1 Corinthians 6:19-20 -- Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in
you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
As many of you know,
I struggle with body image.
In the past couple months I've reached a new low. Control is the deep idol I've been wrestling with, the surface idol being body image. You see, this idol comes up in different ways. After I think I have my focus right, my eyes are opened to the new way this idol is appearing in my life. Honestly, it makes me sick to my stomach. As of right now it's official - I have an eating disorder. Oh, the humility in admitting that. In health class they only show you the extremes. The girls who are all bones. What they don't show you is that it's a process. Those girls don't just wake up one day and look like that, it's a choice over a long period of time. A mental state, really. Control idol. Senior year first semester it was in my weight - constantly weighing myself to see if I'd lost anything and then living that day based on that number. 2nd semester I thought I was finished with that, but my control idol in my image came up in my exercise. I worked out every day for at least an hour, and if I didn't I was super upset and felt overweight. This semester - eating. I reached the point during finals week where all I'd eat all day was a banana. I've reached the point where I can convince myself I'm not hungry by repeating "I'm so full" in my head 10 times. I've reached the point where I sleep in so I don't have to eat breakfast, then my food for the rest of the day consists of yogurt, a banana, and a small portion of whatever is for supper that night. The scary thing is - I eat around other people. I eat around my family. I eat around my friends. So no one would know until it gets further down the road. I've never thought I was skinny. I've never been able to look in the mirror and see anything but the fat on my hips or the pudge on my stomach. Being over 6 foot and a girl, it's hard not having anyone to compare yourself with to reassure yourself that you're at a healthy size. It's hard to always be surrounded by girls that are smaller than you, and always feeling like a giant.
Man, does it make me sick to admit that. It's a daily battle. Admitting I have a problem is the first step, the second is to make a change.
I struggled with pride this semester as well, and through this God has definitely humbled me. The fact that I'm as weak as a baby - I can't even feed myself! - has humbled me beyond belief and really shed light on my brokenness. Through this I've realized that I have a lot of deep pain that I've never dealt with. I don't have control in a lot of areas of my life, so by restricting my eating I find control.
I have an unhealthy fear of food and getting fat. I have an unhealthy view of my body. The fact that I could recite what I've eaten in the last month is sickening, and really shows the depth of the issue.
I know one thing for sure - I am SO, so weak. The good news is - God is strong. And I will definitely be relying on His strength in this. He has given me a great support system and hopefully it'll only be a matter of time before I'm back to normal.
My prayer is that through my openness and honesty - God can use my weakness for His strength.
If anyone is dealing with this at all - feel free to talk to me about it! I'm very open about my struggled, and I'd love to be able to help in any way possible.
I know this post might make it seem like my world is falling and that everything is bad, but God is still good - and He's been teaching me SO much. I can't even begin to show the depths of my gratitude for His loving faithfulness, mercy, and grace - which He's extended to me constantly this year. My resolution for this year is to praise God - in trials, in joy, and through pain - Praise the Lord, for He is good - and He is in control.
Today many people with resolve to eat less, exercise, and get in shape - my resolution is to eat more. To be healthy. To honor God with my body, because my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 -- But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in
hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I
am strong.
Prayer would be greatly appreciated!
James 5: 13-16 --Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray
over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord.
And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the
Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven.
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so
that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and
effective.
Struggles, Vulnerability, and Resolutions
Thoughts
Thoughts
Mmm.
God is good.
Peace comes with relief.
Hugs are wonderful.
Even when you're broken,
and I mean - falling to pieces.
When I'm a lamp that's fallen off the table one too many times,
when I'm a glass that's crashed to the ground -
and I fear that my cracks are too much,
that the pieces of my being will never be the same.
I realize that there's a super glue that can fix me.
God.
He fills my cracks,
and makes beauty out of my pain and shortcomings.
I'm just super overwhelmed by how good He is.
I can't even begin to share.
When I'm struggling,
and just overwhelmed by my weakness -
God shows me His reasoning.
Weaknesses are ways that we can rely on God's strength.
It's a way of cutting down our pride.
They're a reminder that it's not about ME, it's about God.
That even when I am weak, HE is strong.
Mmm. SO goooood!
Praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord, O my soul!
Thanks God for driving time,
when I get the chance to get away -
and just spend those quiet moments in prayer.
Prayer is powerful.
Sin is powerful.
God is more powerful.
In the end - God wins.
God is good.
Peace comes with relief.
Hugs are wonderful.
Even when you're broken,
and I mean - falling to pieces.
When I'm a lamp that's fallen off the table one too many times,
when I'm a glass that's crashed to the ground -
and I fear that my cracks are too much,
that the pieces of my being will never be the same.
I realize that there's a super glue that can fix me.
God.
He fills my cracks,
and makes beauty out of my pain and shortcomings.
I'm just super overwhelmed by how good He is.
I can't even begin to share.
When I'm struggling,
and just overwhelmed by my weakness -
God shows me His reasoning.
Weaknesses are ways that we can rely on God's strength.
It's a way of cutting down our pride.
They're a reminder that it's not about ME, it's about God.
That even when I am weak, HE is strong.
Mmm. SO goooood!
Praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord, O my soul!
Thanks God for driving time,
when I get the chance to get away -
and just spend those quiet moments in prayer.
Prayer is powerful.
Sin is powerful.
God is more powerful.
In the end - God wins.
Scrambled or Sunny Side Up?
Scrambled or Sunny Side Up?
My heart is like an egg
that you put in an incubator
as it warms up slowly
as my feelings grow
My heart is like an egg
that you scrambled
put on a skillet
and mixed around
until it was unrecognizable
My heart is like an egg
that you cracked
as you laughed as the lines
etched their way around
they never did fully heal
My heart is like an egg
that you threw on the ground
that you left laying there
and just walked away
My heart is like an egg
that you left in the 'fridge
for weeks on end
until it smelled,
and you threw it out
that you put in an incubator
as it warms up slowly
as my feelings grow
My heart is like an egg
that you scrambled
put on a skillet
and mixed around
until it was unrecognizable
My heart is like an egg
that you cracked
as you laughed as the lines
etched their way around
they never did fully heal
My heart is like an egg
that you threw on the ground
that you left laying there
and just walked away
My heart is like an egg
that you left in the 'fridge
for weeks on end
until it smelled,
and you threw it out
Intimate Moments with the Lord
Intimate Moments with the Lord
Nostalgia.
I feel this way when I look outside.
When I see the sun.
When I see the sun on the trees.
When I see trees.
Basically anytime I see creation.
I smile.
God smiles.
We smile together.
It's the best way I connect with Him.
Creation.
Oh, how I love the outdoors.
Breathing in clean fresh air and just staring at the beauty that surrounds me.
It's breath-taking.
It's dazzling.
Wow, God, you really knew what you were doing!
I get an overwhelming sense of awe, love, and admiration for my Creator.
I feel like He has His arm around my shoulder,
as He points out different parts of His masterpiece.
"Do you see the grooves in that tree bark?
The way the sun hits that branch and the shadow it casts?
The way the water licks at the side of the river bank, never going past where I tell it to?
The way the world seems peaceful and slow when snow is falling?
Or the way the green grass is like carpet?
I made it first you know - the grass came before carpet!"
Mmm. Intimate moments with God.
Whether they actually happen like that or not, it's the closeness I feel that matters I suppose.
It's the loving embrace.
The nearness.
The knowledge that no matter what's going on,
I can take a deep breath and look outside and be reminded of the Father's love for me.
When I am weak, He is strong. Wow. What a great reminder.
I feel this way when I look outside.
When I see the sun.
When I see the sun on the trees.
When I see trees.
Basically anytime I see creation.
I smile.
God smiles.
We smile together.
It's the best way I connect with Him.
Creation.
Oh, how I love the outdoors.
Breathing in clean fresh air and just staring at the beauty that surrounds me.
It's breath-taking.
It's dazzling.
Wow, God, you really knew what you were doing!
I get an overwhelming sense of awe, love, and admiration for my Creator.
I feel like He has His arm around my shoulder,
as He points out different parts of His masterpiece.
"Do you see the grooves in that tree bark?
The way the sun hits that branch and the shadow it casts?
The way the water licks at the side of the river bank, never going past where I tell it to?
The way the world seems peaceful and slow when snow is falling?
Or the way the green grass is like carpet?
I made it first you know - the grass came before carpet!"
Mmm. Intimate moments with God.
Whether they actually happen like that or not, it's the closeness I feel that matters I suppose.
It's the loving embrace.
The nearness.
The knowledge that no matter what's going on,
I can take a deep breath and look outside and be reminded of the Father's love for me.
When I am weak, He is strong. Wow. What a great reminder.
Current State of the Union: Overwhelmed
Current State of the Union: Overwhelmed
Christmas is over - and I still have a week left of break.
Emotions are mixed as I realize that:
- a week is a long time
- I have less than a couple hours a day of time not filled
- a week is not enough time to spend with my family
I've come to this conclusion over break: my family is great. God has blessed me with two of the most amazing parents ever. Sure, we've had our ups and downs, and we all have our humanly downfalls - but these people are great. My family is the best. It's so refreshing to be around people who already know who you are, have seen you at your very worst, and still love and accept you. I love being cared for again instead of having to take care of myself. What a nice feeling after a couple months of college!
The transition into J-term will be a rough one. After a great two weeks home, it'll be hard to go back to college. I love college, don't get me wrong, but it's nothing compared to your parents loving hugs and infinite amounts of cash (or so it seems). It'll be hard to leave my sisters. To know that I'm going to miss big parts of their lives. To know that while their lives are still basically the same as last year, mine has drastically changed - and it's harder for me to relate to them.
It's been hard knowing how to balance time. Which friends do I see? Which ones do I not see? When do I spend time with my family? How much time do they need? How much time do they want? How much time do I want? Should I have alone time? Should I constantly be surrounded by people? How much do I sleep? How late do I stay up?
Balance is tough. So I guess in that sense it'll be a relief to go back to the scheduled normalcy of college life. To the fun, to the homework, to the friends.
All I know is that I am blessed beyond belief. God is way too good to me, and I certainly don't deserve it in the least. I have a great family. I have a house. I have money for college. I have a family that loves me, loves each other, and loves God.
Praise the Lord for blessings, praise the Lord for trials, praise the Lord for weakness - and the knowledge that His strength is the only thing left to rely on.
Praise the Lord!
Emotions are mixed as I realize that:
- a week is a long time
- I have less than a couple hours a day of time not filled
- a week is not enough time to spend with my family
I've come to this conclusion over break: my family is great. God has blessed me with two of the most amazing parents ever. Sure, we've had our ups and downs, and we all have our humanly downfalls - but these people are great. My family is the best. It's so refreshing to be around people who already know who you are, have seen you at your very worst, and still love and accept you. I love being cared for again instead of having to take care of myself. What a nice feeling after a couple months of college!
The transition into J-term will be a rough one. After a great two weeks home, it'll be hard to go back to college. I love college, don't get me wrong, but it's nothing compared to your parents loving hugs and infinite amounts of cash (or so it seems). It'll be hard to leave my sisters. To know that I'm going to miss big parts of their lives. To know that while their lives are still basically the same as last year, mine has drastically changed - and it's harder for me to relate to them.
It's been hard knowing how to balance time. Which friends do I see? Which ones do I not see? When do I spend time with my family? How much time do they need? How much time do they want? How much time do I want? Should I have alone time? Should I constantly be surrounded by people? How much do I sleep? How late do I stay up?
Balance is tough. So I guess in that sense it'll be a relief to go back to the scheduled normalcy of college life. To the fun, to the homework, to the friends.
All I know is that I am blessed beyond belief. God is way too good to me, and I certainly don't deserve it in the least. I have a great family. I have a house. I have money for college. I have a family that loves me, loves each other, and loves God.
Praise the Lord for blessings, praise the Lord for trials, praise the Lord for weakness - and the knowledge that His strength is the only thing left to rely on.
Praise the Lord!
Shackles
Shackles
I can feel the shackles as they rub on my wrists.
Their weight a constant reminder of my sin.
They swallow my wrists in their iron grasp,
threatening to never let go.
The slavery of sin -
I know it too well.
I've had masters a plenty.
First lying,
then stealing.
Now food and image.
Sometimes love,
sometimes family.
Other times perfection.
It's a constant battle.
It feels like every time I see my shackles,
and recognition is the first step - it's oh so easy to ignore them,
and give them to God,
the moment He unlocks them from my wrists and I am finally,
finally free -
another set, this time heavier,
come crashing down to latch onto my now free wrists.
Oh Lord, Help me!
I plead.
As the cycle continues day in and day out.
I'm too weak to resist temptation.
I'm too weak to know what it means to live without shackles.
I'm no longer a slave to sin, you say?
I'm now a slave to righteousness?
Slavery of any kind does not sound sweet to my ears,
but these shackles - these shackles of righteousness,
they're no burden.
In fact, they lift me up instead of dragging me down.
They guide me on the narrow path,
the lead me in the correct direction.
But even now,
with my new weight-free shackles,
I struggle with old ones.
Ones that come creeping back.
Shackles that the tempter places on me,
to drag me off the narrow path,
and onto the wide path that leads to destruction.
His constant taunting leaves me weak.
Reminding me of my inner sin-nature.
Bringing out my worst,
making me believe it's my best.
The darkness in this tunnel envelopes me for the moment,
But I know that Joy comes in the morning.
Joy through mourning.
His Mercies are New everyday,
and when I am weak, He is strong.
Even in my weakness,
and believe me - my eyes have been opened to how weak I truly am,
He carries me.
When I can no longer walk.
He picks me up in His arms and soothes me,
saying "It's going to be all right."
And I will make it.
No matter how hard it gets.
No matter how heavy the shackles.
God has the key.
Just remember:
In the end - God Wins.
Their weight a constant reminder of my sin.
They swallow my wrists in their iron grasp,
threatening to never let go.
The slavery of sin -
I know it too well.
I've had masters a plenty.
First lying,
then stealing.
Now food and image.
Sometimes love,
sometimes family.
Other times perfection.
It's a constant battle.
It feels like every time I see my shackles,
and recognition is the first step - it's oh so easy to ignore them,
and give them to God,
the moment He unlocks them from my wrists and I am finally,
finally free -
another set, this time heavier,
come crashing down to latch onto my now free wrists.
Oh Lord, Help me!
I plead.
As the cycle continues day in and day out.
I'm too weak to resist temptation.
I'm too weak to know what it means to live without shackles.
I'm no longer a slave to sin, you say?
I'm now a slave to righteousness?
Slavery of any kind does not sound sweet to my ears,
but these shackles - these shackles of righteousness,
they're no burden.
In fact, they lift me up instead of dragging me down.
They guide me on the narrow path,
the lead me in the correct direction.
