It's only Wednesday. Uh oh.
It's weeks like these that I moment by moment have to remember to be praying the armor of God.
It's weeks like these that I'm reminded of my own weakness.
I can't do anything on my own strength, because I have none.
I'm dry.
Daily I've found myself on my knees, on the verge of tears, once again surrendering myself to Christ's strength. Pleading for help. Begging for strength to make it through the day. Asking for help to ward off the attacks of the deceiver.
As the father of lies beats down on me, it's all I can do to crumble to the ground and cry out to my Abba.
He is my rescuer. He is my redeemer. He is my strength and my refuge.
I can't go a day without asking for His strength. I can't go a day without His love. I can't go a day without His incredible grace and forgiveness.
Today I asked God to remind me of His love. To carry me through the day. To remind my aching heart of His compassion. His mercy.
The battle is raging. The storm is here.
Today, all I can do is curl in a ball and pray. I sit in the arms of Christ, my refuge and my strength. He dries my tears and reminds me of His deep love.
I'm going to be okay. I'm going to make it. It is finished. The victory is won.
Rough Weeks
Seasons of Trial
Seasons of Trial
As each day goes by, I'm realizing more and more how much I need Jesus.
I mean, really NEED him.
In my sanctification process, as I continue to learn and grow closer to Him, I see more and more the deep necessity to lean on Him.
This week was tough, but I'm learning to lean on Christ.
I see more and more how trials, struggles, and hardship push me towards Him.
These seasons, while they're hard and can definitely lead to hopelessness, can also lead to a deeper reliance on Christ.
I've seen my own weakness and inability to survive without a daily dependence on Christ.
In the heart of the storm, it's all I can do to cling to my Jesus. To crawl to the cross. To kneel, unashamed. To give my broken and bleeding heart to the one with holes in His hands and compassion in His eyes.
These seasons suck. Really, they do. I hate struggling. I hate being weak. I hate that satan's attacking me full force. But instead of feeling hopeless and full of despair like I did in past seasons of trial, I find peace and comfort in Christ. I breathe deeply, knowing that He is in control. I'm praying for His armor.
The battle is raging, but the victory is won. It is finished. We are victorious in Christ.
I mean, really NEED him.
In my sanctification process, as I continue to learn and grow closer to Him, I see more and more the deep necessity to lean on Him.
This week was tough, but I'm learning to lean on Christ.
I see more and more how trials, struggles, and hardship push me towards Him.
These seasons, while they're hard and can definitely lead to hopelessness, can also lead to a deeper reliance on Christ.
I've seen my own weakness and inability to survive without a daily dependence on Christ.
In the heart of the storm, it's all I can do to cling to my Jesus. To crawl to the cross. To kneel, unashamed. To give my broken and bleeding heart to the one with holes in His hands and compassion in His eyes.
These seasons suck. Really, they do. I hate struggling. I hate being weak. I hate that satan's attacking me full force. But instead of feeling hopeless and full of despair like I did in past seasons of trial, I find peace and comfort in Christ. I breathe deeply, knowing that He is in control. I'm praying for His armor.
As I'm being tested, I pray for help. I search for the deceiver's lies, and replace them with truth. I find the snake in tough situations, I see his schemes for what they are. He's good, I'll give him that - he knows what he's doing, but our God is infinitely more powerful, and His truth has staying power.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.
(Ephesians 6:10-20 ESV)
The battle is raging, but the victory is won. It is finished. We are victorious in Christ.
A rap about my style
A rap about my style
Some days I'm soft
Some days I'm spikey
Some days I wear
my younger sister's Nike's
Sometimes I wear clothes
that belong to your brother
other times I wear stuff
that come from your mother
I wear my Bethel mom sweatshirt
with nothing but reppin' pride
other times it's my baby sweatshirt
with pastel on the side.
Some days I channel my punk side
with black, black, black galore
other times I'm lookin' classy
like I'm wearing Dior
Yes I have a shirt with a grizzle bear up on it
And I have a koala sweater that people think's legit
what about my sweatshirt that says that my grandkids light up my holidays?
why would I wear things that I didn't get from goodwill anyways?
