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Deep Breaths & Momentarily Losing Control

There I was.
Sitting in the dining center, as visions of homework assignments, tests, and projects danced in front of my eyes.
Tears threatened to spill over as the wave of anxiety crashed down on my world.
I wanted to bolt. To just run away into the night, away from it all.
I wanted to scream into a pillow.
I wanted to take a nap in the grass.
I wanted to do anything but look at the enormous pile of things I needed to get done.
I tried to calm down, to breathe deeply.
To focus on what really mattered - God.
But, unfortunately, Satan had his claws of fear and stress deep into my heart - and there was no way I was going to get out of this alone.
So I downed my sandwich in two gulps, and bolted for the library.
There, in the serenity of the upper level - I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, then gave my worries to the Lord.
He's in control.
I'm definitely realizing more and more how much I need to give God my fears, my stress, my anxieties.
I can't just give Him my joy and my sorrow, but my stress and worries as well.
Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you.
Breathe deeply of the Spirit.
Take a moment and bask in the presence of the Lord.
Sigh in relief.
How can I worry any longer when I'm craddled in the arms of the Creator?

Gratitude

 It's time.
That's what I heard God whisper this morning.
My short season of rest from the attacks of the father of lies is over, and it's time to put my armor on and get ready for battle.
All summer I fought hard, and after camp was over my exhaustion was complete.
Satan had won that battle.
I prayed fervently that the Lord would take away this fighting, at least for a season - and while at the time I didn't realize it, He did.
He helped me.
He held the evil one at bay, and gave me much needed recovery time.
I quenched my thirst with Scripture, and satisfied my hunger with pursuing Christ.
Gratitude.
It's been a great season of growing and joy, and I understand so much deeper how to continue to fight for that joy in the hard season as well.
I have an anchor, a cornerstone, for my Soul  - and I am not as easily shaken.
Satan may have won that battle, but the victory for the war over my Soul has already been won, and he doesn't come out on top.

Gratitude.
That's the only word I can use to describe how I feel this morning.
A deep, yearning sense of gratitude.
I'm grateful that the Lord protects me.
I'm grateful that I don't have to fight alone.
I'm grateful that the war has been won, the victory is ours.
I'm grateful that God continues to teach me, growing and molding me into the woman He wants me to be.
I’m grateful that God uses the hard things in life to teach me the most – that even when I’m running away, He continues to grow me in ways I couldn’t imagine.
I’m grateful that sometimes God does the opposite of what I ask Hiim to do – and I’m way better off in the end.
I’m grateful that He’s in control and I’m not.
I’m grateful for the deeper understanding of His sacrifice of His son I gained yesterday in my quiet time.
I’m grateful for the deep rest and peace He’s shown me through His presence this past month.
I’m grateful for humility and learning, and the peace that comes from knowing that even if I fail, He didn’t.
Gratitude is a beautiful thing, and I’m thankful for that this morning.

Songs I’m listening to:
Gratitude by Nicole Nordeman
Anchor by Josh Garrels

Gratitude

 It's time.
That's what I heard God whisper this morning.
My short season of rest from the attacks of the father of lies is over, and it's time to put my armor on and get ready for battle.
All summer I fought hard, and after camp was over my exhaustion was complete.
Satan had won that battle.
I prayed fervently that the Lord would take away this fighting, at least for a season - and while at the time I didn't realize it, He did.
He helped me.
He held the evil one at bay, and gave me much needed recovery time.
I quenched my thirst with Scripture, and satisfied my hunger with pursuing Christ.
Gratitude.
It's been a great season of growing and joy, and I understand so much deeper how to continue to fight for that joy in the hard season as well.
I have an anchor, a cornerstone, for my Soul  - and I am not as easily shaken.
Satan may have won that battle, but the victory for the war over my Soul has already been won, and he doesn't come out on top.

Gratitude.
That's the only word I can use to describe how I feel this morning.
A deep, yearning sense of gratitude.
I'm grateful that the Lord protects me.
I'm grateful that I don't have to fight alone.
I'm grateful that the war has been won, the victory is ours.
I'm grateful that God continues to teach me, growing and molding me into the woman He wants me to be.
I’m grateful that God uses the hard things in life to teach me the most – that even when I’m running away, He continues to grow me in ways I couldn’t imagine.
I’m grateful that sometimes God does the opposite of what I ask Hiim to do – and I’m way better off in the end.
I’m grateful that He’s in control and I’m not.
I’m grateful for the deeper understanding of His sacrifice of His son I gained yesterday in my quiet time.
I’m grateful for the deep rest and peace He’s shown me through His presence this past month.
I’m grateful for humility and learning, and the peace that comes from knowing that even if I fail, He didn’t.
Gratitude is a beautiful thing, and I’m thankful for that this morning.