But even now,
with my new weight-free shackles,
I struggle with old ones.
Ones that come creeping back.
Shackles that the tempter places on me,
to drag me off the narrow path,
and onto the wide path that leads to destruction.
His constant taunting leaves me weak.
Reminding me of my inner sin-nature.
Bringing out my worst,
making me believe it's my best.
The darkness in this tunnel envelopes me for the moment,
But I know that Joy comes in the morning.
Joy through mourning.
His Mercies are New everyday,
and when I am weak, He is strong.
Even in my weakness,
and believe me - my eyes have been opened to how weak I truly am,
He carries me.
When I can no longer walk.
He picks me up in His arms and soothes me,
saying "It's going to be all right."
And I will make it.
No matter how hard it gets.
No matter how heavy the shackles.
God has the key.
Just remember:
In the end - God Wins.
Current State of the Union
Current State of the Union
As of right now here's the plan:
I applied to Northwestern in St. Paul.
This way I can major in intercultural studies,
keep my friends,
and stay connected to the ministries I'm involved in currently.
PLUS I'll get a more conservative biblical education.
Win-win-win!
So.
Praying will continue,
but as of right now I'll be an eagle in the fall.
The end.
But not really.
The rest of my future is still way up in the air,
but for right now I'm content to trust that God will lead me in the direction He wants me to go.
I don't have to decide right now.
I applied to Northwestern in St. Paul.
This way I can major in intercultural studies,
keep my friends,
and stay connected to the ministries I'm involved in currently.
PLUS I'll get a more conservative biblical education.
Win-win-win!
So.
Praying will continue,
but as of right now I'll be an eagle in the fall.
The end.
But not really.
The rest of my future is still way up in the air,
but for right now I'm content to trust that God will lead me in the direction He wants me to go.
I don't have to decide right now.
Life Directions
Life Directions
I don't like making decisions.
I don't like having too many options.
Some days I wish I could go back to pre-school,
when we were given two options.
PB&J or cold meat sandwich?
This book or that book?
Red crayon or blue crayon?
Somedays I wish that I could be given a choice between two lives.
Two package deals.
Do you want the American dream?
It's comfortable and normal.
Nothing out of the ordinary.
It comes with a husband, 2.5 kids, and a medium-sized house.
Completely furnished. A dog in the backyard. A white picket fence.
A great job, and an apron.
Or option two:
Do you want the Adventurous route?
The one without comfort?
The one with lots of surprises and relying on God's strength?
The one where you live in a different country?
Where the picture of your future in your mind is unknown?
Where all you can expect is a big question mark?
Want a spouse or not? Can you see yourself over there with one?
The option where you share the gospel for a living,
don't know where your food comes from,
and you get to see first-hand the Kingdom work?
Or how about next year choices even,
let's back it up a little.
Which college choice do you want?
Do you want to continue on the path you chose?
Bethel with an art major?
It's easy. It's comfortable. It's teeming with the venus fly traps of complacency and lukewarmness.
Or Moody with a Women's Ministry major?
What will you do with that when you graduate?
This one more coincides with the adventure route in life.
Where I major in missions and go overseas.
It'd be scary.
It'd be wonderful.
I'd learn a lot about the bible.
Or should I transfer to Northwestern?
I could major in intercultural studies.
I already love the people there.
It'd be different.
It'd be unexpected.
It'd be what I had planned all of my junior year.
Would I grow?
Would I be challenged?
The biggest question right now is this:
What's God's plan?
Is it specific, or does it just hinge on right and wrong?
Does He care as long as I'm honoring Him?
In the game of Life, this is where my path splits and I make a decision.
The truth is, I have no idea what to do.
So many options, so little to go off of.
So here I am, on my knees - pleading that God will give me some direction.
Some sort of idea, any sort of idea of where He wants me.
A glimpse of the future perhaps?
A note in my mailbox with my life plan laid out?
As of right now, I have no clue where I'll be next year.
I have no idea what I'll do with my life.
I have no idea where I'll go.
All I know is that I desire to glorify God.
We'll see where He takes me.
I don't like having too many options.
Some days I wish I could go back to pre-school,
when we were given two options.
PB&J or cold meat sandwich?
This book or that book?
Red crayon or blue crayon?
Somedays I wish that I could be given a choice between two lives.
Two package deals.
Do you want the American dream?
It's comfortable and normal.
Nothing out of the ordinary.
It comes with a husband, 2.5 kids, and a medium-sized house.
Completely furnished. A dog in the backyard. A white picket fence.
A great job, and an apron.
Or option two:
Do you want the Adventurous route?
The one without comfort?
The one with lots of surprises and relying on God's strength?
The one where you live in a different country?
Where the picture of your future in your mind is unknown?
Where all you can expect is a big question mark?
Want a spouse or not? Can you see yourself over there with one?
The option where you share the gospel for a living,
don't know where your food comes from,
and you get to see first-hand the Kingdom work?
Or how about next year choices even,
let's back it up a little.
Which college choice do you want?
Do you want to continue on the path you chose?
Bethel with an art major?
It's easy. It's comfortable. It's teeming with the venus fly traps of complacency and lukewarmness.
Or Moody with a Women's Ministry major?
What will you do with that when you graduate?
This one more coincides with the adventure route in life.
Where I major in missions and go overseas.
It'd be scary.
It'd be wonderful.
I'd learn a lot about the bible.
Or should I transfer to Northwestern?
I could major in intercultural studies.
I already love the people there.
It'd be different.
It'd be unexpected.
It'd be what I had planned all of my junior year.
Would I grow?
Would I be challenged?
The biggest question right now is this:
What's God's plan?
Is it specific, or does it just hinge on right and wrong?
Does He care as long as I'm honoring Him?
In the game of Life, this is where my path splits and I make a decision.
The truth is, I have no idea what to do.
So many options, so little to go off of.
So here I am, on my knees - pleading that God will give me some direction.
Some sort of idea, any sort of idea of where He wants me.
A glimpse of the future perhaps?
A note in my mailbox with my life plan laid out?
As of right now, I have no clue where I'll be next year.
I have no idea what I'll do with my life.
I have no idea where I'll go.
All I know is that I desire to glorify God.
We'll see where He takes me.
My Biggest Fear
My Biggest Fear
My biggest fear isn't drowning.
It isn't spiders, snakes, or the color blue.
I'm not afraid of death.
My biggest fear is complacency.
I'm scared to death that I'll wake up one day,
near the end of my life,
and realize that I've wasted my life.
That I will go through life like anyone else.
That I won't share the gospel.
That I'll lose my desire for God.
That I'll forget what matters most - bringing glory to God.
That somehow, somewhere in the mix of life - I'll get off the narrow path.
That I'll stumble into the american dream,
and somehow find a shallow satisfaction in that.
What do I want to do, and desire above all other things?
To live a life that's glorifying to God.
To be able to face Him one day and know that,
while I will fail,
through my mistakes and short comings He was glorified.
That somehow through my sinful nature and failures,
the Kingdom of God was furthered and people were brought to the Lord.
Not through anything I had done, but through Christ's Redeeming blood.
This is my biggest fear.
The first step to overcoming fears is recognition, right?
My prayer is that Christ will give me the strength to conquer this,
may it never be the truth or the life I live.
It isn't spiders, snakes, or the color blue.
I'm not afraid of death.
My biggest fear is complacency.
I'm scared to death that I'll wake up one day,
near the end of my life,
and realize that I've wasted my life.
That I will go through life like anyone else.
That I won't share the gospel.
That I'll lose my desire for God.
That I'll forget what matters most - bringing glory to God.
That somehow, somewhere in the mix of life - I'll get off the narrow path.
That I'll stumble into the american dream,
and somehow find a shallow satisfaction in that.
What do I want to do, and desire above all other things?
To live a life that's glorifying to God.
To be able to face Him one day and know that,
while I will fail,
through my mistakes and short comings He was glorified.
That somehow through my sinful nature and failures,
the Kingdom of God was furthered and people were brought to the Lord.
Not through anything I had done, but through Christ's Redeeming blood.
This is my biggest fear.
The first step to overcoming fears is recognition, right?
My prayer is that Christ will give me the strength to conquer this,
may it never be the truth or the life I live.
Media - Meet Real Girl
Media - Meet Real Girl
This is our generation, and our gender's biggest struggle.
Body image.
I can honestly say the number of girls I've met who don't struggle with this I can count on my left hand.
I'm not sure when the realization kicks in,
maybe sometime around 13 - at least for me.
But I think for some it's earlier.
The society we live in gives us these expectations -
look like a super model.
Be a size 0 and 6'1 (which believe me, is not even close to possible)
look like a VS model
be able to see your ribs
Be sexy
Be thin
Be irresistible.
Healthy girls aren't seen anywhere in the media.
Nowhere do you see a girl who's a couple pounds overweight,
But radiates good health and natural beauty.
Nowhere do you see girls with good morals,
because even if they do choose to, for once, depict someone decent -
they fall off the morality horse halfway through the season.
Good girls just don't survive in our media.
Whenever you walk into a store,
you're bombarded by the "ideal" woman.
Magazines are covered with what we're suppose to look like,
and the truth is - most of the time,
not even that girl look like that.
Airbrushing and Photoshop do wonders.
But here we are.
Exercising ourselves into a frenzy.
Eating like mice.
And living each day for the number on the scale,
or the pinch of skin on our hips.
This isn't how God created us -
for us to be so self-obsessed.
He made us in HIS IMAGE.
So fight hard and perservere,
Through God's strength we can overcome
this plague that's sweeping our generation.
Body image.
I can honestly say the number of girls I've met who don't struggle with this I can count on my left hand.
I'm not sure when the realization kicks in,
maybe sometime around 13 - at least for me.
But I think for some it's earlier.
The society we live in gives us these expectations -
look like a super model.
Be a size 0 and 6'1 (which believe me, is not even close to possible)
look like a VS model
be able to see your ribs
Be sexy
Be thin
Be irresistible.
Healthy girls aren't seen anywhere in the media.
Nowhere do you see a girl who's a couple pounds overweight,
But radiates good health and natural beauty.
Nowhere do you see girls with good morals,
because even if they do choose to, for once, depict someone decent -
they fall off the morality horse halfway through the season.
Good girls just don't survive in our media.
Whenever you walk into a store,
you're bombarded by the "ideal" woman.
Magazines are covered with what we're suppose to look like,
and the truth is - most of the time,
not even that girl look like that.
Airbrushing and Photoshop do wonders.
But here we are.
Exercising ourselves into a frenzy.
Eating like mice.
And living each day for the number on the scale,
or the pinch of skin on our hips.
This isn't how God created us -
for us to be so self-obsessed.
He made us in HIS IMAGE.
So fight hard and perservere,
Through God's strength we can overcome
this plague that's sweeping our generation.
Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder
Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder
Maybe it's because I'm an artist.
Maybe it's because I get easily distracted.
Maybe it's because I love fresh air.
All I know is that I really, really love the outdoors.
Every time I look outside I stop breathing for a minute,
as I stand in awe of the beautiful world God created.
I love the trees.
I love lakes.
I love grass.
I love being outside.
I love colors.
I love Creation.
Thanks God, for making such a beautiful world
and for allowing me to be part of it.
"And I think to myself, what a beautiful world"
Maybe it's because I get easily distracted.
Maybe it's because I love fresh air.
All I know is that I really, really love the outdoors.
Every time I look outside I stop breathing for a minute,
as I stand in awe of the beautiful world God created.
I love the trees.
I love lakes.
I love grass.
I love being outside.
I love colors.
I love Creation.
Thanks God, for making such a beautiful world
and for allowing me to be part of it.
"And I think to myself, what a beautiful world"
Locker Room Stories
Locker Room Stories
Sticks & Stones may break my bones, but words will always leave scars deeper than you can imagine.
You remember the moment. The hour. The minute.
The second you decided to take things into your own hands.
Time after time of hearing two-word phrases.
She's fat.
She's overweight.
Heavy set.
Pudgy chick.
The girls whispering and point at you in the locker room.
And one day -
You snap.
You stare at yourself in the mirror after school.
Resolving to make a change.
Resolving to break the chains food has on you.
The shackles on your wrist of snacks and treats
will no longer have a grasp.
So you stop eating.
It's a downward slope, and you're on a sled.
First you stop eating snacks.
Then you restrict your meal size.
Then suddenly you find yourself making excuses.
Reasons why you can't eat.
You don't feel well.
You ate earlier.
You sleep later so you can skip breatkfast.
You eat small amounts of food and trick yourself into pretending you're satisfied.
Instead of breaking free from the chains
the shackles on your wrists got tighter
the chains heavier
and all because of a couple
two-word phrases.
{No, this is not about me. But I'd say most girls struggle with this, me included. Maybe just not to this extent.}
You remember the moment. The hour. The minute.
The second you decided to take things into your own hands.
Time after time of hearing two-word phrases.
She's fat.
She's overweight.
Heavy set.
Pudgy chick.
The girls whispering and point at you in the locker room.
And one day -
You snap.
You stare at yourself in the mirror after school.
Resolving to make a change.
Resolving to break the chains food has on you.
The shackles on your wrist of snacks and treats
will no longer have a grasp.
So you stop eating.
It's a downward slope, and you're on a sled.
First you stop eating snacks.
Then you restrict your meal size.
Then suddenly you find yourself making excuses.
Reasons why you can't eat.
You don't feel well.
You ate earlier.
You sleep later so you can skip breatkfast.
You eat small amounts of food and trick yourself into pretending you're satisfied.
Instead of breaking free from the chains
the shackles on your wrists got tighter
the chains heavier
and all because of a couple
two-word phrases.
{No, this is not about me. But I'd say most girls struggle with this, me included. Maybe just not to this extent.}
Amazing Grace
Amazing Grace
Amazing Grace.
Until today, I don't know that I'd ever actually processed what that means.
But I can honestly say, God's Grace IS amazing.
Breath-taking. Spectacular. Undeserved.
The closer I get to God, the more inadequate I feel. The more inadequate I feel, the more amazed I am by the God that, for some reason, loves me.
Even when I suck. Even when I allow my fears to take the wheel, He's waiting for me to turn back to Him.
To run back into His loving arms.
His grace is enough.
His grace is sufficient. MORE than sufficient, it's over-the-top wonderful.
Even when I'm insecure. Even when I allow things of this world to take hold of me. Even when I turn my gaze from Him.
He extends grace undeserved.
And I am eternally grateful.
Because when I finally realize the depth of my despair, and turn my gaze to our Creator, I realize.
He is breath-taking. Spectacular. Inspiring.
And I wonder, how did I let myself get distracted?
How did I allow myself to tear my fixed gaze from His face?
Because when I seek after God and truly gaze at His being -
I can't speak.
I can't breathe.
I can't blink.
Our Creator is beautiful.
Revel in His glory.
