Uncategories Unprocessed Thoughts

Unprocessed Thoughts

Published on 8:25 PM By Aunica
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A) Legalistic tendencies return. Fighting to preach the gospel to myself daily in the past week and a half, and seeing my depravity in clearer light daily. It's an uphill battle. I can't do it without relying on Christ for strength, and that's definitely not something I feel like doing very often. I love feeling like I'm accomplishing something. That I'm being used. That I'm growing myself. That I'm getting better. And when that shows itself to be far from the truth, it's hard for me to accept it. It's easy to slide back into my pre-gospel self-condemnation stages. It's hard to remind myself that my identity doesn't come from my ability to achieve, but from what He's already done for me. There isn't anything I can do. That's the hardest thing for me to remember on a daily basis, especially at college where everything is on my shoulders. It's all up to me to make sure I'm investing in friendships, performing well in my classes, etc.

B) It's hard for me to not be frustrated with myself. There are seasons of my life when I hate the sin nature in me with every born-again fiber of my being. This is one of those seasons. I want to want God. I want to feel thirsty. I had a week where I couldn't breathe without thinking about God; I was in constant communication with Him. My spirit longed for Him with everything that I am. But this week is different. School has caught up. I'm tired. It's cold and cloudy and snowy in April. We have three weeks left of classes, but it seems like an eternity with the snow. I'm reading Exodus right now in my quiet time, and it's definitely reminding me about how powerful God is. We serve a God who is infinitely powerful. The God who brought the plagues and protected His people. The God who parted the sea. The God who cares deeply for His people. The God who created babies, butterflies, and bonfires wants to have a personal relationship with me, and instead I spend my time complaining about the weather and making small talk. How can I not fall to my knees in awe? How can I forsake my time with Him to waste it on trivial things? How can I go a day without thinking about Him? How can I not be pursuing Him with everything that I am?

C) God's faithful. If there's been one thread that's been sewn through every moment of my life, it's His faithfulness. No matter what's going on, He's my stronghold. He is my shelter. He is my constant. When the world is crumbling, nothing seems right, and the light at the end of the tunnel seems oh so far away, He's right beside me, guiding me, carrying me, holding me. Reminding me of His unconditional love. Reminding me of the hope that comes only from Him. Reminding me to rest. To trust. To breathe.

Lord, help me to hunger for You.
Aunica

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