Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.
After feeling so dry for so long, I feel like my soul radiating my love for Christ.
There are just seasons when I feel like I can't express enough how much I love Him. All I want to do is talk to Him. All I want to do is learn about Him. All I want to do is bask in His love. I don't want to eat. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to leave my room, except to share His love with those I'd encounter. Honestly, the love of Christ is second to nothing. Jesus + nothing = everything. He is everything. I need nothing else.
Today is Christmas. First of all, thank-you Lord for sending your Son. What a beautiful gift!
Second of all, I received a book today that I'd been meaning to read for a while: Jesus + Nothing = Everything by Tullian Tchividjian. Wow. God is awesome. Yesterday I realized my perception of grace is WAY off, and that I really don't understand it. Today, through this book, God is realigning my views and making me realize how wacked out my thinking was.
I've literally lived my whole walk with Christ so far under self-imposed rules, thinking that somehow if I fulfilled these God would love me more. That while no, I didn't earn my salvation through works - somehow I thought I needed to do good works in order to keep it.
The thought that, to me, grace is free is just mind-blowing. I can't comprehend it. It doesn't compute. What? I don't have to pay anything? And more importantly, there's absolutely nothing I could do even if I needed to in order to deserve this radical grace.
Grace wasn't costless - no, it cost God much. But to me, to us, it's free. The cost of following Christ is much different, while not completely free - the joy that accompanies it is worth far more than anything it could cost.
Joy. Unspeakable joy. It overwhelms my soul. I can't put into words how I feel right now. Peace? Rest? Deeper than that. Like I've been wandering for a long, long time - and I'm finally home. Home in the arms of Christ.
Legalism is something I hide behind because I'm afraid of letting go. I'm afraid to give God control. I'm afraid that, if I give grace free reign that I'll take advantage of it. Do I not trust God enough to know that He's in control? Who am I to think that by putting rules and regulations upon myself that I'll tame this wild grace He's given us, that somehow it's up to me to make sure grace stays within its bounds? Maybe grace IS supposed to run free. Isn't God powerful enough to control it?
It's not about my behavior or "rule following", it's not whether or not I live up to all the commandments, but it's about my heart. Where is my heart? Am I deeply satisfied in Christ?
My legalism this semester has sucked all the joy out of my relationship with Christ. It's crazy to look back and see that now, because it wasn't evident then.
I am free. I am free from the bonds of legalism. I don't have to follow the rules. In fact, I can't. I. Am. Free. Free to strive after Christ. To seek Him, not rules. Free to be joyful. Free.
"Because Jesus was strong for me, I was free to be weak;
Because Jesus won for me, I was free to lose;
Because Jesus was someone, I was free to be no one;
Because Jesus was extraordinary, I was free to be ordinary;
Because Jesus succeeded for me, I was free to fail."
--> Tullian Tchividjan, Jesus + Nothing = Everything
Radical Grace & Incredible Freedom
Radical Grace & Incredible Freedom
Late Night Rambling & Deep-ish Thoughts
Late Night Rambling & Deep-ish Thoughts
Crying is weird. After not crying for as long as I can remember, I've started crying again this year. Not a lot, but it's definitely a weird feeling when it comes. I mostly cry now when I have no other way of expressing deep emotions, so I've started crying multiple times during worship. Sometimes I just can't express how overwhelmed I am by God's grace/power/goodness, so I start crying. I don't know when it started happening, I don't know how to stop it. I'm not sure I want to. It's just weird.
Ah. The great Works vs Faith deal. I KNOW that no matter what I do I can't make God love me any more or less, that my salvation is not determined by my good works and that because I love God I want to serve Him and obey His commandments, but it's so hard for me to fully grasp this concept. I don't really see this playing out anywhere in the world, you always get ahead by doing good and there's always a reward. I feel like somehow God should bless me because I love Him so much. Which is wrong, yes, I fully admit that. I'm a selfish kid sometimes. I go back and forth between entering the throne rooming demanding God to bless me for doing good things and crawling into His presence in tears on my knees. I don't know how to balance the two. To live in the knowledge both of my depravity and the knowledge that I'm a new creation. I'm still a sinner. I still sin. But, Christ now lives in me so I'm not a slave to sin anymore. Ah. Struggle city.
In other news, Christmas break has been so good so far. It's been great to be able to sit in my room late at night hashing things out with God. Talking about struggles, victories, and giving myself fully to Him. Being able to spend time alone with the Lord is SO GOOD. I can't even begin to express how much I love it. Ahhhhhhhhh! The things that've been troubling me just melt away when I'm in His presence. Somehow, knowing that the victory is already won makes every little struggle and shortcoming seem so much less important. I am eternally grateful.
I wish there was some way you could just push a button and transfer everything from your head to your heart. I love theology. Oh man. So much, but so often it goes into my head and never makes it to my heart.
I'm figuring out I'm a lot more emotional that I thought I was. I just don't express it that often, so it sort of gets built up. Working on that. Learning sometimes doesn't happen overnight, actually a lot of times it doesn't, and it takes time to relearn something you've done ever since you can remember. It's the weirdest thing to be able to feel emotions in my heart again. To be able to feel excitement. Love. Joy. Rest. To once again expand my emotional spectrum to what it should be. I can feel the holy spirit moving inside of me, and it's CRAZY.
Some nights I can just feel God's presence. It's incredible. To just rest in His arms. To know that, while sometimes I have questions and I don't understand things, He does. It's okay to not know. It's okay to not have all the answers. I wish I knew, that's for sure, but I know that God will provide the answers I need when I need them. Mmm. I love my late night dates with Jesus - these are the moments when all I can do is lift my hands to the sky and smile. He is SO powerful. And He's my foundation. My rock. My cornerstone.
"I'm not afraid anymore, 'cause I'm running with your fire Lord. I'm taking up my sword. You train my hands and my fingers for war." (Not Afraid Anymore by Leeland)
I love Leeland. Their music is incredible. What worshipful experience. I've also figured out I like painting a lot. I'm not overtly great at it yet, but I mean - I started a few days ago. I'm working on a sunset/sunrise series with lines. I'm pretty excited about it.
Grace is radical. I don't understand. It literally doesn't make sense to me. Praying for understanding.
Ah. The great Works vs Faith deal. I KNOW that no matter what I do I can't make God love me any more or less, that my salvation is not determined by my good works and that because I love God I want to serve Him and obey His commandments, but it's so hard for me to fully grasp this concept. I don't really see this playing out anywhere in the world, you always get ahead by doing good and there's always a reward. I feel like somehow God should bless me because I love Him so much. Which is wrong, yes, I fully admit that. I'm a selfish kid sometimes. I go back and forth between entering the throne rooming demanding God to bless me for doing good things and crawling into His presence in tears on my knees. I don't know how to balance the two. To live in the knowledge both of my depravity and the knowledge that I'm a new creation. I'm still a sinner. I still sin. But, Christ now lives in me so I'm not a slave to sin anymore. Ah. Struggle city.
In other news, Christmas break has been so good so far. It's been great to be able to sit in my room late at night hashing things out with God. Talking about struggles, victories, and giving myself fully to Him. Being able to spend time alone with the Lord is SO GOOD. I can't even begin to express how much I love it. Ahhhhhhhhh! The things that've been troubling me just melt away when I'm in His presence. Somehow, knowing that the victory is already won makes every little struggle and shortcoming seem so much less important. I am eternally grateful.
I wish there was some way you could just push a button and transfer everything from your head to your heart. I love theology. Oh man. So much, but so often it goes into my head and never makes it to my heart.
I'm figuring out I'm a lot more emotional that I thought I was. I just don't express it that often, so it sort of gets built up. Working on that. Learning sometimes doesn't happen overnight, actually a lot of times it doesn't, and it takes time to relearn something you've done ever since you can remember. It's the weirdest thing to be able to feel emotions in my heart again. To be able to feel excitement. Love. Joy. Rest. To once again expand my emotional spectrum to what it should be. I can feel the holy spirit moving inside of me, and it's CRAZY.
Some nights I can just feel God's presence. It's incredible. To just rest in His arms. To know that, while sometimes I have questions and I don't understand things, He does. It's okay to not know. It's okay to not have all the answers. I wish I knew, that's for sure, but I know that God will provide the answers I need when I need them. Mmm. I love my late night dates with Jesus - these are the moments when all I can do is lift my hands to the sky and smile. He is SO powerful. And He's my foundation. My rock. My cornerstone.
"I'm not afraid anymore, 'cause I'm running with your fire Lord. I'm taking up my sword. You train my hands and my fingers for war." (Not Afraid Anymore by Leeland)
I love Leeland. Their music is incredible. What worshipful experience. I've also figured out I like painting a lot. I'm not overtly great at it yet, but I mean - I started a few days ago. I'm working on a sunset/sunrise series with lines. I'm pretty excited about it.
Grace is radical. I don't understand. It literally doesn't make sense to me. Praying for understanding.
Radical Grace
Radical Grace
I think a lot of times i belittled the freedom we have in Christ. Like,
so many people take it to the extreme - pushing the limits of freedom,
doing things that aren't glorifying to God under the pretense that they
can do it because they're already saved and they have their golden
ticket to heaven. So, somehow i feel like I have to swing the other way.
Belittling my freedom. Putting it in a box. Placing chains and
restraints on how far it can take me. Placing the shackles of legalism
on my wrists. Slapping myself on the back of the hand every time I fail.
Getting upset when I fall short. Feeling angry when I sin, and getting
frustrated when I continue to put things in front of God. It's so, so
hard for me to accept that God isn't angry with me when I don't fulfill
the law. I totally don't get that. How can He be okay with me failing?
I'm definitely not okay with myself. It's so hard for me grasp the concept
that my price has been paid. When God looks at me, He no longer sees my sin. He doesn't see my filth. I've been washed in the blood of the Lamb.
I think it's hard for me to grasp this because while my old self is dead, I still sin. I'm not a slave to sin - I definitely see the difference there, and I've seen how I've grown in that sense, but I still sin. Yes, I'm a new creation - Christ lives in me. I hate that I sin. I hate that I still have an indwelling sin nature. I hate my depravity.
I need to remind myself that Jesus is enough. I think, somehow, it doesn't connect in my mind that Jesus dying was enough, no, more than enough to satisfy the wrath of God. I think somehow I'm afraid. Afraid that somehow I'm not completely covered, that my sin is too sinful for Jesus' blood to cover. Which is ridiculous, and heretical. Sometimes things just don't make it to my heart.
Grace is radical. It's crazy. I don't understand, but I'm praying that God will move this knowledge from my head to my heart. Lord, give me understanding.
Jesus blood is enough. Nothing but the blood of Jesus could cleanse me from my sinfulness. I. Am. Free.
From an article by Tullian Tchividjian:
Like Job’s friends, we naturally conclude that good people get good stuff and bad people get bad stuff. The idea that bad people get good stuff is thickly counterintuitive; it seems terribly unfair and offends our sense of justice. Even those of us who have tasted the radical saving grace of God find it intuitively difficult not to put conditions on grace. The truth is that a “yes grace, but” posture is the kind of posture that perpetuates slavery in our lives and in the church.
Grace is radically unbalanced. It has no “but”; it’s unconditional, uncontrollable, unpredictable, and undomesticated. As Doug Wilson put it recently, “Grace is wild. Grace unsettles everything. Grace overflows the banks. Grace messes up your hair. Grace is not tame. In fact, unless we are making the devout nervous, we are not preaching grace as we ought.”
What the Pharisee, the prostitute, and everyone in-between need to remember every day is that Christ offers forgiveness full and free from both our self-righteous goodness and our unrighteous badness. This is the hardest thing for us to believe as Christians. We think it’s a mark of spiritual maturity to hang on to our guilt and shame. We’ve sickly concluded that the worse we feel, the better we actually are.
I think it's hard for me to grasp this because while my old self is dead, I still sin. I'm not a slave to sin - I definitely see the difference there, and I've seen how I've grown in that sense, but I still sin. Yes, I'm a new creation - Christ lives in me. I hate that I sin. I hate that I still have an indwelling sin nature. I hate my depravity.
I need to remind myself that Jesus is enough. I think, somehow, it doesn't connect in my mind that Jesus dying was enough, no, more than enough to satisfy the wrath of God. I think somehow I'm afraid. Afraid that somehow I'm not completely covered, that my sin is too sinful for Jesus' blood to cover. Which is ridiculous, and heretical. Sometimes things just don't make it to my heart.
Grace is radical. It's crazy. I don't understand, but I'm praying that God will move this knowledge from my head to my heart. Lord, give me understanding.
Jesus blood is enough. Nothing but the blood of Jesus could cleanse me from my sinfulness. I. Am. Free.
From an article by Tullian Tchividjian:
Like Job’s friends, we naturally conclude that good people get good stuff and bad people get bad stuff. The idea that bad people get good stuff is thickly counterintuitive; it seems terribly unfair and offends our sense of justice. Even those of us who have tasted the radical saving grace of God find it intuitively difficult not to put conditions on grace. The truth is that a “yes grace, but” posture is the kind of posture that perpetuates slavery in our lives and in the church.
Grace is radically unbalanced. It has no “but”; it’s unconditional, uncontrollable, unpredictable, and undomesticated. As Doug Wilson put it recently, “Grace is wild. Grace unsettles everything. Grace overflows the banks. Grace messes up your hair. Grace is not tame. In fact, unless we are making the devout nervous, we are not preaching grace as we ought.”
What the Pharisee, the prostitute, and everyone in-between need to remember every day is that Christ offers forgiveness full and free from both our self-righteous goodness and our unrighteous badness. This is the hardest thing for us to believe as Christians. We think it’s a mark of spiritual maturity to hang on to our guilt and shame. We’ve sickly concluded that the worse we feel, the better we actually are.
God’s grace doesn’t demand you get clean before you come to Jesus.It is true! No strings attached. No but’s. No conditions. No need for balance. If you are a Christian, you are right now under the completely sufficient imputed righteousness of Christ. Your pardon is full and final. In Christ, you’re forgiven. You’re clean. It is finished.
Christmas & Skewed Perceptions
Christmas & Skewed Perceptions
Shoot.
Today I was reading my favorite blog (Theresurgence) and found myself ready for Christmas to be over so the posts wouldn't be about baby Jesus anymore. I let that thought sink in for a few minutes before I realized how skewed that was.
I'm realizing more and more that my heart isn't ready for Christmas. It's so much easier for me to block off and wall off my heart than to be open and vulnerable and allow Jesus to do His work. It's so easy for me to get caught up in the consumerism of Christmas. The flashing lights, the "more" mentality, even the focus on family can be distracting. It's so easy for me to get caught up in the busyness of the season, and completely forget the reason behind it.
Christmas isn't about the flashing lights. Christmas isn't about cookies. Christmas isn't about comfort. Christmas isn't about consumerism. Christmas isn't even about family. Christmas is about Jesus. Christmas is about celebrating His birth and the beginning of what became a beautiful tragedy - the beautiful tragedy that saved us from the grip of death.
I'm challenging myself, and I'll challenge you too, to get your hearts right. To think on the reason for Christmas. To not just let another year go by riddled with busyness, but to rest in Christ. Take a step back from the flashing lights and abundance of red and green and instead find yourself kneeling in a stable by a manger. Find yourself in the simplicity of Christmas, and instead of focusing on what we've been told Christmas is, focus on wanting more of Christ. Mas Christ. Christmas.
Today I was reading my favorite blog (Theresurgence) and found myself ready for Christmas to be over so the posts wouldn't be about baby Jesus anymore. I let that thought sink in for a few minutes before I realized how skewed that was.
I'm realizing more and more that my heart isn't ready for Christmas. It's so much easier for me to block off and wall off my heart than to be open and vulnerable and allow Jesus to do His work. It's so easy for me to get caught up in the consumerism of Christmas. The flashing lights, the "more" mentality, even the focus on family can be distracting. It's so easy for me to get caught up in the busyness of the season, and completely forget the reason behind it.
Christmas isn't about the flashing lights. Christmas isn't about cookies. Christmas isn't about comfort. Christmas isn't about consumerism. Christmas isn't even about family. Christmas is about Jesus. Christmas is about celebrating His birth and the beginning of what became a beautiful tragedy - the beautiful tragedy that saved us from the grip of death.
I'm challenging myself, and I'll challenge you too, to get your hearts right. To think on the reason for Christmas. To not just let another year go by riddled with busyness, but to rest in Christ. Take a step back from the flashing lights and abundance of red and green and instead find yourself kneeling in a stable by a manger. Find yourself in the simplicity of Christmas, and instead of focusing on what we've been told Christmas is, focus on wanting more of Christ. Mas Christ. Christmas.
Finals Week, Let's Go
Finals Week, Let's Go
Reasons why I'm excited to go home:
--> Family.