Revel in His beauty.
Revel in the fact that He created you in His image.Revel in the fact that our God desires a relationship with us.
That just blows me away completely.
When I truly take time to pause and stare at our Heavenly Father,
I can't help but stop in my tracks.
I want to run around telling everyone about Him.
I want to scream it from the tops of the mountains.
I want to whisper it into the wind.
Because everyone deserves this.
This is love.
God is love.
God is the definition of love.
And I love Him.
His Grace is more than sufficient.
It is satisfactory.
It fills.
It satisfies.
Until today, I don't know that I'd ever actually processed what that means.
But I can honestly say, God's Grace IS amazing.
Breath-taking. Spectacular. Undeserved.
The closer I get to God, the more inadequate I feel. The more inadequate I feel, the more amazed I am by the God that, for some reason, loves me.
Even when I suck. Even when I allow my fears to take the wheel, He's waiting for me to turn back to Him.
To run back into His loving arms.
His grace is enough.
His grace is sufficient. MORE than sufficient, it's over-the-top wonderful.
Even when I'm insecure. Even when I allow things of this world to take hold of me. Even when I turn my gaze from Him.
He extends grace undeserved.
And I am eternally grateful.
Because when I finally realize the depth of my despair, and turn my gaze to our Creator, I realize.
He is breath-taking. Spectacular. Inspiring.
And I wonder, how did I let myself get distracted?
How did I allow myself to tear my fixed gaze from His face?
Because when I seek after God and truly gaze at His being -
I can't speak.
I can't breathe.
I can't blink.
Our Creator is beautiful.
Revel in His glory.
Revel in His beauty.
Revel in the fact that He created you in His image.Revel in the fact that our God desires a relationship with us.
That just blows me away completely.
When I truly take time to pause and stare at our Heavenly Father,
I can't help but stop in my tracks.
I want to run around telling everyone about Him.
I want to scream it from the tops of the mountains.
I want to whisper it into the wind.
Because everyone deserves this.
This is love.
God is love.
God is the definition of love.
And I love Him.
His Grace is more than sufficient.
It is satisfactory.
It fills.
It satisfies.
Freedom//Growing Pains
Freedom//Growing Pains
Freedom.
Isn't it a weird feeling?
But somehow, it's one I crave almost constantly.
The fact of the matter is that at college -
my freedom is restricted.
Sometimes driving me to the brink of insanity.
I need freedom.
I need fresh air.
I need to be able to run wild and free.
I love feeling free.
I love driving with my windows open.
A full tank of gas and not a care in the world.
I love running and jumping around in large fields of grass.
I love laying on the ground staring up at the sky and smiling.
I love dance outside and singing - just me and God.
These are the times I can best connect with God.
When I am free to go where ever I feel Him leading me.
But with winter comes a price.
I trade in my freedom for a cage.
Trapped in the midst of a snow globe.
I trade in my blue skies for grey.
I trade in the green grass and leaves for a blanket of snow and mush.
I traded in my keys when I moved away.
and with it my last connection to freedom.
But no matter how trapped,
no matter how caged in,
God created every season.
And winter is just a great way for me to learn
to rely even more so on His strength.
And not my own.
God will give me Joy through these next few months.
Of that, I am certain.
So, Thanks God for winter, snow, and a new season of growing.
Isn't it a weird feeling?
But somehow, it's one I crave almost constantly.
The fact of the matter is that at college -
my freedom is restricted.
Sometimes driving me to the brink of insanity.
I need freedom.
I need fresh air.
I need to be able to run wild and free.
I love feeling free.
I love driving with my windows open.
A full tank of gas and not a care in the world.
I love running and jumping around in large fields of grass.
I love laying on the ground staring up at the sky and smiling.
I love dance outside and singing - just me and God.
These are the times I can best connect with God.
When I am free to go where ever I feel Him leading me.
But with winter comes a price.
I trade in my freedom for a cage.
Trapped in the midst of a snow globe.
I trade in my blue skies for grey.
I trade in the green grass and leaves for a blanket of snow and mush.
I traded in my keys when I moved away.
and with it my last connection to freedom.
But no matter how trapped,
no matter how caged in,
God created every season.
And winter is just a great way for me to learn
to rely even more so on His strength.
And not my own.
God will give me Joy through these next few months.
Of that, I am certain.
So, Thanks God for winter, snow, and a new season of growing.
I Will Go
I Will Go
My world has officially been tipped upside down.
The fact of the matter is: I have no idea where I'll be next year.
But, I do know one thing - I'm not called to stay in the USA when I graduate.
At least for a couple years, I'll be overseas somewhere.
So, I'm applying for Moody in the fall.
If I get accepted, I will possibly transfer and major in Women's Ministry.
Otherwise I'll stay at Bethel to major in graphic design that I'll also use for missions,
but I'll take a semester off in the fall and do YWAM. So there you have it.
All of MY plans out the window, all of God's in the door.
It's crazy. It's scary. It's awesome.
Trusting God is a process, and He definitely convicted me about it this past week.
I had prayed about going to Bethel, but not about staying here for 4 years.
So we'll see where God leads me!
I'm excited. I'm expectant. I'm patient. (Okay, that last one is definitely a God thing)
So that's my life right now.
Finals. Christmas. Spring. ?
Future unknown, but following God's will is oh, so sweet!
Questions? Ask.
The story is actually a ton more complicated and sweet than I'm sharing,
but it's too hard to explain here.
So feel free to ask!
I'm excited to see where God will lead me.
Isaiah 6:8 -- Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”
The fact of the matter is: I have no idea where I'll be next year.
But, I do know one thing - I'm not called to stay in the USA when I graduate.
At least for a couple years, I'll be overseas somewhere.
So, I'm applying for Moody in the fall.
If I get accepted, I will possibly transfer and major in Women's Ministry.
Otherwise I'll stay at Bethel to major in graphic design that I'll also use for missions,
but I'll take a semester off in the fall and do YWAM. So there you have it.
All of MY plans out the window, all of God's in the door.
It's crazy. It's scary. It's awesome.
Trusting God is a process, and He definitely convicted me about it this past week.
I had prayed about going to Bethel, but not about staying here for 4 years.
So we'll see where God leads me!
I'm excited. I'm expectant. I'm patient. (Okay, that last one is definitely a God thing)
So that's my life right now.
Finals. Christmas. Spring. ?
Future unknown, but following God's will is oh, so sweet!
Questions? Ask.
The story is actually a ton more complicated and sweet than I'm sharing,
but it's too hard to explain here.
So feel free to ask!
I'm excited to see where God will lead me.
Isaiah 6:8 -- Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”
WOWZA
WOWZA
I honestly don't know how I can possibly explain how I'm feeling in words.
There isn't a word in the world to describe the amount of love I have for God right now.
If my spiritual life was a pokemon, I'm pretty sure I just leveled up. Twice.
Or if my spiritual life was a Christmas movie - I'm the Grinch, only at the end of the movie.
When his heart explodes.
Because honestly? I'm crazy in love. I can't describe it. I can't explain it. It's just what's happening.
All I want to do 24/7 is talk to Jesus.
I want to hug Him. I want to talk to Him. I want to learn about Him.
I want to dance around and sing at the top of my lungs about His love.
I want to run around everywhere telling people about Him.
He's the last thing I think of before I fall asleep and the first thing I think of in the morning.
Because, the truth is? I LOVE HIM.
Jesus. Is. The. Best.
Ever.
The End.
There isn't a word in the world to describe the amount of love I have for God right now.
If my spiritual life was a pokemon, I'm pretty sure I just leveled up. Twice.
Or if my spiritual life was a Christmas movie - I'm the Grinch, only at the end of the movie.
When his heart explodes.
Because honestly? I'm crazy in love. I can't describe it. I can't explain it. It's just what's happening.
All I want to do 24/7 is talk to Jesus.
I want to hug Him. I want to talk to Him. I want to learn about Him.
I want to dance around and sing at the top of my lungs about His love.
I want to run around everywhere telling people about Him.
He's the last thing I think of before I fall asleep and the first thing I think of in the morning.
Because, the truth is? I LOVE HIM.
Jesus. Is. The. Best.
Ever.
The End.
Glass Slippers and White Horses
Glass Slippers and White Horses
I was the classic little girl.
I loved dressing up, watching Disney movies, and spent hours fantasizing about how
someday my prince would come and sweep me off of my feet.
Now, you would hope that as I grew up I was realize that this dream wasn't practical.
Princes don't really exist in the real world, you'd reason with me.
But instead of letting my little girl dreams go, I allowed them to blossom.
To mature. To grow.
I allowed my longing for love to bury itself deeply into my heart, and it took root.
As I grew older I continued my search.
Constantly looking for the love that I just knew had to be out there.
I didn't give up hope.
I watched movie after movie and read piles of books that portrayed the love I was looking for.
The damsel in distress.
The glass slippers.
The castle.
It all held a golden glow in my mind, and I'd spend hours dreaming about my future.
As I grew up the desire matured a little.
Reason took somewhat of a grasp and lodged itself in there next to my dreams.
I realized that while castles, sparkly dresses and high heels weren't in my future,
I could still find that kind of love in a boy.
So I searched. I'd see a boy and BAM my mind was running -
thinking about how he'd come over and tell me that since the moment he layed eyes on me -
he knew I was the girl of his dreams.
Sigh.
Sadly, as I grew up, this never played out quite as I had intended.
As I reached my high school years I grew desperate.
I continued my search for perfect love through boys who on the surface seemed to offer it -
but underneath it was empty.
Their vows were worthless and shallow.
Movies and books continued to fuel my hope for the perfect love.
He had to be out there, right?
I mean, why else would there be so many books and movies dedicated to that kind of love?
All I knew was that if it existed - I was going to find it.
I wasn't going to settle for just any kind of love.
No passionless marriage for me.
I was determined.
As my later years in high school progressed,
My obsessive search continued.
My vision of prince charming morphed as the media continued to skew my view of love.
This summer I was praying about what my idols were, and obviously love is one of them.
A couple weeks later, God whispered in my ear something I had never thought about before.
The love I've been looking for? It does exist.
I've just been looking in the wrong places.
You see, a human boy can't fill the void in my heart that needs love.
No, only supernatural true love can.
Perfect love.
Love to die for.
Love that's already died for me.
Love that is all encompassing.
Love that's unconditional.
Love that is literally not of this world.
The love of Jesus.
I can honestly say I no longer struggle with my search.
Sure, we all have our days where we allow ourselves to be distracted by the world.
To believe the lie that we aren't completely satisfied in the love of Christ.
But the truth is, Jesus' love is way more than enough.
It's perfect.
Who knew that what I've been searching for my whole life has been right next to me?
The love I've desired ever since infancy has been waiting for me with open arms.
Contentedness in Christ.
What a wonderful feeling.
Thank you, Jesus.
I'll love you until the day I die - and after that for the rest of eternity.
I loved dressing up, watching Disney movies, and spent hours fantasizing about how
someday my prince would come and sweep me off of my feet.
Now, you would hope that as I grew up I was realize that this dream wasn't practical.
Princes don't really exist in the real world, you'd reason with me.
But instead of letting my little girl dreams go, I allowed them to blossom.
To mature. To grow.
I allowed my longing for love to bury itself deeply into my heart, and it took root.
As I grew older I continued my search.
Constantly looking for the love that I just knew had to be out there.
I didn't give up hope.
I watched movie after movie and read piles of books that portrayed the love I was looking for.
The damsel in distress.
The glass slippers.
The castle.
It all held a golden glow in my mind, and I'd spend hours dreaming about my future.
As I grew up the desire matured a little.
Reason took somewhat of a grasp and lodged itself in there next to my dreams.
I realized that while castles, sparkly dresses and high heels weren't in my future,
I could still find that kind of love in a boy.
So I searched. I'd see a boy and BAM my mind was running -
thinking about how he'd come over and tell me that since the moment he layed eyes on me -
he knew I was the girl of his dreams.
Sigh.
Sadly, as I grew up, this never played out quite as I had intended.
As I reached my high school years I grew desperate.
I continued my search for perfect love through boys who on the surface seemed to offer it -
but underneath it was empty.
Their vows were worthless and shallow.
Movies and books continued to fuel my hope for the perfect love.
He had to be out there, right?
I mean, why else would there be so many books and movies dedicated to that kind of love?
All I knew was that if it existed - I was going to find it.
I wasn't going to settle for just any kind of love.
No passionless marriage for me.
I was determined.
As my later years in high school progressed,
My obsessive search continued.
My vision of prince charming morphed as the media continued to skew my view of love.
This summer I was praying about what my idols were, and obviously love is one of them.
A couple weeks later, God whispered in my ear something I had never thought about before.
The love I've been looking for? It does exist.
I've just been looking in the wrong places.
You see, a human boy can't fill the void in my heart that needs love.
No, only supernatural true love can.
Perfect love.
Love to die for.
Love that's already died for me.
Love that is all encompassing.
Love that's unconditional.
Love that is literally not of this world.
The love of Jesus.
I can honestly say I no longer struggle with my search.
Sure, we all have our days where we allow ourselves to be distracted by the world.
To believe the lie that we aren't completely satisfied in the love of Christ.
But the truth is, Jesus' love is way more than enough.
It's perfect.
Who knew that what I've been searching for my whole life has been right next to me?
The love I've desired ever since infancy has been waiting for me with open arms.
Contentedness in Christ.
What a wonderful feeling.
Thank you, Jesus.
I'll love you until the day I die - and after that for the rest of eternity.
Whispers
Whispers
Everything with God is better.
In case you missed that, it's true.
Mornings are better.
Walking is better.
Sleeping is better.
Working out is better.
Breathing is better.
LIFE is better with God.
Actually, I'm not really sure how I lived before God.
What was my purpose in life?
Where was I going?
What were my dreams?
It's so hard to imagine a day without God.
Talking to Him.
Laughing with Him.
Sitting in quiet meditation.
Listening to Him.
I can't imagine life without the guidance of my Savior.
I fall asleep talking to Him.
Turning the world over in my thoughts.
Reveling in His ways.
Marveling at His voice.
I wake up comforted.
Hugged by the Creator of the World.
And I smile.
Have you ever noticed that the days you give to God in prayer are the best ones?
The days that you wake up and realize - this isn't about me.
It's not a question of "what will I do today?"
It's a question of "how will God use me today?"
or better yet "what does God have in store for me?"
It's the excitement of doing the work of God.
Of listening to His voice, and knowing that He will not lead you wrong.
His will for your life and His urgings are infinitely better than any plans we might have originally had.
And at the end of the day - you realize how extremely true that is.
God's plans are better.
When I follow the voice of God, His quiet whispers,
I don't think that "maybe I'm missing out"
or "I'd be happier if I was sinning" -
okay hopefully no one actually thinks that,
but if you substitute other words like having sex, drinking, popularity, etc
you get the idea.
