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Reminded

I'm reminded today of all the families who are missing children or parents.
Of the parents who want to wake up to find that it was all a bad dream.
Of the tear-streaked faces.
Of the numb pain.
Of presents that will never be opened.
Of the children whose eyes will never open.
Of the Christmas that won't be filled with family time and laughter, but funerals and tears.
My heart aches for theses families.
I can't express the pain I feel for them, and my soul pleads for their comfort.
Lord, hold them in your arms - remind them of your Love and purpose today and for the days and years to come.
Renew their hope.
Help them to take one step at a time and breathe in your comfort and peace.
Their lives are forever changed, but I pray that God can be glorified through this horror.
While America thinks of them for a few hours or a few days, these parents will never forget this tragedy.
My prayer is that, while they will never forget or fully recover, that they will find their comfort and peace in Christ.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." (Romans 12:15)


This world is not our home, and today I'm thankful for that reminder. Set eternity in our hearts, Lord.

"27 Killed in Connecticut Shooting, Including 20 Children"

This world is not my home. This world is not my home. This world is not my home.
Those are the words I've been reminded of throughout the day.
The moment I read the headline telling the sick tale of the Connecticut elementary school shooting, my heart stopped. I stopped breathing. Time stopped ticking. My stomach started churning.
My brain was frantic. How could someone do something like this? Who could go into an elementary school and shoot children? Even typing those words makes me want to throw up. Who could look in the eyes of these children and end their lives?
I don't have kids, but I come in contact with them every day. I see the joy that they bring to those around them. Their innocent questions, their grins as they learn new things, their general happiness in life. I can't for a second imagine the immense heartache these parents are undergoing. Their lives have been flipped upside down.

Today, many people will ask "how could a good God allow this to happen?"
We're asking the wrong question. I know that our God is grieving as well. He loves children, He has a heart for them. There is evil in the world. We live in a fallen world. These instances shouldn't make us question God's sovereignty, but instead remind us that our hope comes from Christ. This earth is not our home. For those of us who deeply love the Lord, this is the closest thing we'll experience to hell. This reminds us that life is short. Those parents didn't send their kids to school today knowing that was the last time they'd look in their eyes, give them a hug, or zip up their coat. Our lives are but a vapor in the wind. Each breath could be our last. There is an urgency in our good news(the gospel). We know Hope. We know Life. We know Love. He is our comfort and our solace. This event shouldn't lead us to question God, but to realize what really matters here on earth - Jesus. I know talking about Christ can be "scary", but in the long run I'd rather be known as a Jesus freak than someone who had the good news but didn't share it. Why are we so afraid?

I grieve for the lives lost today. For the children who won't get to open their Christmas presents this year. For the parents who have to live each day feeling the hole their child left in their heart. For the kids who witnessed this tragedy - their lives will never be the same. For the family members of the adults who were also shot today.
I don't have kids of my own, but my heart weeps for those who were effected by this tragedy. I've had campers who were that age & my toddlers at daycare aren't much younger than some of the lives lost today. Their beautiful faces flashed through my head this afternoon. Parents all over the country are holding their children a little closer today, as they're abruptly reminded of the blessing that their child is.

Hold your loved ones close. Comfort those who are grieving. Be reminded that this is not our home. Share Jesus with urgency - we have no idea how much time we really have here on earth. I pray that God would somehow be glorified through this tragedy.

Confessions of a Closet Pharisee

{& the baby stepping process of breaking free from the chains of legalism}

Until this summer, if you'd have asked me if I believed in works based righteousness I would have adamantly denied it. This denial surely would have come with a free recitation of some passages about how your works come from the overflow of your faith or a talk about how we can't earn our salvation.

After a long process of deep soul searching, some bumpy roads, and a lot of disgruntled growing - I realized that, while my mouth was saying those things, my heart and mind weren't on board. I knew in my words that I wasn't saved by my works or my apparent amount of "holiness" but in fact by my faith alone. Somehow this has always been a hard concept for me to grasp, I just didn't realize it at the time. Somehow, the translation was lost between my tongue and my heart.

