don't pine for the future. Live in the season God has placed you in right now. By living with our eyes focused on our potential future marriages we're sabotaging our time right now. We're missing out on the blessings God is giving us in these moments when we've got our eyes on what we think we deserve. I don't know about you, but I don't deserve anything.
My challenge is this: instead of "waiting" live. Seek Christ. Cherish Him. Enjoy this season of life. Maybe you'll get married, maybe you won't - but don't let that be the end of the world. Find your identity in Him, not in your future spouse. Put on your armor. Fight for your joy.
Seeking & Wrestling
Seeking & Wrestling
Do you ever have those times when you miss past seasons in your walk with Christ?
Man. If I could go back for a few hours to the season I was in last year.
Sitting in my window seat, looking outside, seeking God's wisdom and losing myself in His infinite glory. Dancing in the field as the sun rose. Breakfast dates with Jesus outside, getting lost in His magnificent creation. It's not that I don't still do these things, He's just teaching me different things. There's a tinge of sadness that accompanies me. A deeper understanding of the pain that comes from this world. A realization that this world is not my home. A constant thirst for my Savior's return. ((John 16:22 --> So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.))
I love my time with my Jesus, but sometimes I long for past seasons of joy and naivety.
Right now, I'm wrestling with God. Seeking His wisdom and heart in situations. In things that I'm not sure about. Areas where I don't have all the answers. It's easy for me, being surrounded by brothers and sisters in Christ, to assume that I agree with everything others think without seeking God's heart myself. Maybe I don't agree. Maybe I'm not sure. Maybe God's heart is somewhere else? So, I'm seeking. And wrestling. Asking God for help to separate my earthly ideas with His heart for His children. Lord, reveal Your heart to me.
So I seek. I plead. I trust.
Right now, I'm learning to trust God. Above all else. In situations where I feel discouraged or like I'm losing control, to step aside and hand God the reigns. Freedom.
I'm ready for summer. For more time to seek. For more time to learn and grow.
I'm grateful. For God's mercy. For His providence. For His strength. I'm so blessed by my sweet Jesus, as He shows me that He cherishes me. I'm overwhelmed by His unconditional love and ability to speak into all situations. When you listen, He speaks. I'm learning to rest and be still in His presence. What a beautiful lesson.
Man. If I could go back for a few hours to the season I was in last year.
Sitting in my window seat, looking outside, seeking God's wisdom and losing myself in His infinite glory. Dancing in the field as the sun rose. Breakfast dates with Jesus outside, getting lost in His magnificent creation. It's not that I don't still do these things, He's just teaching me different things. There's a tinge of sadness that accompanies me. A deeper understanding of the pain that comes from this world. A realization that this world is not my home. A constant thirst for my Savior's return. ((John 16:22 --> So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.))
I love my time with my Jesus, but sometimes I long for past seasons of joy and naivety.
Right now, I'm wrestling with God. Seeking His wisdom and heart in situations. In things that I'm not sure about. Areas where I don't have all the answers. It's easy for me, being surrounded by brothers and sisters in Christ, to assume that I agree with everything others think without seeking God's heart myself. Maybe I don't agree. Maybe I'm not sure. Maybe God's heart is somewhere else? So, I'm seeking. And wrestling. Asking God for help to separate my earthly ideas with His heart for His children. Lord, reveal Your heart to me.
So I seek. I plead. I trust.
Right now, I'm learning to trust God. Above all else. In situations where I feel discouraged or like I'm losing control, to step aside and hand God the reigns. Freedom.
I'm ready for summer. For more time to seek. For more time to learn and grow.
I'm grateful. For God's mercy. For His providence. For His strength. I'm so blessed by my sweet Jesus, as He shows me that He cherishes me. I'm overwhelmed by His unconditional love and ability to speak into all situations. When you listen, He speaks. I'm learning to rest and be still in His presence. What a beautiful lesson.
Skipping Chapel & A Grateful Heart
Skipping Chapel & A Grateful Heart
Words are hard. This might not be eloquent.
This morning was glorious.
Praise God for His faithfulness and mercy.
I skipped chapel today, and it was one of the best decisions I've made all week.
Okay, so it's Monday. Still a great choice.
Instead of going to chapel, I sat by the lake under a tree.
To be given the sweet opportunity to spend time in the presence of my Savior.
Away from people. Away from pride. Away from the desire to perform.
Just me and my sweet Jesus.
To get the sweet blessing to praise Him for His creation.
To talk over the past few days.
To trust Him.
To get to know Him deeper.
To revel in His majesty.
To cry tears of joy at His glory.
To see His fingerprints in all of creation, and sit in breathless wonder as I took in the scenery.
Our God is awesome. Man. I can't say it enough.
His praise has been on my lips all day, and there's no way I can really describe it.
Eternal gratitude.
Raw worship.
Undeservedly blessed.
Thanks Lord, from the bottom of my heart, for these times of connection.
For these conversations. For your understanding and love. For listening, and speaking.
Today I'm reminded of how blessed I am. That our God is not a selfish God, but a caring one. Our God is a God who truly, deeply, and unconditionally loves His children. He cares about us. He cares about our hearts.
The past week He's been reminding me that He cherishes me, and what sweet reminder.
Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude. I'm not even sure that word can describe the depth of thankfulness that's pouring from my heart, but it'll do for now.
This morning was glorious.
Praise God for His faithfulness and mercy.
I skipped chapel today, and it was one of the best decisions I've made all week.
Okay, so it's Monday. Still a great choice.
Instead of going to chapel, I sat by the lake under a tree.
To be given the sweet opportunity to spend time in the presence of my Savior.
Away from people. Away from pride. Away from the desire to perform.
Just me and my sweet Jesus.
To get the sweet blessing to praise Him for His creation.
To talk over the past few days.
To trust Him.
To get to know Him deeper.
To revel in His majesty.
To cry tears of joy at His glory.
To see His fingerprints in all of creation, and sit in breathless wonder as I took in the scenery.
Our God is awesome. Man. I can't say it enough.
His praise has been on my lips all day, and there's no way I can really describe it.
Eternal gratitude.
Raw worship.
Undeservedly blessed.
Thanks Lord, from the bottom of my heart, for these times of connection.
For these conversations. For your understanding and love. For listening, and speaking.
Today I'm reminded of how blessed I am. That our God is not a selfish God, but a caring one. Our God is a God who truly, deeply, and unconditionally loves His children. He cares about us. He cares about our hearts.
The past week He's been reminding me that He cherishes me, and what sweet reminder.
Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude. I'm not even sure that word can describe the depth of thankfulness that's pouring from my heart, but it'll do for now.
Unprocessed Thoughts
Unprocessed Thoughts
A) Legalistic tendencies return. Fighting to preach the gospel to myself daily in the past week and a half, and seeing my depravity in clearer light daily. It's an uphill battle. I can't do it without relying on Christ for strength, and that's definitely not something I feel like doing very often. I love feeling like I'm accomplishing something. That I'm being used. That I'm growing myself. That I'm getting better. And when that shows itself to be far from the truth, it's hard for me to accept it. It's easy to slide back into my pre-gospel self-condemnation stages. It's hard to remind myself that my identity doesn't come from my ability to achieve, but from what He's already done for me. There isn't anything I can do. That's the hardest thing for me to remember on a daily basis, especially at college where everything is on my shoulders. It's all up to me to make sure I'm investing in friendships, performing well in my classes, etc.