Some days I wear earth tones, other days I'm a rebel
some weeks I look like a girl, some days I look disheveled
I wear whatever i want, whenever I want to
I can look like a princess, or try a brand new hairdo
I wear pink, I wear blue, I wear flannel, i wear Rue
I love jeans, I love dresses, I love tank tops & curly tresses
I like leggings I like skirts, I like sweaters I like shirts
I wear t-shirts I wear lace, I channel creativity I channel grace
I wear sneakers I wear boots, I wear bolds I wear mutes
I wear heels I wear flats, I wear scarves I wear hats
I have curly hair I have straight, I have long legs I wear an eight
I have green eyes I wear pearls, I am not like other girls
(( at the end of the day, I know who I am
My name is Aunica and this is my jam ))
Some days I'm spikey
Some days I wear
my younger sister's Nike's
Sometimes I wear clothes
that belong to your brother
other times I wear stuff
that come from your mother
I wear my Bethel mom sweatshirt
with nothing but reppin' pride
other times it's my baby sweatshirt
with pastel on the side.
Some days I channel my punk side
with black, black, black galore
other times I'm lookin' classy
like I'm wearing Dior
Yes I have a shirt with a grizzle bear up on it
And I have a koala sweater that people think's legit
what about my sweatshirt that says that my grandkids light up my holidays?
why would I wear things that I didn't get from goodwill anyways?
Some days I wear earth tones, other days I'm a rebel
some weeks I look like a girl, some days I look disheveled
I wear whatever i want, whenever I want to
I can look like a princess, or try a brand new hairdo
I wear pink, I wear blue, I wear flannel, i wear Rue
I love jeans, I love dresses, I love tank tops & curly tresses
I like leggings I like skirts, I like sweaters I like shirts
I wear t-shirts I wear lace, I channel creativity I channel grace
I wear sneakers I wear boots, I wear bolds I wear mutes
I wear heels I wear flats, I wear scarves I wear hats
I have curly hair I have straight, I have long legs I wear an eight
I have green eyes I wear pearls, I am not like other girls
(( at the end of the day, I know who I am
My name is Aunica and this is my jam ))
Find the snake
Find the snake
This week God taught me a new game.
"Find the snake."
When I'm frustrated.
Find the snake.
When I'm downcast.
Find the snake.
When I'm discouraged.
Find the snake.
Where are his lies?
What is he trying to get me to believe?
What situation is he using to drag down my joy?
When you pinpoint the source of the lies, it's much easier to preach truth into those areas.
Where is satan feeding lies and desperation? Where am I believing him?
As I look back on this week, to the moments when I was on the verge of tears, to the moments when all hope seemed lost, and to the moments when the light at the end of the tunnel seemed so out of reach, I realize how much I need to learn this game.
In those moments, when I stopped and thought about it, satan was right in front of me. His lies hold much less hold when you expose them in the light.
Thanks, Lord, for continuing to teach me. For loving me when I allow myself to get discouraged and dragged down by lies from the deceiver. Thanks, Lord, for continuing to point me to Christ.
To the Cross I cling. Even in my suffering, HE is my all in all.
Every last breath I breath, every broken song I sing, He is my all in all.
"Find the snake."
When I'm frustrated.
Find the snake.
When I'm downcast.
Find the snake.
When I'm discouraged.
Find the snake.
Where are his lies?
What is he trying to get me to believe?
What situation is he using to drag down my joy?
When you pinpoint the source of the lies, it's much easier to preach truth into those areas.
Where is satan feeding lies and desperation? Where am I believing him?
As I look back on this week, to the moments when I was on the verge of tears, to the moments when all hope seemed lost, and to the moments when the light at the end of the tunnel seemed so out of reach, I realize how much I need to learn this game.
In those moments, when I stopped and thought about it, satan was right in front of me. His lies hold much less hold when you expose them in the light.
Thanks, Lord, for continuing to teach me. For loving me when I allow myself to get discouraged and dragged down by lies from the deceiver. Thanks, Lord, for continuing to point me to Christ.
To the Cross I cling. Even in my suffering, HE is my all in all.
Every last breath I breath, every broken song I sing, He is my all in all.
Dear Men
Dear Men
Dear Men,
Women are different. In case you didn't already know this, we are. I'm writing this to hopefully shed light on some things that you might not already know about us.
Men lust physically, women lust emotionally. While you (from what I'm told) lust after a women for sex, we lust after men to fulfill our emotional needs. Now this is not ALWAYS the case, but frequently when talking to boys, or after we talk to them, we imagine what it would be like to date them. To talk to them. To get to know them. And, after a few seconds, we imagine what it'd be like to marry them. How we'd interact. What we'd name our kids. What color our house would be, etc.
As women we want to be known. We want to be cherished. We want to be loved. We desire emotional attachment. So, while it's not as obvious, we lust too. Chick flicks play on this by painting a picture of love that seems perfect. They play with our hearts, tempting us and leading us to desire love even more by the end. Sometimes, even leading to physical heartache at the lack of love life that we may possess at that given time. Romance novels are in the same boat.