 Until this summer, I never felt the freedom that should always accompany the gospel. My relationship with Christ came with the chains that I believed had to follow when understanding the law. There was my mistake. I viewed the law as some form of slavery. Sure I'd been saved from the darkness and slavery to sin, but I felt like I'd gone from one terrible master to a lesser of the two evils. I felt enslaved to the law. Burdened by my sin, and brought down by the law's ability to constantly remind me of what a failure I was.

I was exhausted. I was discouraged. I constantly felt the weight of my shortcomings and my failures. And most of all I was burned out. As I tried to fulfill the law on my own, missing hoop after hoop, my discouragement grew with every failure. Throughout the summer I grew angry with God. In my exhaustion I reached the end of my ability to handle my own failures day after day. Slowly, throughout a season of anger, the Lord whispered to the depths of my heart.

It's been a process. Baby stepping my way out of my chains and little by little gaining the true peace and freedom that should accompany the gospel. The law doesn't enslave, it frees. That something I've learned the hard way. I always wanted to live up to God's standards. I felt like, somehow, I had to work for His love and affection - that maybe, if I lived up to His desires He'd love me. However, that's not how God's love works. No matter what I do, I can't make Him love me any more or less. Unconditional love is one of the hardest things for me to grasp.  I don't have to live up to the law, in fact - I CAN'T fulfill the law. The law shows me how I fail, but Jesus already fulfilled God's standards - so I'm free to fall short and fail. I've found that through this freedom my desire to follow His laws is so much greater.
It's been a crazy journey, a bumpy road, and I don't feel like I've had time to catch my breath yet. I'm beginning to see that the law is, in fact, there for our own good - which of these rules would we benefit from getting rid of? None of them. They're all in place so we can live the best lives possible.

The closer I grow to God, the more I desire to serve Him. Now, instead of seeing the law as chains and slavery. I can't do it on my own, and I don't have to. Relying on God for strength and joy has been one of the best decisions I've made this semester.

Thanks, Lord for:
Lessons, growing pains, Your incredible faithfulness, grace, the law, the gospel, snow, the great outdoors, NOOSA greek yogurt (yum yum yum), protein, dancing, and the hope of Christmas break.


Resurgence Articles I'm resonating with this week:
A. http://theresurgence.com/2010/12/28/i-just-need-to-give-myself-grace
B. http://theresurgence.com/2012/11/23/the-cure-for-backsliding?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=theresurgence&utm_campaign=The%2BResurgence%2BTwitter
C. theresurgence.com/2012/10/24/6-warning-signs-were-becoming-accidental-pharisees
D. http://theresurgence.com/2012/10/24/i-see-you-and-i-judge
E. http://theresurgence.com/2012/08/01/the-3-chains-of-legalism

Things I love about Design

Things I love in the Design World:
- Triangles, Triangles, TRIANGLES!
- Pastels
- Arrows
- The letters V & A (they resemble triangles)
- Good typography. Drool.
- Chevrons
- PATTERNS
- Good color palettes
- Colors!
- Sans Serifs
- Simplicity
- Minimalism
- Lines
- TRIANGLES
- ALL CAPITAL LETTERS
- Copperplate, Bebas, Cambria, Callisto, Helvetica
- Thin typefaces
- Opacity!
- Shapes
- Overlays
- Good lighting
- Nature
- Type on pictures
- Did I mention good typography?
- Soft lighting
- And last, but not least -- TRIANGLES!

Raise My Voice

Do you have spotify? Then look up Raise My Voice (acoustic) by the Robbie Seay Band.
So good.

Raise My Voice (the non-acoustic version)

I like the acoustic version better, so I recommend that you find it!