B) It's hard for me to not be frustrated with myself. There are seasons of my life when I hate the sin nature in me with every born-again fiber of my being. This is one of those seasons. I want to want God. I want to feel thirsty. I had a week where I couldn't breathe without thinking about God; I was in constant communication with Him. My spirit longed for Him with everything that I am. But this week is different. School has caught up. I'm tired. It's cold and cloudy and snowy in April. We have three weeks left of classes, but it seems like an eternity with the snow. I'm reading Exodus right now in my quiet time, and it's definitely reminding me about how powerful God is. We serve a God who is infinitely powerful. The God who brought the plagues and protected His people. The God who parted the sea. The God who cares deeply for His people. The God who created babies, butterflies, and bonfires wants to have a personal relationship with me, and instead I spend my time complaining about the weather and making small talk. How can I not fall to my knees in awe? How can I forsake my time with Him to waste it on trivial things? How can I go a day without thinking about Him? How can I not be pursuing Him with everything that I am?
C) God's faithful. If there's been one thread that's been sewn through every moment of my life, it's His faithfulness. No matter what's going on, He's my stronghold. He is my shelter. He is my constant. When the world is crumbling, nothing seems right, and the light at the end of the tunnel seems oh so far away, He's right beside me, guiding me, carrying me, holding me. Reminding me of His unconditional love. Reminding me of the hope that comes only from Him. Reminding me to rest. To trust. To breathe.
Lord, help me to hunger for You.
B) It's hard for me to not be frustrated with myself. There are seasons of my life when I hate the sin nature in me with every born-again fiber of my being. This is one of those seasons. I want to want God. I want to feel thirsty. I had a week where I couldn't breathe without thinking about God; I was in constant communication with Him. My spirit longed for Him with everything that I am. But this week is different. School has caught up. I'm tired. It's cold and cloudy and snowy in April. We have three weeks left of classes, but it seems like an eternity with the snow. I'm reading Exodus right now in my quiet time, and it's definitely reminding me about how powerful God is. We serve a God who is infinitely powerful. The God who brought the plagues and protected His people. The God who parted the sea. The God who cares deeply for His people. The God who created babies, butterflies, and bonfires wants to have a personal relationship with me, and instead I spend my time complaining about the weather and making small talk. How can I not fall to my knees in awe? How can I forsake my time with Him to waste it on trivial things? How can I go a day without thinking about Him? How can I not be pursuing Him with everything that I am?
C) God's faithful. If there's been one thread that's been sewn through every moment of my life, it's His faithfulness. No matter what's going on, He's my stronghold. He is my shelter. He is my constant. When the world is crumbling, nothing seems right, and the light at the end of the tunnel seems oh so far away, He's right beside me, guiding me, carrying me, holding me. Reminding me of His unconditional love. Reminding me of the hope that comes only from Him. Reminding me to rest. To trust. To breathe.
Lord, help me to hunger for You.
Room Draw & Whispered Conversations
Room Draw & Whispered Conversations
If you go to NWC, you've experienced the chaos and disappointment that is room draw night.
Needless to say, we didn't get the room we wanted, or even a room at all.
At the end of the night, I found myself frustrated. Angry. Overwhelmingly hopeless. Annoyed. Feeling entitled.
These are the moments that God tends to step in and remind me where I find my identity. What I hold true. What matters the most.
After a long night, I finally climbed in to bed, only to be gently nudged by God.
Aunica. How are you handling this trial? How are you handling not getting your way? How are your interactions and thoughts acting as a window to your heart? Have you really given me control? Are you really trusting Me? Do you really believe that I'm good and that I have a plan? Where is your heart, my daughter? Return to me. Let me remind You of my love and gentleness. You know God. Or I hope you do, but He reminds you of what you don't always want to remember. He turns your eyes to what you need to see - what this situation has revealed about you, and gently and lovingly teaches you through the sadness, disappointment, and pain. This was a moment I would have much rather rolled over and closed my eyes. But instead, I allowed His words to wash over me. He gently reminded me of my purpose.
I'm not saying I'm to the point where I'm happy about it. I'm far from that, but I'm getting to a place where I'm content. I know that, at the end of the day, God's in control. No matter how much I want to be, He's in control.
These situations reveal where our hearts truly are. So today, I'm praying for renewal. For eyes to see the good in what seems like a hopeless situation.
Lord, take control.
Needless to say, we didn't get the room we wanted, or even a room at all.
At the end of the night, I found myself frustrated. Angry. Overwhelmingly hopeless. Annoyed. Feeling entitled.
These are the moments that God tends to step in and remind me where I find my identity. What I hold true. What matters the most.
After a long night, I finally climbed in to bed, only to be gently nudged by God.
Aunica. How are you handling this trial? How are you handling not getting your way? How are your interactions and thoughts acting as a window to your heart? Have you really given me control? Are you really trusting Me? Do you really believe that I'm good and that I have a plan? Where is your heart, my daughter? Return to me. Let me remind You of my love and gentleness. You know God. Or I hope you do, but He reminds you of what you don't always want to remember. He turns your eyes to what you need to see - what this situation has revealed about you, and gently and lovingly teaches you through the sadness, disappointment, and pain. This was a moment I would have much rather rolled over and closed my eyes. But instead, I allowed His words to wash over me. He gently reminded me of my purpose.
I'm not saying I'm to the point where I'm happy about it. I'm far from that, but I'm getting to a place where I'm content. I know that, at the end of the day, God's in control. No matter how much I want to be, He's in control.
These situations reveal where our hearts truly are. So today, I'm praying for renewal. For eyes to see the good in what seems like a hopeless situation.
Lord, take control.
Heartache & Non-believers
Heartache & Non-believers
As a student at NWC, I admit that I live in a bubble, so I welcome opportunities to be reminded that the real world is far different than the tight knit community I live in.
Last night a friend and I went to a concert at First Ave. It was a great show, and we really enjoyed ourselves, but I couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly sad by the end of it.
Now, I definitely know that only God can judge the heart - so I can't be one to determine the salvation of any of the people in that room, but it's safe to say that a lot of them probably didn't love Jesus.
By the end of the night this struck me as I scanned the crowd. I felt helpless as I knew the fate of the people around me, but also knew that our culture has turned people off to religion in a serious way.
I just want everyone to love Jesus. I desire for them to understand His love. To experience the same life-changing freedom and unexplainable forgiveness and grace.
Where do those who don't believe in Jesus find their hope? In themselves? In their job? Their boyfriend/girlfriend? Their success?
Nothing in this world is stable or constant aside from Christ. Nothing.
As much as I love my family and my friends, they've all let me down from time to time, and I'm sure I've let them down in return.
Today, I'm clinging to Christ and praying for the non-believers that I come in contact with. Praying for opportunities to share His incredible work. Praying for others as they share the hope of Christ. Asking God to work in the hearts of non-believers in Minneapolis and across the world.
As much as I want to will people into believing, I know only God can change hearts.
Lord, this is in your hands.
Last night a friend and I went to a concert at First Ave. It was a great show, and we really enjoyed ourselves, but I couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly sad by the end of it.
Now, I definitely know that only God can judge the heart - so I can't be one to determine the salvation of any of the people in that room, but it's safe to say that a lot of them probably didn't love Jesus.
By the end of the night this struck me as I scanned the crowd. I felt helpless as I knew the fate of the people around me, but also knew that our culture has turned people off to religion in a serious way.
