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Media - Meet Real Girl

This is our generation, and our gender's biggest struggle.
Body image.
I can honestly say the number of girls I've met who don't struggle with this I can count on my left hand.
I'm not sure when the realization kicks in,
maybe sometime around 13 - at least for me.
But I think for some it's earlier.
The society we live in gives us these expectations -
look like a super model.
Be a size 0 and 6'1 (which believe me, is not even close to possible)
look like a VS model
be able to see your ribs
Be sexy
Be thin
Be irresistible.
Healthy girls aren't seen anywhere in the media.
Nowhere do you see a girl who's a couple pounds overweight,
But radiates good health and natural beauty.
Nowhere do you see girls with good morals,
because even if they do choose to, for once, depict someone decent -
they fall off the morality horse halfway through the season.
Good girls just don't survive in our media.
Whenever you walk into a store,
you're bombarded by the "ideal" woman.
Magazines are covered with what we're suppose to look like,
and the truth is - most of the time,
not even that girl look like that.
Airbrushing and Photoshop do wonders.
But here we are.
Exercising ourselves into a frenzy.
Eating like mice.
And living each day for the number on the scale,
or the pinch of skin on our hips.
This isn't how God created us -
for us to be so self-obsessed.
He made us in HIS IMAGE.
So fight hard and perservere,
Through God's strength we can overcome
this plague that's sweeping our generation.

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

Maybe it's because I'm an artist.
Maybe it's because I get easily distracted.
Maybe it's because I love fresh air.
All I know is that I really, really love the outdoors.
Every time I look outside I stop breathing for a minute,
as I stand in awe of the beautiful world God created.
I love the trees.
I love lakes.
I love grass.
I love being outside.
I love colors.
I love Creation.
Thanks God, for making such a beautiful world
and for allowing me to be part of it.

"And I think to myself, what a beautiful world"

Locker Room Stories

Sticks & Stones may break my bones, but words will always leave scars deeper than you can imagine.
You remember the moment. The hour. The minute.
The second you decided to take things into your own hands.
Time after time of hearing two-word phrases.
She's fat.
She's overweight.
Heavy set.
Pudgy chick.
The girls whispering and point at you in the locker room.
And one day -
You snap.
You stare at yourself in the mirror after school.
Resolving to make a change.
Resolving to break the chains food has on you.
The shackles on your wrist of snacks and treats
will no longer have a grasp.
So you stop eating.
It's a downward slope, and you're on a sled.
First you stop eating snacks.
Then you restrict your meal size.
Then suddenly you find yourself making excuses.
Reasons why you can't eat.
You don't feel well.
You ate earlier.
You sleep later so you can skip breatkfast.
You eat small amounts of food and trick yourself into pretending you're satisfied.
Instead of breaking free from the chains
the shackles on your wrists got tighter
the chains heavier
and all because of a couple
two-word phrases.

{No, this is not about me. But I'd say most girls struggle with this, me included. Maybe just not to this extent.}

Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace.
Until today, I don't know that I'd ever actually processed what that means.
But I can honestly say, God's Grace IS amazing.
Breath-taking. Spectacular. Undeserved.
The closer I get to God, the more inadequate I feel. The more inadequate I feel, the more amazed I am by the God that, for some reason, loves me.
Even when I suck. Even when I allow my fears to take the wheel, He's waiting for me to turn back to Him.
To run back into His loving arms.
His grace is enough.
His grace is sufficient. MORE than sufficient, it's over-the-top wonderful.
Even when I'm insecure. Even when I allow things of this world to take hold of me. Even when I turn my gaze from Him.
He extends grace undeserved.
And I am eternally grateful.
Because when I finally realize the depth of my despair, and turn my gaze to our Creator, I realize.
He is breath-taking. Spectacular. Inspiring.
And I wonder, how did I let myself get distracted?
How did I allow myself to tear my fixed gaze from His face?
Because when I seek after God and truly gaze at His being -
I can't speak.
I can't breathe.
I can't blink.
Our Creator is beautiful.
Revel in His glory.
Revel in His beauty.
Revel in the fact that He created you in His image.Revel in the fact that our God desires a relationship with us.
That just blows me away completely.
When I truly take time to pause and stare at our Heavenly Father,
I can't help but stop in my tracks.
I want to run around telling everyone about Him.
I want to scream it from the tops of the mountains.
I want to whisper it into the wind.
Because everyone deserves this.
This is love.
God is love.
God is the definition of love.
And I love Him.
His Grace is more than sufficient.
It is satisfactory.
It fills.
It satisfies.