Here are the lyrics:

If everything I had was lost
If everything I had was gone
If everything I knew was suddenly a fraud
And all I had was you holding on

Would it all be the same
Could I find beauty in the pain?
Would I sing your praise
Would I seek your face

I raise my voice loud and sing
Tell them all what you’ve done for me
Even in my darkest days
I’m going sing your praise (2x)

Everywhere I look today
Every common tree is blaze
With the fire of God the maker of the stars and
The healer of my heart
Where would I be if you never gave me the eyes to see
I praise you, oh I praise you

I raise my voice loud and sing
Tell them all what you’ve done for me
Even in my darkest days
I’m going sing your praise (2x)

Your grace is like an ocean crashing like hope
Your peace is like a river flooding my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul

Nostalgia

Holidays always leave me nostalgic.
It's crazy to think how much has changed in the past year.
I've grown up a lot, that's for sure.
Freshman year.
Oh man.
Back when I didn't know who I was.
God has taught me so much over the past year.
Moments when your heart hurts for the younger version of yourself.
Sometimes I wonder, if it was possible to go back in time, if I would do it.
I can't pinpoint the day I started processing things,
the moment I stopped pushing my emotions into the deep,
but J-term was living hell.
If I'd known processing meant reliving every hard, painful moment of my life - I'd have done everything I could to find a way to keep my fake smile and surface level laughter.
Now that I'm through the majority of it and healing has come, however, I see the good in it.
I've been refined. I've been tested. I've endured. I've perservered.
I can see the beauty now through the pain, but it's taken a long time.
I'm a different version of myself.
Instead of trying to patch up the cracks, I let the light shine through them.
I'm open about my struggles.
I'm open about the past, the trials, & the pain.
I miss some parts of who I used to be, but I'm much more comfortable in my skin now.
I'm free.
The chains of the past no longer have a hold on me.
Satan's little whispered barbs don't stick as deeply.
My smile is genuine.
My Joy is complete in Christ.
It's not just in my head, it's in my heart.
The mask is off. I'm real with people.
Real talk. All the time.
I'd never have guessed it'd take so long for me to learn how to be honest about how I'm doing or what's going on.
Praise God for His incredible faithfulness! He alone is the anchor for my soul. He is my refuge. He is my strength. He is my shelter in the storm.

Thinking Out loud

Busy. Busy. Busy.
As Christmas near (EEP!) and classes continue to be crazy, I'm reminded of that scene in Frosty the Snowman where the man who originally owned the hat says "Bus-y, Bus-y, Bus-y!"
Okay. So I don't remember the context or anything, but it's definitely been on my mind.

My soul longs for Christ.
My heart aches for His companionship.
I want Him. I need Him. I cannot and will not live without Him.
I know these things. I feel them, but it's been really easy for me to forget them in the craziness of life.
I'm not sure why it's different here than at Bethel. Maybe because I feel less lonely and I have less free time?
Last year I was really good about getting my Jesus time.
Date night every week. Breakfast every morning.
Jesus was always on my mind.
I guess satan attacked me in different ways, though.
This semester his attack has come in the form of busyness.
When I'm working on homework, hanging out with friends, or going to class it's easy for me to forget to get my special time with Jesus.
I think after this summer when I got out of the habit it's hard to get back in.
Busyness clouds my vision.
It numbs my desire.
It gives me spiritual amnesia.
I know that I need Jesus. I feel it, but I forget it in my free time.
I need Jesus. Not just through my classes or through chapel, but I need my personal time with Him.
He is all that matters.
Lord, set eternity in my heart and renew my desire for You.

Seek God

In times of trouble? Seek God.
In times of joy? Seek God.
In times of turmoil? Seek God.
In times of worry? Seek God.
In times of confusion? Seek God.
In times of sadness? Seek God.
In times of uncertainty? Seek God.
In times of despair? Seek God.
In all times, in all circumstances, seek God.