I just want everyone to love Jesus. I desire for them to understand His love. To experience the same life-changing freedom and unexplainable forgiveness and grace.
Where do those who don't believe in Jesus find their hope? In themselves? In their job? Their boyfriend/girlfriend? Their success?
Nothing in this world is stable or constant aside from Christ. Nothing.
As much as I love my family and my friends, they've all let me down from time to time, and I'm sure I've let them down in return.
Today, I'm clinging to Christ and praying for the non-believers that I come in contact with. Praying for opportunities to share His incredible work. Praying for others as they share the hope of Christ. Asking God to work in the hearts of non-believers in Minneapolis and across the world.
As much as I want to will people into believing, I know only God can change hearts.
Lord, this is in your hands.
Positivity & Sunshine
Positivity & Sunshine
It's sunny outside.
I'm wearing pastels.
I'm talking to Jesus.
It's morning.
Needless to say, I'm happy.
Do I have a lot to do today? Yes.
Could I be stressed about it? Of course.
But today, I'm choosing not to be stressed.
I'm choosing to take this time to focus my eyes on Jesus.
My identity doesn't lie in a letter.
My identity comes solely from Christ. I am a daughter of the King.
Mornings signify potential.
They remind me of new beginnings.
Creation wakes up from its slumber as the sun warmly and gently reminds them to rise.
The sun is one of the ways I interact with God.
Whenever I feel the sun on my skin, I can feel God's presence.
His arms around me. His gentle whisper. His smile.
Today, I choose joy.
I choose to find happiness in the little things.
To focus on the good instead of the negative.
Thanks, Jesus for this beautiful day.
This moment of relaxation, of breathing before diving in.
Thanks, Lord, for your beautiful creation - it leaves me breathless.
I'm wearing pastels.
I'm talking to Jesus.
It's morning.
Needless to say, I'm happy.
Do I have a lot to do today? Yes.
Could I be stressed about it? Of course.
But today, I'm choosing not to be stressed.
I'm choosing to take this time to focus my eyes on Jesus.
My identity doesn't lie in a letter.
My identity comes solely from Christ. I am a daughter of the King.
Mornings signify potential.
They remind me of new beginnings.
Creation wakes up from its slumber as the sun warmly and gently reminds them to rise.
The sun is one of the ways I interact with God.
Whenever I feel the sun on my skin, I can feel God's presence.
His arms around me. His gentle whisper. His smile.
Today, I choose joy.
I choose to find happiness in the little things.
To focus on the good instead of the negative.
Thanks, Jesus for this beautiful day.
This moment of relaxation, of breathing before diving in.
Thanks, Lord, for your beautiful creation - it leaves me breathless.
Dear Women
Dear Women
Dear Women,
A) Ladies, I want to address a trend that's really troubling. We get really upset when guys objectify us and treat us like meat. We hate it when they talk about our bodies like they're something to be devoured instead of a part of the temple of the Holy Spirit that we are.
Somehow, however, in our culture we've decided as women that, if guys are going to treat US like meat, we're going to treat THEM like meat. As if by objectifying them as well we'll get some form of "power" or "upper hand".
Not sure what I'm talking about? Does "man candy monday" ring a bell? Have you been on pinterest and seen pictures of hot guys without their shirts on being pinned? Do you have a pinterest board filled with pictures of celebrity men showing off their abs?
Ladies. Is this how we're guarding our hearts?
I can't speak for you, but I really want to do everything I can to honor God as well as my future husband. I know one way I can guard my heart is by not giving myself a false representation of what men should look like.
I don't want guys walking around with a picture of a Victoria's Secret model thinking that's what we all should look like and being disappointed when we don't. Likewise, I don't think we should expect all men to look like celebrities. This gives us false expectations of what God intended.
When you get married, your husband becomes your expectation for a man. He is your definition of what a man should look like, not some guy in a magazine. Likewise, we as women, should be our husbands' definition of beautiful.
So, I guess what I'm saying is this: guard your hearts. Don't demean men and make them objects, and pray that they do the same. By objectifying men we aren't gaining anything, and we definitely aren't gaining their respect. Treat them as human beings.
Guard your hearts. Respect our men. Respect yourselves. Respect God and His creation.
B) Women, pray for the men around you. Pray for your fathers. Pray for your brothers. Pray for your friends. Pray for the guys around you. They daily have to fight to maintain their purity of mind and resist temptation.
If you have any questions or thoughts, feel free to contact me, I'd love to talk!
Blessings,
Aunica
A) Ladies, I want to address a trend that's really troubling. We get really upset when guys objectify us and treat us like meat. We hate it when they talk about our bodies like they're something to be devoured instead of a part of the temple of the Holy Spirit that we are.
Somehow, however, in our culture we've decided as women that, if guys are going to treat US like meat, we're going to treat THEM like meat. As if by objectifying them as well we'll get some form of "power" or "upper hand".
Not sure what I'm talking about? Does "man candy monday" ring a bell? Have you been on pinterest and seen pictures of hot guys without their shirts on being pinned? Do you have a pinterest board filled with pictures of celebrity men showing off their abs?
Ladies. Is this how we're guarding our hearts?
I can't speak for you, but I really want to do everything I can to honor God as well as my future husband. I know one way I can guard my heart is by not giving myself a false representation of what men should look like.
I don't want guys walking around with a picture of a Victoria's Secret model thinking that's what we all should look like and being disappointed when we don't. Likewise, I don't think we should expect all men to look like celebrities. This gives us false expectations of what God intended.
When you get married, your husband becomes your expectation for a man. He is your definition of what a man should look like, not some guy in a magazine. Likewise, we as women, should be our husbands' definition of beautiful.
So, I guess what I'm saying is this: guard your hearts. Don't demean men and make them objects, and pray that they do the same. By objectifying men we aren't gaining anything, and we definitely aren't gaining their respect. Treat them as human beings.
Guard your hearts. Respect our men. Respect yourselves. Respect God and His creation.
B) Women, pray for the men around you. Pray for your fathers. Pray for your brothers. Pray for your friends. Pray for the guys around you. They daily have to fight to maintain their purity of mind and resist temptation.
If you have any questions or thoughts, feel free to contact me, I'd love to talk!
Blessings,
Aunica
Lord, Be My Strength
Lord, Be My Strength
Most of the time when I write things, I go into it with a semi-clear agenda or idea I want to get across.
Tonight, that isn't the case.
In my haste to get home for spring break I forgot my bible at school. God used that as a reminder tonight to draw me back to him. I've been avoiding him. I'm not sure why. Today, I was upset - and I didn't know why. Then, through these events and others I've come to realize I've once again put God on the back burner. As if, since I feel like I've been learning a lot recently, I can take a break from learning. Check that off the list for now and move on to other things.
Finals came and went. Classes ended, and I'll start some new ones when spring break is over - but what troubles me most is my ability to "forget" God. Man, this is something satan uses SO often in our culture, and especially in my life. satan doesn't have to do much in order to push me off the right path. He just has to remind me of the "busyness" of life.
If I've been learning anything lately it's the reality of spiritual warfare. God's been opening my eyes to the battle that's raging all around us. It's so easy for me to be lulled into a false sense of security. When things seem to be going well, I put down my sword and take off my armor. Just when I'm sitting on a proverbial porch swing drinking some proverbial lemonade, satan swoops in and starts weaving lies into my life that can easily go undetected if I'm not on the constant lookout for them.