Somehow we've twisted God.
We've twisted His will and His calling into something bizarre.
We think that we're sacrificing something for Him.
That we're giving up things that could make us happier so that we can follow Him.
Honestly? That's completely wrong.
When I honestly am seeking the will of God and His voice and earnestly following?
I'm so, so much happier than any worldly thing could make me.
Daily God fills me with a joy that I can't even begin to explain.
The joy of follow Him.
The days when I listen to God are the best days.
I never, ever look back and think "I wish I would have gone drinking"
or "I should have gone home with that guy"
No. Because worldly things pale in comparison to the joy of doing the will of God.
Sure, we all have our days.
Days when we don't listen.
Days when we give in to the voices of selfishness and the world.
But God is faithful, and He is waiting with open arms.
I guess all I'm trying to say is this:
God is good. He knows what He's doing. Listen. You won't regret it.
In case you missed that, it's true.
Mornings are better.
Walking is better.
Sleeping is better.
Working out is better.
Breathing is better.
LIFE is better with God.
Actually, I'm not really sure how I lived before God.
What was my purpose in life?
Where was I going?
What were my dreams?
It's so hard to imagine a day without God.
Talking to Him.
Laughing with Him.
Sitting in quiet meditation.
Listening to Him.
I can't imagine life without the guidance of my Savior.
I fall asleep talking to Him.
Turning the world over in my thoughts.
Reveling in His ways.
Marveling at His voice.
I wake up comforted.
Hugged by the Creator of the World.
And I smile.
Have you ever noticed that the days you give to God in prayer are the best ones?
The days that you wake up and realize - this isn't about me.
It's not a question of "what will I do today?"
It's a question of "how will God use me today?"
or better yet "what does God have in store for me?"
It's the excitement of doing the work of God.
Of listening to His voice, and knowing that He will not lead you wrong.
His will for your life and His urgings are infinitely better than any plans we might have originally had.
And at the end of the day - you realize how extremely true that is.
God's plans are better.
When I follow the voice of God, His quiet whispers,
I don't think that "maybe I'm missing out"
or "I'd be happier if I was sinning" -
okay hopefully no one actually thinks that,
but if you substitute other words like having sex, drinking, popularity, etc
you get the idea.
Somehow we've twisted God.
We've twisted His will and His calling into something bizarre.
We think that we're sacrificing something for Him.
That we're giving up things that could make us happier so that we can follow Him.
Honestly? That's completely wrong.
When I honestly am seeking the will of God and His voice and earnestly following?
I'm so, so much happier than any worldly thing could make me.
Daily God fills me with a joy that I can't even begin to explain.
The joy of follow Him.
The days when I listen to God are the best days.
I never, ever look back and think "I wish I would have gone drinking"
or "I should have gone home with that guy"
No. Because worldly things pale in comparison to the joy of doing the will of God.
Sure, we all have our days.
Days when we don't listen.
Days when we give in to the voices of selfishness and the world.
But God is faithful, and He is waiting with open arms.
I guess all I'm trying to say is this:
God is good. He knows what He's doing. Listen. You won't regret it.
Christmas is Coming
Christmas is Coming
When I say that Christmas is coming around this time of year people tend to put the back of their hand to my forehead, wave their hand in front of my face, and occasionally ask me how many fingers they're holding up. "Christmas? It's only October!" Maybe I'm one of those people who somewhat buys into the commerciality of the holiday. Maybe I just love the joy. I love the cheer. I love that everyone comes together around this time of year to celebrate as a family. I love the lights. I love every part of it.
I love the old Christmas movies and music. Bing Crosby becomes my best friend this time of year, and Mannheim Steamroller Christmas music is a permanent playlist on my grooveshark.
I guess the point I'm trying to get at is that I really, really love Christmas. I love just walking through stores and looking at all the things they bring out for the holidays.
This is the time of year that I want each day to last longer.
But, the real reason I love Christmas so much is that it's the time we come together and celebrate the day that our Savior came into existence. His birthday.
I think that's why I feel so joyous during this time of year, and every other time of year - Jesus.
Actually, I don't just think, I know.
I love the old Christmas movies and music. Bing Crosby becomes my best friend this time of year, and Mannheim Steamroller Christmas music is a permanent playlist on my grooveshark.
I guess the point I'm trying to get at is that I really, really love Christmas. I love just walking through stores and looking at all the things they bring out for the holidays.
This is the time of year that I want each day to last longer.
But, the real reason I love Christmas so much is that it's the time we come together and celebrate the day that our Savior came into existence. His birthday.
I think that's why I feel so joyous during this time of year, and every other time of year - Jesus.
Actually, I don't just think, I know.
"So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them." -- Luke 2:4-7
A Magnificent Transformation
A Magnificent Transformation
What do you think the point of life is? As a junior higher I would have answered popularity, friends, to be cool, or just to survive. But that's the problem - none of those are it. Trust me, I know. Do you feel alone? Fake? Hopeless? Because I've been there. I drank deeply of the cup of deep longing and loneliness. Are you searching? Searching for love, acceptance, or something to fill the void in your life? I've been there, too. No, I didn't try drugs, alcohol, or sex - but I tried pretty much anything I could get my hands on while still keeping my reputation as a good girl. You see, I wasn't sold on the whole "Jesus" thing in junior high - in fact, I rarely thought about him aside from Sunday and Wednesday and the odd week at church camp or weekend retreat. Sure, I thought I was "saved." I had said the prayer when I was 5, and after all - isn't that all it takes to be saved? A couple words spoken and then a sense of relief? In fact, had anyone asked me about my salvation I would have easily rattled off all the right answers, John 3:16, and told them I'd see them in heaven. On the outside - I looked like every other junior high girl. Heavy makeup, attention grabbing clothes, and my cell phone attached to my side. And most of the time? I was okay with that. Jesus stayed in His box, only seeing the light when necessary, and I went on with my life the way I wanted to live it.
Most of the time, this wasn't enough. I'd sit at home in my room when I was alone and wonder why I felt so empty. In 6th grade, I buried my nose in a books, big sweatshirts, and food for comfort. I figured if I shut out the world - I'd be fine.
7th grade rolled around and my desire to be popular intensified to an almost unbearable longing. I figured that the popular kids seemed to be happy, so that must be the answer, right? Being popular would change everything. It was my ticket to happiness, or so I hoped. So as my internal focus shifted to a friend focus, I thought I had finally figured it out. But as months went by, I realized I wasn't being real - I was pretending to be someone I wasn't, and people saw through it. This is where I hit the bottom the first time.
I'd run out of shapes to try to fit in the hole that was rapidly growing in my heart, and I was scared. That lonely feeling didn't just happen when I was alone anymore - I felt it even when I was with my friends and family. It'd strike at inopportune moments, and it's icy fingers gripped my soul in a panic and fear that I had never experienced before. It was slowly tearing me apart inside. I remember being so upset with my loneliess, lack of attention from my parents, and problems with home that I stood in the kitchen with a knife over my arm threatening to kill myself. Unfortunately, this didn't garner the reaction from my parents that I desired.
Rock bottom is a counselors office when a strange lady looks at you with condescending sympathy as she asks you questions and shakes her head. I didn't go back, but instead once again pasted a smile on my face - when internally the darkness was growing.
Rock bottom is a tear stained pillow, 3 am, and a shaky prayer.
Rock bottom is a last restort. I'm not going to say that prayer changed my life, because after a couple days of unreal joy I slide back in to my everyday routine once again, but I had for the first time seen a glimpse of light through the darkness.
8th grade came and went, and life went back to the good old "Jesus in a box" phenomenon that had obviously worked so well for me before. I remember thinking that Christianity was SO boring, and that I'd start caring, paying attention in church, and stop drawing on my bulletin when I was older and needed to be sure I'd make it to heaven. That's just a glimpse of the iron grasp Satan had on my heart.
I got bullied in volleyball, and the self-image problems started to rear their ugly heads. I was tall and lanky and where other girls had curves, I had limbs and a little pudge.
Freshman year I became super self-conscious and got in a bad crowd of bad attitudes, swearing, and disrespectful behavior. Let's just say Freshman year isn't a place I want to return to.
The summer of sophomore year came, and I went to camp like I had for the past 8 years of my life, but this time it was different. I went for twice as long as usual. My counselor, Lisa, was the first person I had ever seen that literally glowed with Jesus. You could walk in a room and feel His presence emulating from her. It was crazy, and I had never seen anyone that loved Jesus that much before. She changed my view of Christianity forever, but when those two weeks were over - I went back home, and sadly my faith hadn't changed enough to stand the test of time.
Sophomore year my search for the answer to the void in my heart continued, this time in the form of attention from the opposite gender. I didn't do anything physically, and I thank God for keeping me pure, but emotionally I gave parts of my heart away to boys that in no way deserved it.
I worked at Hidden Acres that summer, but my heart was definitely not in the right place. After a summer of being surrounded by people who actually care about Christ, I started to think this Christian thing was something I should try out for real. Through this whole process, you have to remember, I thought I was a Christian - I had no idea that my salvation was in no way true. I started reading my bible, but it was more to check it off my list and feel good about it than to actually learn, and I didn't really grow all that much. Junior year flew by in a whirlwind of show choir competitions and TV shows, and once again I found myself at Hidden Acres for the summer. This time around I at least had good intentions. I was there for the campers instead of the friendships, but I still wasn't finding my Joy in Christ.
Senior year came - this time I was sure I had it all figured out. I thought I was growing - after all, I was reading my bible - but in reality my faith was pretty stagnant. I guess I grew in small increments through small group - but my faith was largely based on pride and proving my salvation to others - and nothing whatsoever compared to the true joy that is found only in Christ. As I allowed my idols (boys, body, and food) to reign fully, my gaze shifted once again from the heavens - this time to the number between my toes each morning when I stepped on the scale. I can honestly say that instead of living every day for Christ, I would live for that number. If it didn't go down, I'd feel self-conscious, ugly, and worthless that day. Sadly, this was a daily process that continued all throughout my Senior year. The only thing that stopped my number obsession was the fact that camp was rapidly approaching and I was no longer around a scale any longer.
The day after graduation I left for camp once again, this time running away from issues that I should have dealt with. It was easier to suppress them and pretend they didn't exist than to face the fact that I was definitely not okay. Camp was great - I loved my campers and started to realize my deep dependency on Christ once again. I learned to worship because of my love for God and my desire to show Him that I loved Him rather than to prove how spiritual of a person I was. That summer, I got a glimpse of what a true relationship with Him looked like. The weekend of the 4th of July I went home for the first time, and the problems I'd been running from started to catch up to me. That weekend was the first time I fully realized how far I'd let my idols drag me away and the extent of the damage they'd done. Before I knew it my time at home was done and I was back at camp to finish off the summer - halfway broken by my sin.
At night I'd sit on my bed and try to figure out what had happened. Where did it all go downhill? When did I lose confidence? The last day of camp came sooner than I had expected, and I once again found myself at home.
For the next two weeks, I shut myself in my room. I contemplated my life and sank into a deep, deep hole of self-hatred. I finally saw myself for what I truly was - a dirty rotten sinner. Before, I had at least in some form, assumed that I deserved my salvation - that I deserved to be died for. Hah.
The loneliness of my junior high years once again sank its icy claws into my heart. I hated myself to the truest form of the word. I didn't want to look at myself. I didn't want to eat. All I did was work out, sleep, and talk to God. Some days I couldn't even bring myself to talk to Him, after all - why would He ever want anything to do with me? How could He love me, when I couldn't even like myself? I started trying to put back together the broken pieces that I now called my life. I had reached the deepest depths of despair that I had ever experienced. After two weeks of deep self-loath for my sinfulness, I looked up. By the grace of God, I looked up - and my gaze was riveted on the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. I broke down, and once and for all, gave my life over to Christ. He shined a light into my deep hole of sin, picked me up, and dipping a white towel into a cup of blood, wiped the dirt from my face. I was purified in the blood of the Lamb. That day, God dragged me out of darkness and into His marvelous light. He changed my head knowledge into heart knowledge. Two weeks passed - two weeks of emotion - two weeks that seemed to drag and fly by at the same time. Two weeks of being torn between high school and college, and having no idea where I belonged. I had no idea who I was, but all that really matter was that God did - and He was slowly revealing His plan to me little by little.
As I reflect on my life and the magnitude of change, I can only fall to my knees in awe of a God that is the definition of good, faithful, and loving. I am truly a changed being. God took my heart of darkness, and removed all the darkness - replacing it with light. The hole in my heart no longer exists, it's been filled. God has given me unspeakable Joy, and I am eternally grateful.
{For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. God demonstrates His own love towards us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:6,8}
Most of the time, this wasn't enough. I'd sit at home in my room when I was alone and wonder why I felt so empty. In 6th grade, I buried my nose in a books, big sweatshirts, and food for comfort. I figured if I shut out the world - I'd be fine.
7th grade rolled around and my desire to be popular intensified to an almost unbearable longing. I figured that the popular kids seemed to be happy, so that must be the answer, right? Being popular would change everything. It was my ticket to happiness, or so I hoped. So as my internal focus shifted to a friend focus, I thought I had finally figured it out. But as months went by, I realized I wasn't being real - I was pretending to be someone I wasn't, and people saw through it. This is where I hit the bottom the first time.
I'd run out of shapes to try to fit in the hole that was rapidly growing in my heart, and I was scared. That lonely feeling didn't just happen when I was alone anymore - I felt it even when I was with my friends and family. It'd strike at inopportune moments, and it's icy fingers gripped my soul in a panic and fear that I had never experienced before. It was slowly tearing me apart inside. I remember being so upset with my loneliess, lack of attention from my parents, and problems with home that I stood in the kitchen with a knife over my arm threatening to kill myself. Unfortunately, this didn't garner the reaction from my parents that I desired.
Rock bottom is a counselors office when a strange lady looks at you with condescending sympathy as she asks you questions and shakes her head. I didn't go back, but instead once again pasted a smile on my face - when internally the darkness was growing.
Rock bottom is a tear stained pillow, 3 am, and a shaky prayer.
Rock bottom is a last restort. I'm not going to say that prayer changed my life, because after a couple days of unreal joy I slide back in to my everyday routine once again, but I had for the first time seen a glimpse of light through the darkness.
8th grade came and went, and life went back to the good old "Jesus in a box" phenomenon that had obviously worked so well for me before. I remember thinking that Christianity was SO boring, and that I'd start caring, paying attention in church, and stop drawing on my bulletin when I was older and needed to be sure I'd make it to heaven. That's just a glimpse of the iron grasp Satan had on my heart.
I got bullied in volleyball, and the self-image problems started to rear their ugly heads. I was tall and lanky and where other girls had curves, I had limbs and a little pudge.
