Titus 3:3-7 --At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.This is the passage of scripture that God has really been laying on my heart recently. When I got back from camp this summer I spent a week processing what I had learned, analysing my life in contrast to scripture, and attempting to figure out how to apply all that I had learned. The conclusion at that time that I came to? I suck. I sin. So, so much. I sat in a deep pool of guilt, remorse, and finally came to the concluding emotion of hatred. Hatred for myself, and found that I had a deep loathing of myself because of my sin. I didn't understand and accept one of the core principles of the gospel - God loves us. How could He love me when I couldn't even come close to loving myself? Every time I'd sin I'd cringe and the hatred would grow until it reached the point where I couldn't stand to be around people because I was so upset with myself that I didn't have any idea how anyone else could even stand to be around me. The moral of the story? I was ridiculously emotionally drained. From going straight from senior year (I was sick the day I graduated. Yay fevers) to literally leaving for camp for 8 weeks the day after I graduated. I was exhausted, and this summer was just extremely emotionally taxing. I was constantly pouring into girls who needed love and compassion. It was only through Christ that I was able to give as much as I was able to this summer, and I am extremely grateful for that. But anyways, I was emotionally drained so I had no compassion left for myself. Then I came across this passage. A couple weeks ago I would have focused on verse 3 then stopped, satisfied that it had capture the essence of my suckage. But you know what the next word is? The first word in verse for is this. But. There's something more. It doesn't stop there. Through God's mercy He saved us. He reached into that pig pen of sloppy, nasty, dirty sin that we were rolling around in and rescued us. He grabbed us from the burning house to saftey. We were going to go down in flames with all the gasoline of our sin that was poured throughout our lives, but He grabbed us from the flames. And you know what? As amazing as that is alone - it doesn't stop there. Not only did He save us from our deserved eternity in hell, but He has made us His sons and daughters. We are His heirs. Good news, friends. Sure - I sin. I sin a lot, and it's definitely an issue. My prayer is that God will help me become aware of those sins so that with His help we can make it better - but at the same time I AM human and I'm going to sin. And you know what? God isn't disappointed in me. He doesn't shake His head each time I tell a lie, because He already knew I was going to do it. That's no reason to sin without remorse, but at the same time it's a relief that I don't have to necessarily wallow in guilt. I've been redeemed by the blood of Christ, and He no longer sees my sin but sees me instead as a child of God - pure and blameless. (Philippians 2:15) We also have to realize that when we are saved, we have the Holy Spirit inside of us - so we really shouldn't desire to sin any longer. It talks about that in Romans 6:1-2. We are dead to sin, so why would we want to keep on sinning? I'm no longer a slave to my fear of sin. It no longer grips me, and slowly but surely God is helping me to break free of my idols. Food isn't as much of a concern. I can go a day without working out and not feel too bad about it. I'm finding satisfaction in the love of Christ, and learning that I need to rely on His strength through my weaknesses.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 --But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