As I feel irritable, spiritually exhausted, and discouraged - I realize my desperation for Christ. My body and soul long and cry out for His redemption. I need Him. I need His love. I need His mercy. I need His strength.
If I'm left on my own, my armor will stay on the ground. I don't have to strength to put it back on and wield my sword. I need His strength. I need Him as my refuge and shelter.
When things seem to be going well, I try to survive on my own strength. It's only when I'm broken and struggling that I'm reminded of my desperate need to rely on Him. Without Him, my sword clatters to the ground useless.
Lord, help me. I can't do this on my own.
<< Find the snake. Defeat his lies. >>
1 Peter 5:8-10 -->
Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
Tonight, that isn't the case.
In my haste to get home for spring break I forgot my bible at school. God used that as a reminder tonight to draw me back to him. I've been avoiding him. I'm not sure why. Today, I was upset - and I didn't know why. Then, through these events and others I've come to realize I've once again put God on the back burner. As if, since I feel like I've been learning a lot recently, I can take a break from learning. Check that off the list for now and move on to other things.
Finals came and went. Classes ended, and I'll start some new ones when spring break is over - but what troubles me most is my ability to "forget" God. Man, this is something satan uses SO often in our culture, and especially in my life. satan doesn't have to do much in order to push me off the right path. He just has to remind me of the "busyness" of life.
If I've been learning anything lately it's the reality of spiritual warfare. God's been opening my eyes to the battle that's raging all around us. It's so easy for me to be lulled into a false sense of security. When things seem to be going well, I put down my sword and take off my armor. Just when I'm sitting on a proverbial porch swing drinking some proverbial lemonade, satan swoops in and starts weaving lies into my life that can easily go undetected if I'm not on the constant lookout for them.
As I feel irritable, spiritually exhausted, and discouraged - I realize my desperation for Christ. My body and soul long and cry out for His redemption. I need Him. I need His love. I need His mercy. I need His strength.
If I'm left on my own, my armor will stay on the ground. I don't have to strength to put it back on and wield my sword. I need His strength. I need Him as my refuge and shelter.
When things seem to be going well, I try to survive on my own strength. It's only when I'm broken and struggling that I'm reminded of my desperate need to rely on Him. Without Him, my sword clatters to the ground useless.
Lord, help me. I can't do this on my own.
<< Find the snake. Defeat his lies. >>
1 Peter 5:8-10 -->
Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
Spring Break 2013
Spring Break 2013
Home.
Family.
Painting.
Lamps.
Thinking.
The Nature Sounds track.
My bed.
4 hours of quality chatting with my Papa.
Brownies and ice cream.
Best friend date tomorrow afternoon // sleepover.
Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.
No homework.
It's good to be home.
Family.
Painting.
Lamps.
Thinking.
The Nature Sounds track.
My bed.
4 hours of quality chatting with my Papa.
Brownies and ice cream.
Best friend date tomorrow afternoon // sleepover.
Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.
No homework.
It's good to be home.
Rough Weeks
Rough Weeks
It's only Wednesday. Uh oh.
It's weeks like these that I moment by moment have to remember to be praying the armor of God.
It's weeks like these that I'm reminded of my own weakness.
I can't do anything on my own strength, because I have none.
I'm dry.
Daily I've found myself on my knees, on the verge of tears, once again surrendering myself to Christ's strength. Pleading for help. Begging for strength to make it through the day. Asking for help to ward off the attacks of the deceiver.
As the father of lies beats down on me, it's all I can do to crumble to the ground and cry out to my Abba.
He is my rescuer. He is my redeemer. He is my strength and my refuge.
I can't go a day without asking for His strength. I can't go a day without His love. I can't go a day without His incredible grace and forgiveness.
Today I asked God to remind me of His love. To carry me through the day. To remind my aching heart of His compassion. His mercy.
The battle is raging. The storm is here.
Today, all I can do is curl in a ball and pray. I sit in the arms of Christ, my refuge and my strength. He dries my tears and reminds me of His deep love.
I'm going to be okay. I'm going to make it. It is finished. The victory is won.
It's weeks like these that I moment by moment have to remember to be praying the armor of God.
It's weeks like these that I'm reminded of my own weakness.
I can't do anything on my own strength, because I have none.
I'm dry.
Daily I've found myself on my knees, on the verge of tears, once again surrendering myself to Christ's strength. Pleading for help. Begging for strength to make it through the day. Asking for help to ward off the attacks of the deceiver.
As the father of lies beats down on me, it's all I can do to crumble to the ground and cry out to my Abba.
He is my rescuer. He is my redeemer. He is my strength and my refuge.
I can't go a day without asking for His strength. I can't go a day without His love. I can't go a day without His incredible grace and forgiveness.
Today I asked God to remind me of His love. To carry me through the day. To remind my aching heart of His compassion. His mercy.
The battle is raging. The storm is here.
Today, all I can do is curl in a ball and pray. I sit in the arms of Christ, my refuge and my strength. He dries my tears and reminds me of His deep love.
I'm going to be okay. I'm going to make it. It is finished. The victory is won.
Seasons of Trial
Seasons of Trial
As each day goes by, I'm realizing more and more how much I need Jesus.
I mean, really NEED him.
In my sanctification process, as I continue to learn and grow closer to Him, I see more and more the deep necessity to lean on Him.
This week was tough, but I'm learning to lean on Christ.
I see more and more how trials, struggles, and hardship push me towards Him.
These seasons, while they're hard and can definitely lead to hopelessness, can also lead to a deeper reliance on Christ.
I've seen my own weakness and inability to survive without a daily dependence on Christ.
In the heart of the storm, it's all I can do to cling to my Jesus. To crawl to the cross. To kneel, unashamed. To give my broken and bleeding heart to the one with holes in His hands and compassion in His eyes.
These seasons suck. Really, they do. I hate struggling. I hate being weak. I hate that satan's attacking me full force. But instead of feeling hopeless and full of despair like I did in past seasons of trial, I find peace and comfort in Christ. I breathe deeply, knowing that He is in control. I'm praying for His armor.
The battle is raging, but the victory is won. It is finished. We are victorious in Christ.
I mean, really NEED him.
In my sanctification process, as I continue to learn and grow closer to Him, I see more and more the deep necessity to lean on Him.
This week was tough, but I'm learning to lean on Christ.
I see more and more how trials, struggles, and hardship push me towards Him.
These seasons, while they're hard and can definitely lead to hopelessness, can also lead to a deeper reliance on Christ.
I've seen my own weakness and inability to survive without a daily dependence on Christ.
In the heart of the storm, it's all I can do to cling to my Jesus. To crawl to the cross. To kneel, unashamed. To give my broken and bleeding heart to the one with holes in His hands and compassion in His eyes.
These seasons suck. Really, they do. I hate struggling. I hate being weak. I hate that satan's attacking me full force. But instead of feeling hopeless and full of despair like I did in past seasons of trial, I find peace and comfort in Christ. I breathe deeply, knowing that He is in control. I'm praying for His armor.
As I'm being tested, I pray for help. I search for the deceiver's lies, and replace them with truth. I find the snake in tough situations, I see his schemes for what they are. He's good, I'll give him that - he knows what he's doing, but our God is infinitely more powerful, and His truth has staying power.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.
(Ephesians 6:10-20 ESV)
The battle is raging, but the victory is won. It is finished. We are victorious in Christ.