Freshman year I became super self-conscious and got in a bad crowd of bad attitudes, swearing, and disrespectful behavior. Let's just say Freshman year isn't a place I want to return to.
The summer of sophomore year came, and I went to camp like I had for the past 8 years of my life, but this time it was different. I went for twice as long as usual. My counselor, Lisa, was the first person I had ever seen that literally glowed with Jesus. You could walk in a room and feel His presence emulating from her. It was crazy, and I had never seen anyone that loved Jesus that much before. She changed my view of Christianity forever, but when those two weeks were over - I went back home, and sadly my faith hadn't changed enough to stand the test of time.
Sophomore year my search for the answer to the void in my heart continued, this time in the form of attention from the opposite gender. I didn't do anything physically, and I thank God for keeping me pure, but emotionally I gave parts of my heart away to boys that in no way deserved it.
I worked at Hidden Acres that summer, but my heart was definitely not in the right place. After a summer of being surrounded by people who actually care about Christ, I started to think this Christian thing was something I should try out for real. Through this whole process, you have to remember, I thought I was a Christian - I had no idea that my salvation was in no way true. I started reading my bible, but it was more to check it off my list and feel good about it than to actually learn, and I didn't really grow all that much. Junior year flew by in a whirlwind of show choir competitions and TV shows, and once again I found myself at Hidden Acres for the summer. This time around I at least had good intentions. I was there for the campers instead of the friendships, but I still wasn't finding my Joy in Christ.
Senior year came - this time I was sure I had it all figured out. I thought I was growing - after all, I was reading my bible - but in reality my faith was pretty stagnant. I guess I grew in small increments through small group - but my faith was largely based on pride and proving my salvation to others - and nothing whatsoever compared to the true joy that is found only in Christ. As I allowed my idols (boys, body, and food) to reign fully, my gaze shifted once again from the heavens - this time to the number between my toes each morning when I stepped on the scale. I can honestly say that instead of living every day for Christ, I would live for that number. If it didn't go down, I'd feel self-conscious, ugly, and worthless that day. Sadly, this was a daily process that continued all throughout my Senior year. The only thing that stopped my number obsession was the fact that camp was rapidly approaching and I was no longer around a scale any longer.
The day after graduation I left for camp once again, this time running away from issues that I should have dealt with. It was easier to suppress them and pretend they didn't exist than to face the fact that I was definitely not okay. Camp was great - I loved my campers and started to realize my deep dependency on Christ once again. I learned to worship because of my love for God and my desire to show Him that I loved Him rather than to prove how spiritual of a person I was. That summer, I got a glimpse of what a true relationship with Him looked like. The weekend of the 4th of July I went home for the first time, and the problems I'd been running from started to catch up to me. That weekend was the first time I fully realized how far I'd let my idols drag me away and the extent of the damage they'd done. Before I knew it my time at home was done and I was back at camp to finish off the summer - halfway broken by my sin.
At night I'd sit on my bed and try to figure out what had happened. Where did it all go downhill? When did I lose confidence? The last day of camp came sooner than I had expected, and I once again found myself at home.
For the next two weeks, I shut myself in my room. I contemplated my life and sank into a deep, deep hole of self-hatred. I finally saw myself for what I truly was - a dirty rotten sinner. Before, I had at least in some form, assumed that I deserved my salvation - that I deserved to be died for. Hah.
The loneliness of my junior high years once again sank its icy claws into my heart. I hated myself to the truest form of the word. I didn't want to look at myself. I didn't want to eat. All I did was work out, sleep, and talk to God. Some days I couldn't even bring myself to talk to Him, after all - why would He ever want anything to do with me? How could He love me, when I couldn't even like myself? I started trying to put back together the broken pieces that I now called my life. I had reached the deepest depths of despair that I had ever experienced. After two weeks of deep self-loath for my sinfulness, I looked up. By the grace of God, I looked up - and my gaze was riveted on the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. I broke down, and once and for all, gave my life over to Christ. He shined a light into my deep hole of sin, picked me up, and dipping a white towel into a cup of blood, wiped the dirt from my face. I was purified in the blood of the Lamb. That day, God dragged me out of darkness and into His marvelous light. He changed my head knowledge into heart knowledge. Two weeks passed - two weeks of emotion - two weeks that seemed to drag and fly by at the same time. Two weeks of being torn between high school and college, and having no idea where I belonged. I had no idea who I was, but all that really matter was that God did - and He was slowly revealing His plan to me little by little.
As I reflect on my life and the magnitude of change, I can only fall to my knees in awe of a God that is the definition of good, faithful, and loving. I am truly a changed being. God took my heart of darkness, and removed all the darkness - replacing it with light. The hole in my heart no longer exists, it's been filled. God has given me unspeakable Joy, and I am eternally grateful.
{For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. God demonstrates His own love towards us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. - Romans 5:6,8}
Broken Prayer
Broken Prayer
{I wrote this a while ago, but never published it}
As I kneel by my bedside
Previous thoughts from the day
come crashing through my mind
words I silently spoke to myself
what I said to myself when
I ate food
I looked in the mirror
I watched numerous couples walk by
"Don't eat that, you'll get fat"
"You'll never be skinny"
"You'll never have what they have"
until I got home with tear ridden eyes
threatening to spill onto the carpet below
I thought I had conquered this long ago
that God had taken my struggles from me
that I was once again experiencing Joy
but instead, that Joy?
While it was real at the time,
was really just my fear
masquerading for all to see
fooling some
confusing others
so here I kneel
pleading for help
acknowledging I can't do it alone
Asking for strength
for I am oh, so weak
pleading for forgiveness
for the time that I could have spent with you
but instead I spent it consumed with my own thoughts
so here I am
broken and shattered on the ground
asking you to once again, pick up the pieces
and glue me back together
and to somehow use my weaknesses
for your glory and strength
When you are for me,
who can be against me?
As I kneel by my bedside
Previous thoughts from the day
come crashing through my mind
words I silently spoke to myself
what I said to myself when
I ate food
I looked in the mirror
I watched numerous couples walk by
"Don't eat that, you'll get fat"
"You'll never be skinny"
"You'll never have what they have"
until I got home with tear ridden eyes
threatening to spill onto the carpet below
I thought I had conquered this long ago
that God had taken my struggles from me
that I was once again experiencing Joy
but instead, that Joy?
While it was real at the time,
was really just my fear
masquerading for all to see
fooling some
confusing others
so here I kneel
pleading for help
acknowledging I can't do it alone
Asking for strength
for I am oh, so weak
pleading for forgiveness
for the time that I could have spent with you
but instead I spent it consumed with my own thoughts
so here I am
broken and shattered on the ground
asking you to once again, pick up the pieces
and glue me back together
and to somehow use my weaknesses
for your glory and strength
When you are for me,
who can be against me?
Quiet times with the Lord
Quiet times with the Lord
Alone. As a college student, that word is foreign on my tongue.
Our bathrooms? Are communal.
My room? I have a roommate.
The hallway? Are always packed with people.
So every morning when I take time to get away from the hustle and bustle that is college, I take time to breathe in a moment of surreality that I am, for an hour, completely alone.
Okay not completely, Jesus is there. And God. And the Holy Spirit. But I want them to be there.
So it's different. But anyways, back to what I was saying.
I find that through this lack of alone time - I really appreciate the time I have with God.
Those stolen moments in my quiet place.
Just me and Jesus. My bible. My notebook. And a pen.
These are times of thought. Of meditation. Of learning.
I find that the times I learn the most, are when I am alone with God and His word.
I've been reading "When I Don't Desire God" by John Piper, and the chapter I'm in really stresses the importance of memorization.
I look back to this summer, the last time I really delved into memorization (Hebrews 12) and how God used that to really transform my mind into a haven of scripture.
I've come to this conclusion - God is more important to me than class.
I'm not saying that good grades aren't great, but I'd much rather spend time with God than study.
So I compromise. I get my time in the morning, and if I study all afternoon I can go on a "date" with Jesus later on that night as well.
Yes, since I chose to not date in high school, the extra time I spend with Christ, aside from my daily quiet times, became "dates" with Jesus. When other girls went on dates with boys, I went on dates with Jesus. No heartbreak, only a fountain of perfect love.
So now that I'm in college, I continue the tradition. Sometimes we get breakfast. Sometimes we just sit in my quiet place. Sometimes we go on walks.
My quiet times have become one of my favorite parts of Bethel.
God is my favorite professor.
And I'm excited to see what's going to be on the midterm.
Our bathrooms? Are communal.
My room? I have a roommate.
The hallway? Are always packed with people.
So every morning when I take time to get away from the hustle and bustle that is college, I take time to breathe in a moment of surreality that I am, for an hour, completely alone.
Okay not completely, Jesus is there. And God. And the Holy Spirit. But I want them to be there.
So it's different. But anyways, back to what I was saying.
I find that through this lack of alone time - I really appreciate the time I have with God.
Those stolen moments in my quiet place.
Just me and Jesus. My bible. My notebook. And a pen.
These are times of thought. Of meditation. Of learning.
I find that the times I learn the most, are when I am alone with God and His word.
I've been reading "When I Don't Desire God" by John Piper, and the chapter I'm in really stresses the importance of memorization.
I look back to this summer, the last time I really delved into memorization (Hebrews 12) and how God used that to really transform my mind into a haven of scripture.
I've come to this conclusion - God is more important to me than class.
I'm not saying that good grades aren't great, but I'd much rather spend time with God than study.
So I compromise. I get my time in the morning, and if I study all afternoon I can go on a "date" with Jesus later on that night as well.
Yes, since I chose to not date in high school, the extra time I spend with Christ, aside from my daily quiet times, became "dates" with Jesus. When other girls went on dates with boys, I went on dates with Jesus. No heartbreak, only a fountain of perfect love.
So now that I'm in college, I continue the tradition. Sometimes we get breakfast. Sometimes we just sit in my quiet place. Sometimes we go on walks.
My quiet times have become one of my favorite parts of Bethel.
God is my favorite professor.
And I'm excited to see what's going to be on the midterm.
I'm An Israelite
I'm An Israelite
Idolatry. It's been a struggle since the beginning of time. The Israelites were constantly falling privy to the clutches of those enticing gods that other nations brought with them. They gave up on God too many times to count, running instead into the jeweled arms of the ever so enticing gods.
If you would have asked me what I thought about idolatry a couple months ago and reminded me of the Israelites' unfaithfulness I would have scoffed and wondered aloud how they could be so dumb. I'd probably have said something along the lines of "those gods were made of stone and metal, and our God is living and breathing - how could they be so easily swayed?"
Naivety in a bottle.
I've recently realized that I am in no way any better than any of the Israelites. My poision of choice might not be a golden statue, but it's the same thing. Instead of a figurine I put money, approval, physical fitness, family, and even sometimes the appearance of being spiritual in front of God. Not okay. I'm just as much an unfaithful child of God, constantly allowing myself to get distracted by the shiny thing on the side of the road, as the Israelites were back in the day.
Idolatry. Still a current issue.
Definitely something I'm working on.
If you would have asked me what I thought about idolatry a couple months ago and reminded me of the Israelites' unfaithfulness I would have scoffed and wondered aloud how they could be so dumb. I'd probably have said something along the lines of "those gods were made of stone and metal, and our God is living and breathing - how could they be so easily swayed?"
Naivety in a bottle.
I've recently realized that I am in no way any better than any of the Israelites. My poision of choice might not be a golden statue, but it's the same thing. Instead of a figurine I put money, approval, physical fitness, family, and even sometimes the appearance of being spiritual in front of God. Not okay. I'm just as much an unfaithful child of God, constantly allowing myself to get distracted by the shiny thing on the side of the road, as the Israelites were back in the day.
Idolatry. Still a current issue.
Definitely something I'm working on.
Love & Lenses
Love & Lenses
Yesterday I came to this conclusion - I read the bible to interpret it correctly via hermeneutics (the study of interpretation) but I interpret God anyway I please. It's so easy for me to view God through my culture lense - to put Him in the box of my predetermined expectations and knowledge that's biased based on my background and culture.
One example that came to mind is Love. We've grown to know what love is and define it through a variety of channels. This formed and shaped idea of love guides and defines how we view God and His love. Think about the different places we find and are influenced by the definitions of love. We find earthly love through our families, through our friends, in relationships, in movies, in music, in the media, etc. We view love as: a warm feeling. A broken heart. Cheap sex. A ring on your finger. A kiss. A hug. A word. A text. A holiday. A call. A kind gesture. A gift. Our view of love is shaped by how we were raised. If you grew up in a broken home - your view of love is different than that of a child who had two parents in their household. If you've lost someone close to you, your view of love is different than someone who's never loved and lost. All in all - our experiences shape how we see God's love. I've come to the conclusion that the way I've been viewing God's love might not be correct. I can definitely say that my view of His love is seen through the thick lenses of my experiences, and is therefore skewed.
So lets go back to the basics - to the truth - to the word of God, to try to truly define what Love is when it comes to God.
Bible gateway comes up with 687 results for the word "love".
John 3:16-17 --
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
John 15:11-13 --
I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
Romans 5:1-8 --
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 8:35-39 --
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Isaiah 64:4 -I-
“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived—
these things God has prepared for those who love him”
1 Corinthians 13 --
Gives an example of how we ought to love others, and we're suppose to represent Christ here on earth, therefore we are representing His love in these ways.
If I speak in human or angelic tongues, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
One example that came to mind is Love. We've grown to know what love is and define it through a variety of channels. This formed and shaped idea of love guides and defines how we view God and His love. Think about the different places we find and are influenced by the definitions of love. We find earthly love through our families, through our friends, in relationships, in movies, in music, in the media, etc. We view love as: a warm feeling. A broken heart. Cheap sex. A ring on your finger. A kiss. A hug. A word. A text. A holiday. A call. A kind gesture. A gift. Our view of love is shaped by how we were raised. If you grew up in a broken home - your view of love is different than that of a child who had two parents in their household. If you've lost someone close to you, your view of love is different than someone who's never loved and lost. All in all - our experiences shape how we see God's love. I've come to the conclusion that the way I've been viewing God's love might not be correct. I can definitely say that my view of His love is seen through the thick lenses of my experiences, and is therefore skewed.
So lets go back to the basics - to the truth - to the word of God, to try to truly define what Love is when it comes to God.
Bible gateway comes up with 687 results for the word "love".
John 3:16-17 --
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
John 15:11-13 --
I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
Romans 5:1-8 --
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 8:35-39 --
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Isaiah 64:4 -I-
“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived—
these things God has prepared for those who love him”
1 Corinthians 13 --
Gives an example of how we ought to love others, and we're suppose to represent Christ here on earth, therefore we are representing His love in these ways.
If I speak in human or angelic tongues, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Luke what?
Luke what?