--> Friends
--> Freedom from homework
--> FREE TIME!
--> Crazy amounts of dates with Jesus.
--> Christmas & joy
--> Sleep
--> Did I mention no homework?
--> Bucket lists
--> Catching up with friends
--> Drinking insane amounts of coffee
--> Baking and cooking whatever I want
--> Time to design for fun
--> Time to reflect on the year & spend time alone
--> Home. Comfort. Breathing.
Dear finals, do your worst.
--> Family.
--> Friends
--> Freedom from homework
--> FREE TIME!
--> Crazy amounts of dates with Jesus.
--> Christmas & joy
--> Sleep
--> Did I mention no homework?
--> Bucket lists
--> Catching up with friends
--> Drinking insane amounts of coffee
--> Baking and cooking whatever I want
--> Time to design for fun
--> Time to reflect on the year & spend time alone
--> Home. Comfort. Breathing.
Dear finals, do your worst.
Reminded
Reminded
I'm reminded today of all the families who are missing children or parents.
Of the parents who want to wake up to find that it was all a bad dream.
Of the tear-streaked faces.
Of the numb pain.
Of presents that will never be opened.
Of the children whose eyes will never open.
Of the Christmas that won't be filled with family time and laughter, but funerals and tears.
My heart aches for theses families.
I can't express the pain I feel for them, and my soul pleads for their comfort.
Lord, hold them in your arms - remind them of your Love and purpose today and for the days and years to come.
Renew their hope.
Help them to take one step at a time and breathe in your comfort and peace.
Their lives are forever changed, but I pray that God can be glorified through this horror.
While America thinks of them for a few hours or a few days, these parents will never forget this tragedy.
My prayer is that, while they will never forget or fully recover, that they will find their comfort and peace in Christ.
"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." (Romans 12:15)
This world is not our home, and today I'm thankful for that reminder. Set eternity in our hearts, Lord.
Of the parents who want to wake up to find that it was all a bad dream.
Of the tear-streaked faces.
Of the numb pain.
Of presents that will never be opened.
Of the children whose eyes will never open.
Of the Christmas that won't be filled with family time and laughter, but funerals and tears.
My heart aches for theses families.
I can't express the pain I feel for them, and my soul pleads for their comfort.
Lord, hold them in your arms - remind them of your Love and purpose today and for the days and years to come.
Renew their hope.
Help them to take one step at a time and breathe in your comfort and peace.
Their lives are forever changed, but I pray that God can be glorified through this horror.
While America thinks of them for a few hours or a few days, these parents will never forget this tragedy.
My prayer is that, while they will never forget or fully recover, that they will find their comfort and peace in Christ.
"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." (Romans 12:15)
This world is not our home, and today I'm thankful for that reminder. Set eternity in our hearts, Lord.
"27 Killed in Connecticut Shooting, Including 20 Children"
"27 Killed in Connecticut Shooting, Including 20 Children"
This world is not my home. This world is not my home. This world is not my home.
Those are the words I've been reminded of throughout the day.
The moment I read the headline telling the sick tale of the Connecticut elementary school shooting, my heart stopped. I stopped breathing. Time stopped ticking. My stomach started churning.
My brain was frantic. How could someone do something like this? Who could go into an elementary school and shoot children? Even typing those words makes me want to throw up. Who could look in the eyes of these children and end their lives?
I don't have kids, but I come in contact with them every day. I see the joy that they bring to those around them. Their innocent questions, their grins as they learn new things, their general happiness in life. I can't for a second imagine the immense heartache these parents are undergoing. Their lives have been flipped upside down.
Today, many people will ask "how could a good God allow this to happen?"
We're asking the wrong question. I know that our God is grieving as well. He loves children, He has a heart for them. There is evil in the world. We live in a fallen world. These instances shouldn't make us question God's sovereignty, but instead remind us that our hope comes from Christ. This earth is not our home. For those of us who deeply love the Lord, this is the closest thing we'll experience to hell. This reminds us that life is short. Those parents didn't send their kids to school today knowing that was the last time they'd look in their eyes, give them a hug, or zip up their coat. Our lives are but a vapor in the wind. Each breath could be our last. There is an urgency in our good news(the gospel). We know Hope. We know Life. We know Love. He is our comfort and our solace. This event shouldn't lead us to question God, but to realize what really matters here on earth - Jesus. I know talking about Christ can be "scary", but in the long run I'd rather be known as a Jesus freak than someone who had the good news but didn't share it. Why are we so afraid?
I grieve for the lives lost today. For the children who won't get to open their Christmas presents this year. For the parents who have to live each day feeling the hole their child left in their heart. For the kids who witnessed this tragedy - their lives will never be the same. For the family members of the adults who were also shot today.
I don't have kids of my own, but my heart weeps for those who were effected by this tragedy. I've had campers who were that age & my toddlers at daycare aren't much younger than some of the lives lost today. Their beautiful faces flashed through my head this afternoon. Parents all over the country are holding their children a little closer today, as they're abruptly reminded of the blessing that their child is.
Hold your loved ones close. Comfort those who are grieving. Be reminded that this is not our home. Share Jesus with urgency - we have no idea how much time we really have here on earth. I pray that God would somehow be glorified through this tragedy.
Those are the words I've been reminded of throughout the day.
The moment I read the headline telling the sick tale of the Connecticut elementary school shooting, my heart stopped. I stopped breathing. Time stopped ticking. My stomach started churning.
My brain was frantic. How could someone do something like this? Who could go into an elementary school and shoot children? Even typing those words makes me want to throw up. Who could look in the eyes of these children and end their lives?
I don't have kids, but I come in contact with them every day. I see the joy that they bring to those around them. Their innocent questions, their grins as they learn new things, their general happiness in life. I can't for a second imagine the immense heartache these parents are undergoing. Their lives have been flipped upside down.
Today, many people will ask "how could a good God allow this to happen?"
We're asking the wrong question. I know that our God is grieving as well. He loves children, He has a heart for them. There is evil in the world. We live in a fallen world. These instances shouldn't make us question God's sovereignty, but instead remind us that our hope comes from Christ. This earth is not our home. For those of us who deeply love the Lord, this is the closest thing we'll experience to hell. This reminds us that life is short. Those parents didn't send their kids to school today knowing that was the last time they'd look in their eyes, give them a hug, or zip up their coat. Our lives are but a vapor in the wind. Each breath could be our last. There is an urgency in our good news(the gospel). We know Hope. We know Life. We know Love. He is our comfort and our solace. This event shouldn't lead us to question God, but to realize what really matters here on earth - Jesus. I know talking about Christ can be "scary", but in the long run I'd rather be known as a Jesus freak than someone who had the good news but didn't share it. Why are we so afraid?
I grieve for the lives lost today. For the children who won't get to open their Christmas presents this year. For the parents who have to live each day feeling the hole their child left in their heart. For the kids who witnessed this tragedy - their lives will never be the same. For the family members of the adults who were also shot today.
I don't have kids of my own, but my heart weeps for those who were effected by this tragedy. I've had campers who were that age & my toddlers at daycare aren't much younger than some of the lives lost today. Their beautiful faces flashed through my head this afternoon. Parents all over the country are holding their children a little closer today, as they're abruptly reminded of the blessing that their child is.
Hold your loved ones close. Comfort those who are grieving. Be reminded that this is not our home. Share Jesus with urgency - we have no idea how much time we really have here on earth. I pray that God would somehow be glorified through this tragedy.
Confessions of a Closet Pharisee
Confessions of a Closet Pharisee
{& the baby stepping process of breaking free from the chains of legalism}
Until this summer, if you'd have asked me if I believed in works based righteousness I would have adamantly denied it. This denial surely would have come with a free recitation of some passages about how your works come from the overflow of your faith or a talk about how we can't earn our salvation.
After a long process of deep soul searching, some bumpy roads, and a lot of disgruntled growing - I realized that, while my mouth was saying those things, my heart and mind weren't on board. I knew in my words that I wasn't saved by my works or my apparent amount of "holiness" but in fact by my faith alone. Somehow this has always been a hard concept for me to grasp, I just didn't realize it at the time. Somehow, the translation was lost between my tongue and my heart.
Until this summer, I never felt the freedom that should always accompany the gospel. My relationship with Christ came with the chains that I believed had to follow when understanding the law. There was my mistake. I viewed the law as some form of slavery. Sure I'd been saved from the darkness and slavery to sin, but I felt like I'd gone from one terrible master to a lesser of the two evils. I felt enslaved to the law. Burdened by my sin, and brought down by the law's ability to constantly remind me of what a failure I was.
I was exhausted. I was discouraged. I constantly felt the weight of my shortcomings and my failures. And most of all I was burned out. As I tried to fulfill the law on my own, missing hoop after hoop, my discouragement grew with every failure. Throughout the summer I grew angry with God. In my exhaustion I reached the end of my ability to handle my own failures day after day. Slowly, throughout a season of anger, the Lord whispered to the depths of my heart.
It's been a process. Baby stepping my way out of my chains and little by little gaining the true peace and freedom that should accompany the gospel. The law doesn't enslave, it frees. That something I've learned the hard way. I always wanted to live up to God's standards. I felt like, somehow, I had to work for His love and affection - that maybe, if I lived up to His desires He'd love me. However, that's not how God's love works. No matter what I do, I can't make Him love me any more or less. Unconditional love is one of the hardest things for me to grasp. I don't have to live up to the law, in fact - I CAN'T fulfill the law. The law shows me how I fail, but Jesus already fulfilled God's standards - so I'm free to fall short and fail. I've found that through this freedom my desire to follow His laws is so much greater.
It's been a crazy journey, a bumpy road, and I don't feel like I've had time to catch my breath yet. I'm beginning to see that the law is, in fact, there for our own good - which of these rules would we benefit from getting rid of? None of them. They're all in place so we can live the best lives possible.
The closer I grow to God, the more I desire to serve Him. Now, instead of seeing the law as chains and slavery. I can't do it on my own, and I don't have to. Relying on God for strength and joy has been one of the best decisions I've made this semester.
Thanks, Lord for:
Lessons, growing pains, Your incredible faithfulness, grace, the law, the gospel, snow, the great outdoors, NOOSA greek yogurt (yum yum yum), protein, dancing, and the hope of Christmas break.
Resurgence Articles I'm resonating with this week:
A. http://theresurgence.com/2010/12/28/i-just-need-to-give-myself-grace
B. http://theresurgence.com/2012/11/23/the-cure-for-backsliding?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=theresurgence&utm_campaign=The%2BResurgence%2BTwitter
C. theresurgence.com/2012/10/24/6-warning-signs-were-becoming-accidental-pharisees
D. http://theresurgence.com/2012/10/24/i-see-you-and-i-judge
E. http://theresurgence.com/2012/08/01/the-3-chains-of-legalism
Until this summer, if you'd have asked me if I believed in works based righteousness I would have adamantly denied it. This denial surely would have come with a free recitation of some passages about how your works come from the overflow of your faith or a talk about how we can't earn our salvation.
After a long process of deep soul searching, some bumpy roads, and a lot of disgruntled growing - I realized that, while my mouth was saying those things, my heart and mind weren't on board. I knew in my words that I wasn't saved by my works or my apparent amount of "holiness" but in fact by my faith alone. Somehow this has always been a hard concept for me to grasp, I just didn't realize it at the time. Somehow, the translation was lost between my tongue and my heart.
Until this summer, I never felt the freedom that should always accompany the gospel. My relationship with Christ came with the chains that I believed had to follow when understanding the law. There was my mistake. I viewed the law as some form of slavery. Sure I'd been saved from the darkness and slavery to sin, but I felt like I'd gone from one terrible master to a lesser of the two evils. I felt enslaved to the law. Burdened by my sin, and brought down by the law's ability to constantly remind me of what a failure I was.
I was exhausted. I was discouraged. I constantly felt the weight of my shortcomings and my failures. And most of all I was burned out. As I tried to fulfill the law on my own, missing hoop after hoop, my discouragement grew with every failure. Throughout the summer I grew angry with God. In my exhaustion I reached the end of my ability to handle my own failures day after day. Slowly, throughout a season of anger, the Lord whispered to the depths of my heart.
It's been a process. Baby stepping my way out of my chains and little by little gaining the true peace and freedom that should accompany the gospel. The law doesn't enslave, it frees. That something I've learned the hard way. I always wanted to live up to God's standards. I felt like, somehow, I had to work for His love and affection - that maybe, if I lived up to His desires He'd love me. However, that's not how God's love works. No matter what I do, I can't make Him love me any more or less. Unconditional love is one of the hardest things for me to grasp. I don't have to live up to the law, in fact - I CAN'T fulfill the law. The law shows me how I fail, but Jesus already fulfilled God's standards - so I'm free to fall short and fail. I've found that through this freedom my desire to follow His laws is so much greater.
It's been a crazy journey, a bumpy road, and I don't feel like I've had time to catch my breath yet. I'm beginning to see that the law is, in fact, there for our own good - which of these rules would we benefit from getting rid of? None of them. They're all in place so we can live the best lives possible.
The closer I grow to God, the more I desire to serve Him. Now, instead of seeing the law as chains and slavery. I can't do it on my own, and I don't have to. Relying on God for strength and joy has been one of the best decisions I've made this semester.
Thanks, Lord for:
Lessons, growing pains, Your incredible faithfulness, grace, the law, the gospel, snow, the great outdoors, NOOSA greek yogurt (yum yum yum), protein, dancing, and the hope of Christmas break.
Resurgence Articles I'm resonating with this week:
A. http://theresurgence.com/2010/12/28/i-just-need-to-give-myself-grace
B. http://theresurgence.com/2012/11/23/the-cure-for-backsliding?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=theresurgence&utm_campaign=The%2BResurgence%2BTwitter
C. theresurgence.com/2012/10/24/6-warning-signs-were-becoming-accidental-pharisees
D. http://theresurgence.com/2012/10/24/i-see-you-and-i-judge
E. http://theresurgence.com/2012/08/01/the-3-chains-of-legalism
Things I love about Design
Things I love about Design
Things I love in the Design World:
- Triangles, Triangles, TRIANGLES!
- Pastels
- Arrows
- The letters V & A (they resemble triangles)
- Good typography. Drool.
- Chevrons
- PATTERNS
- Good color palettes
- Colors!
- Sans Serifs
- Simplicity
- Minimalism
- Lines
- TRIANGLES
- ALL CAPITAL LETTERS
- Copperplate, Bebas, Cambria, Callisto, Helvetica
- Thin typefaces
- Opacity!
- Shapes
- Overlays
- Good lighting
- Nature
- Type on pictures
- Did I mention good typography?
- Soft lighting
- And last, but not least -- TRIANGLES!
- Triangles, Triangles, TRIANGLES!
- Pastels
- Arrows
- The letters V & A (they resemble triangles)
- Good typography. Drool.
- Chevrons
- PATTERNS
- Good color palettes
- Colors!
- Sans Serifs
- Simplicity
- Minimalism
- Lines
- TRIANGLES
- ALL CAPITAL LETTERS
- Copperplate, Bebas, Cambria, Callisto, Helvetica
- Thin typefaces
- Opacity!
- Shapes
- Overlays
- Good lighting
- Nature
- Type on pictures
- Did I mention good typography?
- Soft lighting
- And last, but not least -- TRIANGLES!
Raise My Voice
Raise My Voice
Do you have spotify? Then look up Raise My Voice (acoustic) by the Robbie Seay Band.
So good.
Raise My Voice (the non-acoustic version)
I like the acoustic version better, so I recommend that you find it!
Here are the lyrics:
If everything I had was lost
If everything I had was gone
If everything I knew was suddenly a fraud
And all I had was you holding on
Would it all be the same
Could I find beauty in the pain?
Would I sing your praise
Would I seek your face
I raise my voice loud and sing
Tell them all what you’ve done for me
Even in my darkest days
I’m going sing your praise (2x)
Everywhere I look today
Every common tree is blaze
With the fire of God the maker of the stars and
The healer of my heart
Where would I be if you never gave me the eyes to see
I praise you, oh I praise you
I raise my voice loud and sing
Tell them all what you’ve done for me
Even in my darkest days
I’m going sing your praise (2x)
Your grace is like an ocean crashing like hope
Your peace is like a river flooding my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
So good.
Raise My Voice (the non-acoustic version)
I like the acoustic version better, so I recommend that you find it!
Here are the lyrics:
If everything I had was lost
If everything I had was gone
If everything I knew was suddenly a fraud
And all I had was you holding on
Would it all be the same
Could I find beauty in the pain?
