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Seeking & Wrestling

Do you ever have those times when you miss past seasons in your walk with Christ?
Man. If I could go back for a few hours to the season I was in last year.
Sitting in my window seat, looking outside, seeking God's wisdom and losing myself in His infinite glory. Dancing in the field as the sun rose. Breakfast dates with Jesus outside, getting lost in His magnificent creation. It's not that I don't still do these things, He's just teaching me different things. There's a tinge of sadness that accompanies me. A deeper understanding of the pain that comes from this world. A realization that this world is not my home. A constant thirst for my Savior's return. ((John 16:22 --> So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.))
I love my time with my Jesus, but sometimes I long for past seasons of joy and naivety.
Right now, I'm wrestling with God. Seeking His wisdom and heart in situations. In things that I'm not sure about. Areas where I don't have all the answers. It's easy for me, being surrounded by brothers and sisters in Christ, to assume that I agree with everything others think without seeking God's heart myself. Maybe I don't agree. Maybe I'm not sure. Maybe God's heart is somewhere else? So, I'm seeking. And wrestling. Asking God for help to separate my earthly ideas with His heart for His children. Lord, reveal Your heart to me.
So I seek. I plead. I trust.
Right now, I'm learning to trust God. Above all else. In situations where I feel discouraged or like I'm losing control, to step aside and hand God the reigns. Freedom.
I'm ready for summer. For more time to seek. For more time to learn and grow.
I'm grateful. For God's mercy. For His providence. For His strength. I'm so blessed by my sweet Jesus, as He shows me that He cherishes me. I'm overwhelmed by His unconditional love and ability to speak into all situations. When you listen, He speaks. I'm learning to rest and be still in His presence. What a beautiful lesson.

Skipping Chapel & A Grateful Heart

Words are hard. This might not be eloquent.
This morning was glorious.
Praise God for His faithfulness and mercy.
I skipped chapel today, and it was one of the best decisions I've made all week.
Okay, so it's Monday. Still a great choice.
Instead of going to chapel, I sat by the lake under a tree.
To be given the sweet opportunity to spend time in the presence of my Savior.
Away from people. Away from pride. Away from the desire to perform.
Just me and my sweet Jesus.
To get the sweet blessing to praise Him for His creation.
To talk over the past few days.
To trust Him.
To get to know Him deeper.
To revel in His majesty.
To cry tears of joy at His glory.
To see His fingerprints in all of creation, and sit in breathless wonder as I took in the scenery.
Our God is awesome. Man. I can't say it enough.
His praise has been on my lips all day, and there's no way I can really describe it.
Eternal gratitude.
Raw worship.
Undeservedly blessed.
Thanks Lord, from the bottom of my heart, for these times of connection.
For these conversations. For your understanding and love. For listening, and speaking.
Today I'm reminded of how blessed I am. That our God is not a selfish God, but a caring one. Our God is a God who truly, deeply, and unconditionally loves His children. He cares about us. He cares about our hearts.
The past week He's been reminding me that He cherishes me, and what sweet reminder.
Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude. I'm not even sure that word can describe the depth of thankfulness that's pouring from my heart, but it'll do for now.

Unprocessed Thoughts

A) Legalistic tendencies return. Fighting to preach the gospel to myself daily in the past week and a half, and seeing my depravity in clearer light daily. It's an uphill battle. I can't do it without relying on Christ for strength, and that's definitely not something I feel like doing very often. I love feeling like I'm accomplishing something. That I'm being used. That I'm growing myself. That I'm getting better. And when that shows itself to be far from the truth, it's hard for me to accept it. It's easy to slide back into my pre-gospel self-condemnation stages. It's hard to remind myself that my identity doesn't come from my ability to achieve, but from what He's already done for me. There isn't anything I can do. That's the hardest thing for me to remember on a daily basis, especially at college where everything is on my shoulders. It's all up to me to make sure I'm investing in friendships, performing well in my classes, etc.