No, this post is not about a boy named Luke. It's not about a boy. It's not about any one person in particular, it's about the church in general.
If there's one thing I don't understand, it's being lukewarm in your faith. I struggle with the fact that people can know the amazing grace and love of Christ and not be completely transformed. How can you know the gospel and reject it in that way? How can you know the truth of Christ and not live your life for Him?
How can you stand in front of the cross, before the sacrifice, before the love of God and say "I'll do this Jesus thing later" and go on with your life? How can your heart not overflow with the love that Christ has given you?
The church has lost sight of what really matters - the gospel. We go to church on Sunday to check it off our list. We dust off our bibles once a week and pretend that everything's okay for a day, when really our world is crashing down around us. We should be broken. Together, as a congregation - working together to become warriors of prayer and be open about our struggles that God could use them for His strength.
But instead? We shove them down deep. Into the depths of our souls, as we put on a smile and a nice dress, take a deep breath, and walk through the doors of the sanctuary. We sing songs we've heard time and time again, not paying one bit of attention to the lyrics but instead at the lady down the aisle who's dress isn't nice enough, the kid in the back throwing a tantrum, or the person who's asleep on the pew a couple rows in front of us. Is that really what we think church is about? How can we sit through a sermon and not let the truth of Christ transform us? I can't stress that enough. It hurts me to see people who think they're saved because of a prayer they prayed when they were 10, when they're missing the whole point of Christianity. We should be so different when we see the truth of Christ and accept it. We are no longer slaves to sin! We have been made new by the transforming power of Christ. We should seek to glorify God in our everyday lives.
Church should be a time of worship in which we bow before the Creator of the Universe and say to Him "You are all I need, you are all I ever needed and you are all I'll need in the days to come" instead we doodle during the sermon, sleep, or day dream of the nice meal we'll have and when we can take off that, now uncomfortable, dress. We shake hands with people and wave goodbye as we exit the building and sigh a breath of relief that we've made it through another week of church and can now go back to our "everyday" lives. Worshiping God should be an everyday thing. That should be our focus, our reason to live - to bring glory to God in everything we do.
We should be broken. Broken in the realization that we sin, and that the only thing that can make us whole again is the forgiving mercy and grace of God.
We should realize that life without God? It has no purpose. There is no reason to live if it isn't for Christ. What eternal significance does your work have? None. You can't take your laptop to heaven.
If you're not okay, don't fake it. Don't pretend. We all go through trials in this life, and we should and will be persecuted in our faith. It's just part of it.
Be excited about God. Get emotional about Christ. Get pumped about the gospel. Live a life like we were meant to - sold out for God.
If there's one thing I don't understand, it's being lukewarm in your faith. I struggle with the fact that people can know the amazing grace and love of Christ and not be completely transformed. How can you know the gospel and reject it in that way? How can you know the truth of Christ and not live your life for Him?
How can you stand in front of the cross, before the sacrifice, before the love of God and say "I'll do this Jesus thing later" and go on with your life? How can your heart not overflow with the love that Christ has given you?
The church has lost sight of what really matters - the gospel. We go to church on Sunday to check it off our list. We dust off our bibles once a week and pretend that everything's okay for a day, when really our world is crashing down around us. We should be broken. Together, as a congregation - working together to become warriors of prayer and be open about our struggles that God could use them for His strength.
But instead? We shove them down deep. Into the depths of our souls, as we put on a smile and a nice dress, take a deep breath, and walk through the doors of the sanctuary. We sing songs we've heard time and time again, not paying one bit of attention to the lyrics but instead at the lady down the aisle who's dress isn't nice enough, the kid in the back throwing a tantrum, or the person who's asleep on the pew a couple rows in front of us. Is that really what we think church is about? How can we sit through a sermon and not let the truth of Christ transform us? I can't stress that enough. It hurts me to see people who think they're saved because of a prayer they prayed when they were 10, when they're missing the whole point of Christianity. We should be so different when we see the truth of Christ and accept it. We are no longer slaves to sin! We have been made new by the transforming power of Christ. We should seek to glorify God in our everyday lives.
Church should be a time of worship in which we bow before the Creator of the Universe and say to Him "You are all I need, you are all I ever needed and you are all I'll need in the days to come" instead we doodle during the sermon, sleep, or day dream of the nice meal we'll have and when we can take off that, now uncomfortable, dress. We shake hands with people and wave goodbye as we exit the building and sigh a breath of relief that we've made it through another week of church and can now go back to our "everyday" lives. Worshiping God should be an everyday thing. That should be our focus, our reason to live - to bring glory to God in everything we do.
We should be broken. Broken in the realization that we sin, and that the only thing that can make us whole again is the forgiving mercy and grace of God.
We should realize that life without God? It has no purpose. There is no reason to live if it isn't for Christ. What eternal significance does your work have? None. You can't take your laptop to heaven.
If you're not okay, don't fake it. Don't pretend. We all go through trials in this life, and we should and will be persecuted in our faith. It's just part of it.
Be excited about God. Get emotional about Christ. Get pumped about the gospel. Live a life like we were meant to - sold out for God.
A Child's Tantrum
A Child's Tantrum
Today I was meditating on how God is our Father. I am a child, a child of God. So often I choose to run away from all that is good. Father tells me to clean my room, and I don't want to. Father reprimands me for taking something that isn't mine, and I don't like it. Or even worse, He tells me to do something like eat my brussel sprouts, and I really don't want to. In the end? He knows what is best for me. He does all of these things out of love and to lead me in the right direction. But I am the child. And children? Occasionally we run away. Most of the time it isn't far, but maybe down the street to sit by the stop sign with a pouty lip and our arms crossed against our chest in a "just TRY to take me back home" rebellious gesture. `When I do this? I forget who my Father is. And before I know it, I look over out of the corner of my eye and He is there. Crouched down next to me with an inviting smile on His face and His arms open, beckoning to me to come home. Sometimes I sit there for a couple more minutes, sometimes I'll sit there for an hour. But eventually I'll realize that He is right. That in truth? He knows what is best for me. He is doing it for my own good - to grow me and shape me into the woman of God I'm suppose to be. And in that moment I slowly turn and jump into His arms. Back into the loving embrace of a Father who loves me deeply and wants to keep me from harm. Is it always going to be easy to clean my room (witness), eat my brussel sprouts (read my bible), or realize that I've sinned? No, but the good news is we have a Father who loves us - and He is always there waiting with open arms when we stray from the path of righteousness. So instead of sitting by the stop sign contemplating how you've been "wronged" by being told to do things you don't want to do, meditate instead on the love of our Father and jump back in to His arms. He's waiting.
Uncharted Territory
Uncharted Territory
In case any of you haven't already been hit over the head with this concept - God is good. He is faithful. Even when I allow myself to be distracted. To be pulled off course. For the wheel of my ship to be steered in a wrong direction, He is always there. Patient. Waiting. With open arms, for me to realize that I can't do it alone. That if I'm at the wheel of my ship of life? I'm guaranteed to go off course. To slowly drift into dangerous waters. But if I give Him control and make Him captain, He will steer me to places I couldn't even dream of going. Sure, it won't always be easy. There will be sharp rocks along the way, and even an occasional ice berg - but it' worth it to see the treasure at the end of the journey. The choice is yours - who's going to be the Captain of your Ship?
Jump
Jump
So here it is.
The day I leave everything I've ever known and jump into the abyss of the future.
I feel like I was put in one of those stretching machines and then cut in half down the middle.
Half of me wants to stay here.
In the comfort of the known.
With my family and friends that I love dearly.
But the other half of me knows that at some point, the bird has to leave the nest and fly.
So here I am.
All of my belongings in tubs and bags, ready to leave the state and conquer campus.
Deep breath.
Here we go.
The day I leave everything I've ever known and jump into the abyss of the future.
I feel like I was put in one of those stretching machines and then cut in half down the middle.
Half of me wants to stay here.
In the comfort of the known.
With my family and friends that I love dearly.
But the other half of me knows that at some point, the bird has to leave the nest and fly.
So here I am.
All of my belongings in tubs and bags, ready to leave the state and conquer campus.
Deep breath.
Here we go.
Praise
Praise
Thank you, God, for giving us a voice box. Today I had the glorious privileged of spending an hour of my afternoon with Jesus. We talked for a while about my fears, laughed that I had any, and then spent a solid amount of time singing.
I realized this was really the last time I'd be alone in the house for a long time, so I took full advantage of the time I was given.
Was I on key always? No.
Was it out of my range occasionally? Oh yeah.
Did God care? Not at all!
It was just super refreshing to spend that time with God.
Mmm. God, you amaze me with your loving mercy, and I was ever so blessed and encouraged to spend my afternoon with you.
I realized this was really the last time I'd be alone in the house for a long time, so I took full advantage of the time I was given.
Was I on key always? No.
Was it out of my range occasionally? Oh yeah.
Did God care? Not at all!
It was just super refreshing to spend that time with God.
Mmm. God, you amaze me with your loving mercy, and I was ever so blessed and encouraged to spend my afternoon with you.
Stained Glass
Stained Glass
Have you ever seen those beautiful stained glass windows? Some of them just are colorful, some depict symbols, and others even are pieced together to form the image of Jesus. Stained glass windows, when the sun shines through them, are a true beauty. But it isn't the color that makes them beautiful, or the shapes they're put together in even, but the fact that they're broken. They wouldn't be nearly as beautiful if it was a perfect slate of one pure color. Aren't our lives like stained glass windows? Or shouldn't they be? We're most beautiful when we're broken. By being broken we allow God to come in and pick up our pieces. We accept what's already true, that we mess up. That we can't do this alone. When we allow God to pick up the broken pieces that are our lives without Him, we allow Him to turn our lives into a multi-color masterpiece. Like clay, He can mold and shape us to become what He intended us to be. Masterpieces of the Creator of the Universe. So that when He pieces us together and glues us back in place, we find that we are changed. The Gospel should change how we live. We are no longer slaves to sin, but we live under the law of Christ now - and our lives should look very different. They should be contrasted like black and white, salt and pepper, day and night. Because our lives without Christ were sinful. We were controlled by our sin nature and lived a life truly saturated in sin. But our lives with Christ should be completely different. Yes, we will still sin, but we are no longer sinners. When we believe in Christ, we are washed by His blood and purified. We no longer live under the laws of sin. When we recognize our sin, we should be broken by it. Be appalled. Feel sad. Remorseful. And ask for forgiveness. Good news - God forgives us of our sins! And, while we no longer should look the same on the inside, He will re-piece us together into a masterpiece that is even more beautiful than before. A masterpiece of a life with Christ. And that is a beautiful sight to behold.
Not only are stained glass windows a great representation of our brokenness, but the very name is a teachable moment. We were stained by our sins, but when we choose to follow Christ, His blood covers that sin and washes us white as snow. We are stained by the blood of Christ. Only....colorfully - so we can shine even brighter the light that is His Good News. We have the glorious privileged of sharing the great story of our Jesus.
Not only are stained glass windows a great representation of our brokenness, but the very name is a teachable moment. We were stained by our sins, but when we choose to follow Christ, His blood covers that sin and washes us white as snow. We are stained by the blood of Christ. Only....colorfully - so we can shine even brighter the light that is His Good News. We have the glorious privileged of sharing the great story of our Jesus.
Fairytale Endings
Fairytale Endings
Every little girl dreams
of a fairytale ending
of a prince charming
at the end of the rainbow
of riding off into the distance
on the back of a white horse
with a smile on her face
and a crown on her head
every little girl dreams
of a large, beautiful wedding
of pink and purple surroundings
of a prince who loves her
of a castle to live in
of a full jewelry box
every teenage girl dreams
of a boy that won't break her heart
of a boy who will love her forever
of a boy who will get down on one knee
and pull out a small box
and put a ring on her finger
and whisper "I love you"
and know its forever
every teenage girl dreams
of a boy to smile at her
to write her heartfelt notes
to give her chocolate
to go to the zoo with her
to hold her hand
to hug her when she's sad
and hug her when she's happy
to watch a movie with her
to talk to her late into the night
and dry any tears she may shed
every middle age woman dreams
of a husband who still loves her
who sees through her flaws
who thinks she's beautiful
regardless of any wrinkles
and any weight she may have gained
every middle age woman dreams
of children to love
of a great future for her kids
of a happy family that spends time together
of a strong spiritual base
of a passionate marriage
and a love-filled family
every elderly woman dreams
of her children's success
of the day she'll sit back
and smile
because she raised her children well
every elderly woman dreams
of grandchildren to spoil
of the day that her greatest lover
will come back for her
and she'll leave this earth
and run into His open arms
every elderly woman dreams
about the day
when she will be able to worship
the Lord forever and ever.
But for now?
I'm just a teenage girl
with dreams of her own
and that place in my heart for a boy?
Is filled, for now, with the One
the One that will comfort me when I'm sad
and laugh with me when I'm happy
who has been through the temptations of this world
and come out the victor
because the man in my heart?
His name is Jesus.
And He is indescribable.
He is the greatest lover.
The amazing creator.
He loves me so much, that He died for me.
And with that love?
I am content.
For now, I am content
to wait for my happy ending
and the man that will sweep me off my feet
and carry me into the sunset.
of a fairytale ending
of a prince charming
at the end of the rainbow
of riding off into the distance
on the back of a white horse
with a smile on her face
and a crown on her head
every little girl dreams
of a large, beautiful wedding
of pink and purple surroundings
of a prince who loves her
of a castle to live in
of a full jewelry box
every teenage girl dreams
of a boy that won't break her heart
of a boy who will love her forever
of a boy who will get down on one knee
and pull out a small box
and put a ring on her finger
and whisper "I love you"
and know its forever
every teenage girl dreams
of a boy to smile at her
to write her heartfelt notes
to give her chocolate
to go to the zoo with her
to hold her hand
to hug her when she's sad
and hug her when she's happy
to watch a movie with her
to talk to her late into the night
and dry any tears she may shed
every middle age woman dreams
of a husband who still loves her
who sees through her flaws
who thinks she's beautiful
regardless of any wrinkles
and any weight she may have gained
every middle age woman dreams
of children to love
of a great future for her kids
of a happy family that spends time together
of a strong spiritual base
of a passionate marriage
and a love-filled family
every elderly woman dreams
of her children's success
of the day she'll sit back
and smile
because she raised her children well
every elderly woman dreams
of grandchildren to spoil
of the day that her greatest lover
will come back for her
and she'll leave this earth
and run into His open arms
every elderly woman dreams
about the day
when she will be able to worship
the Lord forever and ever.
But for now?
I'm just a teenage girl
with dreams of her own
and that place in my heart for a boy?
Is filled, for now, with the One
the One that will comfort me when I'm sad
and laugh with me when I'm happy
who has been through the temptations of this world
and come out the victor
because the man in my heart?
