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Love & Yahweh

Sometimes I think I love Jesus too much.



Then I laugh and realize I can never love Him as much as He loves me.
What a humbling and beautiful thought.
I'm cradled in the arms of the One who Created the Heavens & the Earth.

I can't imagine loving Jesus more, but I'm so excited to see what He has in store and the journey He'll bring me on to reaching a deeper love for Christ.

Satisfaction & Sanctification

Chink. Chink. Chink.
Molding. Shaping. Chiseling.
Sanctification isn't always a walk in the park.
Sometimes it hurts.
Some days I look to the sky as ask God why it has to hurt so much - but I know it's good.
In the end, it will make me more like Jesus - which is what I want above all else.
Make me more like You, Father.
I desire that above all else - to exemplify Christ.

"But whatever gain I had I counted it as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." {Philippians 3:7-8}

The past week or so God has really been teaching me about worth and satisfaction.
True satisfaction can only be found in the arms of Christ.
Not in appearance. Not in friends. Not in relationships.
True satisfaction comes from a Soul that's so lost in the love of Christ, that you'd have to dig to the depths of the oceans to find it.
True satisfaction comes from a Soul that's found peace in the truest form in the Cross.
True satisfaction comes from pursuing Christ above all else.

God truly does use His Word to speak to me, and I so often forget that.
Memorizing is hard, and it's especially to find time to do it in the busyness of life - but the Lord has been speaking to me through scriptures I memorized long ago in the good old days of red vests, jewels, and sparkies.

Psalm 23:
    The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
        He makes me lie down in green pastures.
    He leads me beside still waters.
        He restores my soul.
    He leads me in paths of righteousness
        for his name's sake.
    Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
        I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
        your rod and your staff,
        they comfort me.
    You prepare a table before me
        in the presence of my enemies;
    you anoint my head with oil;
        my cup overflows.
    Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
        all the days of my life,
    and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD
        forever.

It Is Well

It is well with my Soul.
These words keep circulating in my mind.
It is well.
I am at rest.
While my body may have insane amounts of energy, the Lord has given my soul so much peace.
I've never breathed as deeply.
I've never so deeply desired to be the hands and feet of Jesus.
I've never desired to serve on such a deep level.
The past couple days God has really given me His eyes for His people and shown me the love He has for them.
Wow. God loves us SO MUCH.
Sometimes I just get super overwhelmed with how much Jesus loves me.
I cry. I laugh. I sing.
Love like this can't be canned up inside. It can't be contained. It MUST be shared, or you'll explode.
I feel the unity of Christ. I feel the Spirit moving in my heart.
No. I am not sufficient. I fall short. I fail, but Jesus doesn't and He didn't.
There is SO much peace in that.
I don't have to force sanctification. It comes with time. It WON'T happen overnight.
Instead of just being frusterated at the turtle pace that is my sanctification, I find a lot of peace in the fact that it's not going to happen overnight.
It's okay to mess up, to fall short, and to be insufficient - because Christ is. He didn't mess up. He didn't fall short. He was sufficient, so I don't have to be.
Peace. Rest. Love.
It is well with my Soul.

Knock-Out Lessons & the Slow Sanctification Process

I love those days when God hits you over the head with a lesson you needed to learn. So good.
This summer especially I struggled a lot with being frustrated by sanctification.
It's a slow process, and more than ever I've been praying that somehow God would just give me an extreme dosage so I could get it over with and just be like Jesus. I'm tired of struggling. I'm tired of sinning. I'm tired of my earthly body and imperfections.
I constantly strive to deepen my theological knowledge. I constantly strive to grow. I strive for sanctification.
What's wrong with that picture?
Me. That's what's wrong. I somehow think I can speed up the process if I close my eyes and count to three and spin around 10 times super quickly. The reality is, despite of me, God will sanctify me. I don't have to do anything but trust Him and leave it in His capable hands.
Wow. Chains falling off.
This summer was hard, but God has taught me so much. He's been relieving my burdens like there's no tomorrow and slowly but surely I'm running into His marvelous light.
He's taking the chains from my heart and lifting the baggage from my shoulders so I can slowly stand, and in time run again. Oh Lord, sanctify me in YOUR time.
I've never truly understood the concept of rest.
I'm someone who can never sit still. I'm convinced I even move around constantly in my sleep, so you can see why the idea of silence and peace is a little foreign to me.
I've been gaining a deeper understanding lately. My body is still jittery, but my soul is at rest.
I've found contentment in the sweet arms of Christ - and there is truly nothing better than that. I'm learning about love from Him who is Love incarnate. Oh, to be held and cherished by the Creator of the world.
Marriage? Who cares.
Future? God's got it.
Right now, for the first time in my entire life - I'm truly content to leave it in God's capable hands.
I don't have to worry. I don't have to work at sanctification. God is in control, and He's doing a good work in me.
Sanctify me, Lord. Make me more like You. Continue to make me fall deeper in love with you on a daily basis.