Songs I’m listening to:
Gratitude by Nicole Nordeman
Anchor by Josh Garrels

My Story: In 3 Minutes or less

I was reading an article that talked about telling your story in 3- minutes or less, so I decided to try it.
Here's the article:
http://theresurgence.com/2012/09/29/whats-your-story

Who were you before you met Jesus?
I was depressed, suicidal, lonely, searching for satisfaction and to find something to fill the emptiness that threatened to eat me alive. I'm convinced that if Jesus hadn't come and scooped me up, I'd be dead by now.

How did you first hear of Jesus?
I grew up in a Christian home, going to church, Sunday school, and Awanas - so I'd heard about Him all of my life.

What was your conversion like?
 I prayed the prayer when I was 5, but it wasn't until the summer before my sophomore year that I realized that Christianity was so much more than just going to church and legalistically reading my bible (or not). That's the first time I saw the real relationship aspect of it.

What is the most important thing you have learned about Jesus since your conversion?
Wow. I easily get caught up in the pursuit of theology, so I could say any number of intelligent sounding things about doctrine or yada yada, but the reality is Jesus' love daily has me on my knees. Every morning when I wake up to find that He still loves me, He'll always love me, and there's nothing I can do to increase or decrease that love - there isn't anything I can do but fall to my knees. Jesus loves me. JESUS loves me. Jesus LOVES me. Jesus loves ME. Wow.

How has your view of yourself changed in view of your relationship with Jesus?
  I used to hate myself. I was suicidal and depressed, but Christ has truly pulled me out of death and into life. I find my worth in Christ instead of seeking satisfaction from things of this world. I am truly satisfied in the arms of Christ.

How does your story best point people to Jesus?
I love Jesus. So much. Sometimes I can't contain it, and I think people can see that - so I think in a lot of ways just my joy for life and my love for Christ indicate that it's something more than the lukewarmness that we see a lot of times in Christians. It's so much more than going to church, it's the relationship with our wonderful Savior and Redeemer.

{Praise God from whom all blessings flow}

Rest & Breathing Deeply

Rest.
Peace.
Breathing deeply.
Satisfaction in the arms of Christ.
This week has been long, that's for sure - classes seemed to drag, and despair has set in as the homework continues to pile up with no visible sign of light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm continually amazed at God's beautiful faithfulness.
Even when I'm stressed. No matter if I'm running towards or away from Him, He continues to teach me lessons.
I've been basking in the joy that I've found from the fact that I can't do anything to speed up my sanctification. That might seem like something that's a "duh" moment - but I've found so much peace in being able to sit back and let God do His thing.
There isn't anything I can do to "help" Him along. He is perfectly capable of handling my sanctification on His own.
Sanctification. What a process.
Sometimes I wish it were faster, but I've found a lot of peace in the fact that it isn't this week.
It's really easy for me to get busy at college.
Homework. Friends. Food. Sleep. Fun.
All of those things need to be balanced, and it's easy to go day to day and not spend significant time with the Lord. A few minutes there, a quick prayer here, a quick verse read there.
It's easy to get caught up in the busyness of school.
I can very easily allow myself to read my bible or spend time with God in places where there are people. I'd way rather sit at least in reach of my friends.
But - God has been teaching me this week to spend special time with Him.
Date nights.
Quiet afternoons.
Taking time out of the busyness and chaos of school to breathe deeply of His presence.
To gain a new perspective from His Word.
To sit still and rest.
To stop running around and sit still and listen.
I cherish my time spent with my sweet Jesus.
Comfy chairs. Lake benches. Grassy fields. Sunrises. Sunsets.
Jesus means everything to me, and I've found so much satisfaction in Him.
His arms are my home.
It's been sweet to see my perspective change when I'm abiding in Christ.
Sprained ankle? This summer I would have been mad. I can't kick box, play volleyball, basketball, frisbee, or any other form of exercise that I love so much.
But, with my learnings in rest, maybe God wants me to slow down.
To breathe deeply.
To take it easy.
To enjoy His presence.
To remind me that He is King.
He's taken away the pain, and I know that in due time He will heal my ankle.
He is faithful. He is just. He leaves me awestruck.

Love & Yahweh

Sometimes I think I love Jesus too much.



Then I laugh and realize I can never love Him as much as He loves me.
What a humbling and beautiful thought.
I'm cradled in the arms of the One who Created the Heavens & the Earth.

I can't imagine loving Jesus more, but I'm so excited to see what He has in store and the journey He'll bring me on to reaching a deeper love for Christ.