Would I sing your praise
Would I seek your face
I raise my voice loud and sing
Tell them all what you’ve done for me
Even in my darkest days
I’m going sing your praise (2x)
Everywhere I look today
Every common tree is blaze
With the fire of God the maker of the stars and
The healer of my heart
Where would I be if you never gave me the eyes to see
I praise you, oh I praise you
I raise my voice loud and sing
Tell them all what you’ve done for me
Even in my darkest days
I’m going sing your praise (2x)
Your grace is like an ocean crashing like hope
Your peace is like a river flooding my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
Nostalgia
Nostalgia
Holidays always leave me nostalgic.
It's crazy to think how much has changed in the past year.
I've grown up a lot, that's for sure.
Freshman year.
Oh man.
Back when I didn't know who I was.
God has taught me so much over the past year.
Moments when your heart hurts for the younger version of yourself.
Sometimes I wonder, if it was possible to go back in time, if I would do it.
I can't pinpoint the day I started processing things,
the moment I stopped pushing my emotions into the deep,
but J-term was living hell.
If I'd known processing meant reliving every hard, painful moment of my life - I'd have done everything I could to find a way to keep my fake smile and surface level laughter.
Now that I'm through the majority of it and healing has come, however, I see the good in it.
I've been refined. I've been tested. I've endured. I've perservered.
I can see the beauty now through the pain, but it's taken a long time.
I'm a different version of myself.
Instead of trying to patch up the cracks, I let the light shine through them.
I'm open about my struggles.
I'm open about the past, the trials, & the pain.
I miss some parts of who I used to be, but I'm much more comfortable in my skin now.
I'm free.
The chains of the past no longer have a hold on me.
Satan's little whispered barbs don't stick as deeply.
My smile is genuine.
My Joy is complete in Christ.
It's not just in my head, it's in my heart.
The mask is off. I'm real with people.
Real talk. All the time.
I'd never have guessed it'd take so long for me to learn how to be honest about how I'm doing or what's going on.
Praise God for His incredible faithfulness! He alone is the anchor for my soul. He is my refuge. He is my strength. He is my shelter in the storm.
It's crazy to think how much has changed in the past year.
I've grown up a lot, that's for sure.
Freshman year.
Oh man.
Back when I didn't know who I was.
God has taught me so much over the past year.
Moments when your heart hurts for the younger version of yourself.
Sometimes I wonder, if it was possible to go back in time, if I would do it.
I can't pinpoint the day I started processing things,
the moment I stopped pushing my emotions into the deep,
but J-term was living hell.
If I'd known processing meant reliving every hard, painful moment of my life - I'd have done everything I could to find a way to keep my fake smile and surface level laughter.
Now that I'm through the majority of it and healing has come, however, I see the good in it.
I've been refined. I've been tested. I've endured. I've perservered.
I can see the beauty now through the pain, but it's taken a long time.
I'm a different version of myself.
Instead of trying to patch up the cracks, I let the light shine through them.
I'm open about my struggles.
I'm open about the past, the trials, & the pain.
I miss some parts of who I used to be, but I'm much more comfortable in my skin now.
I'm free.
The chains of the past no longer have a hold on me.
Satan's little whispered barbs don't stick as deeply.
My smile is genuine.
My Joy is complete in Christ.
It's not just in my head, it's in my heart.
The mask is off. I'm real with people.
Real talk. All the time.
I'd never have guessed it'd take so long for me to learn how to be honest about how I'm doing or what's going on.
Praise God for His incredible faithfulness! He alone is the anchor for my soul. He is my refuge. He is my strength. He is my shelter in the storm.
Thinking Out loud
Thinking Out loud
Busy. Busy. Busy.
As Christmas near (EEP!) and classes continue to be crazy, I'm reminded of that scene in Frosty the Snowman where the man who originally owned the hat says "Bus-y, Bus-y, Bus-y!"
Okay. So I don't remember the context or anything, but it's definitely been on my mind.
My soul longs for Christ.
My heart aches for His companionship.
I want Him. I need Him. I cannot and will not live without Him.
I know these things. I feel them, but it's been really easy for me to forget them in the craziness of life.
I'm not sure why it's different here than at Bethel. Maybe because I feel less lonely and I have less free time?
Last year I was really good about getting my Jesus time.
Date night every week. Breakfast every morning.
Jesus was always on my mind.
I guess satan attacked me in different ways, though.
This semester his attack has come in the form of busyness.
When I'm working on homework, hanging out with friends, or going to class it's easy for me to forget to get my special time with Jesus.
I think after this summer when I got out of the habit it's hard to get back in.
Busyness clouds my vision.
It numbs my desire.
It gives me spiritual amnesia.
I know that I need Jesus. I feel it, but I forget it in my free time.
I need Jesus. Not just through my classes or through chapel, but I need my personal time with Him.
He is all that matters.
Lord, set eternity in my heart and renew my desire for You.
As Christmas near (EEP!) and classes continue to be crazy, I'm reminded of that scene in Frosty the Snowman where the man who originally owned the hat says "Bus-y, Bus-y, Bus-y!"
Okay. So I don't remember the context or anything, but it's definitely been on my mind.
My soul longs for Christ.
My heart aches for His companionship.
I want Him. I need Him. I cannot and will not live without Him.
I know these things. I feel them, but it's been really easy for me to forget them in the craziness of life.
I'm not sure why it's different here than at Bethel. Maybe because I feel less lonely and I have less free time?
Last year I was really good about getting my Jesus time.
Date night every week. Breakfast every morning.
Jesus was always on my mind.
I guess satan attacked me in different ways, though.
This semester his attack has come in the form of busyness.
When I'm working on homework, hanging out with friends, or going to class it's easy for me to forget to get my special time with Jesus.
I think after this summer when I got out of the habit it's hard to get back in.
Busyness clouds my vision.
It numbs my desire.
It gives me spiritual amnesia.
I know that I need Jesus. I feel it, but I forget it in my free time.
I need Jesus. Not just through my classes or through chapel, but I need my personal time with Him.
He is all that matters.
Lord, set eternity in my heart and renew my desire for You.
Seek God
Seek God
In times of trouble? Seek God.
In times of joy? Seek God.
In times of turmoil? Seek God.
In times of worry? Seek God.
In times of confusion? Seek God.
In times of sadness? Seek God.
In times of uncertainty? Seek God.
In times of despair? Seek God.
In all times, in all circumstances, seek God.
In times of joy? Seek God.
In times of turmoil? Seek God.
In times of worry? Seek God.
In times of confusion? Seek God.
In times of sadness? Seek God.
In times of uncertainty? Seek God.
In times of despair? Seek God.
In all times, in all circumstances, seek God.
Life 101
Life 101
Since I haven't written in a while, this might be kind of long.
A) God is good. So good.
I'm daily overwhelmed by his faithfulness and unconditional love.
I can't believe how much He's blessed me so far this semester.
I mean, don't get me wrong - it's had it's ups and downs, but God is faithful and constant through the storm.
He anchors my Soul.
B) I used to be legalistic.
God and I are working on that.
It's a slow process to extract the poison legalism has left in my blood stream.
I no longer read my bible because I feel a sense of obligation, but because I want to.
I find JOY in Christ, not shackles.
There is freedom in Christ.
In enjoying His embrace.
C) Love. Love. Love.
I love Jesus. So much.
I'm head over heels.
I'm overwhelmed.
I'm starstruck.
I love talking to Him.
When I first wake up, when I go to sleep, and everything inbetween.
Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.
His love is astounding. Breathetaking. Awe-inspiring.
And Oh, so undeserved.
D) This summer was hard. Yes. It sucked.
Pain. Anguish. Darkness.
Through the storms, we learn the most.
We grow. We're refined.
I've learned so much.
I've grown so much.
I've found peace.
I've found rest.
I've found the heart of Christ.
E) I'm so grateful for Jesus.
I can't even begin to describe it.
I'm so excited to get to grown in my love for Him.
How can I love Him any more?
I fear that I may burst from my affection for Him.
F) Time flies.
I can't believe it's nearly thanksgiving already.
I mean, seriously. What is this?
NWC is wonderful.
I grew so much at Bethel, and learned so many needed lessons,
but I'm loving my time at NWC.
I love the design department.
The students are great.
The professors are super encouraging and caring.
The campus is beautiful.
The Holy Spirit is moving.
G) Sometimes I don't desire God.
That's true.
Today I do, but it's a day by day thing.
I'm praying.
I'm fighting.
And more importantly - Jesus is fighting for me.
H) Chai is good.
Coffee is great.
Praise God for warm drinks and caffeine.
I) I'm so blessed by my friends.
I can't even handle it.
I was thinking back to last year and the fears of freshman year, and the fears that came with transferring.
God is so good, and He truly hears the cries of my heart.
He's provided me with awesome friends - and for that I am eternally grateful.
J) I love living in the romance of the Lord.
His quiet whispers in the wind.
His warm embrace in the Sun's rays.
His gentle reminder of His love for me through the shadows the trees create.
Creation is remarkable. Astounding. Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful.
AND - the same hands that fashioned the earth fashioned me.
How crazy is that?
K) I used to think "oh, psalms are for the weak who can't read the real meat of the bible"
but then God was like "Aunica, you're being dumb. Isn't the WHOLE bible breathed by Me?
And, as usual, God was right. The Psalms are so good. I'm so blessed by the time I've been able to spend so far reading them.
L) Peace, Rest, Comfort.
Instead of freaking out when things aren't planned like I did last year, I'm way more chill.
I don't know where I'll be this summer. I don't know what's going on next weekend.
I don't know what I'll do tomorrow.
But, instead of freaking out or getting stressed - I'm peaceful.
The Lord is in control.
He steers me, He pilots me.
I just have to sit back and enjoy the ride.
M) I just want to glorify God.
So bad.
N) Complacency is easy.
I hate it. That's for sure.
I hate that busyness is the idol satan uses right now.
I hate that he takes my classes and friends and fills my time so I go days without realizing I haven't been spending solid amounts of time with Jesus.
Prayer is my weapon.
O) I love my roommate.
For reals. Thanks Jesus for Ang.
She's wonderful, sassy, and a great friend.
I'm so blessed.
P) I'm excited for thanksgiving. To be thankful.
I'm excited for Christmas to celebrate Jesus' birth.
I love holidays. I love home. I can't wait to go back.
Q) I'm thankful for jean dresses. Curly hair. Endorphins. Sunshine. Jesus. Josh Garrells. Music. Creation. The sky. Art. Art. Art. Design. the unknown. Music that just speaks to your ears. Wow. So beautiful.
A) God is good. So good.
I'm daily overwhelmed by his faithfulness and unconditional love.
I can't believe how much He's blessed me so far this semester.
I mean, don't get me wrong - it's had it's ups and downs, but God is faithful and constant through the storm.
He anchors my Soul.
B) I used to be legalistic.
God and I are working on that.
It's a slow process to extract the poison legalism has left in my blood stream.
I no longer read my bible because I feel a sense of obligation, but because I want to.
I find JOY in Christ, not shackles.
There is freedom in Christ.
In enjoying His embrace.
C) Love. Love. Love.
I love Jesus. So much.
I'm head over heels.
I'm overwhelmed.
I'm starstruck.
I love talking to Him.
When I first wake up, when I go to sleep, and everything inbetween.
Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.
His love is astounding. Breathetaking. Awe-inspiring.
And Oh, so undeserved.
D) This summer was hard. Yes. It sucked.
Pain. Anguish. Darkness.
Through the storms, we learn the most.
We grow. We're refined.
I've learned so much.
I've grown so much.
I've found peace.
I've found rest.
I've found the heart of Christ.
E) I'm so grateful for Jesus.
I can't even begin to describe it.
I'm so excited to get to grown in my love for Him.
How can I love Him any more?
I fear that I may burst from my affection for Him.
F) Time flies.
I can't believe it's nearly thanksgiving already.
I mean, seriously. What is this?
NWC is wonderful.
I grew so much at Bethel, and learned so many needed lessons,
but I'm loving my time at NWC.
I love the design department.
The students are great.
The professors are super encouraging and caring.
The campus is beautiful.
The Holy Spirit is moving.
G) Sometimes I don't desire God.
That's true.
Today I do, but it's a day by day thing.
I'm praying.
I'm fighting.
And more importantly - Jesus is fighting for me.
H) Chai is good.
Coffee is great.
Praise God for warm drinks and caffeine.
I) I'm so blessed by my friends.
I can't even handle it.
I was thinking back to last year and the fears of freshman year, and the fears that came with transferring.
God is so good, and He truly hears the cries of my heart.
He's provided me with awesome friends - and for that I am eternally grateful.
J) I love living in the romance of the Lord.
His quiet whispers in the wind.
His warm embrace in the Sun's rays.
His gentle reminder of His love for me through the shadows the trees create.
Creation is remarkable. Astounding. Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful.
AND - the same hands that fashioned the earth fashioned me.
How crazy is that?
K) I used to think "oh, psalms are for the weak who can't read the real meat of the bible"
but then God was like "Aunica, you're being dumb. Isn't the WHOLE bible breathed by Me?
And, as usual, God was right. The Psalms are so good. I'm so blessed by the time I've been able to spend so far reading them.
L) Peace, Rest, Comfort.
Instead of freaking out when things aren't planned like I did last year, I'm way more chill.
I don't know where I'll be this summer. I don't know what's going on next weekend.
I don't know what I'll do tomorrow.
But, instead of freaking out or getting stressed - I'm peaceful.
The Lord is in control.
He steers me, He pilots me.
I just have to sit back and enjoy the ride.
M) I just want to glorify God.
So bad.
N) Complacency is easy.
I hate it. That's for sure.
I hate that busyness is the idol satan uses right now.
I hate that he takes my classes and friends and fills my time so I go days without realizing I haven't been spending solid amounts of time with Jesus.
Prayer is my weapon.
O) I love my roommate.
For reals. Thanks Jesus for Ang.
She's wonderful, sassy, and a great friend.
I'm so blessed.
P) I'm excited for thanksgiving. To be thankful.
I'm excited for Christmas to celebrate Jesus' birth.
I love holidays. I love home. I can't wait to go back.
Q) I'm thankful for jean dresses. Curly hair. Endorphins. Sunshine. Jesus. Josh Garrells. Music. Creation. The sky. Art. Art. Art. Design. the unknown. Music that just speaks to your ears. Wow. So beautiful.
Crucifixion Thoughts
Crucifixion Thoughts
Have you ever tried to explain something crazy, horrifying, or awesome to someone?
It's hard to do, right? You might have all the facts down, you might do your best to convey the emotions and the meaning - but when you're re-telling it or writing it's difficult.
This is something that hit me this morning.
I'm reading through the gospel, and I got to the crucifixion.
I was thinking about how terrible it was, and in between the heartaches of reading about Jesus' trial and the mocking and beating He endured, it hit me.
No matter how terrible I feel that it is, despite how numb we've become, or how gruesome it is - it can't be anything compared to witnessing it.
If my heart aches when I read about it and envision it, how much worse would it be to experience it first hand? To play a part? To be a bystander?
It's hard to convey the emotions. The jeering of the crowd, the knowledge of what was about to happen, and so on and so forth.
Think about it.
It's hard to do, right? You might have all the facts down, you might do your best to convey the emotions and the meaning - but when you're re-telling it or writing it's difficult.
This is something that hit me this morning.
I'm reading through the gospel, and I got to the crucifixion.
I was thinking about how terrible it was, and in between the heartaches of reading about Jesus' trial and the mocking and beating He endured, it hit me.
No matter how terrible I feel that it is, despite how numb we've become, or how gruesome it is - it can't be anything compared to witnessing it.
If my heart aches when I read about it and envision it, how much worse would it be to experience it first hand? To play a part? To be a bystander?
It's hard to convey the emotions. The jeering of the crowd, the knowledge of what was about to happen, and so on and so forth.
Think about it.
Jealousy
Jealousy
Jealousy.
I'm not a fan.
I realized tonight that I get jealous when my friends aren't giving me attention.
If I feel this way - how much more is God jealous when I give my attention to other things?
Our God is a jealous God - and rightfully so.
He deserves our attention. Our adoration. Our praise.
But so often I turn and give this deserved worship to other things. To idols. To cheap imitations.
My jealousy is selfish and unnecessary.
God's is justified.
I'm not a fan.
I realized tonight that I get jealous when my friends aren't giving me attention.
If I feel this way - how much more is God jealous when I give my attention to other things?
Our God is a jealous God - and rightfully so.
He deserves our attention. Our adoration. Our praise.
But so often I turn and give this deserved worship to other things. To idols. To cheap imitations.
My jealousy is selfish and unnecessary.
God's is justified.
Deep Breaths & Momentarily Losing Control
Deep Breaths & Momentarily Losing Control
There I was.
Sitting in the dining center, as visions of homework assignments, tests, and projects danced in front of my eyes.
Tears threatened to spill over as the wave of anxiety crashed down on my world.
I wanted to bolt. To just run away into the night, away from it all.
