{I wrote this a while ago, but never published it}
As I kneel by my bedside
Previous thoughts from the day
come crashing through my mind
words I silently spoke to myself
what I said to myself when
I ate food
I looked in the mirror
I watched numerous couples walk by
"Don't eat that, you'll get fat"
"You'll never be skinny"
"You'll never have what they have"
until I got home with tear ridden eyes
threatening to spill onto the carpet below
I thought I had conquered this long ago
that God had taken my struggles from me
that I was once again experiencing Joy
but instead, that Joy?
While it was real at the time,
was really just my fear
masquerading for all to see
fooling some
confusing others
so here I kneel
pleading for help
acknowledging I can't do it alone
Asking for strength
for I am oh, so weak
pleading for forgiveness
for the time that I could have spent with you
but instead I spent it consumed with my own thoughts
so here I am
broken and shattered on the ground
asking you to once again, pick up the pieces
and glue me back together
and to somehow use my weaknesses
for your glory and strength
When you are for me,
who can be against me?
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