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Jump

So here it is.
The day I leave everything I've ever known and jump into the abyss of the future.
I feel like I was put in one of those stretching machines and then cut in half down the middle.
Half of me wants to stay here.
In the comfort of the known.
With my family and friends that I love dearly.
But the other half of me knows that at some point, the bird has to leave the nest and fly.
So here I am.
All of my belongings in tubs and bags, ready to leave the state and conquer campus.
Deep breath.
Here we go.

Praise

Thank you, God, for giving us a voice box. Today I had the glorious privileged of spending an hour of my afternoon with Jesus. We talked for a while about my fears, laughed that I had any, and then spent a solid amount of time singing.
I realized this was really the last time I'd be alone in the house for a long time, so I took full advantage of the time I was given.
Was I on key always? No.
Was it out of my range occasionally? Oh yeah.
Did God care? Not at all!
It was just super refreshing to spend that time with God.
Mmm. God, you amaze me with your loving mercy, and I was ever so blessed and encouraged to spend my afternoon with you.

Stained Glass

Have you ever seen those beautiful stained glass windows? Some of them just are colorful, some depict symbols, and others even are pieced together to form the image of Jesus. Stained glass windows, when the sun shines through them, are a true beauty. But it isn't the color that makes them beautiful, or the shapes they're put together in even, but the fact that they're broken. They wouldn't be nearly as beautiful if it was a perfect slate of one pure color. Aren't our lives like stained glass windows? Or shouldn't they be? We're most beautiful when we're broken. By being broken we allow God to come in and pick up our pieces. We accept what's already true, that we mess up. That we can't do this alone. When we allow God to pick up the broken pieces that are our lives without Him, we allow Him to turn our lives into a multi-color masterpiece. Like clay, He can mold and shape us to become what He intended us to be. Masterpieces of the Creator of the Universe. So that when He pieces us together and glues us back in place, we find that we are changed. The Gospel should change how we live. We are no longer slaves to sin, but we live under the law of Christ now - and our lives should look very different. They should be contrasted like black and white, salt and pepper, day and night. Because our lives without Christ were sinful. We were controlled by our sin nature and lived a life truly saturated in sin. But our lives with Christ should be completely different. Yes, we will still sin, but we are no longer sinners. When we believe in Christ, we are washed by His blood and purified. We no longer live under the laws of sin. When we recognize our sin, we should be broken by it. Be appalled. Feel sad. Remorseful. And ask for forgiveness. Good news - God forgives us of our sins! And, while we no longer should look the same on the inside, He will re-piece us together into a masterpiece that is even more beautiful than before. A masterpiece of a life with Christ. And that is a beautiful sight to behold.
Not only are stained glass windows a great representation of our brokenness, but the very name is a teachable moment. We were stained by our sins, but when we choose to follow Christ, His blood covers that sin and washes us white as snow. We are stained by the blood of Christ. Only....colorfully - so we can shine even brighter the light that is His Good News. We have the glorious privileged of sharing the great story of our Jesus.

Fairytale Endings

Every little girl dreams
of a fairytale ending
of a prince charming
at the end of the rainbow
of riding off into the distance
on the back of a white horse
with a smile on her face
and a crown on her head

every little girl dreams
of a large, beautiful wedding
of pink and purple surroundings
of a prince who loves her
of a castle to live in
of a full jewelry box

every teenage girl dreams
of a boy that won't break her heart
of a boy who will love her forever
of a boy who will get down on one knee
and pull out a small box
and put a ring on her finger
and whisper "I love you"
and know its forever

every teenage girl dreams
of a boy to smile at her
to write her heartfelt notes
to give her chocolate
to go to the zoo with her
to hold her hand
to hug her when she's sad
and hug her when she's happy
to watch a movie with her
to talk to her late into the night
and dry any tears she may shed


every middle age woman dreams
of a husband who still loves her
who sees through her flaws
who thinks she's beautiful
regardless of any wrinkles
and any weight she may have gained

every middle age woman dreams
of children to love
of a great future for her kids
of a happy family that spends time together
of a strong spiritual base
of a passionate marriage
and a love-filled family

every elderly woman dreams
of her children's success
of the day she'll sit back
and smile
because she raised her children well

every elderly woman dreams
of grandchildren to spoil
of the day that her greatest lover
will come back for her
and she'll leave this earth
and run into His open arms

every elderly woman dreams
about the day
when she will be able to worship
the Lord forever and ever.