I wanted to scream into a pillow.
I wanted to take a nap in the grass.
I wanted to do anything but look at the enormous pile of things I needed to get done.
I tried to calm down, to breathe deeply.
To focus on what really mattered - God.
But, unfortunately, Satan had his claws of fear and stress deep into my heart - and there was no way I was going to get out of this alone.
So I downed my sandwich in two gulps, and bolted for the library.
There, in the serenity of the upper level - I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, then gave my worries to the Lord.
He's in control.
I'm definitely realizing more and more how much I need to give God my fears, my stress, my anxieties.
I can't just give Him my joy and my sorrow, but my stress and worries as well.
Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you.
Breathe deeply of the Spirit.
Take a moment and bask in the presence of the Lord.
Sigh in relief.
How can I worry any longer when I'm craddled in the arms of the Creator?
Sitting in the dining center, as visions of homework assignments, tests, and projects danced in front of my eyes.
Tears threatened to spill over as the wave of anxiety crashed down on my world.
I wanted to bolt. To just run away into the night, away from it all.
I wanted to scream into a pillow.
I wanted to take a nap in the grass.
I wanted to do anything but look at the enormous pile of things I needed to get done.
I tried to calm down, to breathe deeply.
To focus on what really mattered - God.
But, unfortunately, Satan had his claws of fear and stress deep into my heart - and there was no way I was going to get out of this alone.
So I downed my sandwich in two gulps, and bolted for the library.
There, in the serenity of the upper level - I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, then gave my worries to the Lord.
He's in control.
I'm definitely realizing more and more how much I need to give God my fears, my stress, my anxieties.
I can't just give Him my joy and my sorrow, but my stress and worries as well.
Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you.
Breathe deeply of the Spirit.
Take a moment and bask in the presence of the Lord.
Sigh in relief.
How can I worry any longer when I'm craddled in the arms of the Creator?
Gratitude
Gratitude
It's time.
That's what I heard God whisper this morning.
My short season of rest from the attacks of the father of lies is over, and it's time to put my armor on and get ready for battle.
All summer I fought hard, and after camp was over my exhaustion was complete.
Satan had won that battle.
I prayed fervently that the Lord would take away this fighting, at least for a season - and while at the time I didn't realize it, He did.
He helped me.
He held the evil one at bay, and gave me much needed recovery time.
I quenched my thirst with Scripture, and satisfied my hunger with pursuing Christ.
Gratitude.
It's been a great season of growing and joy, and I understand so much deeper how to continue to fight for that joy in the hard season as well.
I have an anchor, a cornerstone, for my Soul - and I am not as easily shaken.
Satan may have won that battle, but the victory for the war over my Soul has already been won, and he doesn't come out on top.
Gratitude.
That's the only word I can use to describe how I feel this morning.
A deep, yearning sense of gratitude.
I'm grateful that the Lord protects me.
I'm grateful that I don't have to fight alone.
I'm grateful that the war has been won, the victory is ours.
I'm grateful that God continues to teach me, growing and molding me into the woman He wants me to be.
I’m grateful that God uses the hard things in life to teach me the most – that even when I’m running away, He continues to grow me in ways I couldn’t imagine.
I’m grateful that sometimes God does the opposite of what I ask Hiim to do – and I’m way better off in the end.
I’m grateful that He’s in control and I’m not.
I’m grateful for the deeper understanding of His sacrifice of His son I gained yesterday in my quiet time.
I’m grateful for the deep rest and peace He’s shown me through His presence this past month.
I’m grateful for humility and learning, and the peace that comes from knowing that even if I fail, He didn’t.
Gratitude is a beautiful thing, and I’m thankful for that this morning.
Songs I’m listening to:
Gratitude by Nicole Nordeman
Anchor by Josh Garrels
That's what I heard God whisper this morning.
My short season of rest from the attacks of the father of lies is over, and it's time to put my armor on and get ready for battle.
All summer I fought hard, and after camp was over my exhaustion was complete.
Satan had won that battle.
I prayed fervently that the Lord would take away this fighting, at least for a season - and while at the time I didn't realize it, He did.
He helped me.
He held the evil one at bay, and gave me much needed recovery time.
I quenched my thirst with Scripture, and satisfied my hunger with pursuing Christ.
Gratitude.
It's been a great season of growing and joy, and I understand so much deeper how to continue to fight for that joy in the hard season as well.
I have an anchor, a cornerstone, for my Soul - and I am not as easily shaken.
Satan may have won that battle, but the victory for the war over my Soul has already been won, and he doesn't come out on top.
Gratitude.
That's the only word I can use to describe how I feel this morning.
A deep, yearning sense of gratitude.
I'm grateful that the Lord protects me.
I'm grateful that I don't have to fight alone.
I'm grateful that the war has been won, the victory is ours.
I'm grateful that God continues to teach me, growing and molding me into the woman He wants me to be.
I’m grateful that God uses the hard things in life to teach me the most – that even when I’m running away, He continues to grow me in ways I couldn’t imagine.
I’m grateful that sometimes God does the opposite of what I ask Hiim to do – and I’m way better off in the end.
I’m grateful that He’s in control and I’m not.
I’m grateful for the deeper understanding of His sacrifice of His son I gained yesterday in my quiet time.
I’m grateful for the deep rest and peace He’s shown me through His presence this past month.
I’m grateful for humility and learning, and the peace that comes from knowing that even if I fail, He didn’t.
Gratitude is a beautiful thing, and I’m thankful for that this morning.
Songs I’m listening to:
Gratitude by Nicole Nordeman
Anchor by Josh Garrels
Gratitude
Gratitude
It's time.
That's what I heard God whisper this morning.
My short season of rest from the attacks of the father of lies is over, and it's time to put my armor on and get ready for battle.
All summer I fought hard, and after camp was over my exhaustion was complete.
Satan had won that battle.
I prayed fervently that the Lord would take away this fighting, at least for a season - and while at the time I didn't realize it, He did.
He helped me.
He held the evil one at bay, and gave me much needed recovery time.
I quenched my thirst with Scripture, and satisfied my hunger with pursuing Christ.
Gratitude.
It's been a great season of growing and joy, and I understand so much deeper how to continue to fight for that joy in the hard season as well.
I have an anchor, a cornerstone, for my Soul - and I am not as easily shaken.
Satan may have won that battle, but the victory for the war over my Soul has already been won, and he doesn't come out on top.
Gratitude.
That's the only word I can use to describe how I feel this morning.
A deep, yearning sense of gratitude.
I'm grateful that the Lord protects me.
I'm grateful that I don't have to fight alone.
I'm grateful that the war has been won, the victory is ours.
I'm grateful that God continues to teach me, growing and molding me into the woman He wants me to be.
I’m grateful that God uses the hard things in life to teach me the most – that even when I’m running away, He continues to grow me in ways I couldn’t imagine.
I’m grateful that sometimes God does the opposite of what I ask Hiim to do – and I’m way better off in the end.
I’m grateful that He’s in control and I’m not.
I’m grateful for the deeper understanding of His sacrifice of His son I gained yesterday in my quiet time.
I’m grateful for the deep rest and peace He’s shown me through His presence this past month.
I’m grateful for humility and learning, and the peace that comes from knowing that even if I fail, He didn’t.
Gratitude is a beautiful thing, and I’m thankful for that this morning.
Songs I’m listening to:
Gratitude by Nicole Nordeman
Anchor by Josh Garrels
That's what I heard God whisper this morning.
My short season of rest from the attacks of the father of lies is over, and it's time to put my armor on and get ready for battle.
All summer I fought hard, and after camp was over my exhaustion was complete.
Satan had won that battle.
I prayed fervently that the Lord would take away this fighting, at least for a season - and while at the time I didn't realize it, He did.
He helped me.
He held the evil one at bay, and gave me much needed recovery time.
I quenched my thirst with Scripture, and satisfied my hunger with pursuing Christ.
Gratitude.
It's been a great season of growing and joy, and I understand so much deeper how to continue to fight for that joy in the hard season as well.
I have an anchor, a cornerstone, for my Soul - and I am not as easily shaken.
Satan may have won that battle, but the victory for the war over my Soul has already been won, and he doesn't come out on top.
Gratitude.
That's the only word I can use to describe how I feel this morning.
A deep, yearning sense of gratitude.
I'm grateful that the Lord protects me.
I'm grateful that I don't have to fight alone.
I'm grateful that the war has been won, the victory is ours.
I'm grateful that God continues to teach me, growing and molding me into the woman He wants me to be.
I’m grateful that God uses the hard things in life to teach me the most – that even when I’m running away, He continues to grow me in ways I couldn’t imagine.
I’m grateful that sometimes God does the opposite of what I ask Hiim to do – and I’m way better off in the end.
I’m grateful that He’s in control and I’m not.
I’m grateful for the deeper understanding of His sacrifice of His son I gained yesterday in my quiet time.
I’m grateful for the deep rest and peace He’s shown me through His presence this past month.
I’m grateful for humility and learning, and the peace that comes from knowing that even if I fail, He didn’t.
Gratitude is a beautiful thing, and I’m thankful for that this morning.
Songs I’m listening to:
Gratitude by Nicole Nordeman
Anchor by Josh Garrels
My Story: In 3 Minutes or less
My Story: In 3 Minutes or less
I was reading an article that talked about telling your story in 3- minutes or less, so I decided to try it.
Here's the article:
http://theresurgence.com/2012/09/29/whats-your-story
Who were you before you met Jesus?
I was depressed, suicidal, lonely, searching for satisfaction and to find something to fill the emptiness that threatened to eat me alive. I'm convinced that if Jesus hadn't come and scooped me up, I'd be dead by now.
How did you first hear of Jesus?
I grew up in a Christian home, going to church, Sunday school, and Awanas - so I'd heard about Him all of my life.
What was your conversion like?
I prayed the prayer when I was 5, but it wasn't until the summer before my sophomore year that I realized that Christianity was so much more than just going to church and legalistically reading my bible (or not). That's the first time I saw the real relationship aspect of it.
What is the most important thing you have learned about Jesus since your conversion?
Wow. I easily get caught up in the pursuit of theology, so I could say any number of intelligent sounding things about doctrine or yada yada, but the reality is Jesus' love daily has me on my knees. Every morning when I wake up to find that He still loves me, He'll always love me, and there's nothing I can do to increase or decrease that love - there isn't anything I can do but fall to my knees. Jesus loves me. JESUS loves me. Jesus LOVES me. Jesus loves ME. Wow.
How has your view of yourself changed in view of your relationship with Jesus?
I used to hate myself. I was suicidal and depressed, but Christ has truly pulled me out of death and into life. I find my worth in Christ instead of seeking satisfaction from things of this world. I am truly satisfied in the arms of Christ.
How does your story best point people to Jesus?
I love Jesus. So much. Sometimes I can't contain it, and I think people can see that - so I think in a lot of ways just my joy for life and my love for Christ indicate that it's something more than the lukewarmness that we see a lot of times in Christians. It's so much more than going to church, it's the relationship with our wonderful Savior and Redeemer.
{Praise God from whom all blessings flow}
Here's the article:
http://theresurgence.com/2012/09/29/whats-your-story
Who were you before you met Jesus?
I was depressed, suicidal, lonely, searching for satisfaction and to find something to fill the emptiness that threatened to eat me alive. I'm convinced that if Jesus hadn't come and scooped me up, I'd be dead by now.
How did you first hear of Jesus?
I grew up in a Christian home, going to church, Sunday school, and Awanas - so I'd heard about Him all of my life.
What was your conversion like?
I prayed the prayer when I was 5, but it wasn't until the summer before my sophomore year that I realized that Christianity was so much more than just going to church and legalistically reading my bible (or not). That's the first time I saw the real relationship aspect of it.
What is the most important thing you have learned about Jesus since your conversion?
Wow. I easily get caught up in the pursuit of theology, so I could say any number of intelligent sounding things about doctrine or yada yada, but the reality is Jesus' love daily has me on my knees. Every morning when I wake up to find that He still loves me, He'll always love me, and there's nothing I can do to increase or decrease that love - there isn't anything I can do but fall to my knees. Jesus loves me. JESUS loves me. Jesus LOVES me. Jesus loves ME. Wow.
How has your view of yourself changed in view of your relationship with Jesus?
I used to hate myself. I was suicidal and depressed, but Christ has truly pulled me out of death and into life. I find my worth in Christ instead of seeking satisfaction from things of this world. I am truly satisfied in the arms of Christ.
How does your story best point people to Jesus?
I love Jesus. So much. Sometimes I can't contain it, and I think people can see that - so I think in a lot of ways just my joy for life and my love for Christ indicate that it's something more than the lukewarmness that we see a lot of times in Christians. It's so much more than going to church, it's the relationship with our wonderful Savior and Redeemer.
{Praise God from whom all blessings flow}
Rest & Breathing Deeply
Rest & Breathing Deeply
Rest.
Peace.
Breathing deeply.
Satisfaction in the arms of Christ.
This week has been long, that's for sure - classes seemed to drag, and despair has set in as the homework continues to pile up with no visible sign of light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm continually amazed at God's beautiful faithfulness.
Even when I'm stressed. No matter if I'm running towards or away from Him, He continues to teach me lessons.
I've been basking in the joy that I've found from the fact that I can't do anything to speed up my sanctification. That might seem like something that's a "duh" moment - but I've found so much peace in being able to sit back and let God do His thing.
There isn't anything I can do to "help" Him along. He is perfectly capable of handling my sanctification on His own.
Sanctification. What a process.
Sometimes I wish it were faster, but I've found a lot of peace in the fact that it isn't this week.
It's really easy for me to get busy at college.
Homework. Friends. Food. Sleep. Fun.
All of those things need to be balanced, and it's easy to go day to day and not spend significant time with the Lord. A few minutes there, a quick prayer here, a quick verse read there.
It's easy to get caught up in the busyness of school.
I can very easily allow myself to read my bible or spend time with God in places where there are people. I'd way rather sit at least in reach of my friends.
But - God has been teaching me this week to spend special time with Him.
Date nights.
Quiet afternoons.
Taking time out of the busyness and chaos of school to breathe deeply of His presence.
To gain a new perspective from His Word.
To sit still and rest.
To stop running around and sit still and listen.
I cherish my time spent with my sweet Jesus.
Comfy chairs. Lake benches. Grassy fields. Sunrises. Sunsets.
Jesus means everything to me, and I've found so much satisfaction in Him.
His arms are my home.
It's been sweet to see my perspective change when I'm abiding in Christ.
Sprained ankle? This summer I would have been mad. I can't kick box, play volleyball, basketball, frisbee, or any other form of exercise that I love so much.
But, with my learnings in rest, maybe God wants me to slow down.
To breathe deeply.
To take it easy.
To enjoy His presence.
To remind me that He is King.
He's taken away the pain, and I know that in due time He will heal my ankle.
He is faithful. He is just. He leaves me awestruck.
Peace.
Breathing deeply.
Satisfaction in the arms of Christ.
This week has been long, that's for sure - classes seemed to drag, and despair has set in as the homework continues to pile up with no visible sign of light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm continually amazed at God's beautiful faithfulness.
Even when I'm stressed. No matter if I'm running towards or away from Him, He continues to teach me lessons.
I've been basking in the joy that I've found from the fact that I can't do anything to speed up my sanctification. That might seem like something that's a "duh" moment - but I've found so much peace in being able to sit back and let God do His thing.
There isn't anything I can do to "help" Him along. He is perfectly capable of handling my sanctification on His own.
Sanctification. What a process.
Sometimes I wish it were faster, but I've found a lot of peace in the fact that it isn't this week.
It's really easy for me to get busy at college.
Homework. Friends. Food. Sleep. Fun.
All of those things need to be balanced, and it's easy to go day to day and not spend significant time with the Lord. A few minutes there, a quick prayer here, a quick verse read there.
It's easy to get caught up in the busyness of school.
I can very easily allow myself to read my bible or spend time with God in places where there are people. I'd way rather sit at least in reach of my friends.
But - God has been teaching me this week to spend special time with Him.
Date nights.
Quiet afternoons.
Taking time out of the busyness and chaos of school to breathe deeply of His presence.
To gain a new perspective from His Word.
To sit still and rest.
To stop running around and sit still and listen.
I cherish my time spent with my sweet Jesus.
Comfy chairs. Lake benches. Grassy fields. Sunrises. Sunsets.
Jesus means everything to me, and I've found so much satisfaction in Him.
His arms are my home.
It's been sweet to see my perspective change when I'm abiding in Christ.
Sprained ankle? This summer I would have been mad. I can't kick box, play volleyball, basketball, frisbee, or any other form of exercise that I love so much.
But, with my learnings in rest, maybe God wants me to slow down.
To breathe deeply.
To take it easy.
To enjoy His presence.