A rap about my style
A rap about my style
Some days I'm soft
Some days I'm spikey
Some days I wear
my younger sister's Nike's
Sometimes I wear clothes
that belong to your brother
other times I wear stuff
that come from your mother
I wear my Bethel mom sweatshirt
with nothing but reppin' pride
other times it's my baby sweatshirt
with pastel on the side.
Some days I channel my punk side
with black, black, black galore
other times I'm lookin' classy
like I'm wearing Dior
Yes I have a shirt with a grizzle bear up on it
And I have a koala sweater that people think's legit
what about my sweatshirt that says that my grandkids light up my holidays?
why would I wear things that I didn't get from goodwill anyways?
Some days I wear earth tones, other days I'm a rebel
some weeks I look like a girl, some days I look disheveled
I wear whatever i want, whenever I want to
I can look like a princess, or try a brand new hairdo
I wear pink, I wear blue, I wear flannel, i wear Rue
I love jeans, I love dresses, I love tank tops & curly tresses
I like leggings I like skirts, I like sweaters I like shirts
I wear t-shirts I wear lace, I channel creativity I channel grace
I wear sneakers I wear boots, I wear bolds I wear mutes
I wear heels I wear flats, I wear scarves I wear hats
I have curly hair I have straight, I have long legs I wear an eight
I have green eyes I wear pearls, I am not like other girls
(( at the end of the day, I know who I am
My name is Aunica and this is my jam ))
Some days I'm spikey
Some days I wear
my younger sister's Nike's
Sometimes I wear clothes
that belong to your brother
other times I wear stuff
that come from your mother
I wear my Bethel mom sweatshirt
with nothing but reppin' pride
other times it's my baby sweatshirt
with pastel on the side.
Some days I channel my punk side
with black, black, black galore
other times I'm lookin' classy
like I'm wearing Dior
Yes I have a shirt with a grizzle bear up on it
And I have a koala sweater that people think's legit
what about my sweatshirt that says that my grandkids light up my holidays?
why would I wear things that I didn't get from goodwill anyways?
Some days I wear earth tones, other days I'm a rebel
some weeks I look like a girl, some days I look disheveled
I wear whatever i want, whenever I want to
I can look like a princess, or try a brand new hairdo
I wear pink, I wear blue, I wear flannel, i wear Rue
I love jeans, I love dresses, I love tank tops & curly tresses
I like leggings I like skirts, I like sweaters I like shirts
I wear t-shirts I wear lace, I channel creativity I channel grace
I wear sneakers I wear boots, I wear bolds I wear mutes
I wear heels I wear flats, I wear scarves I wear hats
I have curly hair I have straight, I have long legs I wear an eight
I have green eyes I wear pearls, I am not like other girls
(( at the end of the day, I know who I am
My name is Aunica and this is my jam ))
Find the snake
Find the snake
This week God taught me a new game.
"Find the snake."
When I'm frustrated.
Find the snake.
When I'm downcast.
Find the snake.
When I'm discouraged.
Find the snake.
Where are his lies?
What is he trying to get me to believe?
What situation is he using to drag down my joy?
When you pinpoint the source of the lies, it's much easier to preach truth into those areas.
Where is satan feeding lies and desperation? Where am I believing him?
As I look back on this week, to the moments when I was on the verge of tears, to the moments when all hope seemed lost, and to the moments when the light at the end of the tunnel seemed so out of reach, I realize how much I need to learn this game.
In those moments, when I stopped and thought about it, satan was right in front of me. His lies hold much less hold when you expose them in the light.
Thanks, Lord, for continuing to teach me. For loving me when I allow myself to get discouraged and dragged down by lies from the deceiver. Thanks, Lord, for continuing to point me to Christ.
To the Cross I cling. Even in my suffering, HE is my all in all.
Every last breath I breath, every broken song I sing, He is my all in all.
"Find the snake."
When I'm frustrated.
Find the snake.
When I'm downcast.
Find the snake.
When I'm discouraged.
Find the snake.
Where are his lies?
What is he trying to get me to believe?
What situation is he using to drag down my joy?
When you pinpoint the source of the lies, it's much easier to preach truth into those areas.
Where is satan feeding lies and desperation? Where am I believing him?
As I look back on this week, to the moments when I was on the verge of tears, to the moments when all hope seemed lost, and to the moments when the light at the end of the tunnel seemed so out of reach, I realize how much I need to learn this game.
In those moments, when I stopped and thought about it, satan was right in front of me. His lies hold much less hold when you expose them in the light.
Thanks, Lord, for continuing to teach me. For loving me when I allow myself to get discouraged and dragged down by lies from the deceiver. Thanks, Lord, for continuing to point me to Christ.
To the Cross I cling. Even in my suffering, HE is my all in all.
Every last breath I breath, every broken song I sing, He is my all in all.
Dear Men
Dear Men
Dear Men,
Women are different. In case you didn't already know this, we are. I'm writing this to hopefully shed light on some things that you might not already know about us.
Men lust physically, women lust emotionally. While you (from what I'm told) lust after a women for sex, we lust after men to fulfill our emotional needs. Now this is not ALWAYS the case, but frequently when talking to boys, or after we talk to them, we imagine what it would be like to date them. To talk to them. To get to know them. And, after a few seconds, we imagine what it'd be like to marry them. How we'd interact. What we'd name our kids. What color our house would be, etc.
As women we want to be known. We want to be cherished. We want to be loved. We desire emotional attachment. So, while it's not as obvious, we lust too. Chick flicks play on this by painting a picture of love that seems perfect. They play with our hearts, tempting us and leading us to desire love even more by the end. Sometimes, even leading to physical heartache at the lack of love life that we may possess at that given time. Romance novels are in the same boat.
This isn't to say that women don't lust physically as well. It can be a struggle from time to time, it just isn't to the same level that you do.
We give our hearts away way too easily, so be gentle.
Help us: Now that you know, how can you help? Be careful with how you interact with us. Pursue if you're going to pursue, and be very up front about just being friends if that's what it is. We over analyze everything. Be intentional. Be careful with how much time you spend with us. Just be up front with your intentions. We appreciate it. Respect us. Don't flirt unless you mean it. Pray for us, as we pray for you. Be humble when it comes to your bodies. We admire men who are fit, but don't flaunt it.
That girl you're talking to? She's someone else's wife.
Women are different. In case you didn't already know this, we are. I'm writing this to hopefully shed light on some things that you might not already know about us.
Men lust physically, women lust emotionally. While you (from what I'm told) lust after a women for sex, we lust after men to fulfill our emotional needs. Now this is not ALWAYS the case, but frequently when talking to boys, or after we talk to them, we imagine what it would be like to date them. To talk to them. To get to know them. And, after a few seconds, we imagine what it'd be like to marry them. How we'd interact. What we'd name our kids. What color our house would be, etc.
As women we want to be known. We want to be cherished. We want to be loved. We desire emotional attachment. So, while it's not as obvious, we lust too. Chick flicks play on this by painting a picture of love that seems perfect. They play with our hearts, tempting us and leading us to desire love even more by the end. Sometimes, even leading to physical heartache at the lack of love life that we may possess at that given time. Romance novels are in the same boat.
This isn't to say that women don't lust physically as well. It can be a struggle from time to time, it just isn't to the same level that you do.
We give our hearts away way too easily, so be gentle.
Help us: Now that you know, how can you help? Be careful with how you interact with us. Pursue if you're going to pursue, and be very up front about just being friends if that's what it is. We over analyze everything. Be intentional. Be careful with how much time you spend with us. Just be up front with your intentions. We appreciate it. Respect us. Don't flirt unless you mean it. Pray for us, as we pray for you. Be humble when it comes to your bodies. We admire men who are fit, but don't flaunt it.