"For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified"

    And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.
  
(1 Corinthians 2:1-5 ESV)

This passage hit me to the core a few days ago, and I haven't stopped thinking about it since then. So often I get so caught up in theology, in big words, and in sounding intelligent and wise that I forget the point of the gospel: Jesus. I don't have to use big words. The gospel can stand for itself. Here Paul talks about letting the Spirit give him words, instead of trying to come up with his own from his own wisdom. Weeeeell, Shoot. Definitely something I need to learn. Lord, help me to focus more on Christ than the pursuit of theology and allow Your Spirit to lead me. Help me to trust that You'll give me words to say instead of me trying to have all the right answers.

False Apostles & Ohh Shoot Moments

2 Corinthians 11.
Boom. False Apostles.
So many times in the past I've thought to myself "well, those don't exist anymore so this doesn't really apply" when in reality, false apostles are just as prevelent now as they were then.
There are so many different movements even within the Church.
The universalist movement.
The all Spirit focused movement.
Even the gospel movement.
I've found myself being swayed by the latter. I've had conversations about the gospel in which Jesus Christ wasn't mentioned once. Grace overshadowed our Savior.
Grace is good - but even good things can be idols and false apostles if they get in the way of the Truth of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.
Lord, help me to believe and understand the true gospel - not a knock-off.

Coffee, Fizzy Tabs, and Grace

Some mornings - God meets me where I am, and whispers melodiously to my heart.
Even when I don't know what I need, He provides encouragement and conviction in the deepest of ways - to the depths of my soul.
"For this light and momentary affliction is preparing or us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are the transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." {2 Corinthians 4:17-18}
Coffee. Josh Garrels. Jesus. It's a good morning.
The sun is shining. His grace and mercy is new each morning. I am free from the shackles of sin.
Grace is like a fizzy tab that will slowly dissolve into the depths of my soul until I meet my maker.
It's not something I'm every going to be able to fully grasp, but slowly, I believe God will continue to reveal His grace and mercy to me. To bring little bubbles of appreciation and gratitude and slowly embed its way into my heart.
Sometimes this comes through glimpses of the depth of my depravity. Without Him, I don't desire Him whatsoever. That, in my sinful state, and in my sin nature I will never choose God over sin. It's by the grace of God that I've been given that choice, and I am eternally grateful.
Sometimes it comes through good times. When I see Jesus working. When I see His grace more evidently through those around me. When I read His Word and gain a deeper understanding of the sacrifice that has given me this beautiful redemption.
Other times I'm just overwhelmed by Christ. There are days when I forget to breathe when I'm talking to Him. How can He want to talk to me? How can He desire a relationship with me? These two questions baffle me to no end - but they bring me to a deeper gratitude.
As I look outside to the sun shining through the trees, I'm filled with wonder at the works of our glorious Maker.
I've been learning a lot about prayer lately, and what it looks like to have constant communion with the Lord. Wowza. He is good. Praying for those around me. Praying for kids at school, for my family, for my friends, for people I'll meet, etc. Constant prayer. Constant communion. So good. I've been praying that God would give me a deeper desire to pray, and He comes through - not always right when I ask Him too or in the ways I expect, but He comes through nonetheless. He knows so much better than I do what I need, anyways.
Our God is good. He is SO incredibly faithful. I am deeply grateful.