Freedom//Growing Pains

Freedom.
Isn't it a weird feeling?
But somehow, it's one I crave almost constantly.
The fact of the matter is that at college -
my freedom is restricted.
Sometimes driving me to the brink of insanity.
I need freedom.
I need fresh air.
I need to be able to run wild and free.
I love feeling free.
I love driving with my windows open.
A full tank of gas and not a care in the world.
I love running and jumping around in large fields of grass.
I love laying on the ground staring up at the sky and smiling.
I love dance outside and singing - just me and God.
These are the times I can best connect with God.
When I am free to go where ever I feel Him leading me.
But with winter comes a price.
I trade in my freedom for a cage.
Trapped in the midst of a snow globe.
I trade in my blue skies for grey.
I trade in the green grass and leaves for a blanket of snow and mush.
I traded in my keys when I moved away.
and with it my last connection to freedom.
But no matter how trapped,
no matter how caged in,
God created every season.
And winter is just a great way for me to learn
to rely even more so on His strength.
And not my own.
God will give me Joy through these next few months.
Of that, I am certain.
So, Thanks God for winter, snow, and a new season of growing.

I Will Go

My world has officially been tipped upside down.
The fact of the matter is: I have no idea where I'll be next year.
But, I do know one thing - I'm not called to stay in the USA when I graduate.
At least for a couple years, I'll be overseas somewhere.
So, I'm applying for Moody in the fall.
If I get accepted, I will possibly transfer and major in Women's Ministry.
Otherwise I'll stay at Bethel to major in graphic design that I'll also use for missions,
but I'll take a semester off in the fall and do YWAM. So there you have it.
All of MY plans out the window, all of God's in the door.
It's crazy. It's scary. It's awesome.
Trusting God is a process, and He definitely convicted me about it this past week.
I had prayed about going to Bethel, but not about staying here for 4 years.
So we'll see where God leads me!
I'm excited. I'm expectant. I'm patient. (Okay, that last one is definitely a God thing)
So that's my life right now.
Finals. Christmas. Spring. ?
Future unknown, but following God's will is oh, so sweet!
Questions? Ask.
The story is actually a ton more complicated and sweet than I'm sharing,
but it's too hard to explain here.
So feel free to ask!
I'm excited to see where God will lead me.


Isaiah 6:8 -- Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”   And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

WOWZA

I honestly don't know how I can possibly explain how I'm feeling in words.
There isn't a word in the world to describe the amount of love I have for God right now.
If my spiritual life was a pokemon, I'm pretty sure I just leveled up. Twice.
Or if my spiritual life was a Christmas movie - I'm the Grinch, only at the end of the movie.
When his heart explodes.
Because honestly? I'm crazy in love. I can't describe it. I can't explain it. It's just what's happening.
All I want to do 24/7 is talk to Jesus.
I want to hug Him. I want to talk to Him. I want to learn about Him.
I want to dance around and sing at the top of my lungs about His love.
I want to run around everywhere telling people about Him.
He's the last thing I think of before I fall asleep and the first thing I think of in the morning.
Because, the truth is? I LOVE HIM.
Jesus. Is. The. Best.
Ever.
The End.