That girl you're talking to? She's someone else's wife.
Battles
Battles
Amidst my joy and growth, satan continues to press his attacks.
Last night, while trying to sleep, the attack began.
My month and a half of growth was one where his voice ceased to have any hold on me, but as I get back in the swing of things - it's once again difficult at times to remember where my identity lies.
I cling to the cross as the battle rages on.
I fall to my knees, praying that the Lord will give me strength.
Be my strength. Be my fortress. Be my protector, Lord.
As I moment by moment pray for the armor of God, He provides.
He is good. He is faithful. He will not leave me in this battle to fend for myself.
While the battle is raging, the victory is already won. In the end, Jesus wins.
Satan is vanquished. Sin has no hold. Death loses its grip.
But, in the twisted and fallen world we live in, the battle rages on.
I moment by moment have to fight to keep my eyes on Christ as satan threatens to fill my head with lies that will drown me.
Lord, help me. Fight for me, Father.
As I fight with the Lord's strength, slowly the deceiver's lies slide off of me with less effect.
When my eyes are focused on Him, the lies have less hold.
I believe them less when my heart is rooted in the person of Christ.
I belong to Yahweh.
Greater is He who lives in me.
Those are the phrases I'm clinging to. Lord, hear my cry.
Last night, while trying to sleep, the attack began.
My month and a half of growth was one where his voice ceased to have any hold on me, but as I get back in the swing of things - it's once again difficult at times to remember where my identity lies.
I cling to the cross as the battle rages on.
I fall to my knees, praying that the Lord will give me strength.
Be my strength. Be my fortress. Be my protector, Lord.
As I moment by moment pray for the armor of God, He provides.
He is good. He is faithful. He will not leave me in this battle to fend for myself.
While the battle is raging, the victory is already won. In the end, Jesus wins.
Satan is vanquished. Sin has no hold. Death loses its grip.
But, in the twisted and fallen world we live in, the battle rages on.
I moment by moment have to fight to keep my eyes on Christ as satan threatens to fill my head with lies that will drown me.
Lord, help me. Fight for me, Father.
As I fight with the Lord's strength, slowly the deceiver's lies slide off of me with less effect.
When my eyes are focused on Him, the lies have less hold.
I believe them less when my heart is rooted in the person of Christ.
I belong to Yahweh.
Greater is He who lives in me.
Those are the phrases I'm clinging to. Lord, hear my cry.
Deep Love & Bubbling Joy
Deep Love & Bubbling Joy
I want everyone to experience this.
Freedom.
I've never been so free in my life.
I've never been so aware of my sin nature, but never have I been able to use it to point me to God and draw me deeper into an understanding of His grace.
I can't contain this. Whenever I think about God's love and grace, I start giggling or crying - usually with no control.
I probably look like a freak. That girl who's crying during worship again. That girl who's giggling into her scarf. But I don't care. It's because of Jesus that I am filled to the brim with joy that bubbles over.
Every night I fall asleep smiling, cradled in the arms of my Savior. Each morning I wake up to the renewal of new mercies and grace - a new day to love my sweet Jesus. A new day to learn about Him. New opportunities to relish in the beauty of what He's done for me.
I hate that i missed this for so long. I hate that so many Christians live under the heavy burden of works based righteousness instead of the freedom of grace.
I hate that we miss the point. I hate that we make our walk with Christ about us and what we can do instead of focusing on what He's already done.
Christ is sufficient. There is nothing I can do to add to the gospel. There is nothing I can give Him that he doesn't already have. Nothing I do can make Him love me any more or less.
I revel in the beauty of His grace. I bubble over with the Joy that comes only from Him. I'm amazed by His grace daily, and dumb founded by His love for me.
All I want to do is praise Him. All I want to do is talk about what He's done.
I understand so much more the urgency of the gospel, when before I felt I was subjecting people to a life of struggle and chains I now understand that those chains were of my own creation. Christianity isn't following the rules and being good; going to church and reading my bible for 10 minutes a day; Christianity is falling deeper in love with Christ each daily and waking up in the blessing of His grace and mercy. Christianity is living in the freedom that It is Finished.
The battle is won. We are victorious through Christ.
I no longer live under the chains of pharisaic legalism, but in the freedom of the cross.
In daily looking to Christ and seeing Him in His glory, and wanting desperately to know Him more.
Instead of viewing reading my bible and praying as a burden, I long for it. I long for daily communion with my Jesus. I revel in my conversations with Him. I live each moment connected to Him, abiding in Him moment by moment. I desire to read my bible because i gain a deeper understand of who God is. It's no longer just a check on my list. It's no longer a burden. It's no longer something I do to appear holy, it's something I do for the joy of knowing who my Jesus is - the joy of growing deeper in my understanding of the God I love deeply and serve.
I am loved deeply and cherished by the Creator. I get to participate in His plan. I am eternally and deeply blessed. My gratitude can't even begin to be expressed. I daily struggle for words to describe the works and transformations He is doing in my heart - I can only say that He is good, and that daily I fall deeper in love with Him. May I live long that I may grow to know Him more and then be welcomed into His embrace.
Freedom.
I've never been so free in my life.
I've never been so aware of my sin nature, but never have I been able to use it to point me to God and draw me deeper into an understanding of His grace.
I can't contain this. Whenever I think about God's love and grace, I start giggling or crying - usually with no control.
I probably look like a freak. That girl who's crying during worship again. That girl who's giggling into her scarf. But I don't care. It's because of Jesus that I am filled to the brim with joy that bubbles over.
Every night I fall asleep smiling, cradled in the arms of my Savior. Each morning I wake up to the renewal of new mercies and grace - a new day to love my sweet Jesus. A new day to learn about Him. New opportunities to relish in the beauty of what He's done for me.
I hate that i missed this for so long. I hate that so many Christians live under the heavy burden of works based righteousness instead of the freedom of grace.
I hate that we miss the point. I hate that we make our walk with Christ about us and what we can do instead of focusing on what He's already done.
Christ is sufficient. There is nothing I can do to add to the gospel. There is nothing I can give Him that he doesn't already have. Nothing I do can make Him love me any more or less.
I revel in the beauty of His grace. I bubble over with the Joy that comes only from Him. I'm amazed by His grace daily, and dumb founded by His love for me.
All I want to do is praise Him. All I want to do is talk about what He's done.
I understand so much more the urgency of the gospel, when before I felt I was subjecting people to a life of struggle and chains I now understand that those chains were of my own creation. Christianity isn't following the rules and being good; going to church and reading my bible for 10 minutes a day; Christianity is falling deeper in love with Christ each daily and waking up in the blessing of His grace and mercy. Christianity is living in the freedom that It is Finished.
The battle is won. We are victorious through Christ.
I no longer live under the chains of pharisaic legalism, but in the freedom of the cross.
In daily looking to Christ and seeing Him in His glory, and wanting desperately to know Him more.
Instead of viewing reading my bible and praying as a burden, I long for it. I long for daily communion with my Jesus. I revel in my conversations with Him. I live each moment connected to Him, abiding in Him moment by moment. I desire to read my bible because i gain a deeper understand of who God is. It's no longer just a check on my list. It's no longer a burden. It's no longer something I do to appear holy, it's something I do for the joy of knowing who my Jesus is - the joy of growing deeper in my understanding of the God I love deeply and serve.