To remind me that He is King.
He's taken away the pain, and I know that in due time He will heal my ankle.
He is faithful. He is just. He leaves me awestruck.
Love & Yahweh
Love & Yahweh
Sometimes I think I love Jesus too much.
Then I laugh and realize I can never love Him as much as He loves me.
What a humbling and beautiful thought.
I'm cradled in the arms of the One who Created the Heavens & the Earth.
I can't imagine loving Jesus more, but I'm so excited to see what He has in store and the journey He'll bring me on to reaching a deeper love for Christ.
Then I laugh and realize I can never love Him as much as He loves me.
What a humbling and beautiful thought.
I'm cradled in the arms of the One who Created the Heavens & the Earth.
I can't imagine loving Jesus more, but I'm so excited to see what He has in store and the journey He'll bring me on to reaching a deeper love for Christ.
Satisfaction & Sanctification
Satisfaction & Sanctification
Chink. Chink. Chink.
Molding. Shaping. Chiseling.
Sanctification isn't always a walk in the park.
Sometimes it hurts.
Some days I look to the sky as ask God why it has to hurt so much - but I know it's good.
In the end, it will make me more like Jesus - which is what I want above all else.
Make me more like You, Father.
I desire that above all else - to exemplify Christ.
"But whatever gain I had I counted it as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." {Philippians 3:7-8}
The past week or so God has really been teaching me about worth and satisfaction.
True satisfaction can only be found in the arms of Christ.
Not in appearance. Not in friends. Not in relationships.
True satisfaction comes from a Soul that's so lost in the love of Christ, that you'd have to dig to the depths of the oceans to find it.
True satisfaction comes from a Soul that's found peace in the truest form in the Cross.
True satisfaction comes from pursuing Christ above all else.
God truly does use His Word to speak to me, and I so often forget that.
Memorizing is hard, and it's especially to find time to do it in the busyness of life - but the Lord has been speaking to me through scriptures I memorized long ago in the good old days of red vests, jewels, and sparkies.
Psalm 23:
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
Molding. Shaping. Chiseling.
Sanctification isn't always a walk in the park.
Sometimes it hurts.
Some days I look to the sky as ask God why it has to hurt so much - but I know it's good.
In the end, it will make me more like Jesus - which is what I want above all else.
Make me more like You, Father.
I desire that above all else - to exemplify Christ.
"But whatever gain I had I counted it as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." {Philippians 3:7-8}
The past week or so God has really been teaching me about worth and satisfaction.
True satisfaction can only be found in the arms of Christ.
Not in appearance. Not in friends. Not in relationships.
True satisfaction comes from a Soul that's so lost in the love of Christ, that you'd have to dig to the depths of the oceans to find it.
True satisfaction comes from a Soul that's found peace in the truest form in the Cross.
True satisfaction comes from pursuing Christ above all else.
God truly does use His Word to speak to me, and I so often forget that.
Memorizing is hard, and it's especially to find time to do it in the busyness of life - but the Lord has been speaking to me through scriptures I memorized long ago in the good old days of red vests, jewels, and sparkies.
Psalm 23:
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
It Is Well
It Is Well
It is well with my Soul.
These words keep circulating in my mind.
It is well.
I am at rest.
While my body may have insane amounts of energy, the Lord has given my soul so much peace.
I've never breathed as deeply.
I've never so deeply desired to be the hands and feet of Jesus.
I've never desired to serve on such a deep level.
The past couple days God has really given me His eyes for His people and shown me the love He has for them.
Wow. God loves us SO MUCH.
Sometimes I just get super overwhelmed with how much Jesus loves me.
I cry. I laugh. I sing.
Love like this can't be canned up inside. It can't be contained. It MUST be shared, or you'll explode.
I feel the unity of Christ. I feel the Spirit moving in my heart.
No. I am not sufficient. I fall short. I fail, but Jesus doesn't and He didn't.
There is SO much peace in that.
I don't have to force sanctification. It comes with time. It WON'T happen overnight.
Instead of just being frusterated at the turtle pace that is my sanctification, I find a lot of peace in the fact that it's not going to happen overnight.
It's okay to mess up, to fall short, and to be insufficient - because Christ is. He didn't mess up. He didn't fall short. He was sufficient, so I don't have to be.
Peace. Rest. Love.
It is well with my Soul.
These words keep circulating in my mind.
It is well.
I am at rest.
While my body may have insane amounts of energy, the Lord has given my soul so much peace.
I've never breathed as deeply.
I've never so deeply desired to be the hands and feet of Jesus.
I've never desired to serve on such a deep level.
The past couple days God has really given me His eyes for His people and shown me the love He has for them.
Wow. God loves us SO MUCH.
Sometimes I just get super overwhelmed with how much Jesus loves me.
I cry. I laugh. I sing.
Love like this can't be canned up inside. It can't be contained. It MUST be shared, or you'll explode.
I feel the unity of Christ. I feel the Spirit moving in my heart.
No. I am not sufficient. I fall short. I fail, but Jesus doesn't and He didn't.
There is SO much peace in that.
I don't have to force sanctification. It comes with time. It WON'T happen overnight.
Instead of just being frusterated at the turtle pace that is my sanctification, I find a lot of peace in the fact that it's not going to happen overnight.
It's okay to mess up, to fall short, and to be insufficient - because Christ is. He didn't mess up. He didn't fall short. He was sufficient, so I don't have to be.
Peace. Rest. Love.
It is well with my Soul.
Knock-Out Lessons & the Slow Sanctification Process
Knock-Out Lessons & the Slow Sanctification Process
I love those days when God hits you over the head with a lesson you needed to learn. So good.
This summer especially I struggled a lot with being frustrated by sanctification.
It's a slow process, and more than ever I've been praying that somehow God would just give me an extreme dosage so I could get it over with and just be like Jesus. I'm tired of struggling. I'm tired of sinning. I'm tired of my earthly body and imperfections.
I constantly strive to deepen my theological knowledge. I constantly strive to grow. I strive for sanctification.
What's wrong with that picture?
Me. That's what's wrong. I somehow think I can speed up the process if I close my eyes and count to three and spin around 10 times super quickly. The reality is, despite of me, God will sanctify me. I don't have to do anything but trust Him and leave it in His capable hands.
Wow. Chains falling off.
This summer was hard, but God has taught me so much. He's been relieving my burdens like there's no tomorrow and slowly but surely I'm running into His marvelous light.
He's taking the chains from my heart and lifting the baggage from my shoulders so I can slowly stand, and in time run again. Oh Lord, sanctify me in YOUR time.
I've never truly understood the concept of rest.
I'm someone who can never sit still. I'm convinced I even move around constantly in my sleep, so you can see why the idea of silence and peace is a little foreign to me.
I've been gaining a deeper understanding lately. My body is still jittery, but my soul is at rest.
I've found contentment in the sweet arms of Christ - and there is truly nothing better than that. I'm learning about love from Him who is Love incarnate. Oh, to be held and cherished by the Creator of the world.
Marriage? Who cares.
Future? God's got it.
Right now, for the first time in my entire life - I'm truly content to leave it in God's capable hands.
I don't have to worry. I don't have to work at sanctification. God is in control, and He's doing a good work in me.
Sanctify me, Lord. Make me more like You. Continue to make me fall deeper in love with you on a daily basis.
This summer especially I struggled a lot with being frustrated by sanctification.
It's a slow process, and more than ever I've been praying that somehow God would just give me an extreme dosage so I could get it over with and just be like Jesus. I'm tired of struggling. I'm tired of sinning. I'm tired of my earthly body and imperfections.
I constantly strive to deepen my theological knowledge. I constantly strive to grow. I strive for sanctification.
What's wrong with that picture?
Me. That's what's wrong. I somehow think I can speed up the process if I close my eyes and count to three and spin around 10 times super quickly. The reality is, despite of me, God will sanctify me. I don't have to do anything but trust Him and leave it in His capable hands.
Wow. Chains falling off.
This summer was hard, but God has taught me so much. He's been relieving my burdens like there's no tomorrow and slowly but surely I'm running into His marvelous light.
He's taking the chains from my heart and lifting the baggage from my shoulders so I can slowly stand, and in time run again. Oh Lord, sanctify me in YOUR time.
I've never truly understood the concept of rest.
I'm someone who can never sit still. I'm convinced I even move around constantly in my sleep, so you can see why the idea of silence and peace is a little foreign to me.
I've been gaining a deeper understanding lately. My body is still jittery, but my soul is at rest.
I've found contentment in the sweet arms of Christ - and there is truly nothing better than that. I'm learning about love from Him who is Love incarnate. Oh, to be held and cherished by the Creator of the world.
Marriage? Who cares.
Future? God's got it.
Right now, for the first time in my entire life - I'm truly content to leave it in God's capable hands.
I don't have to worry. I don't have to work at sanctification. God is in control, and He's doing a good work in me.
Sanctify me, Lord. Make me more like You. Continue to make me fall deeper in love with you on a daily basis.
"For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified"
"For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified"
And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.
(1 Corinthians 2:1-5 ESV)
This passage hit me to the core a few days ago, and I haven't stopped thinking about it since then. So often I get so caught up in theology, in big words, and in sounding intelligent and wise that I forget the point of the gospel: Jesus. I don't have to use big words. The gospel can stand for itself. Here Paul talks about letting the Spirit give him words, instead of trying to come up with his own from his own wisdom. Weeeeell, Shoot. Definitely something I need to learn. Lord, help me to focus more on Christ than the pursuit of theology and allow Your Spirit to lead me. Help me to trust that You'll give me words to say instead of me trying to have all the right answers.
(1 Corinthians 2:1-5 ESV)
This passage hit me to the core a few days ago, and I haven't stopped thinking about it since then. So often I get so caught up in theology, in big words, and in sounding intelligent and wise that I forget the point of the gospel: Jesus. I don't have to use big words. The gospel can stand for itself. Here Paul talks about letting the Spirit give him words, instead of trying to come up with his own from his own wisdom. Weeeeell, Shoot. Definitely something I need to learn. Lord, help me to focus more on Christ than the pursuit of theology and allow Your Spirit to lead me. Help me to trust that You'll give me words to say instead of me trying to have all the right answers.
False Apostles & Ohh Shoot Moments
False Apostles & Ohh Shoot Moments
2 Corinthians 11.
Boom. False Apostles.
So many times in the past I've thought to myself "well, those don't exist anymore so this doesn't really apply" when in reality, false apostles are just as prevelent now as they were then.
There are so many different movements even within the Church.
The universalist movement.
The all Spirit focused movement.
Even the gospel movement.
I've found myself being swayed by the latter. I've had conversations about the gospel in which Jesus Christ wasn't mentioned once. Grace overshadowed our Savior.
Grace is good - but even good things can be idols and false apostles if they get in the way of the Truth of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.
Lord, help me to believe and understand the true gospel - not a knock-off.
Boom. False Apostles.
So many times in the past I've thought to myself "well, those don't exist anymore so this doesn't really apply" when in reality, false apostles are just as prevelent now as they were then.
There are so many different movements even within the Church.
The universalist movement.
The all Spirit focused movement.
Even the gospel movement.
I've found myself being swayed by the latter. I've had conversations about the gospel in which Jesus Christ wasn't mentioned once. Grace overshadowed our Savior.
Grace is good - but even good things can be idols and false apostles if they get in the way of the Truth of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.
Lord, help me to believe and understand the true gospel - not a knock-off.
Coffee, Fizzy Tabs, and Grace
Coffee, Fizzy Tabs, and Grace
Some mornings - God meets me where I am, and whispers melodiously to my heart.
Even when I don't know what I need, He provides encouragement and conviction in the deepest of ways - to the depths of my soul.
"For this light and momentary affliction is preparing or us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are the transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." {2 Corinthians 4:17-18}
Coffee. Josh Garrels. Jesus. It's a good morning.
The sun is shining. His grace and mercy is new each morning. I am free from the shackles of sin.
Grace is like a fizzy tab that will slowly dissolve into the depths of my soul until I meet my maker.
It's not something I'm every going to be able to fully grasp, but slowly, I believe God will continue to reveal His grace and mercy to me. To bring little bubbles of appreciation and gratitude and slowly embed its way into my heart.
Sometimes this comes through glimpses of the depth of my depravity. Without Him, I don't desire Him whatsoever. That, in my sinful state, and in my sin nature I will never choose God over sin. It's by the grace of God that I've been given that choice, and I am eternally grateful.
Sometimes it comes through good times. When I see Jesus working. When I see His grace more evidently through those around me. When I read His Word and gain a deeper understanding of the sacrifice that has given me this beautiful redemption.
Other times I'm just overwhelmed by Christ. There are days when I forget to breathe when I'm talking to Him. How can He want to talk to me? How can He desire a relationship with me? These two questions baffle me to no end - but they bring me to a deeper gratitude.
As I look outside to the sun shining through the trees, I'm filled with wonder at the works of our glorious Maker.
I've been learning a lot about prayer lately, and what it looks like to have constant communion with the Lord. Wowza. He is good. Praying for those around me. Praying for kids at school, for my family, for my friends, for people I'll meet, etc. Constant prayer. Constant communion. So good. I've been praying that God would give me a deeper desire to pray, and He comes through - not always right when I ask Him too or in the ways I expect, but He comes through nonetheless. He knows so much better than I do what I need, anyways.
Our God is good. He is SO incredibly faithful. I am deeply grateful.
Even when I don't know what I need, He provides encouragement and conviction in the deepest of ways - to the depths of my soul.
"For this light and momentary affliction is preparing or us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are the transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." {2 Corinthians 4:17-18}
Coffee. Josh Garrels. Jesus. It's a good morning.
The sun is shining. His grace and mercy is new each morning. I am free from the shackles of sin.
Grace is like a fizzy tab that will slowly dissolve into the depths of my soul until I meet my maker.
It's not something I'm every going to be able to fully grasp, but slowly, I believe God will continue to reveal His grace and mercy to me. To bring little bubbles of appreciation and gratitude and slowly embed its way into my heart.
Sometimes this comes through glimpses of the depth of my depravity. Without Him, I don't desire Him whatsoever. That, in my sinful state, and in my sin nature I will never choose God over sin. It's by the grace of God that I've been given that choice, and I am eternally grateful.
Sometimes it comes through good times. When I see Jesus working. When I see His grace more evidently through those around me. When I read His Word and gain a deeper understanding of the sacrifice that has given me this beautiful redemption.
Other times I'm just overwhelmed by Christ. There are days when I forget to breathe when I'm talking to Him. How can He want to talk to me? How can He desire a relationship with me? These two questions baffle me to no end - but they bring me to a deeper gratitude.
As I look outside to the sun shining through the trees, I'm filled with wonder at the works of our glorious Maker.
I've been learning a lot about prayer lately, and what it looks like to have constant communion with the Lord. Wowza. He is good. Praying for those around me. Praying for kids at school, for my family, for my friends, for people I'll meet, etc. Constant prayer. Constant communion. So good. I've been praying that God would give me a deeper desire to pray, and He comes through - not always right when I ask Him too or in the ways I expect, but He comes through nonetheless. He knows so much better than I do what I need, anyways.
Our God is good. He is SO incredibly faithful. I am deeply grateful.
The depths of God's Heart
The depths of God's Heart
Prayer.
God has really been teaching me the power of prayer lately.
Prayer has so much impact, but so often I forget to ask God about things.
For instance: last night I was listening to a sermon and got about 20 minutes in before I realized I'd forgotten to pray.
I stopped and asked God to reveal His heart to me on a deeper level and give me a deeper understanding of who He is.
Wow, He definitely answers prayers.
I just wanted everyone to love Jesus.
My heart burns for those who will never experience the freeing and redemptive love of Christ.
I can't imagine going through life without Him.
Today I weep for those who will miss the greatest thing in life: a relationship with Jesus.
Today I can see God's desire for His people.
His desire to save us, to know us, and for us to know Him.
Lord, use me to bring others into your Kingdom.
God has really been teaching me the power of prayer lately.
Prayer has so much impact, but so often I forget to ask God about things.
For instance: last night I was listening to a sermon and got about 20 minutes in before I realized I'd forgotten to pray.
I stopped and asked God to reveal His heart to me on a deeper level and give me a deeper understanding of who He is.
Wow, He definitely answers prayers.
I just wanted everyone to love Jesus.
My heart burns for those who will never experience the freeing and redemptive love of Christ.
I can't imagine going through life without Him.
Today I weep for those who will miss the greatest thing in life: a relationship with Jesus.
Today I can see God's desire for His people.
His desire to save us, to know us, and for us to know Him.
Lord, use me to bring others into your Kingdom.
Summer Sippin' & Learning on the Run
Summer Sippin' & Learning on the Run
Wowza. This summer has been crazy.