Satisfaction & Sanctification

Chink. Chink. Chink.
Molding. Shaping. Chiseling.
Sanctification isn't always a walk in the park.
Sometimes it hurts.
Some days I look to the sky as ask God why it has to hurt so much - but I know it's good.
In the end, it will make me more like Jesus - which is what I want above all else.
Make me more like You, Father.
I desire that above all else - to exemplify Christ.

"But whatever gain I had I counted it as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." {Philippians 3:7-8}

The past week or so God has really been teaching me about worth and satisfaction.
True satisfaction can only be found in the arms of Christ.
Not in appearance. Not in friends. Not in relationships.
True satisfaction comes from a Soul that's so lost in the love of Christ, that you'd have to dig to the depths of the oceans to find it.
True satisfaction comes from a Soul that's found peace in the truest form in the Cross.
True satisfaction comes from pursuing Christ above all else.

God truly does use His Word to speak to me, and I so often forget that.
Memorizing is hard, and it's especially to find time to do it in the busyness of life - but the Lord has been speaking to me through scriptures I memorized long ago in the good old days of red vests, jewels, and sparkies.

Psalm 23:
    The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
        He makes me lie down in green pastures.
    He leads me beside still waters.
        He restores my soul.
    He leads me in paths of righteousness
        for his name's sake.
    Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
        I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
        your rod and your staff,
        they comfort me.
    You prepare a table before me
        in the presence of my enemies;
    you anoint my head with oil;
        my cup overflows.
    Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
        all the days of my life,
    and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD
        forever.

It Is Well

It is well with my Soul.
These words keep circulating in my mind.
It is well.
I am at rest.
While my body may have insane amounts of energy, the Lord has given my soul so much peace.
I've never breathed as deeply.
I've never so deeply desired to be the hands and feet of Jesus.
I've never desired to serve on such a deep level.
The past couple days God has really given me His eyes for His people and shown me the love He has for them.
Wow. God loves us SO MUCH.
Sometimes I just get super overwhelmed with how much Jesus loves me.
I cry. I laugh. I sing.
Love like this can't be canned up inside. It can't be contained. It MUST be shared, or you'll explode.
I feel the unity of Christ. I feel the Spirit moving in my heart.
No. I am not sufficient. I fall short. I fail, but Jesus doesn't and He didn't.
There is SO much peace in that.
I don't have to force sanctification. It comes with time. It WON'T happen overnight.
Instead of just being frusterated at the turtle pace that is my sanctification, I find a lot of peace in the fact that it's not going to happen overnight.
It's okay to mess up, to fall short, and to be insufficient - because Christ is. He didn't mess up. He didn't fall short. He was sufficient, so I don't have to be.
Peace. Rest. Love.
It is well with my Soul.

Knock-Out Lessons & the Slow Sanctification Process

I love those days when God hits you over the head with a lesson you needed to learn. So good.
This summer especially I struggled a lot with being frustrated by sanctification.
It's a slow process, and more than ever I've been praying that somehow God would just give me an extreme dosage so I could get it over with and just be like Jesus. I'm tired of struggling. I'm tired of sinning. I'm tired of my earthly body and imperfections.
I constantly strive to deepen my theological knowledge. I constantly strive to grow. I strive for sanctification.
What's wrong with that picture?
Me. That's what's wrong. I somehow think I can speed up the process if I close my eyes and count to three and spin around 10 times super quickly. The reality is, despite of me, God will sanctify me. I don't have to do anything but trust Him and leave it in His capable hands.
Wow. Chains falling off.
This summer was hard, but God has taught me so much. He's been relieving my burdens like there's no tomorrow and slowly but surely I'm running into His marvelous light.
He's taking the chains from my heart and lifting the baggage from my shoulders so I can slowly stand, and in time run again. Oh Lord, sanctify me in YOUR time.
I've never truly understood the concept of rest.
I'm someone who can never sit still. I'm convinced I even move around constantly in my sleep, so you can see why the idea of silence and peace is a little foreign to me.
I've been gaining a deeper understanding lately. My body is still jittery, but my soul is at rest.
I've found contentment in the sweet arms of Christ - and there is truly nothing better than that. I'm learning about love from Him who is Love incarnate. Oh, to be held and cherished by the Creator of the world.
Marriage? Who cares.
Future? God's got it.
Right now, for the first time in my entire life - I'm truly content to leave it in God's capable hands.
I don't have to worry. I don't have to work at sanctification. God is in control, and He's doing a good work in me.
Sanctify me, Lord. Make me more like You. Continue to make me fall deeper in love with you on a daily basis.
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