Letting go. Oh man. Those words are so hard for me to even read.
I'm definitely a planning person. I like organization.
I'm laying awake right now struggling to sleep because I'm already planning out when I'll workout, what I'll eat, and when I'll spend time with Jesus this semester. Oh boy.
Control. Control. Control.
I like to know. I'd like to know what I'll be doing this summer. I'd like to know if things will fall into place to study abroad next semester. I'd like to know if the boy I think is cool realizes I exist.
I found myself asking God to reveal these things to me a few moments ago. Pleading that He'd give me an inkling of an idea. I'm so prone to worry. I'm so prone to fear.
I'm learning and relearning that I really, really need to just trust God. I need to step back, take a deep breath, and give things over to my Father. My Abba has my best in mind. He knows the desires of my heart, and my prayer is that those desires are in line with His. I know that He knows what's best.
I just like knowing things. I wish I knew that I'll get married someday. I wish I knew what that man's name was so I could pray for Him specifically. I wish I knew what he's doing right now.
But for now, I have to trust. Trust that, if I don't get married, God is enough. Actually, I KNOW God is enough, it's just something I need to move from my head to my heart.
My dates with Jesus won't stop when I get married. Jesus isn't a stand in for some mortal man.
So, when things are out of my grasp and I have no control, all I can do is pray. Pray that God knows what's best. Pray that He'll give me wisdom in my decisions. Pray for patience and rest in Him. Pray for the men around me - for leadership, for courage, for a deep trust in God. Pray for rest and peace in my relationship with God. He is more than enough.
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