But for now?
I'm just a teenage girl
with dreams of her own
and that place in my heart for a boy?
Is filled, for now, with the One
the One that will comfort me when I'm sad
and laugh with me when I'm happy
who has been through the temptations of this world
and come out the victor

because the man in my heart?
His name is Jesus.
And He is indescribable.
He is the greatest lover.
The amazing creator.
He loves me so much, that He died for me.

And with that love?
I am content.
For now, I am content
to wait for my happy ending
and the man that will sweep me off my feet
and carry me into the sunset.

Current State of the Union: Overwhelmed

A couple weeks ago if you had asked me how I felt about college I'd have told you I was ecstatic. A week after that I'd have told you impatient. Last week I'd have told you anxious. But this week my overarching theme of emotion is feeling overwhelmed. I glance around my room and all I see is boxes. My closet? Empty. My dresser? Empty. My desk? Empty. All the comforts of having somewhere to put my clean laundry are gone, instead its thrown into tubs and bins to be carted off to college next Tuesday. I'm packed, but its not organized. I feel prepared, but at the same time I feel like I'm never going to be ready. I don't want to say goodbye. I realized today that the number of times I'll see my best friends before I leave can be counted on one hand, and that made me nervous. Like I'm sliding down a waterslide and I don't want to drop off the end. As it twists and turns I stifle a scream as it plummets me through its darkened interiors, when all I wanted was a light and a brake peddle. But sadly, waterslides don't come with either of those things. As I slip and slide down the chute as it plummets me closer and closer to the end I can't help but wish I could somehow grip and grasp the sides to slow myself down. To be able to take in the last whiff of homemade cookies. To take in every last moment I have with my family. To enjoy every last laugh with my friends. To cherish each moment that I'm given. These last days seem to stretch out forever, and a part of me really believes they'll never end. That I'll be stuck here perpetually bouncing between high school and college, but I'll never leave. That I'll stay comfortable at home with my parents and my friends. Reality? I'm leaving for college in 9 days. I'm packed and as ready as I'll ever be. There's one thing I know for sure. Well two things. One: I'll never be ready, but I'm prepared. Two: God is going to be right by my side holding my hand. So what do I have to fear? So as I plummet through the darkened tubes of rushing water, I smile and thank the Lord for the journey I've had so far. I thank him for the good times and the bad, and how He has shaped me to be the woman I am today. And I pray that He will guide my path in life so that I can best honor Him with my life and bring glory to His name. I'm nearing the end of this water slide before I go to a new water park and run up the stairs to the top, ready to jump into whatever journey God has planned for me next. Where ever that slide will take me, I'm prepared to go. After all, if God is for us, who can be against us?

"Worry has never brightened a day, solved a problem, or cured a disease."

