Uncategories Zombies, Comas, and {Somehow} Surviving

Zombies, Comas, and {Somehow} Surviving

Published on 4:23 PM By Aunica
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I love camp.
Honestly, I do.
The past four summers have been some of the most growing seasons of my life.
The after effects, however, as sometimes detrimental to my health in ways.
The thing is - I don't do things halfway.
In most situations, that's good.
When I'm at camp I give it my all.
Every last drop of energy.
Every last breath.
Every thought.
Every emotion.
All get invested in my week of campers.
By the time the weekend rolls around I'm entirely out of any sort of emotions.
My cup is dry.
I have nothing left.
All I can do is collapse and hope that sleep and God time will rejuvenate me enough to make it through another week.
This summer especially has been super draining.
I went into camp at the same point that I normally end it.
Burned out and with a laundry list of things I need to process.
As you can guess, it's been hard.
It's a daily battle to open my eyes and get out of bed.
It's a fight to have any sort of energy.
It's a struggle to not just curl in a ball and cry.
But every day, by the grace of God, I wake up with enough energy just for that day.
He provides what I need in each moment.
It's not always fun.
It's not easy.
It's painful, even.
My heart will need an AED in order to reach a functional level again.
But today, tomorrow, and for the next two weeks - I can't focus on me.
I can't take time to deal with my exhaustion.
I can't take time to focus on myself.
My problems.
Instead of my usual peaceful and slow decent into an emotional comatose at the end of the summer,
this one has been abrupt.
It came on early.
As in - before staff training even started.
It's been a battle.
I've definitely learned to rely on God's strength and not my own,
because I literally have absolutely nothing left.
I'm as dry as a desert with no oasis' in a couple hundred miles radius.
I'm an emotional zombie,
just stumbling from day to day -
trying to survive.
The coma beckons me.
It's tempting, and at times it's all I can do to not give in.
It's warm embraces calls out to me telling me to sleep,
rest,
take care of myself.
But I can't take care of myself when so many other people are depending on me.
So I will continue fighting.
I will make it, but only because God will give me strength.
Even if I have to pray for strength and energy in every breath, in every moment, and in every day - I will fight. I will survive. I will make it.
Then, I will sleep and rejuvenate.
Survival techniques are kicking in.
It may be all I can do to make it out alive.
I just need to survive.
Aunica

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