I am loved deeply and cherished by the Creator. I get to participate in His plan. I am eternally and deeply blessed. My gratitude can't even begin to be expressed. I daily struggle for words to describe the works and transformations He is doing in my heart - I can only say that He is good, and that daily I fall deeper in love with Him. May I live long that I may grow to know Him more and then be welcomed into His embrace.
Let's talk about Love
Let's talk about Love
Life is better when you love Jesus.
In the past month I've been completely swept off my feet by the love of Christ.
It's dumbfounding. It's awe inspiring. It takes my breath away.
Every morning is brighter.
Every smile is bigger.
Every moment is more exciting.
Every conversation has more meaning.
Every restful moment is spent talking to Him.
I can't breathe. I can't think. I can't sleep.
I need Jesus. Daily. Moment by moment.
I look back on the the past 19 years and wonder how I missed this.
How, when it was so close, I missed the most important piece of the gospel. Jesus.
Either way, I learned a lot of lessons and probably understand it on a deeper level after going through the fire.
Gratitude.
I'm humbled by the opportunity to wake up each morning and be loved by Christ.
To fall asleep in His arms.
To spend the day talking to Him.
To know that He cares.
That everything my little girl heart desired and longed for I have in Christ.
With Valentines day coming around,
I'm reminded of the deep love and affection I have in Christ.
I'm more content than I've ever been.
I have the peace of the world.
I have love that can move mountains.
I know Love Himself.
I am deeply cherished and adored by the Creator of the Universe - the One who made whales and crickets. Stars and blades of grass. Warm summer nights and chocolate chip cookies.
I'm freed by His love.
Free to be weak.
Free to be vulnerable.
Free to giggle.
Free to cry.
Free to be a gentle and soft.
Free to be the woman God created me to be.
Tonight, I talked to God about my failures, my shortcomings, and my weaknesses - and instead of hearing the legalistic condemnation I've heard from myself for my entire life, I heard the deep calm voice of God telling me that "It is finished" - the victory has been won. Jesus was strong for me.
God's love is unconditional. Nothing I do, no matter how much I mess up, will make Him love me any less. Instead of the panicked works-based lifestyle I've lived up until now, I'm finding the peace and rest that comes from knowing that God is in control. That I can trust Him wholeheartedly. He will never leave me - He is faithful.
Lord, make my heart like Yours.
In the past month I've been completely swept off my feet by the love of Christ.
It's dumbfounding. It's awe inspiring. It takes my breath away.
Every morning is brighter.
Every smile is bigger.
Every moment is more exciting.
Every conversation has more meaning.
Every restful moment is spent talking to Him.
I can't breathe. I can't think. I can't sleep.
I need Jesus. Daily. Moment by moment.
I look back on the the past 19 years and wonder how I missed this.
How, when it was so close, I missed the most important piece of the gospel. Jesus.
Either way, I learned a lot of lessons and probably understand it on a deeper level after going through the fire.
Gratitude.
I'm humbled by the opportunity to wake up each morning and be loved by Christ.
To fall asleep in His arms.
To spend the day talking to Him.
To know that He cares.
That everything my little girl heart desired and longed for I have in Christ.
With Valentines day coming around,
I'm reminded of the deep love and affection I have in Christ.
I'm more content than I've ever been.
I have the peace of the world.
I have love that can move mountains.
I know Love Himself.
I am deeply cherished and adored by the Creator of the Universe - the One who made whales and crickets. Stars and blades of grass. Warm summer nights and chocolate chip cookies.
I'm freed by His love.
Free to be weak.
Free to be vulnerable.
Free to giggle.
Free to cry.
Free to be a gentle and soft.
Free to be the woman God created me to be.
Tonight, I talked to God about my failures, my shortcomings, and my weaknesses - and instead of hearing the legalistic condemnation I've heard from myself for my entire life, I heard the deep calm voice of God telling me that "It is finished" - the victory has been won. Jesus was strong for me.
God's love is unconditional. Nothing I do, no matter how much I mess up, will make Him love me any less. Instead of the panicked works-based lifestyle I've lived up until now, I'm finding the peace and rest that comes from knowing that God is in control. That I can trust Him wholeheartedly. He will never leave me - He is faithful.
Lord, make my heart like Yours.
Thump Thump
Thump Thump
In the past week God has been revealing parts of His heart to me that I've longed to experience, but haven't before.
I wish I could stay in these moments, hours, or days when the beating of His heart overtakes any small thumps that could be heard from my own. These are the moments when my heart aches for His people. When my soul longs and pleads for their salvation. These are the moments I forget to breathe, and maybe, for a few moments, my heart syncs with His.
Moments when my eyes see the pain and the heartache that others experience, and the love that God has for them in their suffering. Moments when I see the futility in living for anything other than Christ. Moments when I see that my hope truly rests completely in Jesus.
As I'm overcome by the beauty and insanity that is grace, I'm deeply pained that so many people will never experience what I experience. They'll never know the embrace of Yahweh. They'll never call God their Abba. They won't spend hours and countless nights cradled in the arms of their heavenly Father. As God's heart yearns for His people, my heart burns for them. For those who wander through this life seeking to fill a void they'll never understand.
My heart breaks for those who will never understand the true joy that comes only from knowing Jesus.
As I lay here unable to sleep, my cry is that somehow, God would allow me to be used to bring understanding to people, and that I would trust deeply in His sovereignty. God is good. God is in control. He knows what He's doing.
Use me, Father. Teach me, Abba. Save your people, Yahweh.
I wish I could stay in these moments, hours, or days when the beating of His heart overtakes any small thumps that could be heard from my own. These are the moments when my heart aches for His people. When my soul longs and pleads for their salvation. These are the moments I forget to breathe, and maybe, for a few moments, my heart syncs with His.
Moments when my eyes see the pain and the heartache that others experience, and the love that God has for them in their suffering. Moments when I see the futility in living for anything other than Christ. Moments when I see that my hope truly rests completely in Jesus.
As I'm overcome by the beauty and insanity that is grace, I'm deeply pained that so many people will never experience what I experience. They'll never know the embrace of Yahweh. They'll never call God their Abba. They won't spend hours and countless nights cradled in the arms of their heavenly Father. As God's heart yearns for His people, my heart burns for them. For those who wander through this life seeking to fill a void they'll never understand.
My heart breaks for those who will never understand the true joy that comes only from knowing Jesus.
As I lay here unable to sleep, my cry is that somehow, God would allow me to be used to bring understanding to people, and that I would trust deeply in His sovereignty. God is good. God is in control. He knows what He's doing.
Use me, Father. Teach me, Abba. Save your people, Yahweh.
It's 12:34 am, and I'm wide awake
It's 12:34 am, and I'm wide awake
Letting go. Oh man. Those words are so hard for me to even read.
I'm definitely a planning person. I like organization.
I'm laying awake right now struggling to sleep because I'm already planning out when I'll workout, what I'll eat, and when I'll spend time with Jesus this semester. Oh boy.
Control. Control. Control.
I like to know. I'd like to know what I'll be doing this summer. I'd like to know if things will fall into place to study abroad next semester. I'd like to know if the boy I think is cool realizes I exist.
I found myself asking God to reveal these things to me a few moments ago. Pleading that He'd give me an inkling of an idea. I'm so prone to worry. I'm so prone to fear.
