Skipping Chapel & A Grateful Heart
Published on
9:03 PM
By
Aunica
Words are hard. This might not be eloquent.
This morning was glorious.
Praise God for His faithfulness and mercy.
I skipped chapel today, and it was one of the best decisions I've made all week.
Okay, so it's Monday. Still a great choice.
Instead of going to chapel, I sat by the lake under a tree.
To be given the sweet opportunity to spend time in the presence of my Savior.
Away from people. Away from pride. Away from the desire to perform.
Just me and my sweet Jesus.
To get the sweet blessing to praise Him for His creation.
To talk over the past few days.
To trust Him.
To get to know Him deeper.
To revel in His majesty.
To cry tears of joy at His glory.
To see His fingerprints in all of creation, and sit in breathless wonder as I took in the scenery.
Our God is awesome. Man. I can't say it enough.
His praise has been on my lips all day, and there's no way I can really describe it.
Eternal gratitude.
Raw worship.
Undeservedly blessed.
Thanks Lord, from the bottom of my heart, for these times of connection.
For these conversations. For your understanding and love. For listening, and speaking.
Today I'm reminded of how blessed I am. That our God is not a selfish God, but a caring one. Our God is a God who truly, deeply, and unconditionally loves His children. He cares about us. He cares about our hearts.
The past week He's been reminding me that He cherishes me, and what sweet reminder.
Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude. I'm not even sure that word can describe the depth of thankfulness that's pouring from my heart, but it'll do for now.
Unprocessed Thoughts
Published on
8:25 PM
By
Aunica
A) Legalistic tendencies return. Fighting to preach the gospel to myself daily in the past week and a half, and seeing my depravity in clearer light daily. It's an uphill battle. I can't do it without relying on Christ for strength, and that's definitely not something I feel like doing very often. I love feeling like I'm accomplishing something. That I'm being used. That I'm growing myself. That I'm getting better. And when that shows itself to be far from the truth, it's hard for me to accept it. It's easy to slide back into my pre-gospel self-condemnation stages. It's hard to remind myself that my identity doesn't come from my ability to achieve, but from what He's already done for me. There isn't anything I can do. That's the hardest thing for me to remember on a daily basis, especially at college where everything is on my shoulders. It's all up to me to make sure I'm investing in friendships, performing well in my classes, etc.
B) It's hard for me to not be frustrated with myself. There are seasons of my life when I hate the sin nature in me with every born-again fiber of my being. This is one of those seasons. I want to want God. I want to feel thirsty. I had a week where I couldn't breathe without thinking about God; I was in constant communication with Him. My spirit longed for Him with everything that I am. But this week is different. School has caught up. I'm tired. It's cold and cloudy and snowy in April. We have three weeks left of classes, but it seems like an eternity with the snow. I'm reading Exodus right now in my quiet time, and it's definitely reminding me about how powerful God is. We serve a God who is infinitely powerful. The God who brought the plagues and protected His people. The God who parted the sea. The God who cares deeply for His people. The God who created babies, butterflies, and bonfires wants to have a personal relationship with me, and instead I spend my time complaining about the weather and making small talk. How can I not fall to my knees in awe? How can I forsake my time with Him to waste it on trivial things? How can I go a day without thinking about Him? How can I not be pursuing Him with everything that I am?
C) God's faithful. If there's been one thread that's been sewn through every moment of my life, it's His faithfulness. No matter what's going on, He's my stronghold. He is my shelter. He is my constant. When the world is crumbling, nothing seems right, and the light at the end of the tunnel seems oh so far away, He's right beside me, guiding me, carrying me, holding me. Reminding me of His unconditional love. Reminding me of the hope that comes only from Him. Reminding me to rest. To trust. To breathe.
Lord, help me to hunger for You.
Room Draw & Whispered Conversations
Published on
8:06 AM
By
Aunica
If you go to NWC, you've experienced the chaos and disappointment that is room draw night.
Needless to say, we didn't get the room we wanted, or even a room at all.
At the end of the night, I found myself frustrated. Angry. Overwhelmingly hopeless. Annoyed. Feeling entitled.
These are the moments that God tends to step in and remind me where I find my identity. What I hold true. What matters the most.
After a long night, I finally climbed in to bed, only to be gently nudged by God.
Aunica. How are you handling this trial? How are you handling not getting your way? How are your interactions and thoughts acting as a window to your heart? Have you really given me control? Are you really trusting Me? Do you really believe that I'm good and that I have a plan? Where is your heart, my daughter? Return to me. Let me remind You of my love and gentleness. You know God. Or I hope you do, but He reminds you of what you don't always want to remember. He turns your eyes to what you need to see - what this situation has revealed about you, and gently and lovingly teaches you through the sadness, disappointment, and pain. This was a moment I would have much rather rolled over and closed my eyes. But instead, I allowed His words to wash over me. He gently reminded me of my purpose.
I'm not saying I'm to the point where I'm happy about it. I'm far from that, but I'm getting to a place where I'm content. I know that, at the end of the day, God's in control. No matter how much I want to be, He's in control.
These situations reveal where our hearts truly are. So today, I'm praying for renewal. For eyes to see the good in what seems like a hopeless situation.
Lord, take control.
The last few months have been weird. I'm trying to find myself in ways that I don't yet understand. I'm learning how to na...