His name is Jesus.
And He is indescribable.
He is the greatest lover.
The amazing creator.
He loves me so much, that He died for me.
And with that love?
I am content.
For now, I am content
to wait for my happy ending
and the man that will sweep me off my feet
and carry me into the sunset.
Current State of the Union: Overwhelmed
Current State of the Union: Overwhelmed
A couple weeks ago if you had asked me how I felt about college I'd have told you I was ecstatic. A week after that I'd have told you impatient. Last week I'd have told you anxious. But this week my overarching theme of emotion is feeling overwhelmed. I glance around my room and all I see is boxes. My closet? Empty. My dresser? Empty. My desk? Empty. All the comforts of having somewhere to put my clean laundry are gone, instead its thrown into tubs and bins to be carted off to college next Tuesday. I'm packed, but its not organized. I feel prepared, but at the same time I feel like I'm never going to be ready. I don't want to say goodbye. I realized today that the number of times I'll see my best friends before I leave can be counted on one hand, and that made me nervous. Like I'm sliding down a waterslide and I don't want to drop off the end. As it twists and turns I stifle a scream as it plummets me through its darkened interiors, when all I wanted was a light and a brake peddle. But sadly, waterslides don't come with either of those things. As I slip and slide down the chute as it plummets me closer and closer to the end I can't help but wish I could somehow grip and grasp the sides to slow myself down. To be able to take in the last whiff of homemade cookies. To take in every last moment I have with my family. To enjoy every last laugh with my friends. To cherish each moment that I'm given. These last days seem to stretch out forever, and a part of me really believes they'll never end. That I'll be stuck here perpetually bouncing between high school and college, but I'll never leave. That I'll stay comfortable at home with my parents and my friends. Reality? I'm leaving for college in 9 days. I'm packed and as ready as I'll ever be. There's one thing I know for sure. Well two things. One: I'll never be ready, but I'm prepared. Two: God is going to be right by my side holding my hand. So what do I have to fear? So as I plummet through the darkened tubes of rushing water, I smile and thank the Lord for the journey I've had so far. I thank him for the good times and the bad, and how He has shaped me to be the woman I am today. And I pray that He will guide my path in life so that I can best honor Him with my life and bring glory to His name. I'm nearing the end of this water slide before I go to a new water park and run up the stairs to the top, ready to jump into whatever journey God has planned for me next. Where ever that slide will take me, I'm prepared to go. After all, if God is for us, who can be against us?
"Worry has never brightened a day, solved a problem, or cured a disease."
"Worry has never brightened a day, solved a problem, or cured a disease."
Worry. I worry all the time. Right now? I worry about college. Constantly. It's like this whirlpool that's slowly sucking me down, down, down into its watery grip until its grasp on me is so tight that it threatens to choke me and pull me under entirely. Now if that was where this all ended? This would be a very depressing blog post that would eventually lead to my imminent demise by way of drowning, but good news! That's not where it stops. Because while I may be choking on my worrying, God is there. And He is ripping me out of the whirlpool and into His warm embrace. Worrying? Is just a way that I am telling God that He isn't enough. That I can't trust that He is in control and that He knows what is best for me. Worry takes away from precious time I could be spending in other ways. Worrying can consume you, until all you do is worry instead of enjoying the moments you've been placed in. Worry takes the place of Joy and robs you of precious time and happiness. Because when you worry? You aren't living in the present. You're constantly thinking about the future and the unknown that it brings. When you worry you miss out on the opportunities God has given you right where you are.
In Matthew 6:25-34 it says:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Moral of the story? Worrying is a waste of time and it undermines the glory of God, and that, my friends, is a sin. Who are we to question the plans of God? He knows. We don't, and we need to trust Him. Once we have given Him control, we can go on with our lives and find the Joy that is contentment in Christ, and oh, the Joy that can be found.
Proverbs 3:5-6:
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Childhood, College, the Future - Oh My!
Childhood, College, the Future - Oh My!
College is in 10 days. Part of me still feels like a kid. I want my crayons back. Okay, so they're in my backpack ready to go for college. But that's besides the point. I want my parents back. Alright, so I still have them too. But it's not the same. I want my innocence back. That I have in a sense lost, as I've become more aware of the world and its destruction. I miss those day where I could just sit in the sandbox with the neighbor kids. Or play lion king on our swing set. Or dump pixie sticks on the rocks in the front flowerbed and lick it off. Childhood. Oh, how I miss it sometimes. I look back and miss the peaceful oblivion of everything that makes up our world, but at the same time I'm glad I'm at where I am. Because if I wasn't - I wouldn't be who I am. If that makes any sense whatsoever.
The other half of me wants to be older. To be married. To just have that one person you can always turn to and talk to. That person you can laugh with and cry with. That person to depend on and who can depend on you. Someone to cook for. Clean for. Count down the minutes until he gets home. Someone to watch movies with. To be silly with. To have deep spiritual talks with. To fold laundry with. To pray with. To go running with. To fly kites with. To go to the zoo. To just have that someone that will always be there. But, at the same time, I need to recognize that God can also be that person. That He can fill that hole in my heart until it is His time. That He can take that place. I can laugh with him and cry with Him. He's always there for me. He listens to me. He teaches me. He loves me. Sometimes, I just want to be older. Or those others times I already talked about when I wish I was still a kid. When I was a kid I always wanted to be older. I feel like some of that time was wasted because of that.
Then there's yet another part of me that is happy where I am. Content to let God take me where He may. To enjoy each and every moment I have on this earth, but recognize that this isn't my home. That I need not store up treasures here, because in all honesty - you don't bring anything with you when you die. So why waste time on things that don't have any eternal value? Invest in people, not cars or shoes or the stock market. College brings a whole new chapter in life. And I'm as ready for it as I'll ever be. I recognize the fact that I'm scared. It's new. It's different. Life will never be the same again. My home will no longer be my home. I'll never get the opportunity to spend this much time with my family. My friends may change. But I find security and peace in the fact that no matter what happens - God never changes. He is unchanging, and that is a very comforting fact. No matter how uncomfortable the circumstances. No matter how scary. No matter how different or difficult. God is there. He will always be there. He has always been there. And He is there now.
The other half of me wants to be older. To be married. To just have that one person you can always turn to and talk to. That person you can laugh with and cry with. That person to depend on and who can depend on you. Someone to cook for. Clean for. Count down the minutes until he gets home. Someone to watch movies with. To be silly with. To have deep spiritual talks with. To fold laundry with. To pray with. To go running with. To fly kites with. To go to the zoo. To just have that someone that will always be there. But, at the same time, I need to recognize that God can also be that person. That He can fill that hole in my heart until it is His time. That He can take that place. I can laugh with him and cry with Him. He's always there for me. He listens to me. He teaches me. He loves me. Sometimes, I just want to be older. Or those others times I already talked about when I wish I was still a kid. When I was a kid I always wanted to be older. I feel like some of that time was wasted because of that.
Then there's yet another part of me that is happy where I am. Content to let God take me where He may. To enjoy each and every moment I have on this earth, but recognize that this isn't my home. That I need not store up treasures here, because in all honesty - you don't bring anything with you when you die. So why waste time on things that don't have any eternal value? Invest in people, not cars or shoes or the stock market. College brings a whole new chapter in life. And I'm as ready for it as I'll ever be. I recognize the fact that I'm scared. It's new. It's different. Life will never be the same again. My home will no longer be my home. I'll never get the opportunity to spend this much time with my family. My friends may change. But I find security and peace in the fact that no matter what happens - God never changes. He is unchanging, and that is a very comforting fact. No matter how uncomfortable the circumstances. No matter how scary. No matter how different or difficult. God is there. He will always be there. He has always been there. And He is there now.
Psalm 23:1 "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want."
"Golf, like nylon running shorts, reveals a lot about a person."
"Golf, like nylon running shorts, reveals a lot about a person."
I'm reading a book called "Traveling Light" by Max Lucado that goes through Psalm 23. And man, is it good. I didn't realize how much I like Max Lucado until I started this book. He writes in a way that's attention grabbing, witty, but at the same time can be really convicting. I mean, if you saw my copy of this book pretty much every word is underlined in some way. It's that good. He talks about the burdens we carry and how we're supposed to trust God with the burdens we were never intended to bear.
It brings back your focus to the only thing that matters - God. And that, my friends, is a very good thing.
So I recommend this book highly. Traveling Light by Max Lucado. Read it. It's good.
The end. Have a nice day.
"What's true in jogging is true in faith. God has a great race for you to run. Under his care you will go where you've never been and serve in ways you've never dreamed. But you have to drop some stuff. How can you share grace if you are full of guilt? How can you offer comfort if you are disheartened? How can you life someone else's load if your arms are full with your own?"In the second chapter he talks about how in verse one David uses the word Yahweh. Yahweh is my sheperd.
Yahweh is an unchanging, uncaused, and an ungoverned God."Why Yahweh? Yahweh is God's name. You can call me preacher or writer or half-baked golfer - these things are accurate descriptions, but these aren't my names. I might call you dad, mom, doctor, or student, and those terms may describe you, but they aren't your name. If you want to call me my by my name, say Max. If I call you by your name, I say it. And if you want to call God by his name, say Yahweh."
"You and I are governed. The weather determines what we wear. The terrain tells us how to travel. Gravity dictates our speed, and health determines our strength. We may challenge these forces and alter them slightly, but we never remove them.
God - our sheperd - doesn't check the weather; he makes it. He doesn't defy gravity; he created it. He isn't affected by health; he has no body. Since he has no body, he has no limitations - equally active in Cambodia as he is in Connecticut."
"You can no more alter God than a pebble can alter the rhythm of the Pacific."
"We humans wants to do things our way. Forget the easy way. Forget the common way. Forget the best way. Forget God's way. We want to do things our way."
"If your happiness comes from something you deposit, drive, drink, or digest, then face it - you are in prison, the prison of want."
"Who you are has nothing to do with the clothes you wear or the car you drive."
"Contentment comes when we can honestly say with Paul 'I have learned to be satisfied with the things I have...I know how to live when I am poor, and I know how to live when I have plenty' (Philippians 4:11-12)"
"We see the waves of the water rather than the Savior walking through them. We focus on our paltry provisions rather than on the One who can feed five thousand hungry people. We concentrate on the dark Fridays of crucifixion and miss the bright Sundays of resurrection."I've been reading this book non-stop since I bought it for 3 dollars at a general store by my grandma's house. It's good. It's practical. It makes sense. It's funny. It's convicting. It warms your heart and breaks it all in one chapter. It's Max Lucado.
It brings back your focus to the only thing that matters - God. And that, my friends, is a very good thing.
So I recommend this book highly. Traveling Light by Max Lucado. Read it. It's good.
The end. Have a nice day.
Mmm. Life.
Mmm. Life.
Why is everyone hungry for more? "More, more," they say.
"More, more."
I have God's more-than-enough,
More joy in one ordinary day
Than they get in all their shopping sprees.
At day's end I'm ready for sound sleep,
For you, God, have put my life back together.
-- Psalm 4:6-8 (Message)
That passage pretty much sums up life for me the past couple days. My life is like a vase. My sin caused it to fall to the ground and shatter. God lovingly swept up each and every piece and gently glued every shard back in its place. I am once again whole, and God will use the cracks for His glory, just like He will use my weaknesses for His glory. Isn't it encouraging and freeing to know that even though we fail and make mistakes so, so often that God can that? It shouldn't be surprising, He is, after all, the creator of the Universe. He is God, and I am not. And for that fact I am pleased.
I'm just happy. God has given me an overflowing Joy. Mmm. The Joy of peace in Christ. Contentment, but not comfort or laziness - contentment that causes me to desire more and more of God. He is good.
"More, more."
I have God's more-than-enough,
More joy in one ordinary day
Than they get in all their shopping sprees.
At day's end I'm ready for sound sleep,
For you, God, have put my life back together.
-- Psalm 4:6-8 (Message)
That passage pretty much sums up life for me the past couple days. My life is like a vase. My sin caused it to fall to the ground and shatter. God lovingly swept up each and every piece and gently glued every shard back in its place. I am once again whole, and God will use the cracks for His glory, just like He will use my weaknesses for His glory. Isn't it encouraging and freeing to know that even though we fail and make mistakes so, so often that God can that? It shouldn't be surprising, He is, after all, the creator of the Universe. He is God, and I am not. And for that fact I am pleased.
I'm just happy. God has given me an overflowing Joy. Mmm. The Joy of peace in Christ. Contentment, but not comfort or laziness - contentment that causes me to desire more and more of God. He is good.
Is It Love?
Is It Love?
You wake up in the morning with a smile on your face.
He was the last one you talked to before you fell asleep
and the first one you talk to in the morning.
Every time you think of Him, you smile.
Your heart fills with Joy at the thought of spending time with Him.
You would do anything for Him.
His name?
Jesus.
He was the last one you talked to before you fell asleep
and the first one you talk to in the morning.
Every time you think of Him, you smile.
Your heart fills with Joy at the thought of spending time with Him.
You would do anything for Him.
His name?
Jesus.
