Something I've realized about myself over the past year is this:
I don't often show my true feelings.
Yeah, I show excitement, and sadness.
But aside from that - the times that people actually know how I'm feeling are far and few between.
For the longest time, I've worn a mask.
I've felt like, as a Christian, in order to be a "good" Christian, I need to be happy.
I've felt like I need to hide struggles, trials, and shortcomings.
That weakness was wrong.
That unhappiness was a sin.
I've realized, however, that no one is perfect.
Everybody struggles.
Everybody goes through trials.
Everyone falls short.
Instead of drawing people to Christ, my mask pushed them away.
I still haven't found the balance.
I feel like I'm a fire victim, scarred by the flames of life.
I need to find the balance between showing people all my scars, and none of them.
I don't know all the answers.
I don't know what it looks like.
But I'm learning, and growing, and slowly but surely I'm able to keep my mask off for longer periods of time.
To be vulnerable.
To be open.
To be real.
To allow God to work through my weaknesses, and shine His strength when I have none.
God is strong. I am not.
That's okay.
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