This isn't to say that women don't lust physically as well. It can be a struggle from time to time, it just isn't to the same level that you do.
We give our hearts away way too easily, so be gentle.
Help us: Now that you know, how can you help? Be careful with how you interact with us. Pursue if you're going to pursue, and be very up front about just being friends if that's what it is. We over analyze everything. Be intentional. Be careful with how much time you spend with us. Just be up front with your intentions. We appreciate it. Respect us. Don't flirt unless you mean it. Pray for us, as we pray for you. Be humble when it comes to your bodies. We admire men who are fit, but don't flaunt it.
That girl you're talking to? She's someone else's wife.
Women are different. In case you didn't already know this, we are. I'm writing this to hopefully shed light on some things that you might not already know about us.
Men lust physically, women lust emotionally. While you (from what I'm told) lust after a women for sex, we lust after men to fulfill our emotional needs. Now this is not ALWAYS the case, but frequently when talking to boys, or after we talk to them, we imagine what it would be like to date them. To talk to them. To get to know them. And, after a few seconds, we imagine what it'd be like to marry them. How we'd interact. What we'd name our kids. What color our house would be, etc.
As women we want to be known. We want to be cherished. We want to be loved. We desire emotional attachment. So, while it's not as obvious, we lust too. Chick flicks play on this by painting a picture of love that seems perfect. They play with our hearts, tempting us and leading us to desire love even more by the end. Sometimes, even leading to physical heartache at the lack of love life that we may possess at that given time. Romance novels are in the same boat.
This isn't to say that women don't lust physically as well. It can be a struggle from time to time, it just isn't to the same level that you do.
We give our hearts away way too easily, so be gentle.
Help us: Now that you know, how can you help? Be careful with how you interact with us. Pursue if you're going to pursue, and be very up front about just being friends if that's what it is. We over analyze everything. Be intentional. Be careful with how much time you spend with us. Just be up front with your intentions. We appreciate it. Respect us. Don't flirt unless you mean it. Pray for us, as we pray for you. Be humble when it comes to your bodies. We admire men who are fit, but don't flaunt it.
That girl you're talking to? She's someone else's wife.
Battles
Battles
Amidst my joy and growth, satan continues to press his attacks.
Last night, while trying to sleep, the attack began.
My month and a half of growth was one where his voice ceased to have any hold on me, but as I get back in the swing of things - it's once again difficult at times to remember where my identity lies.
I cling to the cross as the battle rages on.
I fall to my knees, praying that the Lord will give me strength.
Be my strength. Be my fortress. Be my protector, Lord.
As I moment by moment pray for the armor of God, He provides.
He is good. He is faithful. He will not leave me in this battle to fend for myself.
While the battle is raging, the victory is already won. In the end, Jesus wins.
Satan is vanquished. Sin has no hold. Death loses its grip.
But, in the twisted and fallen world we live in, the battle rages on.
I moment by moment have to fight to keep my eyes on Christ as satan threatens to fill my head with lies that will drown me.
Lord, help me. Fight for me, Father.
As I fight with the Lord's strength, slowly the deceiver's lies slide off of me with less effect.
When my eyes are focused on Him, the lies have less hold.
I believe them less when my heart is rooted in the person of Christ.
I belong to Yahweh.
Greater is He who lives in me.
Those are the phrases I'm clinging to. Lord, hear my cry.
Last night, while trying to sleep, the attack began.
My month and a half of growth was one where his voice ceased to have any hold on me, but as I get back in the swing of things - it's once again difficult at times to remember where my identity lies.
I cling to the cross as the battle rages on.
I fall to my knees, praying that the Lord will give me strength.
Be my strength. Be my fortress. Be my protector, Lord.
As I moment by moment pray for the armor of God, He provides.
He is good. He is faithful. He will not leave me in this battle to fend for myself.
While the battle is raging, the victory is already won. In the end, Jesus wins.
Satan is vanquished. Sin has no hold. Death loses its grip.
But, in the twisted and fallen world we live in, the battle rages on.
I moment by moment have to fight to keep my eyes on Christ as satan threatens to fill my head with lies that will drown me.
Lord, help me. Fight for me, Father.
As I fight with the Lord's strength, slowly the deceiver's lies slide off of me with less effect.
When my eyes are focused on Him, the lies have less hold.
I believe them less when my heart is rooted in the person of Christ.
I belong to Yahweh.
Greater is He who lives in me.
Those are the phrases I'm clinging to. Lord, hear my cry.
Deep Love & Bubbling Joy
Deep Love & Bubbling Joy
I want everyone to experience this.