B) It's hard for me to not be frustrated with myself. There are seasons of my life when I hate the sin nature in me with every born-again fiber of my being. This is one of those seasons. I want to want God. I want to feel thirsty. I had a week where I couldn't breathe without thinking about God; I was in constant communication with Him. My spirit longed for Him with everything that I am. But this week is different. School has caught up. I'm tired. It's cold and cloudy and snowy in April. We have three weeks left of classes, but it seems like an eternity with the snow. I'm reading Exodus right now in my quiet time, and it's definitely reminding me about how powerful God is. We serve a God who is infinitely powerful. The God who brought the plagues and protected His people. The God who parted the sea. The God who cares deeply for His people. The God who created babies, butterflies, and bonfires wants to have a personal relationship with me, and instead I spend my time complaining about the weather and making small talk. How can I not fall to my knees in awe? How can I forsake my time with Him to waste it on trivial things? How can I go a day without thinking about Him? How can I not be pursuing Him with everything that I am?

C) God's faithful. If there's been one thread that's been sewn through every moment of my life, it's His faithfulness. No matter what's going on, He's my stronghold. He is my shelter. He is my constant. When the world is crumbling, nothing seems right, and the light at the end of the tunnel seems oh so far away, He's right beside me, guiding me, carrying me, holding me. Reminding me of His unconditional love. Reminding me of the hope that comes only from Him. Reminding me to rest. To trust. To breathe.

Lord, help me to hunger for You.

Room Draw & Whispered Conversations

If you go to NWC, you've experienced the chaos and disappointment that is room draw night.
Needless to say, we didn't get the room we wanted, or even a room at all.
At the end of the night, I found myself frustrated. Angry. Overwhelmingly hopeless. Annoyed. Feeling entitled.
These are the moments that God tends to step in and remind me where I find my identity. What I hold true. What matters the most.
After a long night, I finally climbed in to bed, only to be gently nudged by God.
Aunica. How are you handling this trial? How are you handling not getting your way? How are your interactions and thoughts acting as a window to your heart? Have you really given me control? Are you really trusting Me? Do you really believe that I'm good and that I have a plan? Where is your heart, my daughter? Return to me. Let me remind You of my love and gentleness. You know God. Or I hope you do, but He reminds you of what you don't always want to remember. He turns your eyes to what you need to see - what this situation has revealed about you, and gently and lovingly teaches you through the sadness, disappointment, and pain. This was a moment I would have much rather rolled over and closed my eyes. But instead, I allowed His words to wash over me. He gently reminded me of my purpose.
I'm not saying I'm to the point where I'm happy about it. I'm far from that, but I'm getting to a place where I'm content. I know that, at the end of the day, God's in control. No matter how much I want to be, He's in control.
These situations reveal where our hearts truly are. So today, I'm praying for renewal. For eyes to see the good in what seems like a hopeless situation.
Lord, take control.

Heartache & Non-believers

As a student at NWC, I admit that I live in a bubble, so I welcome opportunities to be reminded that the real world is far different than the tight knit community I live in.
Last night a friend and I went to a concert at First Ave. It was a great show, and we really enjoyed ourselves, but I couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly sad by the end of it.
Now, I definitely know that only God can judge the heart - so I can't be one to determine the salvation of any of the people in that room, but it's safe to say that a lot of them probably didn't love Jesus.
By the end of the night this struck me as I scanned the crowd. I felt helpless as I knew the fate of the people around me, but also knew that our culture has turned people off to religion in a serious way.
I just want everyone to love Jesus. I desire for them to understand His love. To experience the same life-changing freedom and unexplainable forgiveness and grace.
Where do those who don't believe in Jesus find their hope? In themselves? In their job? Their boyfriend/girlfriend? Their success?
Nothing in this world is stable or constant aside from Christ. Nothing.
As much as I love my family and my friends, they've all let me down from time to time, and I'm sure I've let them down in return.
Today, I'm clinging to Christ and praying for the non-believers that I come in contact with. Praying for opportunities to share His incredible work. Praying for others as they share the hope of Christ. Asking God to work in the hearts of non-believers in Minneapolis and across the world.
As much as I want to will people into believing, I know only God can change hearts.
Lord, this is in your hands.

Positivity & Sunshine

It's sunny outside.
I'm wearing pastels.
I'm talking to Jesus.
It's morning.
Needless to say, I'm happy.
Do I have a lot to do today? Yes.
Could I be stressed about it? Of course.
But today, I'm choosing not to be stressed.
I'm choosing to take this time to focus my eyes on Jesus.
My identity doesn't lie in a letter.
My identity comes solely from Christ. I am a daughter of the King.
Mornings signify potential.
They remind me of new beginnings.
Creation wakes up from its slumber as the sun warmly and gently reminds them to rise.
The sun is one of the ways I interact with God.
Whenever I feel the sun on my skin, I can feel God's presence.
His arms around me. His gentle whisper. His smile.
Today, I choose joy.
I choose to find happiness in the little things.
To focus on the good instead of the negative.
Thanks, Jesus for this beautiful day.
This moment of relaxation, of breathing before diving in.
Thanks, Lord, for your beautiful creation - it leaves me breathless. 

