What a year.
This morning I find myself sitting on my couch overwhelmed by the preciousness of Christ. To look back on this year and be able to say that I made it solely by the grace of God is no exaggeration. I can't begin to put into words the growth and redemption that's gone on over these past months. I've walked through some pretty dark days, only to come out on the other side loving the Lord deeper than I could have ever imagined possible. Last semester was emotionally and personally the hardest 5 months of my life. Walking through deep hurts and facing my fears revealed my weakness in a way I never wished to know. While those days were certainly not ones I ever want to relive, I can say with confidence that I now know who I am. I know who I am in Christ. I know who I am as an individual. I know where my value lies. A new depth has been added to my soul. A rest. A deep peace. A constant longing for an eternity with my Savior, while knowing that I can live out of that Kingdom focus even during my time on earth. I've learned to love my Abba in ways I never dreamed would be possible. My heart is found in Him. No longer do I seek outward approval to determine my worth. I'm free. I'm free to be real. I'm free to be weak. I'm free to be vulnerable. I'm free to find the deepest of joys, even on the rainy days, from the love I experience through Christ.
This semester has been the hardest academic semester I will ever experience. I knew going in it was suicide semester. 18 credits, 2 research papers, 5 design projects, ad & promo (if you only knew the work that went into that class...), more papers/tests, and freelancing on the side. To say that this week is the first week I've stopped moving all semester is no joke. While in the moments I was stressed beyond belief, looking back I see the value in this semester of craziness. I've learned hard-work. I've learned greater time management. I've grown to understand my skills and talents more than I did before. And now that things are slowing down, I've learned to deeply appreciate moments of rest. I've learned to find joy in the down time, and praise God for sweet moments of solitude. I've learned to rely on God for strength. To ask for help focusing and energy to make it through another long day. I've learned to take time to slow down and appreciate life for what it is.
This week I've been reminded that life is a gift. I'm grateful for free time. I'm grateful for this season of singleness. I'm grateful to be able to wholeheartedly pursue Christ. Praise God for His ability to work through all circumstances. Praise God that He listens to His children and hold us through the process. All praise be to Him.
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