The depths of God's Heart

Prayer.
God has really been teaching me the power of prayer lately.
Prayer has so much impact, but so often I forget to ask God about things.
 For instance: last night I was listening to a sermon and got about 20 minutes in before I realized I'd forgotten to pray.
I stopped and asked God to reveal His heart to me on a deeper level and give me a deeper understanding of who He is.
Wow, He definitely answers prayers.

I just wanted everyone to love Jesus.
 My heart burns for those who will never experience the freeing and redemptive love of Christ.
I can't imagine going through life without Him.
Today I weep for those who will miss the greatest thing in life: a relationship with Jesus.
Today I can see God's desire for His people.
His desire to save us, to know us, and for us to know Him.
Lord, use me to bring others into your Kingdom.

Summer Sippin' & Learning on the Run

Wowza. This summer has been crazy.
I don't think I've ever spent as much time upset, mad, or frusterated with God as I have this summer - or learned as much.
It's been a bumpy road, that's for sure - but like in all things, God has taught me SO much.
Hah. Even when I try to run away from Him, He's teaching and molding me into the woman He created me to be.
A) I've learned a lot about His faithfulness. Oh, have I ever. By the time camp was over, I was really tired of being attacked by satan. I was tired of trials. I was tired of temptations. I was tired of being attacked. I was just done. So, I subconsciously decided the easiest way to get the devil off my back was to run away from God. To stop talking to Him. To stop making Him priority. But, in the process I layed down my armor and curled into a ball. But, instead of walking away pleased like I thought satan would, He took the opportunity to kick me and up his attacks from prevelent to relentless. So, once again, MY plans failed. So, I put on my armor again and got on my knees. Lord, fight for me - because I sure don't have the strength.
B) I've learned to be real. It's okay to struggle. It's okay to not be okay. We live in a fallen world, and I'm definitely a sinner - so I'm going to fall short and I'm going to struggle. Fact.
C) I focus a lot on the pursuit of theological knowledge, which isn't bad - but I got so wrapped up in the knowledge part that I left Jesus on the sideline instead of making Him the focus. Theology - Jesus = nothing. Jesus + nothing = everything. Boom. So, theology is good - but I've been learning to accept three words that you learn the minute you hear about Jesus. Jesus loves me.
JESUS loves me.
Jesus LOVES me.
Jesus loves ME.
Crazy.
D) It's okay to not have the answers.
Wow. I find SO MUCH PEACE in that.
Thank-you Jesus for coming through when I fall short, which is far too often.
E) I want to be perfect. So bad. You have no idea. If there's anything I want, it's to reach perfection. To reach glorification. But, the process of sanctification is lifelong. I will never be perfect on this earth. I will fall short. I will struggle. I will stumble.
I'm always going to have idols. I'm always going to be striving and never succeeding.
BUT - God isn't mad at me when I suck. He isn't angry when I fall short. Grace. Mercy. Forgiveness.
When He sees me, He no longer sees my filth - He sees His Son.
All the more reason to strive to be like Christ.
F) I really like control. I've seen my control idol rear it's ugly head more than I wish I had this summer. Whether it's by not trusting God with my future, tomorrow, or the day to day - it was there. I struggle so much to trust God in all situations. I hate not knowing.
G) For so long I've envied those who found freedom in Christ. I've read about the freedom I should feel and seen it in many of my friends, but I'd never truly experienced it until this summer. I no longer feel burdened by my relationship with Christ. I no longer feel like I HAVE to do things or He'll be mad, but I WANT to do them. I want to read my bible. I want to talk to Him. I want to worship Him. They aren't just things I'm supposed to do or I have to do. Freedom. He isn't mad if I miss a day of reading. I just love Him so much. Aaaahhh. Freedom. So much freedom.
H) I hate being weak. OH, how I hate being weak. I want to be strong. I want to not struggle. I want to be sanctified completely. But, this summer I've seen God use my weaknesses more than ever before. I've seen Him use the hardships and experiences I've gone through to further His Kingdom, and it's been so great. SO great.
I) He is my anchor. All I need is Jesus. Even when everything else seems to tumble, I cling to the cross and the redemption I find in Christ.
J) I love my sweet Jesus.
K) There is rest for my soul in communion with the Lord.
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