Freedom.
I've never been so free in my life.
I've never been so aware of my sin nature, but never have I been able to use it to point me to God and draw me deeper into an understanding of His grace.
I can't contain this. Whenever I think about God's love and grace, I start giggling or crying - usually with no control.
I probably look like a freak. That girl who's crying during worship again. That girl who's giggling into her scarf. But I don't care. It's because of Jesus that I am filled to the brim with joy that bubbles over.
Every night I fall asleep smiling, cradled in the arms of my Savior. Each morning I wake up to the renewal of new mercies and grace - a new day to love my sweet Jesus. A new day to learn about Him. New opportunities to relish in the beauty of what He's done for me.
I hate that i missed this for so long. I hate that so many Christians live under the heavy burden of works based righteousness instead of the freedom of grace.
I hate that we miss the point. I hate that we make our walk with Christ about us and what we can do instead of focusing on what He's already done.
Christ is sufficient. There is nothing I can do to add to the gospel. There is nothing I can give Him that he doesn't already have. Nothing I do can make Him love me any more or less.
I revel in the beauty of His grace. I bubble over with the Joy that comes only from Him. I'm amazed by His grace daily, and dumb founded by His love for me.
All I want to do is praise Him. All I want to do is talk about what He's done.
I understand so much more the urgency of the gospel, when before I felt I was subjecting people to a life of struggle and chains I now understand that those chains were of my own creation. Christianity isn't following the rules and being good; going to church and reading my bible for 10 minutes a day; Christianity is falling deeper in love with Christ each daily and waking up in the blessing of His grace and mercy. Christianity is living in the freedom that It is Finished.
The battle is won. We are victorious through Christ.
I no longer live under the chains of pharisaic legalism, but in the freedom of the cross.
In daily looking to Christ and seeing Him in His glory, and wanting desperately to know Him more.
Instead of viewing reading my bible and praying as a burden, I long for it. I long for daily communion with my Jesus. I revel in my conversations with Him. I live each moment connected to Him, abiding in Him moment by moment. I desire to read my bible because i gain a deeper understand of who God is. It's no longer just a check on my list. It's no longer a burden. It's no longer something I do to appear holy, it's something I do for the joy of knowing who my Jesus is - the joy of growing deeper in my understanding of the God I love deeply and serve.
I am loved deeply and cherished by the Creator. I get to participate in His plan. I am eternally and deeply blessed. My gratitude can't even begin to be expressed. I daily struggle for words to describe the works and transformations He is doing in my heart - I can only say that He is good, and that daily I fall deeper in love with Him. May I live long that I may grow to know Him more and then be welcomed into His embrace.
Freedom.
I've never been so free in my life.
I've never been so aware of my sin nature, but never have I been able to use it to point me to God and draw me deeper into an understanding of His grace.
I can't contain this. Whenever I think about God's love and grace, I start giggling or crying - usually with no control.
I probably look like a freak. That girl who's crying during worship again. That girl who's giggling into her scarf. But I don't care. It's because of Jesus that I am filled to the brim with joy that bubbles over.
Every night I fall asleep smiling, cradled in the arms of my Savior. Each morning I wake up to the renewal of new mercies and grace - a new day to love my sweet Jesus. A new day to learn about Him. New opportunities to relish in the beauty of what He's done for me.
I hate that i missed this for so long. I hate that so many Christians live under the heavy burden of works based righteousness instead of the freedom of grace.
I hate that we miss the point. I hate that we make our walk with Christ about us and what we can do instead of focusing on what He's already done.
Christ is sufficient. There is nothing I can do to add to the gospel. There is nothing I can give Him that he doesn't already have. Nothing I do can make Him love me any more or less.
I revel in the beauty of His grace. I bubble over with the Joy that comes only from Him. I'm amazed by His grace daily, and dumb founded by His love for me.
All I want to do is praise Him. All I want to do is talk about what He's done.
I understand so much more the urgency of the gospel, when before I felt I was subjecting people to a life of struggle and chains I now understand that those chains were of my own creation. Christianity isn't following the rules and being good; going to church and reading my bible for 10 minutes a day; Christianity is falling deeper in love with Christ each daily and waking up in the blessing of His grace and mercy. Christianity is living in the freedom that It is Finished.
The battle is won. We are victorious through Christ.
I no longer live under the chains of pharisaic legalism, but in the freedom of the cross.
In daily looking to Christ and seeing Him in His glory, and wanting desperately to know Him more.