Life 101

Since I haven't written in a while, this might be kind of long.
A) God is good. So good.
I'm daily overwhelmed by his faithfulness and unconditional love.
I can't believe how much He's blessed me so far this semester.
I mean, don't get me wrong - it's had it's ups and downs, but God is faithful and constant through the storm.
He anchors my Soul.

B) I used to be legalistic.
God and I are working on that.
It's a slow process to extract the poison legalism has left in my blood stream.
I no longer read my bible because I feel a sense of obligation, but because I want to.
I find JOY in Christ, not shackles.
There is freedom in Christ.
In enjoying His embrace.

C) Love. Love. Love.
I love Jesus. So much.
I'm head over heels.
I'm overwhelmed.
I'm starstruck.
I love talking to Him.
When I first wake up, when I go to sleep, and everything inbetween.
Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.
His love is astounding. Breathetaking. Awe-inspiring.
And Oh, so undeserved.

D) This summer was hard. Yes. It sucked.
Pain. Anguish. Darkness.
Through the storms, we learn the most.
We grow. We're refined.
I've learned so much.
I've grown so much.
I've found peace.
I've found rest.
I've found the heart of Christ.

E) I'm so grateful for Jesus.
I can't even begin to describe it.
I'm so excited to get to grown in my love for Him.
How can I love Him any more?
I fear that I may burst from my affection for Him.

F) Time flies.
I can't believe it's nearly thanksgiving already.
I mean, seriously. What is this?
NWC is wonderful.
I grew so much at Bethel, and learned so many needed lessons,
but I'm loving my time at NWC.
I love the design department.
The students are great.
The professors are super encouraging and caring.
The campus is beautiful.
The Holy Spirit is moving.

G) Sometimes I don't desire God.
That's true.
Today I do, but it's a day by day thing.
I'm praying.
I'm fighting.
And more importantly - Jesus is fighting for me.

H) Chai is good.
Coffee is great.
Praise God for warm drinks and caffeine.

I) I'm so blessed by my friends.
I can't even handle it.
I was thinking back to last year and the fears of freshman year, and the fears that came with transferring.
God is so good, and He truly hears the cries of my heart.
He's provided me with awesome friends - and for that I am eternally grateful.

J) I love living in the romance of the Lord.
His quiet whispers in the wind.
His warm embrace in the Sun's rays.
His gentle reminder of His love for me through the shadows the trees create.
Creation is remarkable. Astounding. Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful.
AND - the same hands that fashioned the earth fashioned me.
How crazy is that?

K) I used to think "oh, psalms are for the weak who can't read the real meat of the bible"
but then God was like "Aunica, you're being dumb. Isn't the WHOLE bible breathed by Me?
And, as usual, God was right. The Psalms are so good. I'm so blessed by the time I've been able to spend so far reading them.

L) Peace, Rest, Comfort.
Instead of freaking out when things aren't planned like I did last year, I'm way more chill.
I don't know where I'll be this summer. I don't know what's going on next weekend.
I don't know what I'll do tomorrow.
But, instead of freaking out or getting stressed - I'm peaceful.
The Lord is in control.
He steers me, He pilots me.
I just have to sit back and enjoy the ride.

M) I just want to glorify God.
So bad.

N) Complacency is easy.
I hate it. That's for sure.
I hate that busyness is the idol satan uses right now.
I hate that he takes my classes and friends and fills my time so I go days without realizing I haven't been spending solid amounts of time with Jesus.
Prayer is my weapon.

O) I love my roommate.
For reals. Thanks Jesus for Ang.
She's wonderful, sassy, and a great friend.
I'm so blessed.

P) I'm excited for thanksgiving. To be thankful.
I'm excited for Christmas to celebrate Jesus' birth.
I love holidays. I love home. I can't wait to go back.

Q) I'm thankful for jean dresses. Curly hair. Endorphins. Sunshine. Jesus. Josh Garrells. Music. Creation. The sky. Art. Art. Art. Design. the unknown. Music that just speaks to your ears. Wow. So beautiful.
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