Thump Thump
Published on
10:43 PM
By
Aunica
In the past week God has been revealing parts of His heart to me that I've longed to experience, but haven't before.
I wish I could stay in these moments, hours, or days when the beating of His heart overtakes any small thumps that could be heard from my own. These are the moments when my heart aches for His people. When my soul longs and pleads for their salvation. These are the moments I forget to breathe, and maybe, for a few moments, my heart syncs with His.
Moments when my eyes see the pain and the heartache that others experience, and the love that God has for them in their suffering. Moments when I see the futility in living for anything other than Christ. Moments when I see that my hope truly rests completely in Jesus.
As I'm overcome by the beauty and insanity that is grace, I'm deeply pained that so many people will never experience what I experience. They'll never know the embrace of Yahweh. They'll never call God their Abba. They won't spend hours and countless nights cradled in the arms of their heavenly Father. As God's heart yearns for His people, my heart burns for them. For those who wander through this life seeking to fill a void they'll never understand.
My heart breaks for those who will never understand the true joy that comes only from knowing Jesus.
As I lay here unable to sleep, my cry is that somehow, God would allow me to be used to bring understanding to people, and that I would trust deeply in His sovereignty. God is good. God is in control. He knows what He's doing.
Use me, Father. Teach me, Abba. Save your people, Yahweh.
It's 12:34 am, and I'm wide awake
Published on
10:34 PM
By
Aunica
Letting go. Oh man. Those words are so hard for me to even read.
I'm definitely a planning person. I like organization.
I'm laying awake right now struggling to sleep because I'm already planning out when I'll workout, what I'll eat, and when I'll spend time with Jesus this semester. Oh boy.
Control. Control. Control.
I like to know. I'd like to know what I'll be doing this summer. I'd like to know if things will fall into place to study abroad next semester. I'd like to know if the boy I think is cool realizes I exist.
I found myself asking God to reveal these things to me a few moments ago. Pleading that He'd give me an inkling of an idea. I'm so prone to worry. I'm so prone to fear.
I'm learning and relearning that I really, really need to just trust God. I need to step back, take a deep breath, and give things over to my Father. My Abba has my best in mind. He knows the desires of my heart, and my prayer is that those desires are in line with His. I know that He knows what's best.
I just like knowing things. I wish I knew that I'll get married someday. I wish I knew what that man's name was so I could pray for Him specifically. I wish I knew what he's doing right now.
But for now, I have to trust. Trust that, if I don't get married, God is enough. Actually, I KNOW God is enough, it's just something I need to move from my head to my heart.
My dates with Jesus won't stop when I get married. Jesus isn't a stand in for some mortal man.
So, when things are out of my grasp and I have no control, all I can do is pray. Pray that God knows what's best. Pray that He'll give me wisdom in my decisions. Pray for patience and rest in Him. Pray for the men around me - for leadership, for courage, for a deep trust in God. Pray for rest and peace in my relationship with God. He is more than enough.
Today
Published on
3:06 PM
By
Aunica
Today was a good day.
- A new, free study bible for my phone. YES.
- I slept in until 10:30.
- I mapped out and did an hour-long, butt-kicking punching bag workout.
- Robbie Seay's new album is free on noisetrade. Get it. It's SO good.
- I'm going on a sister-date with my sister to panera! Yum!
- Date night with Jesus tonight. There's nothing like a lamp, a quiet house, and unlimited time with my favorite Man. Warm blankets, Romans, and a pen. It's going to be a good night.
- I'm going back to school in two days! AH. I have so much to pack. EEP.
That's all.
Grace & the Depths of Gratitude
Published on
10:17 PM
By
Aunica
I don't really know where to start. I'm not sure if I'll be able to
put into words the immense work the Lord has been doing in my heart over
the past month. Wow. It's crazy to see Him working in my heart. I can
see Him growing me and molding me into the woman He created me to be -
what a beautiful, and sometimes painful, process!
Grace. Wow. I
grew up thinking I knew what that word meant. "Yeah, yeah, Jesus loves
me." Rambling off the Romans road to get stickers and badges in AWANAS,
saying the right words to convince my counselors at camp I was saved,
and sitting through church on Sundays - all under the assumption that I
understood what grace was. I knew that Jesus died for me, but it didn't
reach my heart.
Grace. Grace. Grace. Sometimes I just mutter it
under my breath to remind myself that it's real. I am free. Free. FREE, I
tell you. I'm free from my fears. I'm free to trust in the precious
blood of Christ. I'm free to fail. I'm free to fall short. Christ has
been victorious!
My heart sings of grace. AMAZING grace! How SWEET
the sound! It truly saved a wretch like me. Every day I wake up amazed
by grace. I can't wrap my mind around it. It costs me nothing. I'm
starting to understand. Instead of just doing things under obligation or
law, I do them because of the joy I've found in Christ.
Identity? Christ. My identity comes from all things Jesus. Because Jesus is awesome - I'm awesome. Boom.
Sometimes
I just get so overwhelmed by Jesus' love that i start giggling.
Uncontrollably. Until I cry. I think I just don't know how else to
express how intense that emotion is?
Wow. I am free indeed. It's
all because of Jesus I'm alive. The gospel has a new glow to it. As I
realize how much I have yet to learn, I grow excited for the years to
come. For more ways that God can grow me. For more ways I can experience
grace & peace.
My soul is at rest. I breathe deeply in the arms of Christ. I am deeply loved by the Creator. Yahweh.
I want to shout because You are good. Sing, because You are good. Dance, because You are good - You're so good to me, Lord.
Romans 3:21-26 --->
But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference,for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.God
presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.
He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he
had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished—he
did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just
and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.
Romans 5:1-5 --->
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering
produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character
produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has
been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given
to us.
Romans 6:22-23 --->
But now that you
have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you
get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of
sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus
our Lord.
Christmas break. Late night
Jesus dates. I'll miss these sweet times of solitude in the presence of
my Savior. What a blessing to be cradled by Him during this season at
home.
The last few months have been weird. I'm trying to find myself in ways that I don't yet understand. I'm learning how to na...