Reflections/ Updated Testimony
Reflections/ Updated Testimony
A couple days ago I was staring at the box of stuff that represents the past 18 years of my life and thinking. What do I really have to show for my time so far on earth? What will people remember me for? Will I be remember for being tall? Funny? Smart? Interesting? Or will I be remembered for my insane love for Jesus? For my overflow of compassion? For my sympathy and understanding? For being a woman of prayer and for earnestly seeking after the will of God? I pray that somehow, it will be something from the latter group. I was looking back on my life and trying to pinpoint the moment I really began to truly believe in Christ. I prayed the prayer when I was five, more out of fear than anything, but at the time I had no idea what I was saying. I thought that after I had said those words, I was good to go. I had my ticket to heaven, and I could go on with my life. I didn't understand that it isn't just about believing. It's about following. It's not about going through life like everyone else. Fitting in. Being just another face in the crowd. It's about really making a mark for Christ and being different. Earth is not our home. If people who don't know you can't tell you're a Christian, you should be concerned. They should be able to look at you and tell from your actions or listen to your words and know that you are different. They should be able to see Christ through you. As a 5 year old? I definitely didn't understand that. Not in the least. I ended up going through life not caring a whit about God. I had my ticket, that's all I needed from Him. Nice doing business with you. I'll read my bible when I'm older and not waste my time now. Those were definitely thoughts that crossed my mind when I was younger. I was a naive home schooler until halfway through 5th grade when I was thrust into the public school system, much to my chagrin. I was not pleased, and in all honesty I hated it. They kids weren't nice. The homework wasn't challenging. And all I really wanted to do was be at home so I could read. 6th grade brought a year of sweatshirts, huge hoop earrings, and large reading material. I read little women in a week, Eragon in a couple days, and was constantly looking for bigger and more challenging things to read. I was also a pathological lier. I lied to my parents constantly about the stupidest things. "Did you put that doll where it goes?" "Yes." When really I had just thrown it on a shelf. From the time I was 10-11 I slept in my parents room in a sleeping bag. I was deeply afraid of the dark - more specifically to be alone in the dark. I was scared to death of Satan, and he had a huge grip on me at that point through my lying. One night my parents decided they were tired of me sleeping in their room and told me I'd just have to try sleeping in my room for one night. Finally after hours of crying, in a last resort I reached out to God. Instantly my fear was gone. In 7th grade I started my search. I had come to the realization that I was missing something, and I wanted whatever it was. I tried being popular - wearing the right clothes, being nice to the right people, and acting a certain way. But it didn't fill the gap in my heart. I was depressed. I was suicidal. I went to counseling, and all I wanted to do was be normal. In 8th grade I searched through friends. I tried to find a friend group that would satisfy my emptiness. But much to my dismay - I was once again left feeling empty and alone. In 9th grade I turned to swearing. I felt that if I used the right (or the wrong) grammar, I would fit in. But once again, I was left feeling empty and alone. The summer after freshman year I went to Hidden Acres for two weeks instead of one. I had gone ever since I was in the 3rd grade, so it wasn't anything new except it was for a longer period of time. I had a counselor who honestly loved God with all of her heart, and she just radiated Christ in a way that I had never seen before in my life. I'd gone to church every Sunday since birth, but I had no idea what it meant to truly love the Lord. Throughout the two weeks we were there she was just so encouraging, and I left with a renewed hope that I knew what I was missing. Sadly, after a couple weeks I slid back in to everyday routine. This year, Sophomore year, was the year of boys. I didn't do anything bad but I just texted them a lot more than I should have and dwelled on it more than I should have. It was a distraction and became my whole focus of that year. I applied and got accepted to Junior Counsel at camp that summer, and I was ecstatic. However, I had a limited knowledge of the bible from not having opened it myself very often. I can honestly say my spiritual stability was pretty low, and my patience levels were low as well. I was a grade A counselor. A for awful. I had no idea what I was doing, but somehow through the grace of God I made it through. After that summer I think that's when it actually clicked. That God was something more than just someone we learned about on Sundays and Wednesdays. Church doesn't define God, because in all honesty sometimes church is boring - and God is anything but that. Junior year was better. I started doing daily devotions and my faith became my own. It was at that point that it all clicked. I counseled again at Hidden Acres that next summer as a JC, and while I can't say I was the best JC there was, I was significantly better than the year before. Junior year brought about trials of its own, though. Friend issues started, and I just felt alone a lot of the time. I turned to God some of the time, but I could have definitely done that more often. In a high school as big as the one I went to, you were labelled and known by what activities you were involved in. For me that was showchoir. I had been in showchoir ever since the 8th grade, so for most people being in the varsity showchoir for your senior year was the regular step and the year to end all years of an awesome time. But throughout junior year I had felt God tugging on my heart. Because I was in showchoir, I was comfortable. And because I was comfortable, I wasn't reaching out. I had heard numerous speakers talk about their regrets for not reaching out in high school and how much of a mission field it is. So instead of doing choir and showchoir yet again, I dropped them and took up art classes that went along with my major. I'm not saying that I took every opportunity I could have to make an impact for Christ. There were days where I just didn't want to, even when I knew God was telling me He wanted to. But at the same time I did most of the time, and I'm grateful for the opportunities God gave me. But senior year came with its own challenges. My body image idol reared its ugly head when during the first month of school I tackled the harry potter book series & the snack cabinet. I had always been in volleyball & showchoir in the past, so food wasn't a worry of mine whatsoever. In fact - I prided myself on the fact that I could eat whatever I wanted and it didn't matter. But after a summer at camp with high calorie food and high quantities - that didn't die down as senior year came, and I gained 10 lbs. I lost confidence in myself. I stopped growing in my relationship with Christ as food and exercise became the main focus of my life. Before I'd eat anything I'd look up how many calories were in it and decide how much of it I could eat. I'd kickbox every night, and each morning I'd step on the scale and hope that I'd dropped a couple 1/10ths of a lb. If I did? I felt better about myself. I was more outgoing that day. I allowed myself a small treat - a couple M&Ms, time to relax, or a less intense workout. If I gained even a teensy, teensy bit? I'd freak out. I'd confine my food intake the next day in hopes that I would do better the next time. Senior Year. Yeah, I read my bible every night. Yes I thought I was learning, but it was like in video games when your character is running up against a wall. Sure, I thought I was going somewhere. My legs were moving! But there was a wall in front of it that I'd built up so high that there was no way I could even come close to seeing over the top. So there I was. It was May. I had graduated. And I had finally seen what I had been doing all year. I cried. I prayed. And God is faithful. This summer I counseled yet again at camp - this time with a different focus in the past. First summer I was focused on myself and making friends. Second summer I was focused on campers and making them like me. But this summer? This summer was about God. This summer was about trying to serve others. To pour into my JCs. To grow. To be challenged. This summer I prayed that God would use it to grow me, and man did He ever. My desire for the Lord cannot be satiated. It's a constant need that never fully goes away. I'm recognizing how supremely weak I am, and how incredibly strong He is. My prayer for college is that He will continue to grow and challenge me in insane ways. My prayer is that God will take my life and mold it to His will and use my weaknesses for His strength. I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. -- Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. -- Galatians 2:20
Jesus Talks, Downtown Walks, and Heavy Rocks
Jesus Talks, Downtown Walks, and Heavy Rocks
A) So I'm reading "When I don't Desire God" by John Piper, and it's just really good. Sometimes I struggle with reading Piper because I feel like a lot of times he takes one thought and stretches it over an endless amount of pages, but in the end what He has to say is pretty good most of the time. I've really been convicted and encouraged by this book and I'm only halfway through chapter 4.
B) I'm always going through My Utmost For His Highest for my personal devo time, and man is it good!
Oswald Chambers was a wise man. Some of those are common sense, but I just like the way he writes it, It just makes more sense somehow.
C) Long story short I really like books.
D) I like being spontaneous. Example: Seeing a large grassy hill and rolling down it...then remembering that I'm a little bit allergic to grass and breaking out. Worth it? Every second. It reminded me of the last night in Jamaica when I jumped in the pool fully clothed. Memories. So good.
E) Fellowship. What a blessing. To just sit here with a dear friend and talk about what God has been doing in our lives and share different passages that have been lain on our hearts recently is just so good! And small group is always a great time - to be able to discuss things and get other people's opinions on them.
F) Francis Chan makes a good point:
H) Job 38-39. That's the God I serve.
Indifference to the pursuit of joy in God would be indifference to the glory of God, and that is sin.
Would it not be an encouragement to a subject, to hear his prince say
to him, You will honor and please me very much, if you will go to
yonder mine of gold, and dig as much gold for yourself as you can
carry away? So, for God to say, Go to the ordinances, get as much
grace as you can, dig out as much salvation as you can; and the more
happiness you have, the more I shall count myself glorified. - Thomas Watson
Christ is to be Cherished, not Chosen.
The fight for joy in Christ is not a fight to soften the cushion of Western comforts. It is a fight for strength to live a life of self-sacrificing love. It is a fight to join Jesus on the Calvary road and stay there with him, no matter what.
The aim is that Jesus Christ be made known in all the world
as the all-powerful, all-wise, all-righteous, all-merciful, all-satisfying
Treasure of the universe.
This will happen when Christians don’t just say that Christ is valuable,
or sing that Christ is valuable, but truly experience in their hearts
the unsurpassed worth of Jesus with so much joy that they can say, “I
count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing
Christ Jesus my Lord” (Phil. 3:8). Christ will be glorified in the world
when Christians are so satisfied in him that they let goods and kindred
go and lay down their lives for others in mercy, missions, and, if necessary,
martyrdom. He will be magnified most among the nations when,
at the moment Christians lose everything on earth, they say, “To live is
Christ, and to die is gain” (Phil. 1:21).
Christ is supremely glorious and supremely valuable. Therefore He is worth the fight.I was just really encouraged and challenged by a lot of things so far. I like to be challenged. God wants us to be joyful. Yes - we are going to be persecuted, but finding the joy in that through the knowledge that it's through trials and persecutions that we grow in our faith the most is a glorious thing.
B) I'm always going through My Utmost For His Highest for my personal devo time, and man is it good!
The things that happen do not happen by chance - they happen entirely by the decree of God.
The cross represents only one thing for us - complete, entire, absolute identification with the Lord Jesus Christ - and there is nothing in which this identification is more real to us than prayer.
The more a person knows of the inner life of God's most mature saints, the more he sees what God's purpose really is.
Oswald Chambers was a wise man. Some of those are common sense, but I just like the way he writes it, It just makes more sense somehow.
C) Long story short I really like books.
D) I like being spontaneous. Example: Seeing a large grassy hill and rolling down it...then remembering that I'm a little bit allergic to grass and breaking out. Worth it? Every second. It reminded me of the last night in Jamaica when I jumped in the pool fully clothed. Memories. So good.
E) Fellowship. What a blessing. To just sit here with a dear friend and talk about what God has been doing in our lives and share different passages that have been lain on our hearts recently is just so good! And small group is always a great time - to be able to discuss things and get other people's opinions on them.
F) Francis Chan makes a good point:
"If I tell my daughter to go clean her room, she knows better than to come back later with her room still messy and say:G) I like how God works in different ways. He surprises me in the ways He speaks to me, but it's always very evident. This week's learning theme? Prayer is powerful. I am weak - He is strong. I am a child of God, blameless and pure in His sight. God is good and so, so faithful.
-I memorized what you said.We need to take Jesus literally and do what He says."
-I can say it in Greek.
-A group of friends and I are going to get together and study what you said.
H) Job 38-39. That's the God I serve.
1 Peter 4:18-19 -- “If it is hard for the righteous to be saved,
what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?”
what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?”
So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.
Uncontainable Joy
Uncontainable Joy
A) Joy. What a blessing it is to feel Joy again, and in general to have my emotions at least 90% returned. To be able to sympathize, to be able to empathize, to be able to laugh and cry along with others. (Romans 12:15) To have feelings and emotions once again after a draining summer. To open my bible and desire God. Desiring God - I definitely missed that emotion. The first few days my passivity kind of scared me to be honest, to come home from an extremely challenging and growing summer and feel passive about God was anything from what I expected. But God used that time to allow me to really soak up what I had learned and attempt to figure out how to apply it.
B)This week has been better. So much better. I feel overflowing with the joy of Christ and completely content in His love. After weeks of praying that I would somehow be able to accept the love of Christ - I feel like God has helped me break through a wall. Whether or not there are other walls to come I haven't found out yet - but for the moment that wall has been broken down and progress is being made. God loves me. I don't need to feel guilty necessarily. And the love of Christ is all I need.
C)At this point, I could be shoved into the jungle in the middle of South Africa with only my bible and a backpack (preferably with a knife of some sort. I would rather have SOME way to defend myself. Mechanical pencils just don't do the job) I would be happy. No distractions. Just me and Jesus. Being pushed into situations where I have to completely rely on His strength and not my own is just so good. I like it.
D)I like being challenged and not just going through daily routine passively passing the time. Monotonous days are not for me. I like adventure. Challenges. Spontaneity. I like the new testament. And the old testament.
E)I'm getting pumped for this semester's quiet times. I go through the old testament first semester and new testament second semester. It's good. Praise the Lord for the accessibility of His word.
F)At the same time, we take it for granted. There are people in other countries who have just a couple pages of the bible between multiple churches because it's illegal there, and they treat it with so much more value. The value that it deserves. Here? It's like pearls in front of swine. We have so many translations and ways to get them that we allow it to collect dust on our bookshelves and only take it down once a week for church. Guess what? That's not what its about. It's about the insane joy of opening your bible and realizing what God has given us. His word. And it is such a sweet realization to come to.
G)This week? Joy through Christ. Joy in my quiet times. Joy through opening my bible and knowing that God is doing great things whether I know it or not. He is good. He is in control. Control idol? Meet Jesus.
H) The book of James. I love it. So much. It convicts me in new ways each time I study it. I like being convicted? Somewhat. I'm not really sure if that's normal or not, but the realization that I have room to grow and that God is still working in my life is just good. He is the artist I am His statue. He is constantly chipping away at my sin and molding me into the woman that He made me to be. Mmm growth. So good.
I) I like finding joy in the little things. Like finishing off a foot long sub at subway. Eating insane amounts of fruit with no regrets. Seeing a particularly steep grassy hill and deciding to roll down it.
Praise the Lord for laughter and the ability to smile.
B)This week has been better. So much better. I feel overflowing with the joy of Christ and completely content in His love. After weeks of praying that I would somehow be able to accept the love of Christ - I feel like God has helped me break through a wall. Whether or not there are other walls to come I haven't found out yet - but for the moment that wall has been broken down and progress is being made. God loves me. I don't need to feel guilty necessarily. And the love of Christ is all I need.
C)At this point, I could be shoved into the jungle in the middle of South Africa with only my bible and a backpack (preferably with a knife of some sort. I would rather have SOME way to defend myself. Mechanical pencils just don't do the job) I would be happy. No distractions. Just me and Jesus. Being pushed into situations where I have to completely rely on His strength and not my own is just so good. I like it.
D)I like being challenged and not just going through daily routine passively passing the time. Monotonous days are not for me. I like adventure. Challenges. Spontaneity. I like the new testament. And the old testament.
E)I'm getting pumped for this semester's quiet times. I go through the old testament first semester and new testament second semester. It's good. Praise the Lord for the accessibility of His word.
F)At the same time, we take it for granted. There are people in other countries who have just a couple pages of the bible between multiple churches because it's illegal there, and they treat it with so much more value. The value that it deserves. Here? It's like pearls in front of swine. We have so many translations and ways to get them that we allow it to collect dust on our bookshelves and only take it down once a week for church. Guess what? That's not what its about. It's about the insane joy of opening your bible and realizing what God has given us. His word. And it is such a sweet realization to come to.
G)This week? Joy through Christ. Joy in my quiet times. Joy through opening my bible and knowing that God is doing great things whether I know it or not. He is good. He is in control. Control idol? Meet Jesus.
H) The book of James. I love it. So much. It convicts me in new ways each time I study it. I like being convicted? Somewhat. I'm not really sure if that's normal or not, but the realization that I have room to grow and that God is still working in my life is just good. He is the artist I am His statue. He is constantly chipping away at my sin and molding me into the woman that He made me to be. Mmm growth. So good.
I) I like finding joy in the little things. Like finishing off a foot long sub at subway. Eating insane amounts of fruit with no regrets. Seeing a particularly steep grassy hill and deciding to roll down it.
Praise the Lord for laughter and the ability to smile.
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