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DESIGN (:

http://bugraphicdesign.posterous.com/collage-43204

Adventures in graphic design.
My first time using Illustrator.
It was a big day.

The first typography is the letter Mr. Darcy writes Elizabeth in Pride & Prejudice.
The second is Psalm 27 (my favorite psalm).
The third is a poem I wrote recently.

Nobody's Perfect

Perfection.
It's something I've strived for since before I can remember.
A burden I've carried from a young age.
Never happy with any of my work.
Never content with what I've done,
only seeing the improvements to be made.

Today God lifted that burden.
He showed me that it's okay to be broken.
It's okay to not be okay.
It's okay to be sad.
To be upset.
To be hurting.

In reality - we live in a broken world,
full of broken people.
And I'm one of them.
As a Christian, my life isn't perfect.
In fact, a lot of the time it feels like it's anything but that.

It's not that as Christians our lives will be easy.
It's not that as a Christian my life will be all sunshine and flowers.
We go through struggles. We go through hardships. We go through trials.
It's how we react and deal with those situations that matters.
We might not always be happy, but we can find Joy through the cross.

I'm not the mistakes I've made.
I'm not my past.
I'm not the things that have happened to me.
My desire is that when people see me,
they won't see Aunica.
My desire is that they'll see my Father.
That through me, they'll see a part of my Savior.
The reason for my Joy.
That through the cracks in my heart,
He'll shine through.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 -->
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.  But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

You & Me {A Poem}

It's no new thing
to hear girls talking
about ring by spring

and it's nothing new
to say that I, Oh I
really like you

You've had my heart for a while
ever since the first time
that you made me smile

2 and a half years to be precise
but liking someone
comes with a price

You see, I guard my heart
and I guard it well
so I keep it apart

Sometimes I guard it too well
and I get afraid that
You'll never fall under my spell

That you can't see
the way that I watch
you look at me

Your eyes burn into mine
and all I can think about
is your fingers intertwined with mine

Sometimes it's all I can do
to keep myself
from staring at you

You dazzle me with a glance -
this could be the start
of a beautiful romance

We'd honor God in our love
pointing others not towards us
but towards our Savior above

But until that then
I'll just sit here
and wonder when

knowing that timing is key
but it's hard to not think about
if it'll just be You and Me.

Blessed

Today God reminded me of how incredibly blessed I am to be at a Christian college.
I look around our campus and see kids who care about God,
maybe some less than I would hope,
but they do - to an extent - at least care about God.
I'm not persecuted for my faith,
I can openly talk about my joy for the Lord without a thought.
I can discuss deep theological topics with other people my age who genuinely care and will search scripture for answers.
I can say I'll be praying for someone without them ever getting upset with me.
I can take bible classes and deepen my biblical knowledge.
I can have accountability partners.
I can have bible studies.
I am incredibly blessed,
and I praise the Lord for this time of growing,
knowing that in a few years I'll once again find myself in the world.
Surrounded by the depth of despair and pain that encompasses our fallen world,
but this time I'll have tasted the depth of peace that comes from living in community with believers.
This time, I'll be better equipped to take the world for Christ.
Look out, world, this girl really loves Jesus -
and she's not afraid to talk about it.

Musica de Mi Dios

Current Playlist:
Weak Man by Leeland
Dear Heart by Sanctus Real
The Great Awakening by Leeland
Avalanche by Hillsong
Pure Bride - Leeland
Carry Me on Your Back - Leeland
How Great Thou Art - Phil Wickham
Crazy Love - Robbie Seay Band
Pages - Leeland

Girls Have Trash Cans

Girls are emotional.
Let's be honest.
Our emotions are like trash cans.
Some girls have a small waste basket,
that quickly overflows.
Other girls have the regular-sized kitchen garbage can.
They can generally control their emotions,
but occasionally tears will come.
I'm not like these girls.
I don't have a waste basket.
I don't have a kitchen can.
I have a dumpster.
The mega-sized kind that holds 10-years of emotions.
Instead of emptying the trash can every week,
sometimes more,
I just push it down.
Other people dump their trash into my dumpster.
They throw their bag of emotions into my abyss of waste.

I seldom glance in that dumpster.
In fact, the only time I really glance at it is when it's getting close to the top.
Then I smush it down, and move along.
Mmm. Emotions.
The thing about garbage cans and dumpsters is that at some point,
they get full.
They aren't an unending abyss of disposal.
They don't self-destruct or erode into nothing.
They grow over time,
the baggage increases.
Until one day,
it gets to be too much.
And you crack.
It's more like realizing that I have a lot of trash to get rid of.
That even though I may have a dumpster, I still have to purge your emotional baggage.
Instead of giving it to someone else,
I take it to the junk yard.
To the one place where it won't bother anyone else.
I take it to the foot of the cross.
Where emotional baggage and pain dull in comparison to the glory that is our Christ.

Matthew 11:28-30 -- 
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

The Carousel of Emotional Baggage

Helloooo emotional baggage.
I was overjoyed when I left you on the conveyer belt at the baggage claim.
I was flying high on the ride home from our journey into my past, thinking I was rid of you for good.
Hoping that instead of following me around and weighing me down, you'd stay on your perpetual carousel ride.
Too bad that flame of hope didn't get to flicker very long before you snuffed it out.
When I arrived home, there you were.
Sitting on my doorstep.
I forgot to remove the address tags, you see.
There you sat. Dark with my past pain. Threatening of the pain to come.
Alluding to nights writhing in anguish as the pain threatens to take over.