I'm learning and relearning that I really, really need to just trust God. I need to step back, take a deep breath, and give things over to my Father. My Abba has my best in mind. He knows the desires of my heart, and my prayer is that those desires are in line with His. I know that He knows what's best.
I just like knowing things. I wish I knew that I'll get married someday. I wish I knew what that man's name was so I could pray for Him specifically. I wish I knew what he's doing right now.
But for now, I have to trust. Trust that, if I don't get married, God is enough. Actually, I KNOW God is enough, it's just something I need to move from my head to my heart.
My dates with Jesus won't stop when I get married. Jesus isn't a stand in for some mortal man.
So, when things are out of my grasp and I have no control, all I can do is pray. Pray that God knows what's best. Pray that He'll give me wisdom in my decisions. Pray for patience and rest in Him. Pray for the men around me - for leadership, for courage, for a deep trust in God. Pray for rest and peace in my relationship with God. He is more than enough.
I'm definitely a planning person. I like organization.
I'm laying awake right now struggling to sleep because I'm already planning out when I'll workout, what I'll eat, and when I'll spend time with Jesus this semester. Oh boy.
Control. Control. Control.
I like to know. I'd like to know what I'll be doing this summer. I'd like to know if things will fall into place to study abroad next semester. I'd like to know if the boy I think is cool realizes I exist.
I found myself asking God to reveal these things to me a few moments ago. Pleading that He'd give me an inkling of an idea. I'm so prone to worry. I'm so prone to fear.
I'm learning and relearning that I really, really need to just trust God. I need to step back, take a deep breath, and give things over to my Father. My Abba has my best in mind. He knows the desires of my heart, and my prayer is that those desires are in line with His. I know that He knows what's best.
I just like knowing things. I wish I knew that I'll get married someday. I wish I knew what that man's name was so I could pray for Him specifically. I wish I knew what he's doing right now.
But for now, I have to trust. Trust that, if I don't get married, God is enough. Actually, I KNOW God is enough, it's just something I need to move from my head to my heart.
My dates with Jesus won't stop when I get married. Jesus isn't a stand in for some mortal man.
So, when things are out of my grasp and I have no control, all I can do is pray. Pray that God knows what's best. Pray that He'll give me wisdom in my decisions. Pray for patience and rest in Him. Pray for the men around me - for leadership, for courage, for a deep trust in God. Pray for rest and peace in my relationship with God. He is more than enough.
Today
Today
Today was a good day.
- A new, free study bible for my phone. YES.
- I slept in until 10:30.
- I mapped out and did an hour-long, butt-kicking punching bag workout.
- Robbie Seay's new album is free on noisetrade. Get it. It's SO good.
- I'm going on a sister-date with my sister to panera! Yum!
- Date night with Jesus tonight. There's nothing like a lamp, a quiet house, and unlimited time with my favorite Man. Warm blankets, Romans, and a pen. It's going to be a good night.
- I'm going back to school in two days! AH. I have so much to pack. EEP.
That's all.
- A new, free study bible for my phone. YES.
- I slept in until 10:30.
- I mapped out and did an hour-long, butt-kicking punching bag workout.
- Robbie Seay's new album is free on noisetrade. Get it. It's SO good.
- I'm going on a sister-date with my sister to panera! Yum!
- Date night with Jesus tonight. There's nothing like a lamp, a quiet house, and unlimited time with my favorite Man. Warm blankets, Romans, and a pen. It's going to be a good night.
- I'm going back to school in two days! AH. I have so much to pack. EEP.
That's all.
Grace & the Depths of Gratitude
Grace & the Depths of Gratitude
I don't really know where to start. I'm not sure if I'll be able to
put into words the immense work the Lord has been doing in my heart over
the past month. Wow. It's crazy to see Him working in my heart. I can
see Him growing me and molding me into the woman He created me to be -
what a beautiful, and sometimes painful, process!
Grace. Wow. I grew up thinking I knew what that word meant. "Yeah, yeah, Jesus loves me." Rambling off the Romans road to get stickers and badges in AWANAS, saying the right words to convince my counselors at camp I was saved, and sitting through church on Sundays - all under the assumption that I understood what grace was. I knew that Jesus died for me, but it didn't reach my heart.
Grace. Grace. Grace. Sometimes I just mutter it under my breath to remind myself that it's real. I am free. Free. FREE, I tell you. I'm free from my fears. I'm free to trust in the precious blood of Christ. I'm free to fail. I'm free to fall short. Christ has been victorious!
My heart sings of grace. AMAZING grace! How SWEET the sound! It truly saved a wretch like me. Every day I wake up amazed by grace. I can't wrap my mind around it. It costs me nothing. I'm starting to understand. Instead of just doing things under obligation or law, I do them because of the joy I've found in Christ.
Identity? Christ. My identity comes from all things Jesus. Because Jesus is awesome - I'm awesome. Boom.
Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed by Jesus' love that i start giggling. Uncontrollably. Until I cry. I think I just don't know how else to express how intense that emotion is?
Wow. I am free indeed. It's all because of Jesus I'm alive. The gospel has a new glow to it. As I realize how much I have yet to learn, I grow excited for the years to come. For more ways that God can grow me. For more ways I can experience grace & peace.
My soul is at rest. I breathe deeply in the arms of Christ. I am deeply loved by the Creator. Yahweh.
I want to shout because You are good. Sing, because You are good. Dance, because You are good - You're so good to me, Lord.
Romans 3:21-26 --->
But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference,for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished—he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.
Romans 5:1-5 --->
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 6:22-23 --->
But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Christmas break. Late night Jesus dates. I'll miss these sweet times of solitude in the presence of my Savior. What a blessing to be cradled by Him during this season at home.
Grace. Wow. I grew up thinking I knew what that word meant. "Yeah, yeah, Jesus loves me." Rambling off the Romans road to get stickers and badges in AWANAS, saying the right words to convince my counselors at camp I was saved, and sitting through church on Sundays - all under the assumption that I understood what grace was. I knew that Jesus died for me, but it didn't reach my heart.
Grace. Grace. Grace. Sometimes I just mutter it under my breath to remind myself that it's real. I am free. Free. FREE, I tell you. I'm free from my fears. I'm free to trust in the precious blood of Christ. I'm free to fail. I'm free to fall short. Christ has been victorious!
My heart sings of grace. AMAZING grace! How SWEET the sound! It truly saved a wretch like me. Every day I wake up amazed by grace. I can't wrap my mind around it. It costs me nothing. I'm starting to understand. Instead of just doing things under obligation or law, I do them because of the joy I've found in Christ.
Identity? Christ. My identity comes from all things Jesus. Because Jesus is awesome - I'm awesome. Boom.
Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed by Jesus' love that i start giggling. Uncontrollably. Until I cry. I think I just don't know how else to express how intense that emotion is?
Wow. I am free indeed. It's all because of Jesus I'm alive. The gospel has a new glow to it. As I realize how much I have yet to learn, I grow excited for the years to come. For more ways that God can grow me. For more ways I can experience grace & peace.
My soul is at rest. I breathe deeply in the arms of Christ. I am deeply loved by the Creator. Yahweh.
I want to shout because You are good. Sing, because You are good. Dance, because You are good - You're so good to me, Lord.
Romans 3:21-26 --->
But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference,for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished—he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.
Romans 5:1-5 --->
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Romans 6:22-23 --->
But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Christmas break. Late night Jesus dates. I'll miss these sweet times of solitude in the presence of my Savior. What a blessing to be cradled by Him during this season at home.
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