Dear Women

Dear Women,

A) Ladies, I want to address a trend that's really troubling. We get really upset when guys objectify us and treat us like meat. We hate it when they talk about our bodies like they're something to be devoured instead of a part of the temple of the Holy Spirit that we are.
Somehow, however, in our culture we've decided as women that, if guys are going to treat US like meat, we're going to treat THEM like meat. As if by objectifying them as well we'll get some form of "power" or "upper hand".

Not sure what I'm talking about? Does "man candy monday" ring a bell? Have you been on pinterest and seen pictures of hot guys without their shirts on being pinned? Do you have a pinterest board filled with pictures of celebrity men showing off their abs?

Ladies. Is this how we're guarding our hearts?

I can't speak for you, but I really want to do everything I can to honor God as well as my future husband. I know one way I can guard my heart is by not giving myself a false representation of what men should look like.
I don't want guys walking around with a picture of a Victoria's Secret model thinking that's what we all should look like and being disappointed when we don't. Likewise, I don't think we should expect all men to look like celebrities. This gives us false expectations of what God intended.

When you get married, your husband becomes your expectation for a man. He is your definition of what a man should look like, not some guy in a magazine. Likewise, we as women, should be our husbands' definition of beautiful.

So, I guess what I'm saying is this: guard your hearts. Don't demean men and make them objects, and pray that they do the same. By objectifying men we aren't gaining anything, and we definitely aren't gaining their respect. Treat them as human beings.






Guard your hearts. Respect our men. Respect yourselves. Respect God and His creation.

B) Women, pray for the men around you. Pray for your fathers. Pray for your brothers. Pray for your friends. Pray for the guys around you. They daily have to fight to maintain their purity of mind and resist temptation.

If you have any questions or thoughts, feel free to contact me, I'd love to talk!

Blessings,
Aunica

Lord, Be My Strength

Most of the time when I write things, I go into it with a semi-clear agenda or idea I want to get across.
Tonight, that isn't the case.
In my haste to get home for spring break I forgot my bible at school. God used that as a reminder tonight to draw me back to him. I've been avoiding him. I'm not sure why. Today, I was upset - and I didn't know why. Then, through these events and others I've come to realize I've once again put God on the back burner. As if, since I feel like I've been learning a lot recently, I can take a break from learning. Check that off the list for now and move on to other things.
Finals came and went. Classes ended, and I'll start some new ones when spring break is over - but what troubles me most is my ability to "forget" God. Man, this is something satan uses SO often in our culture, and especially in my life. satan doesn't have to do much in order to push me off the right path. He just has to remind me of the "busyness" of life.

If I've been learning anything lately it's the reality of spiritual warfare. God's been opening my eyes to the battle that's raging all around us. It's so easy for me to be lulled into a false sense of security. When things seem to be going well, I put down my sword and take off my armor. Just when I'm sitting on a proverbial porch swing drinking some proverbial lemonade, satan swoops in and starts weaving lies into my life that can easily go undetected if I'm not on the constant lookout for them.
As I feel irritable, spiritually exhausted, and discouraged - I realize my desperation for Christ. My body and soul long and cry out for His redemption. I need Him. I need His love. I need His mercy. I need His strength.
If I'm left on my own, my armor will stay on the ground. I don't have to strength to put it back on and wield my sword. I need His strength. I need Him as my refuge and shelter.
When things seem to be going well, I try to survive on my own strength. It's only when I'm broken and struggling that I'm reminded of my desperate need to rely on Him. Without Him, my sword clatters to the ground useless.


Lord, help me. I can't do this on my own.

<< Find the snake. Defeat his lies. >>







1 Peter 5:8-10 --> 
Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

Spring Break 2013

Home.
Family.
Painting.
Lamps.
Thinking.
The Nature Sounds track.
My bed.
4 hours of quality chatting with my Papa.
Brownies and ice cream.
Best friend date tomorrow afternoon // sleepover.
Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.


No homework.



It's good to be home.
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