Physical pain doesn't bug me.
At least you can point to your broken toe or bruised knee to tell where it hurts.
Emotional pain is much harder to explain.
It takes your heart and rips it to shreds,
as the open wounds from past pain are glaringly evident.
It's a painful process to stitch them up.
Sometimes the stitches unravel, as the aching in your heart continues.
Sometimes your heart wounds are deep.
It takes a lot of stitching for some of them to be fully closed.
In the end, you're still left with the reminder of the past pain.
The scars remind you that it happens multiple times.
The yelling. The screaming. The abandonment.
All prices of the fallen world we inhabit.

The good news is - it gets better with time.
The pain dulls to a steady throb instead of the aching burn.
Your heart slowly has a couple pounds taken off of it,
so at least it doesn't feel like an anvil anymore -
threatening to fall through the bottom of your feet.
A bowling ball is much easier to deal with.

It's hard to sleep.
It's hard to eat.
All you can do is pray.
Prayer is the medicine for emotional scarring.
God is the needle.
Faith is the thread.
All you have to do,
is show Him your wounds.

Emotional pain.
A good reminder that this world is not my home.

Revelation 21:2-4 -- I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.  He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Continuing the Journey

As I continue to journey through Acts, God continues to reveal things to me that I could never have seen on my own - not only through my studying, but through walking alongside Him in life as well.

Acts 11 - Peter has to describe what just happened to his friends. Think about how that went down.
Think about it like the super bowl. This year, the Giants and the Patriots will be gearing up for the game of the year. The Jews and the Gentiles where (in a way) like these two teams, only not just the "I'm only a fan because they're in the super bowl and I have to pick a side" kind of way, but the "I've been a fan of this team since I was in diapers" kind of way. We all know how crazy those fans can get on super bowl Sunday. The Jews were part of the chosen people, the Gentiles were not. Therefore the Jews didn't associate with the other team.

For Peter to have witnessed and taken part in the salvation of Gentiles was unheard of. Up until this point, there were no Gentile believers. Think about how his friends felt when he told them he had been in the other team's locker room and had in fact shown them their plays? They would have felt betrayed and confused.

Then Peter explains how God orchestrated the whole thing. He tells them about his vision and how the Roman guards had come to find him, but instead of being scared the Spirit calmed him and he went with them. He then goes on to explain Cornelius' side of the story, and the evidence of God's hand in the whole situation. After He explains it, they stop talking. They fall silent, then reevaluate their stance. They finally consent that God also gives forgiveness and grace to Gentiles.

God has a heart for the nations. God does not show favoritism (Romans 2). Mmm. Cool.

Sharing God's Work

In my personal quiet time with the Lord I'm studying Acts right now.
I love how when I diligently seek after the voice of the Lord, He speaks to me.
I had never thought very hard about this particular passage before.
Acts 10:30-33 --> And Cornelius said, “Four days ago, about this hour, I was praying in my house at the ninth hour, and behold, a man stood before me in bright clothing 31 and said, ‘Cornelius, your prayer has been heard and your alms have been remembered before God. 32 Send therefore to Joppa and ask for Simon who is called Peter. He is lodging in the house of Simon, a tanner, by the sea.’ 33 So I sent for you at once, and you have been kind enough to come. Now therefore we are all here in the presence of God to hear all that you have been commanded by the Lord.”
Earlier in Acts 10 the Lord gives Cornelius the vision to send for Peter. Peter has a vision about eating unholy and unclean animals then God tells him to go with the men that come to find him.
If you think about the time and the persecution of the church, it would be kind of scary to give yourself up in case they might be there to put you to death. Also, Peter defies social norms by inviting them in (Jews would never invite Gentiles in, especially Roman soldiers). Cornelius was the first gentile believer, so it would have been weird for Peter to regard a Roman solider (the enemy) as a fellow brother in Christ.
Wow, the trust that Peter had in the Lord that he trusted that these Roman soldiers were not there to kill him.
This particular passage really stuck out to me today - how cool is it to share what the Lord is doing in our lives? How exciting would it be to recount how God brought Peter to meet Cornelius and stay with him? I can just imagine the joy that Cornelius had as he recounted for Peter what the Lord had said to him and how it all fell into place. Wow. God is cool. Thanks, Lord, for sharing this with us.

Also, in verses 34-43 Peter realizes that "God is not one to show partiality, but in every nation for man who fears Him and does what is right is welcome to Him." This is where God's heart for the nations really starts to piece together. God doesn't just love His chosen people, but He desires a relationship with people from every nation.

How cool would it have been to hear the first hand experiences of the disciples that followed Jesus? How awesome would it have been to listen to Peter as he described the miracles that Jesus did in vivid detail, because he was there? Or to hear of the teachings of Jesus from John? To even sit in the company of one of the apostles for an hour to glean insider information into the inner workings of Jesus' heart. Wow. How powerful would that be? And Cornelius got that chance through Peter.
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