Glass Slippers and White Horses

I was the classic little girl.
I loved dressing up, watching Disney movies, and spent hours fantasizing about how
someday my prince would come and sweep me off of my feet.
Now, you would hope that as I grew up I was realize that this dream wasn't practical.
Princes don't really exist in the real world, you'd reason with me.
But instead of letting my little girl dreams go, I allowed them to blossom.
To mature. To grow.
I allowed my longing for love to bury itself deeply into my heart, and it took root.
As I grew older I continued my search.
Constantly looking for the love that I just knew had to be out there.
I didn't give up hope.
I watched movie after movie and read piles of books that portrayed the love I was looking for.
The damsel in distress.
The glass slippers.
The castle.
It all held a golden glow in my mind, and I'd spend hours dreaming about my future.
As I grew up the desire matured a little.
Reason took somewhat of a grasp and lodged itself in there next to my dreams.
I realized that while castles, sparkly dresses and high heels weren't in my future,
I could still find that kind of love in a boy.
So I searched. I'd see a boy and BAM my mind was running -
thinking about how he'd come over and tell me that since the moment he layed eyes on me -
he knew I was the girl of his dreams.
Sigh.
Sadly, as I grew up, this never played out quite as I had intended.
As I reached my high school years I grew desperate.
I continued my search for perfect love through boys who on the surface seemed to offer it -
but underneath it was empty.
Their vows were worthless and shallow.
Movies and books continued to fuel my hope for the perfect love.
He had  to be out there, right?
I mean, why else would there be so many books and movies dedicated to that kind of love?
All I knew was that if it existed - I was going to find it.
I wasn't going to settle for just any kind of love.
No passionless marriage for me.
I was determined.
As my later years in high school progressed,
My obsessive search continued.
My vision of prince charming morphed as the media continued to skew my view of love.
This summer I was praying about what my idols were, and obviously love is one of them.
A couple weeks later, God whispered in my ear something I had never thought about before.
The love I've been looking for? It does exist.
I've just been looking in the wrong places.
You see, a human boy can't fill the void in my heart that needs love.
No, only supernatural true love can.
Perfect love.
Love to die for.
Love that's already died for me.
Love that is all encompassing.
Love that's unconditional.
Love that is literally not of this world.
The love of Jesus.
I can honestly say I no longer struggle with my search.
Sure, we all have our days where we allow ourselves to be distracted by the world.
To believe the lie that we aren't completely satisfied in the love of Christ.
But the truth is, Jesus' love is way more than enough.
It's perfect.
Who knew that what I've been searching for my whole life has been right next to me?
The love I've desired ever since infancy has been waiting for me with open arms.
Contentedness in Christ.
What a wonderful feeling.
Thank you, Jesus.
I'll love you until the day I die - and after that for the rest of eternity.

Whispers

Everything with God is better.
In case you missed that, it's true.
Mornings are better.
Walking is better.
Sleeping is better.
Working out is better.
Breathing is better.
LIFE is better with God.
Actually, I'm not really sure how I lived before God.
What was my purpose in life?
Where was I going?
What were my dreams?
It's so hard to imagine a day without God.
Talking to Him.
Laughing with Him.
Sitting in quiet meditation.
Listening to Him.
I can't imagine life without the guidance of my Savior.
I fall asleep talking to Him.
Turning the world over in my thoughts.
Reveling in His ways.
Marveling at His voice.
I wake up comforted.
Hugged by the Creator of the World.
And I smile.

Have you ever noticed that the days you give to God in prayer are the best ones?
The days that you wake up and realize - this isn't about me.
It's not a question of "what will I do today?"
It's a question of "how will God use me today?"
or better yet "what does God have in store for me?"
It's the excitement of doing the work of God.
Of listening to His voice, and knowing that He will not lead you wrong.
His will for your life and His urgings are infinitely better than any plans we might have originally had.
And at the end of the day - you realize how extremely true that is.
God's plans are better.

When I follow the voice of God, His quiet whispers,
I don't think that "maybe I'm missing out"
or "I'd be happier if I was sinning" -
okay hopefully no one actually thinks that,
but if you substitute other words like having sex, drinking, popularity, etc
you get the idea.

Somehow we've twisted God.
We've twisted His will and His calling into something bizarre.
We think that we're sacrificing something for Him.
That we're giving up things that could make us happier so that we can follow Him.
Honestly? That's completely wrong.
When I honestly am seeking the will of God and His voice and earnestly following?
I'm so, so much happier than any worldly thing could make me.
Daily God fills me with a joy that I can't even begin to explain.
The joy of follow Him.
The days when I listen to God are the best days.
I never, ever look back and think "I wish I would have gone drinking"
or "I should have gone home with that guy"
No. Because worldly things pale in comparison to the joy of doing the will of God.
Sure, we all have our days.
Days when we don't listen.
Days when we give in to the voices of selfishness and the world.
But God is faithful, and He is waiting with open arms.
I guess all I'm trying to say is this:
God is good. He knows what He's doing. Listen. You won't regret it.
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