A) It's so weird to be home. It was weird to go to youth group. I was withdrawn. I sit in my room alone rather than talk to people. I don't really talk much. But at the same time I don't necessarily feel sad? I miss camp, but I know I have college coming up - so I'm pumped for that. It's more just individual dwelling on the things that happened this summer, things I learned about myself, and attempting to organize everything I was taught into applications I can use in my life.
B) Sometimes I don't like myself. It's true. I don't feel pretty. I don't feel worthy. I feel like a sickly sinner. A sin addict that knows she should stop, but keeps reaching for the bottle time and time again as the chains on her wrists tighten. The good news? God is God and I am not. He is in charge. He is the ultimate judge. Even though I have a huge sin problem, God doesn't see that anymore. I'm washed clean by the blood of the lamb. At the same time, I still feel like a rotten sinner. I look back on the day at all the times I messed up and internally grit my teeth and cringe. Good news? I am forgiven. I am broken. God can make me whole.
C) I am broken. God can pick up the pieces and glue them back together, and somehow use the broken bits and point out the glue and chips for His glory. My weaknesses can be used for His strength and His glory, and that is oh so incredible and wonderful to know.
D) Let's be honest, I miss camp. I miss having campers. I miss seeing awesome camp people. I miss the atmosphere. I miss chapel. I miss having corporate worship in which at least most of the people are sincere. But I know that God used this summer to really teach and grow me so that I can be better equipped to further His kingdom in real life. Camp is good, but it isn't the real world and I need to accept that.
E) I go to college soon. I leave, and I will no longer have a permanent home. That's super scary and exciting. I'm still not really sure what to do with it.
F) It's way too late for me to be writing. I hope you learned something from reading this, from this brief excerpt from my mind.
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