Instead of viewing reading my bible and praying as a burden, I long for it. I long for daily communion with my Jesus. I revel in my conversations with Him. I live each moment connected to Him, abiding in Him moment by moment. I desire to read my bible because i gain a deeper understand of who God is. It's no longer just a check on my list. It's no longer a burden. It's no longer something I do to appear holy, it's something I do for the joy of knowing who my Jesus is - the joy of growing deeper in my understanding of the God I love deeply and serve.
I am loved deeply and cherished by the Creator. I get to participate in His plan. I am eternally and deeply blessed. My gratitude can't even begin to be expressed. I daily struggle for words to describe the works and transformations He is doing in my heart - I can only say that He is good, and that daily I fall deeper in love with Him. May I live long that I may grow to know Him more and then be welcomed into His embrace.
Let's talk about Love
Let's talk about Love
Life is better when you love Jesus.
In the past month I've been completely swept off my feet by the love of Christ.
It's dumbfounding. It's awe inspiring. It takes my breath away.
Every morning is brighter.
Every smile is bigger.
Every moment is more exciting.
Every conversation has more meaning.
Every restful moment is spent talking to Him.
I can't breathe. I can't think. I can't sleep.
I need Jesus. Daily. Moment by moment.
I look back on the the past 19 years and wonder how I missed this.
How, when it was so close, I missed the most important piece of the gospel. Jesus.
Either way, I learned a lot of lessons and probably understand it on a deeper level after going through the fire.
Gratitude.
I'm humbled by the opportunity to wake up each morning and be loved by Christ.
To fall asleep in His arms.
To spend the day talking to Him.
To know that He cares.
That everything my little girl heart desired and longed for I have in Christ.
With Valentines day coming around,
I'm reminded of the deep love and affection I have in Christ.
I'm more content than I've ever been.
I have the peace of the world.
I have love that can move mountains.
I know Love Himself.
I am deeply cherished and adored by the Creator of the Universe - the One who made whales and crickets. Stars and blades of grass. Warm summer nights and chocolate chip cookies.
I'm freed by His love.
Free to be weak.
Free to be vulnerable.
Free to giggle.
Free to cry.
Free to be a gentle and soft.
Free to be the woman God created me to be.
Tonight, I talked to God about my failures, my shortcomings, and my weaknesses - and instead of hearing the legalistic condemnation I've heard from myself for my entire life, I heard the deep calm voice of God telling me that "It is finished" - the victory has been won. Jesus was strong for me.
God's love is unconditional. Nothing I do, no matter how much I mess up, will make Him love me any less. Instead of the panicked works-based lifestyle I've lived up until now, I'm finding the peace and rest that comes from knowing that God is in control. That I can trust Him wholeheartedly. He will never leave me - He is faithful.
Lord, make my heart like Yours.
In the past month I've been completely swept off my feet by the love of Christ.
It's dumbfounding. It's awe inspiring. It takes my breath away.
Every morning is brighter.
Every smile is bigger.
Every moment is more exciting.
Every conversation has more meaning.
Every restful moment is spent talking to Him.
I can't breathe. I can't think. I can't sleep.
I need Jesus. Daily. Moment by moment.
I look back on the the past 19 years and wonder how I missed this.
How, when it was so close, I missed the most important piece of the gospel. Jesus.
Either way, I learned a lot of lessons and probably understand it on a deeper level after going through the fire.
Gratitude.
I'm humbled by the opportunity to wake up each morning and be loved by Christ.
To fall asleep in His arms.
To spend the day talking to Him.
To know that He cares.
That everything my little girl heart desired and longed for I have in Christ.
With Valentines day coming around,
I'm reminded of the deep love and affection I have in Christ.
I'm more content than I've ever been.
I have the peace of the world.
I have love that can move mountains.
I know Love Himself.
I am deeply cherished and adored by the Creator of the Universe - the One who made whales and crickets. Stars and blades of grass. Warm summer nights and chocolate chip cookies.
I'm freed by His love.
Free to be weak.
Free to be vulnerable.
Free to giggle.
Free to cry.
Free to be a gentle and soft.
Free to be the woman God created me to be.
Tonight, I talked to God about my failures, my shortcomings, and my weaknesses - and instead of hearing the legalistic condemnation I've heard from myself for my entire life, I heard the deep calm voice of God telling me that "It is finished" - the victory has been won. Jesus was strong for me.
God's love is unconditional. Nothing I do, no matter how much I mess up, will make Him love me any less. Instead of the panicked works-based lifestyle I've lived up until now, I'm finding the peace and rest that comes from knowing that God is in control. That I can trust Him wholeheartedly. He will never leave me - He is faithful.
Lord, make my heart like Yours.
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