I don't think I've ever spent as much time upset, mad, or frusterated with God as I have this summer - or learned as much.
It's been a bumpy road, that's for sure - but like in all things, God has taught me SO much.
Hah. Even when I try to run away from Him, He's teaching and molding me into the woman He created me to be.
A) I've learned a lot about His faithfulness. Oh, have I ever. By the time camp was over, I was really tired of being attacked by satan. I was tired of trials. I was tired of temptations. I was tired of being attacked. I was just done. So, I subconsciously decided the easiest way to get the devil off my back was to run away from God. To stop talking to Him. To stop making Him priority. But, in the process I layed down my armor and curled into a ball. But, instead of walking away pleased like I thought satan would, He took the opportunity to kick me and up his attacks from prevelent to relentless. So, once again, MY plans failed. So, I put on my armor again and got on my knees. Lord, fight for me - because I sure don't have the strength.
B) I've learned to be real. It's okay to struggle. It's okay to not be okay. We live in a fallen world, and I'm definitely a sinner - so I'm going to fall short and I'm going to struggle. Fact.
C) I focus a lot on the pursuit of theological knowledge, which isn't bad - but I got so wrapped up in the knowledge part that I left Jesus on the sideline instead of making Him the focus. Theology - Jesus = nothing. Jesus + nothing = everything. Boom. So, theology is good - but I've been learning to accept three words that you learn the minute you hear about Jesus. Jesus loves me.
JESUS loves me.
Jesus LOVES me.
Jesus loves ME.
Crazy.
D) It's okay to not have the answers.
Wow. I find SO MUCH PEACE in that.
Thank-you Jesus for coming through when I fall short, which is far too often.
E) I want to be perfect. So bad. You have no idea. If there's anything I want, it's to reach perfection. To reach glorification. But, the process of sanctification is lifelong. I will never be perfect on this earth. I will fall short. I will struggle. I will stumble.
I'm always going to have idols. I'm always going to be striving and never succeeding.
BUT - God isn't mad at me when I suck. He isn't angry when I fall short. Grace. Mercy. Forgiveness.
When He sees me, He no longer sees my filth - He sees His Son.
All the more reason to strive to be like Christ.
F) I really like control. I've seen my control idol rear it's ugly head more than I wish I had this summer. Whether it's by not trusting God with my future, tomorrow, or the day to day - it was there. I struggle so much to trust God in all situations. I hate not knowing.
G) For so long I've envied those who found freedom in Christ. I've read about the freedom I should feel and seen it in many of my friends, but I'd never truly experienced it until this summer. I no longer feel burdened by my relationship with Christ. I no longer feel like I HAVE to do things or He'll be mad, but I WANT to do them. I want to read my bible. I want to talk to Him. I want to worship Him. They aren't just things I'm supposed to do or I have to do. Freedom. He isn't mad if I miss a day of reading. I just love Him so much. Aaaahhh. Freedom. So much freedom.
H) I hate being weak. OH, how I hate being weak. I want to be strong. I want to not struggle. I want to be sanctified completely. But, this summer I've seen God use my weaknesses more than ever before. I've seen Him use the hardships and experiences I've gone through to further His Kingdom, and it's been so great. SO great.
I) He is my anchor. All I need is Jesus. Even when everything else seems to tumble, I cling to the cross and the redemption I find in Christ.
J) I love my sweet Jesus.
K) There is rest for my soul in communion with the Lord.
I don't think I've ever spent as much time upset, mad, or frusterated with God as I have this summer - or learned as much.
It's been a bumpy road, that's for sure - but like in all things, God has taught me SO much.
Hah. Even when I try to run away from Him, He's teaching and molding me into the woman He created me to be.
A) I've learned a lot about His faithfulness. Oh, have I ever. By the time camp was over, I was really tired of being attacked by satan. I was tired of trials. I was tired of temptations. I was tired of being attacked. I was just done. So, I subconsciously decided the easiest way to get the devil off my back was to run away from God. To stop talking to Him. To stop making Him priority. But, in the process I layed down my armor and curled into a ball. But, instead of walking away pleased like I thought satan would, He took the opportunity to kick me and up his attacks from prevelent to relentless. So, once again, MY plans failed. So, I put on my armor again and got on my knees. Lord, fight for me - because I sure don't have the strength.
B) I've learned to be real. It's okay to struggle. It's okay to not be okay. We live in a fallen world, and I'm definitely a sinner - so I'm going to fall short and I'm going to struggle. Fact.
C) I focus a lot on the pursuit of theological knowledge, which isn't bad - but I got so wrapped up in the knowledge part that I left Jesus on the sideline instead of making Him the focus. Theology - Jesus = nothing. Jesus + nothing = everything. Boom. So, theology is good - but I've been learning to accept three words that you learn the minute you hear about Jesus. Jesus loves me.
JESUS loves me.
Jesus LOVES me.
Jesus loves ME.
Crazy.
D) It's okay to not have the answers.
Wow. I find SO MUCH PEACE in that.
Thank-you Jesus for coming through when I fall short, which is far too often.
E) I want to be perfect. So bad. You have no idea. If there's anything I want, it's to reach perfection. To reach glorification. But, the process of sanctification is lifelong. I will never be perfect on this earth. I will fall short. I will struggle. I will stumble.
I'm always going to have idols. I'm always going to be striving and never succeeding.
BUT - God isn't mad at me when I suck. He isn't angry when I fall short. Grace. Mercy. Forgiveness.
When He sees me, He no longer sees my filth - He sees His Son.
All the more reason to strive to be like Christ.
F) I really like control. I've seen my control idol rear it's ugly head more than I wish I had this summer. Whether it's by not trusting God with my future, tomorrow, or the day to day - it was there. I struggle so much to trust God in all situations. I hate not knowing.
G) For so long I've envied those who found freedom in Christ. I've read about the freedom I should feel and seen it in many of my friends, but I'd never truly experienced it until this summer. I no longer feel burdened by my relationship with Christ. I no longer feel like I HAVE to do things or He'll be mad, but I WANT to do them. I want to read my bible. I want to talk to Him. I want to worship Him. They aren't just things I'm supposed to do or I have to do. Freedom. He isn't mad if I miss a day of reading. I just love Him so much. Aaaahhh. Freedom. So much freedom.
H) I hate being weak. OH, how I hate being weak. I want to be strong. I want to not struggle. I want to be sanctified completely. But, this summer I've seen God use my weaknesses more than ever before. I've seen Him use the hardships and experiences I've gone through to further His Kingdom, and it's been so great. SO great.
I) He is my anchor. All I need is Jesus. Even when everything else seems to tumble, I cling to the cross and the redemption I find in Christ.
J) I love my sweet Jesus.
K) There is rest for my soul in communion with the Lord.
Jesus loves me, this I know?
Jesus loves me, this I know?
I am accepted, even when I feel unacceptable.
I am loved, even when I feel unlovable.
I am desired, even when I feel undesirable.
I am forgiven, even when I feel unforgivable.
I am a child and heir, even when I feel abandoned.
I am cherished, even when I feel forgotten.
I am held, even when I feel alone.
I am safe, even when I feel afraid.
I am free to be weak, even when I feel like I'm expected to be strong.
I am free to fail, even when I feel like I'm expected to be perfect.
When God looks at me, He sees His Son.
Not all the ways I fall short.
Not all my sin.
Not all of my idols,
but His perfect and blameless Son.
I am free to fail, because He didn't.
I am free to be weak, because He is strong.
I am free to find rest in the core truth that I am infinitely loved by the Creator of the world.
Jesus. Loves. ME.
Jesus LOVES me.
JESUS loves me.
I am loved, even when I feel unlovable.
I am desired, even when I feel undesirable.
I am forgiven, even when I feel unforgivable.
I am a child and heir, even when I feel abandoned.
I am cherished, even when I feel forgotten.
I am held, even when I feel alone.
I am safe, even when I feel afraid.
I am free to be weak, even when I feel like I'm expected to be strong.
I am free to fail, even when I feel like I'm expected to be perfect.
When God looks at me, He sees His Son.
Not all the ways I fall short.
Not all my sin.
Not all of my idols,
but His perfect and blameless Son.
I am free to fail, because He didn't.
I am free to be weak, because He is strong.
I am free to find rest in the core truth that I am infinitely loved by the Creator of the world.
Jesus. Loves. ME.
Jesus LOVES me.
JESUS loves me.
Struggles & Self Hatred
Struggles & Self Hatred
Brokenness. Vulnerability. Weakness.
Those may be the three words I loath the most in the english language.
I hate weakness.
I hate admitting I'm broken.
I hate realizing I can't do it on my own.
I hate being open about things I'm struggling with.
I'm much more comfortable putting on a mask.
The mask of seeming perfection.
The mask of perpetual happiness.
The mask that says "I'm always okay" "i like who I am" I'm not struggling."
The truth is that i hate myself.
There are days when I can't stand myself.
I don't like who I am.
I'm my hardest critic.
I struggle to thank God for creating me the way I am.
I get frustrated when I struggle and hate when I have idols.
I especially get upset when I backslide.
I want sanctification to be overnight.
I want to be perfect. I want to be happy. I want to focus on God all the time.
But I don't.
I fall short. I'm weak. I mess up.
I suck. I sin. I put things in front of God.
And it's frustrating. And often I hate myself for it.
I punish myself for sinning and pull away from God when I'm struggling.
How could He still love me when I'm running in the opposite direction?
How could He still desire me when I don't feel desired or desirable?
How could He ever want my company when I'm drenched in the filth of my sin?
I don't understand it.
It's easier for me to accept that God's upset with me for sinning and falling short than to accept that He loves me unconditionally.
Jesus loves me.
The three hardest words for me to accept.
Hard to accept than "you are ugly" or "you are hated" or "no one likes you."
I'm insecure.
I hate who I am.
I don't accept compliments.
I'm constantly trying to fix myself.
To be better.
To struggle less.
To look better.
To be thinner. Prettier. More artsy. More preppy. Funnier. Happier.
I desire so much so to be liked, not by others, but by myself - that it's exhausting.
I don't necessarily care what other people cares, but I care what I think of myself.
And I'm never satisfied.
I'm never skinny enough. I'm never pretty enough. I'm never outgoing enough.
There's always something wrong.
I'm never spiritual enough.
I struggle too much.
I can't balance things.
I'm too nerdy. I'm too shallow. I'm too fake.
It's easier for me to be fake with people than to be real.
I feel comfortable behind my mask.
It fits my face.
It gives me an aura of confidence. That I know who I am, and that I like that person.
It makes me feel powerful.
It makes me feel like I can help other people without them getting too close.
It's easy for me to hide behind a laugh or a smile, but my eyes often are doors to the pain below.
I like listening to other people's problems and trying to help them, but the minute they ask me how I'm doing - I shut down.
I hate burdening people, thus I hate talking about myself.
Seldom do I show my emotions.
Seldom do I show how I'm truly doing.
The masks makes it easy to fake a smile.
To pretend that I'm doing great.
I overcompensate when I'm struggling, frantically scrambling for an answer to why I'm struggling in the way I am or trying to find an answer to have supposed closure.
The reality is this:
I try to put a tiny piece of duct tape on a fountain of pain and unexpressed emotions.
It doesn't hold it in.
Just because I know the right answer or have a verse for it doesn't mean it's sunk in yet.
It's okay for me to not be okay.
It's okay to struggle.
Jesus loves me.
What? How? I don't understand.
It's crazy to me.
Even when I hate myself, Jesus still loves me.
And God isn't mad at me for struggling, for sucking, for sinning.
I was, and am, covered by the blood of Christ - so God sees Jesus' perfection, instead of my shortcomings.
Truth is sometimes hard to swallow.
Those may be the three words I loath the most in the english language.
I hate weakness.
I hate admitting I'm broken.
I hate realizing I can't do it on my own.
I hate being open about things I'm struggling with.
I'm much more comfortable putting on a mask.
The mask of seeming perfection.
The mask of perpetual happiness.
The mask that says "I'm always okay" "i like who I am" I'm not struggling."
The truth is that i hate myself.
There are days when I can't stand myself.
I don't like who I am.
I'm my hardest critic.
I struggle to thank God for creating me the way I am.
I get frustrated when I struggle and hate when I have idols.
I especially get upset when I backslide.
I want sanctification to be overnight.
I want to be perfect. I want to be happy. I want to focus on God all the time.
But I don't.
I fall short. I'm weak. I mess up.
I suck. I sin. I put things in front of God.
And it's frustrating. And often I hate myself for it.
I punish myself for sinning and pull away from God when I'm struggling.
How could He still love me when I'm running in the opposite direction?
How could He still desire me when I don't feel desired or desirable?
How could He ever want my company when I'm drenched in the filth of my sin?
I don't understand it.
It's easier for me to accept that God's upset with me for sinning and falling short than to accept that He loves me unconditionally.
Jesus loves me.
The three hardest words for me to accept.
Hard to accept than "you are ugly" or "you are hated" or "no one likes you."
I'm insecure.
I hate who I am.
I don't accept compliments.
I'm constantly trying to fix myself.
To be better.
To struggle less.
To look better.
To be thinner. Prettier. More artsy. More preppy. Funnier. Happier.
I desire so much so to be liked, not by others, but by myself - that it's exhausting.
I don't necessarily care what other people cares, but I care what I think of myself.
And I'm never satisfied.
I'm never skinny enough. I'm never pretty enough. I'm never outgoing enough.
There's always something wrong.
I'm never spiritual enough.
I struggle too much.
I can't balance things.
I'm too nerdy. I'm too shallow. I'm too fake.
It's easier for me to be fake with people than to be real.
I feel comfortable behind my mask.
It fits my face.
It gives me an aura of confidence. That I know who I am, and that I like that person.
It makes me feel powerful.
It makes me feel like I can help other people without them getting too close.
It's easy for me to hide behind a laugh or a smile, but my eyes often are doors to the pain below.
I like listening to other people's problems and trying to help them, but the minute they ask me how I'm doing - I shut down.
I hate burdening people, thus I hate talking about myself.
Seldom do I show my emotions.
Seldom do I show how I'm truly doing.
The masks makes it easy to fake a smile.
To pretend that I'm doing great.
I overcompensate when I'm struggling, frantically scrambling for an answer to why I'm struggling in the way I am or trying to find an answer to have supposed closure.
The reality is this:
I try to put a tiny piece of duct tape on a fountain of pain and unexpressed emotions.
It doesn't hold it in.
Just because I know the right answer or have a verse for it doesn't mean it's sunk in yet.
It's okay for me to not be okay.
It's okay to struggle.
Jesus loves me.
What? How? I don't understand.
It's crazy to me.
Even when I hate myself, Jesus still loves me.
And God isn't mad at me for struggling, for sucking, for sinning.
I was, and am, covered by the blood of Christ - so God sees Jesus' perfection, instead of my shortcomings.
Truth is sometimes hard to swallow.
Gospel Learnings
Gospel Learnings
FREEDOM.
came from a man
and a cross
and the wicked beauty that came
from His immense suffering.
For because of His anguish,
bloodshed,
and death -
I am free to have joy,
I am free to have joy,
health,
and life.
Praise be to the One who paid my debt.
Because of this final sacrifice I am no longer filthy from my sin.
I no longer reek of my trespasses,
I no longer reek of my trespasses,
but instead I am clean and pure.
I have the sweet aroma of unexplainable forgiveness and the deepest depths of incredible mercy.
I have the sweet aroma of unexplainable forgiveness and the deepest depths of incredible mercy.
My sins are not only forgiven, but forgotten.
Never will I pay for my sins.
Never will I be too sinful.
Never will I pay for my sins.
Never will I be too sinful.
The price was paid, once and for all.
I have been called out of darkness and into marvelous light.
I have been called out of darkness and into marvelous light.
Out of sin and into righteousness.
Away from Satan to God.
Out of slavery and into Inheritance as a child of God.
Out of death and into life.
I have been rescued.
Out of death and into life.
I have been rescued.
Coffee Beans & Hummus
Coffee Beans & Hummus
It's official. I've grown up.
I process things differently than last year.
Instead of a raging sea of emotions, I'm filled with peace and comfort.
God taught me a lot through this summer.
I feel older and more mature.
Wisdom.
Grace.
Loving people vs legalism.
Exemplifying Christ through my actions.
Being a doer, not only a hearer of the word.
Relying completely on God for strength - and seeing the crazy ways He comes through.
The reality of spiritual warfare.
The gift of fellowship with Him.
Deeper worship.
A deeper understanding of God's glory.
I've grown in my passion for the gospel and my amazement at it's new found beauty each morning.
I love Jesus with every bone in my body. With every nerve in my system. With every breath in my lungs.
And now summer has started, and so does a new chapter.
A new time to grow.
To catch up with old friends.
To sleep. To laugh. To praise God in every moment.
God is good. He is holy. Sanctification is a slow and sometimes painful process, but I'm ready and waiting.
Sanctify me, Lord.
#imlettinggo
I process things differently than last year.
Instead of a raging sea of emotions, I'm filled with peace and comfort.
God taught me a lot through this summer.
I feel older and more mature.
Wisdom.
Grace.
Loving people vs legalism.
Exemplifying Christ through my actions.
Being a doer, not only a hearer of the word.
Relying completely on God for strength - and seeing the crazy ways He comes through.
The reality of spiritual warfare.
The gift of fellowship with Him.
Deeper worship.
A deeper understanding of God's glory.
I've grown in my passion for the gospel and my amazement at it's new found beauty each morning.
I love Jesus with every bone in my body. With every nerve in my system. With every breath in my lungs.
And now summer has started, and so does a new chapter.
A new time to grow.
To catch up with old friends.
To sleep. To laugh. To praise God in every moment.
God is good. He is holy. Sanctification is a slow and sometimes painful process, but I'm ready and waiting.
Sanctify me, Lord.
#imlettinggo
Thoughts
Thoughts
Even when I'm not sure I can stand, or even crawl, God picks me up and breathes life back into my aching bones.
Zombies, Comas, and {Somehow} Surviving
Zombies, Comas, and {Somehow} Surviving
I love camp.
Honestly, I do.
The past four summers have been some of the most growing seasons of my life.
The after effects, however, as sometimes detrimental to my health in ways.
The thing is - I don't do things halfway.
In most situations, that's good.
When I'm at camp I give it my all.
Every last drop of energy.
Every last breath.
Every thought.
Every emotion.
All get invested in my week of campers.
By the time the weekend rolls around I'm entirely out of any sort of emotions.
My cup is dry.
I have nothing left.
All I can do is collapse and hope that sleep and God time will rejuvenate me enough to make it through another week.
This summer especially has been super draining.
I went into camp at the same point that I normally end it.
Burned out and with a laundry list of things I need to process.
As you can guess, it's been hard.
It's a daily battle to open my eyes and get out of bed.
It's a fight to have any sort of energy.
It's a struggle to not just curl in a ball and cry.
But every day, by the grace of God, I wake up with enough energy just for that day.
He provides what I need in each moment.
It's not always fun.
It's not easy.
It's painful, even.
My heart will need an AED in order to reach a functional level again.
But today, tomorrow, and for the next two weeks - I can't focus on me.
I can't take time to deal with my exhaustion.
I can't take time to focus on myself.
My problems.
Instead of my usual peaceful and slow decent into an emotional comatose at the end of the summer,
this one has been abrupt.
It came on early.
As in - before staff training even started.
It's been a battle.
I've definitely learned to rely on God's strength and not my own,
because I literally have absolutely nothing left.
I'm as dry as a desert with no oasis' in a couple hundred miles radius.
I'm an emotional zombie,
just stumbling from day to day -
trying to survive.
The coma beckons me.
It's tempting, and at times it's all I can do to not give in.
It's warm embraces calls out to me telling me to sleep,
rest,
take care of myself.
But I can't take care of myself when so many other people are depending on me.
So I will continue fighting.
I will make it, but only because God will give me strength.
Even if I have to pray for strength and energy in every breath, in every moment, and in every day - I will fight. I will survive. I will make it.
Then, I will sleep and rejuvenate.
Survival techniques are kicking in.
It may be all I can do to make it out alive.
I just need to survive.
Honestly, I do.
The past four summers have been some of the most growing seasons of my life.
The after effects, however, as sometimes detrimental to my health in ways.
The thing is - I don't do things halfway.
In most situations, that's good.
When I'm at camp I give it my all.
Every last drop of energy.
Every last breath.
Every thought.
Every emotion.
All get invested in my week of campers.
By the time the weekend rolls around I'm entirely out of any sort of emotions.
My cup is dry.
I have nothing left.
All I can do is collapse and hope that sleep and God time will rejuvenate me enough to make it through another week.
This summer especially has been super draining.
I went into camp at the same point that I normally end it.
Burned out and with a laundry list of things I need to process.
As you can guess, it's been hard.
It's a daily battle to open my eyes and get out of bed.
It's a fight to have any sort of energy.
It's a struggle to not just curl in a ball and cry.
But every day, by the grace of God, I wake up with enough energy just for that day.
He provides what I need in each moment.
It's not always fun.
It's not easy.
It's painful, even.
My heart will need an AED in order to reach a functional level again.
But today, tomorrow, and for the next two weeks - I can't focus on me.
I can't take time to deal with my exhaustion.
I can't take time to focus on myself.
My problems.
Instead of my usual peaceful and slow decent into an emotional comatose at the end of the summer,
this one has been abrupt.
It came on early.
As in - before staff training even started.
It's been a battle.
I've definitely learned to rely on God's strength and not my own,
because I literally have absolutely nothing left.
I'm as dry as a desert with no oasis' in a couple hundred miles radius.
I'm an emotional zombie,
just stumbling from day to day -
trying to survive.
The coma beckons me.
It's tempting, and at times it's all I can do to not give in.
It's warm embraces calls out to me telling me to sleep,
rest,
take care of myself.
But I can't take care of myself when so many other people are depending on me.
So I will continue fighting.
I will make it, but only because God will give me strength.
Even if I have to pray for strength and energy in every breath, in every moment, and in every day - I will fight. I will survive. I will make it.
Then, I will sleep and rejuvenate.
Survival techniques are kicking in.
It may be all I can do to make it out alive.
I just need to survive.
Insufficiency and Devotion Preparations
Insufficiency and Devotion Preparations
It's weird to me to look back on past summers and see how much I've grown.
Sanctification is a process, and at times it's slow, other times its painful, but the changes that take place are undeniable.
It wasn't until last summer and this summer that a new fear instilled itself in me.
What if I teach something incorrectly?
What if I say something heretical?
What if I somehow hinder a camper in their walk with Christ?
To the point that it debilitates my ability to share His word.
Oh Satan, how you manipulate me.
I've come to the conclusion that God is in control.
He will convict in ways He needs to.
He will give discernment to the girls in my cabins.
He will teach what He wants taught some way or another.
It's not up to me to say the right words or give the perfect devotion,
but to be open to God working through me.
My insufficiency is so evident, but I find rest in the fact that His glory is magnified in comparison to my weakness.
Ohboy.
Here we go.
Sanctification is a process, and at times it's slow, other times its painful, but the changes that take place are undeniable.
It wasn't until last summer and this summer that a new fear instilled itself in me.
What if I teach something incorrectly?
What if I say something heretical?
What if I somehow hinder a camper in their walk with Christ?
To the point that it debilitates my ability to share His word.
Oh Satan, how you manipulate me.
I've come to the conclusion that God is in control.
He will convict in ways He needs to.
He will give discernment to the girls in my cabins.
He will teach what He wants taught some way or another.
It's not up to me to say the right words or give the perfect devotion,
but to be open to God working through me.
My insufficiency is so evident, but I find rest in the fact that His glory is magnified in comparison to my weakness.
Ohboy.
Here we go.
I can't, God can, I think I'll let Him
I can't, God can, I think I'll let Him
Every week as I watch my campers leave,
a deep feeling of distress fills my stomach.
What if I didn't communicate the gospel effectively?
What if I didn't represent Christ as much as I should have?
What if they didn't learn anything?
What if I turned them away?
Every week I'm filled with a desire to shake my kids until they confess a deep faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Every week I want to see incredible growth and reverence for our Father in Heaven.
Every week after they leave I'm filled with the same guilt, sadness, and helplessness.
The realization I've had to make is this:
I can't do it.
I fall short.
I have no control.
All I can do is plant the seed,
God's got it from there.
I can't force my kids to follow Christ.
I can't force them to bow to His infinite power.
I can't force them to see the truth that is found soley at the foot of the cross.
All I can do is trust God.
Trust that He's working.
Trust that He can teach them through my inabilities and weaknesses.
Trust that He is in control.
Lord, take this burden and make it light.
I will rest in the knowledge that God's in control.
I can't. He can. I think I'll let Him.
a deep feeling of distress fills my stomach.
What if I didn't communicate the gospel effectively?
What if I didn't represent Christ as much as I should have?
What if they didn't learn anything?
What if I turned them away?
Every week I'm filled with a desire to shake my kids until they confess a deep faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Every week I want to see incredible growth and reverence for our Father in Heaven.
Every week after they leave I'm filled with the same guilt, sadness, and helplessness.
The realization I've had to make is this:
I can't do it.
I fall short.
I have no control.
All I can do is plant the seed,
God's got it from there.
I can't force my kids to follow Christ.
I can't force them to bow to His infinite power.
I can't force them to see the truth that is found soley at the foot of the cross.
All I can do is trust God.
Trust that He's working.
Trust that He can teach them through my inabilities and weaknesses.
Trust that He is in control.
Lord, take this burden and make it light.
I will rest in the knowledge that God's in control.
I can't. He can. I think I'll let Him.
Wack-A-Mole Idols
Wack-A-Mole Idols
I've recently felt deep distressed over my idolatry.
I've had to reconcile myself to the fact that, no matter how hard I try, I'm always going to be idolatrous.
I'm never going to desire God as much as I should.
I'm never going to defeat my sin nature completely.
Sanctification is a process.
It doesn't happen overnight.
It isn't completed on this earth.
Idolatry is like a game of wack-a-mole.
The mallet is the Word. The name of the game is life.
Every time I knock down one of those pesky moles,
two more pop up.
And two after that.
And two more after that.
The game isn't over until my time on this earth is over.
I'm going to struggle.
I'm going to fail.
I'm never going to defeat my deeply imbedded sin nature until my last breath has gone.
Idolatry is a weed.
So often I pluck the stem, the leaves, or even the flower.
The reality is - the roots are deep.
They've burrowed their way into the depths of my heart and anchored.
They've laced their way through my veins.
So many times when reading the Old Testament, I judge the Israelites on their struggles.
"Why would they ever choose that stupid calf over God?"
"How can they be that dumb?"
And so on and so forth.
The reality of it is: I'm no better than them.
I choose things over God all the time.
Shoot.
Lord, help me.
I can't do this on my own.
I've had to reconcile myself to the fact that, no matter how hard I try, I'm always going to be idolatrous.
I'm never going to desire God as much as I should.
I'm never going to defeat my sin nature completely.
Sanctification is a process.
It doesn't happen overnight.
It isn't completed on this earth.
Idolatry is like a game of wack-a-mole.
The mallet is the Word. The name of the game is life.
Every time I knock down one of those pesky moles,
two more pop up.
And two after that.
And two more after that.
The game isn't over until my time on this earth is over.
I'm going to struggle.
I'm going to fail.
I'm never going to defeat my deeply imbedded sin nature until my last breath has gone.
Idolatry is a weed.
So often I pluck the stem, the leaves, or even the flower.
The reality is - the roots are deep.
They've burrowed their way into the depths of my heart and anchored.
They've laced their way through my veins.
So many times when reading the Old Testament, I judge the Israelites on their struggles.
"Why would they ever choose that stupid calf over God?"
"How can they be that dumb?"
And so on and so forth.
The reality of it is: I'm no better than them.
I choose things over God all the time.
Shoot.
Lord, help me.
I can't do this on my own.
The Mask
The Mask
Something I've realized about myself over the past year is this:
I don't often show my true feelings.
Yeah, I show excitement, and sadness.
But aside from that - the times that people actually know how I'm feeling are far and few between.
For the longest time, I've worn a mask.
I've felt like, as a Christian, in order to be a "good" Christian, I need to be happy.
I've felt like I need to hide struggles, trials, and shortcomings.
That weakness was wrong.
That unhappiness was a sin.
I've realized, however, that no one is perfect.
Everybody struggles.
Everybody goes through trials.
Everyone falls short.
Instead of drawing people to Christ, my mask pushed them away.
I still haven't found the balance.
I feel like I'm a fire victim, scarred by the flames of life.
I need to find the balance between showing people all my scars, and none of them.
I don't know all the answers.
I don't know what it looks like.
But I'm learning, and growing, and slowly but surely I'm able to keep my mask off for longer periods of time.
To be vulnerable.
To be open.
To be real.
To allow God to work through my weaknesses, and shine His strength when I have none.
God is strong. I am not.
That's okay.
I don't often show my true feelings.
Yeah, I show excitement, and sadness.
But aside from that - the times that people actually know how I'm feeling are far and few between.
For the longest time, I've worn a mask.
I've felt like, as a Christian, in order to be a "good" Christian, I need to be happy.
I've felt like I need to hide struggles, trials, and shortcomings.
That weakness was wrong.
That unhappiness was a sin.
I've realized, however, that no one is perfect.
Everybody struggles.
Everybody goes through trials.
Everyone falls short.
Instead of drawing people to Christ, my mask pushed them away.
I still haven't found the balance.
I feel like I'm a fire victim, scarred by the flames of life.
I need to find the balance between showing people all my scars, and none of them.
I don't know all the answers.
I don't know what it looks like.
But I'm learning, and growing, and slowly but surely I'm able to keep my mask off for longer periods of time.
To be vulnerable.
To be open.
To be real.
To allow God to work through my weaknesses, and shine His strength when I have none.
God is strong. I am not.
That's okay.
Peace & Serenity
Peace & Serenity
Peaceful serenity.
The rest that comes soley from God's presence.
What a week.
As a quad leader, I scarcely had a moment when I wasn't running around helping people, listening to sessions, or listening to people recite their passages.
Don't get me wrong, I love being a quad leader, but it's super draining - especially after going straight from college to camp.
After 12 hours of sleep, a shower, and a load of laundry in the dryer - I'm finally beginning to feel like myself again.
No stress.
Just deeply breathing in what God exhales through His word.
What a beautiful, beautiful gift it is to be able to spend this morning with the Lord.
The birds are singing and the sun has scarcely met the top of the trees.
I sit in wonder and awe at the beauty of creation.
Mmm. So good.
6 campers this week. My first thought was "I can do it", then I realized how completely absurd that is.
There's no way, no matter how few campers I have, that I can make it through the week without completely surrendering and rely on God's strength to get me through.
If there's anything I've learned in the last week, it's my own weakness.
Man.
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied."
(( Matthew 5:6 ))
"Come to Me all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." ((Matthew 11:28-29 ))
I've heard that passage so many times, but it isn't until I fully reach the depth of exhaustion that I can come to more fully understand this. I am weary. I am burdened. I need rest. I've tried time and time again this week to work to please others. To please my boss. To please the area directors. To please the counseling staff. But at the end of the week - I've come to realize that I can't do it. That if at the end of the summer I can say I've worked to please God, then no one else matters. In the process of living to glorify God - everything else will fall into place. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light.
It's not until I acknowledge the depths of my spiritual poverty and bankruptcy that God can work. I don't have to try to save myself. My works, no matter how hard I try, won't get me to heaven. That's not grace. That's now how it works. Even if I please everyone and make it through the summer as the best quad leader ever, or something equally as absurd, my works would still be filthy rags. Works come from my desire to glorify God. As I work to glorify God, everything else will fall into place in spite of my own depravity.
God can either work through me or in spite of me. I pray that it's the first.
The rest that comes soley from God's presence.
What a week.
As a quad leader, I scarcely had a moment when I wasn't running around helping people, listening to sessions, or listening to people recite their passages.
Don't get me wrong, I love being a quad leader, but it's super draining - especially after going straight from college to camp.
After 12 hours of sleep, a shower, and a load of laundry in the dryer - I'm finally beginning to feel like myself again.
No stress.
Just deeply breathing in what God exhales through His word.
What a beautiful, beautiful gift it is to be able to spend this morning with the Lord.
The birds are singing and the sun has scarcely met the top of the trees.
I sit in wonder and awe at the beauty of creation.
Mmm. So good.
6 campers this week. My first thought was "I can do it", then I realized how completely absurd that is.
There's no way, no matter how few campers I have, that I can make it through the week without completely surrendering and rely on God's strength to get me through.
If there's anything I've learned in the last week, it's my own weakness.
Man.
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied."
(( Matthew 5:6 ))
"Come to Me all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." ((Matthew 11:28-29 ))
I've heard that passage so many times, but it isn't until I fully reach the depth of exhaustion that I can come to more fully understand this. I am weary. I am burdened. I need rest. I've tried time and time again this week to work to please others. To please my boss. To please the area directors. To please the counseling staff. But at the end of the week - I've come to realize that I can't do it. That if at the end of the summer I can say I've worked to please God, then no one else matters. In the process of living to glorify God - everything else will fall into place. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light.
It's not until I acknowledge the depths of my spiritual poverty and bankruptcy that God can work. I don't have to try to save myself. My works, no matter how hard I try, won't get me to heaven. That's not grace. That's now how it works. Even if I please everyone and make it through the summer as the best quad leader ever, or something equally as absurd, my works would still be filthy rags. Works come from my desire to glorify God. As I work to glorify God, everything else will fall into place in spite of my own depravity.
God can either work through me or in spite of me. I pray that it's the first.
Who Am I?
Who Am I?
Oh, how often I try to tell God what He can and can't do.
"God, there's no way you can help me get through ______."
"I know you want to, but you just can't help me in this."
"God, you could bless me in this way anytime now."
So often I tell God what to do.
I try to take control.
Do I not trust Him?
Do I not understand who He is?
Obviously not, because if I truly got who God is, I would never try to take control.
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?"
{Jeremiah 32:27}
The answer is no. Nothing is too difficult for God.
Who am I to 'tell' God what He can and cannot do?
"God, there's no way you can help me get through ______."
"I know you want to, but you just can't help me in this."
"God, you could bless me in this way anytime now."
So often I tell God what to do.
I try to take control.
Do I not trust Him?
Do I not understand who He is?
Obviously not, because if I truly got who God is, I would never try to take control.
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?"
{Jeremiah 32:27}
The answer is no. Nothing is too difficult for God.
Who am I to 'tell' God what He can and cannot do?
Our God is an Awesome God
Our God is an Awesome God
In case you don't already know, God is really sweet.
This year I've been studying the Old Testament.
I definitely went into it with a bad attitude.
"Come on God, the OT is boring. I can't learn anything from them, and I definitely don't know enough about the culture to be able to interpret it and apply it."
So often I try to tell God what He can't do, when in reality - He can.
"Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?" (Jeremiah 32:27)
Looking back on the year, I've been able to see the fruit of studying the Old Testament.
I've learned from the examples of faith.
I've seen pieces of myself threaded throughout the old testament.
I've been able to see God's heart in a bigger way - His heart for His people.
Wow. Our God is incredibly merciful and gracious.
I can't even handle it.
I think I literally stopped breathing for a few minutes.
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking. Foreal.
Time and time again His people turn away.
They get distracted by idols, wealth, and taking control of their future.
It'd be so easy for me to scoff at them.
I mean, who can be that dumb?
To have the Creator standing in front of them with open arms offering to lead them?
I feel like the choice between Creator and the world would be an easy one, but sadly it isn't.
How often do I see God standing in front of me with open arms, and instead turn to my idols.
How often do I put other things before God?
It's so humbling to put myself in their shoes and realize, I'm no better.
Maybe the circumstances have changed a little, and my idols aren't necessarily golden statues, but I'm just as idolatrous as the Israelites and Judeans.
If I was God, I'd have given up looong ago.
But God is patient.
He is merciful.
He is good.
He pursues His people relentlessly.
Jeremiah 32:17-19 -
“Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you. You show love to thousands but bring the punishment for the parents’ sins into the laps of their children after them. Great and mighty God, whose name is the Lord Almighty, great are your purposes and mighty are your deeds. Your eyes are open to the ways of all mankind; you reward each person according to their conduct and as their deeds deserve.
Jeremiah 32:38-41 -
They will be my people, and I will be their God. I will give them singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me and that all will then go well for them and for their children after them. I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me. I will rejoice in doing them good and will assuredly plant them in this land with all my heart and soul.
Jeremiah 33:8-9 -
I will cleanse them from all the sin they have committed against me and will forgive all their sins of rebellion against me. Then this city will bring me renown, joy, praise and honor before all nations on earth that hear of all the good things I do for it; and they will be in awe and will tremble at the abundant prosperity and peace I provide for it.’
So easily God could have wiped them out.
So easily He could have given up and left them to their sin.
But, He didn't.
He pursued them.
God has a heart for His people.
He is a God of mercy and grace.
Wow. So. Unworthy.
This year I've been studying the Old Testament.
I definitely went into it with a bad attitude.
"Come on God, the OT is boring. I can't learn anything from them, and I definitely don't know enough about the culture to be able to interpret it and apply it."
So often I try to tell God what He can't do, when in reality - He can.
"Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?" (Jeremiah 32:27)
Looking back on the year, I've been able to see the fruit of studying the Old Testament.
I've learned from the examples of faith.
I've seen pieces of myself threaded throughout the old testament.
I've been able to see God's heart in a bigger way - His heart for His people.
Wow. Our God is incredibly merciful and gracious.
I can't even handle it.
I think I literally stopped breathing for a few minutes.
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking. Foreal.
Time and time again His people turn away.
They get distracted by idols, wealth, and taking control of their future.
It'd be so easy for me to scoff at them.
I mean, who can be that dumb?
To have the Creator standing in front of them with open arms offering to lead them?
I feel like the choice between Creator and the world would be an easy one, but sadly it isn't.
How often do I see God standing in front of me with open arms, and instead turn to my idols.
How often do I put other things before God?
It's so humbling to put myself in their shoes and realize, I'm no better.
Maybe the circumstances have changed a little, and my idols aren't necessarily golden statues, but I'm just as idolatrous as the Israelites and Judeans.
If I was God, I'd have given up looong ago.
But God is patient.
He is merciful.
He is good.
He pursues His people relentlessly.
Jeremiah 32:17-19 -
“Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you. You show love to thousands but bring the punishment for the parents’ sins into the laps of their children after them. Great and mighty God, whose name is the Lord Almighty, great are your purposes and mighty are your deeds. Your eyes are open to the ways of all mankind; you reward each person according to their conduct and as their deeds deserve.
Jeremiah 32:38-41 -
They will be my people, and I will be their God. I will give them singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me and that all will then go well for them and for their children after them. I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me. I will rejoice in doing them good and will assuredly plant them in this land with all my heart and soul.
Jeremiah 33:8-9 -
I will cleanse them from all the sin they have committed against me and will forgive all their sins of rebellion against me. Then this city will bring me renown, joy, praise and honor before all nations on earth that hear of all the good things I do for it; and they will be in awe and will tremble at the abundant prosperity and peace I provide for it.’
So easily God could have wiped them out.
So easily He could have given up and left them to their sin.
But, He didn't.
He pursued them.
God has a heart for His people.
He is a God of mercy and grace.
Wow. So. Unworthy.
Can I brag on my Lord?
Can I brag on my Lord?
Can I brag on my Lord?
What. A. Beautiful. Day.
I got to sleep in until noon.
I woke up, ate breakfast, and worked on design stuff,
then I went outside and enjoyed the sun.
Wowza. God is good.
The birds are chirping,
the sun is shining,
the grass is green,
there's a gentle breeze.
Mmm. May.
I love this time of year.
When I can just sit outside and breathe deeply of God's beautiful creation.
Man, what a beautiful world.
I can't handle how blessed I am to be able to partake in this beauty.
God is good, and He makes beautiful things.
What. A. Beautiful. Day.
I got to sleep in until noon.
I woke up, ate breakfast, and worked on design stuff,
then I went outside and enjoyed the sun.
Wowza. God is good.
The birds are chirping,
the sun is shining,
the grass is green,
there's a gentle breeze.
Mmm. May.
I love this time of year.
When I can just sit outside and breathe deeply of God's beautiful creation.
Man, what a beautiful world.
I can't handle how blessed I am to be able to partake in this beauty.
God is good, and He makes beautiful things.
Tick Tock
Tick Tock
I feel like the next week and a half is like an hour glass.
Half of me wants to shake it to make it go faster,
Half of me wants to shake it to make it go faster,
so I can just be packed and on my way home.
The other half of me, the half winning at this time,
watches the sand just so it takes longer - knowing
that the minute I take my eyes off of it,
the sand will be gone -
and I'll be done with
my time at Bethel,
and along with it won't see
certain people for a long time.
So for now, I stare at the hour glass -
refusing to blink, refusing to let one grain of
sand sink down without my knowledge.
However, watching sand in an hour glass is
somewhat similar to watching grass grow.
While it makes it go slower, you spend all
your time worrying about each grain of sand,
instead of enjoying the time you DO have.
It's a balance - and one I definitely don't have
It's a balance - and one I definitely don't have
down yet. Here we go. Tick Tock.
Brake Time
Brake Time
It's finally starting to sink in.
In two weeks, I will be home.
I will have finished my last day at Bethel.
I will be packing for the summer.
I am a quad leader.
I am a transfer student.
I am leaving a place that I like, to be a student at a place I love.
It's bittersweet.
I know that NWC holds my major and some sweet friends,
but I've really enjoyed the friendships and community I've experienced at Bethel.
Sure, it's had its frustrations.
Therve been days when I've counted down until I'm done,
but at the end of the year - I've grown here.
I've lived life here.
I'm had fellowship with some sweet people.
It's weird to think that I won't live here next year.
Somehow, that makes it harder to leave.
I love college.
College in general is just great.
I like learning.
I like studying.
I like friends.
I enjoy college a lot.
I thrive here.
What happens when I go home?
What happens at camp?
These are the questions I ask myself.
Will I truly still see these people?
I know that, as much as I'd like to, I won't be friends with most of them.
Many of the friends I've lived life with during my time at Bethel are people I will never see again.
And that is the main reason it's hard for me to think of leaving here.
I know in my heart that I'm supposed to go to NWC.
In that decision, I have major peace.
It's just the 'getting there' process that's tough.
I'll make it.
I'll survive.
It's going to hurt.
But - it's for the best.
And hey, who ever said life would be easy -
that all decisions would be a piece of cake and a pat on the back?
As much as I'd like to pretend this one will be easy,
like ripping a band aid off super quickly,
it's going to sting for a long time.
My only consolation is the knowledge that i can still visit.
It won't be the same, but it's all I have to cling onto these days.
Camp is coming. Crazy.
For the first time in my life, it's snuck up on me.
I'm certain it still will not have sunk in until I'm driving down the dirt road on May 23rd.
Not only is camp coming - but I'm a quad leader.
Wow, that makes me feel old.
I still remember my first day of camp, looking up at my counselors as if they were the wisest ladies on the planet, and the coolest for that matter.
Do kids look at me the same way?
Being on the opposite side of the looking glass, I'm not disillusioned into thinking I'm cool or wise.
Far from it.
Nothing this summer can be done without God as my rock and my cornerstone.
He is in control.
I am humbled by the knowledge that nothing will be done by me, but all by Him.
It's a gift.
A privileged.
An honor to be able to serve at camp this summer.
Mmm. May His will be done.
And may I not get in the way of His handiwork.
It's most likely my last summer at camp.
Another last.
Another hard goodbye.
Oh boy.
I'm growing up, that's for sure.
College. Quad Leading. Life.
Here we go.
In two weeks, I will be home.
I will have finished my last day at Bethel.
I will be packing for the summer.
I am a quad leader.
I am a transfer student.
I am leaving a place that I like, to be a student at a place I love.
It's bittersweet.
I know that NWC holds my major and some sweet friends,
but I've really enjoyed the friendships and community I've experienced at Bethel.
Sure, it's had its frustrations.
Therve been days when I've counted down until I'm done,
but at the end of the year - I've grown here.
I've lived life here.
I'm had fellowship with some sweet people.
It's weird to think that I won't live here next year.
Somehow, that makes it harder to leave.
I love college.
College in general is just great.
I like learning.
I like studying.
I like friends.
I enjoy college a lot.
I thrive here.
What happens when I go home?
What happens at camp?
These are the questions I ask myself.
Will I truly still see these people?
I know that, as much as I'd like to, I won't be friends with most of them.
Many of the friends I've lived life with during my time at Bethel are people I will never see again.
And that is the main reason it's hard for me to think of leaving here.
I know in my heart that I'm supposed to go to NWC.
In that decision, I have major peace.
It's just the 'getting there' process that's tough.
I'll make it.
I'll survive.
It's going to hurt.
But - it's for the best.
And hey, who ever said life would be easy -
that all decisions would be a piece of cake and a pat on the back?
As much as I'd like to pretend this one will be easy,
like ripping a band aid off super quickly,
it's going to sting for a long time.
My only consolation is the knowledge that i can still visit.
It won't be the same, but it's all I have to cling onto these days.
Camp is coming. Crazy.
For the first time in my life, it's snuck up on me.
I'm certain it still will not have sunk in until I'm driving down the dirt road on May 23rd.
Not only is camp coming - but I'm a quad leader.
Wow, that makes me feel old.
I still remember my first day of camp, looking up at my counselors as if they were the wisest ladies on the planet, and the coolest for that matter.
Do kids look at me the same way?
Being on the opposite side of the looking glass, I'm not disillusioned into thinking I'm cool or wise.
Far from it.
Nothing this summer can be done without God as my rock and my cornerstone.
He is in control.
I am humbled by the knowledge that nothing will be done by me, but all by Him.
It's a gift.
A privileged.
An honor to be able to serve at camp this summer.
Mmm. May His will be done.
And may I not get in the way of His handiwork.
It's most likely my last summer at camp.
Another last.
Another hard goodbye.
Oh boy.
I'm growing up, that's for sure.
College. Quad Leading. Life.
Here we go.
Sanctification & Romans 13
Sanctification & Romans 13
sanc·ti·fi·ca·tion
noun \ˌsaŋ(k)-tə-fə-ˈkā-shən\
noun \ˌsaŋ(k)-tə-fə-ˈkā-shən\
1.To set apart for sacred use; consecrate.
2. To make holy; purify.
<-- Romans 13:14 -->
Put on Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts. (NASB)
Put on Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts. (NASB)
Clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh. (NIV)
Put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. (ESV)
Put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. (ESV)
<-- Romans 13:12 -->
The night is almost gone, and the day is near. Therefore let us lay aside the deeds of the darkness and put on the armor of light. (NASB)
The night is almost gone, and the day is near. Therefore let us lay aside the deeds of the darkness and put on the armor of light. (NASB)
(( Put on Christ. Put on the armor of light. Be sanctified. ))
Beautiful Moments
Beautiful Moments
I love those moments.
When all you can do is simply stand in surrender to the Lord.
When all you can do is lay your burdens down at the foot of the cross.
When all you can do is love the Lord so much that it hurts.
When God speaks directly into your heart.
Mmm. So. Good.
When all you can do is simply stand in surrender to the Lord.
When all you can do is lay your burdens down at the foot of the cross.
When all you can do is love the Lord so much that it hurts.
When God speaks directly into your heart.
Mmm. So. Good.
Get behind me, Satan
Get behind me, Satan
I can always tell when I'm starting to get closer to the center of God's will for my life.
How, you might ask.
Satan strengthens his attacks.
Instead of his taunting being a dull roar, it becomes a deep bellow.
He tears the thin veil that keeps his attacks at bay, and goes at it full throttle.
He pulls out the big guns, getting at the things that are closest to my heart.
This week he's attacked my heart.
My family.
My major.
My sleep.
My body.
My emotions.
My relationship with God.
When I seek after God, Satan seeks to tear me down in any way possible.
This time, the bad news isn't mine, however. It's his.
The thing is, I'm learning to rely on God's strength and not my own.
I've come to recognize my own weakness and my deep need for God's help in everyday life.
If I'd been relying on myself, I'd be devastated.
Like when you build a tower with building blocks, then knock it over.
Only this time, there was a net to catch all my pieces.
Satan sure is annoying.
I'll give him that.
He's persistent.
He isn't going to give up easily.
But I have my armor.
And I've been training.
Let's go.
2 Corinthians 10:1-6 -->
By the humility and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you—I, Paul, who am “timid” when face to face with you, but “bold” toward you when away! I beg you that when I come I may not have to be as bold as I expect to be toward some people who think that we live by the standards of this world. For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.
Ephesians 10:11-16 -->
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
How, you might ask.
Satan strengthens his attacks.
Instead of his taunting being a dull roar, it becomes a deep bellow.
He tears the thin veil that keeps his attacks at bay, and goes at it full throttle.
He pulls out the big guns, getting at the things that are closest to my heart.
This week he's attacked my heart.
My family.
My major.
My sleep.
My body.
My emotions.
My relationship with God.
When I seek after God, Satan seeks to tear me down in any way possible.
This time, the bad news isn't mine, however. It's his.
The thing is, I'm learning to rely on God's strength and not my own.
I've come to recognize my own weakness and my deep need for God's help in everyday life.
If I'd been relying on myself, I'd be devastated.
Like when you build a tower with building blocks, then knock it over.
Only this time, there was a net to catch all my pieces.
Satan sure is annoying.
I'll give him that.
He's persistent.
He isn't going to give up easily.
But I have my armor.
And I've been training.
Let's go.
2 Corinthians 10:1-6 -->
By the humility and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you—I, Paul, who am “timid” when face to face with you, but “bold” toward you when away! I beg you that when I come I may not have to be as bold as I expect to be toward some people who think that we live by the standards of this world. For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.
Ephesians 10:11-16 -->
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
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