Worry. I worry all the time. Right now? I worry about college. Constantly. It's like this whirlpool that's slowly sucking me down, down, down into its watery grip until its grasp on me is so tight that it threatens to choke me and pull me under entirely. Now if that was where this all ended? This would be a very depressing blog post that would eventually lead to my imminent demise by way of drowning, but good news! That's not where it stops.  Because while I may be choking on my worrying, God is there. And He is ripping me out of the whirlpool and into His warm embrace. Worrying? Is just a way that I am telling God that He isn't enough. That I can't trust that He is in control and that He knows what is best for me. Worry takes away from precious time I could be spending in other ways. Worrying can consume you, until all you do is worry instead of enjoying the moments you've been placed in. Worry takes the place of Joy and robs you of precious time and happiness. Because when you worry? You aren't living in the present. You're constantly thinking about the future and the unknown that it brings. When you worry you miss out on the opportunities God has given you right where you are.
In Matthew 6:25-34 it says:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
   “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Moral of the story? Worrying is a waste of time and it undermines the glory of God, and that, my friends, is a sin. Who are we to question the plans of God? He knows. We don't, and we need to trust Him.  Once we have given Him control, we can go on with our lives and find the Joy that is contentment in Christ, and oh, the Joy that can be found.
Proverbs 3:5-6:
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
   and lean not on your own understanding;
 in all your ways acknowledge him,
   and he will make your paths straight.

Childhood, College, the Future - Oh My!

 College is in 10 days. Part of me still feels like a kid. I want my crayons back. Okay, so they're in my backpack ready to go for college. But that's besides the point. I want my parents back. Alright, so I still have them too. But it's not the same. I want my innocence back. That I have in a sense lost, as I've become more aware of the world and its destruction. I miss those day where I could just sit in the sandbox with the neighbor kids. Or play lion king on our swing set. Or dump pixie sticks on the rocks in the front flowerbed and lick it off. Childhood. Oh, how I miss it sometimes. I look back and miss the peaceful oblivion of everything that makes up our world, but at the same time I'm glad I'm at where I am. Because if I wasn't - I wouldn't be who I am. If that makes any sense whatsoever.

The other half of me wants to be older. To be married. To just have that one person you can always turn to and talk to. That person you can laugh with and cry with. That person to depend on and who can depend on you. Someone to cook for. Clean for. Count down the minutes until he gets home. Someone to watch movies with. To be silly with. To have deep spiritual talks with. To fold laundry with. To pray with. To go running with. To fly kites with. To go to the zoo. To just have that someone that will always be there. But, at the same time, I need to recognize that God can also be that person. That He can fill that hole in my heart until it is His time. That He can take that place. I can laugh with him and cry with Him. He's always there for me. He listens to me. He teaches me. He loves me. Sometimes, I just want to be older. Or those others times I already talked about when I wish I was still a kid. When I was a kid I always wanted to be older. I feel like some of that time was wasted because of that.

Then there's yet another part of me that is happy where I am. Content to let God take me where He may. To enjoy each and every moment I have on this earth, but recognize that this isn't my home. That I need not store up treasures here, because in all honesty - you don't bring anything with you when you die. So why waste time on things that don't have any eternal value? Invest in people, not cars or shoes or the stock market. College brings a whole new chapter in life. And I'm as ready for it as I'll ever be. I recognize the fact that I'm scared. It's new. It's different. Life will never be the same again. My home will no longer be my home. I'll never get the opportunity to spend this much time with my family. My friends may change. But I find security and peace in the fact that no matter what happens - God never changes. He is unchanging, and that is a very comforting fact. No matter how uncomfortable the circumstances. No matter how scary. No matter how different or difficult. God is there. He will always be there. He has always been there. And He is there now.
Psalm 23:1 "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want."

"Golf, like nylon running shorts, reveals a lot about a person."

I'm reading a book called "Traveling Light" by Max Lucado that goes through Psalm 23. And man, is it good. I didn't realize how much I like Max Lucado until I started this book. He writes in a way that's attention grabbing, witty, but at the same time can be really convicting. I mean, if you saw my copy of this book pretty much every word is underlined in some way. It's that good. He talks about the burdens we carry and how we're supposed to trust God with the burdens we were never intended to bear.
"What's true in jogging is true in faith. God has a great race for you to run. Under his care you will go where you've never been and serve in ways you've never dreamed. But you have to drop some stuff. How can you share grace if you are full of guilt? How can you offer comfort if you are disheartened? How can you life someone else's load if your arms are full with your own?"
In the second chapter he talks about how in verse one David uses the word Yahweh. Yahweh is my sheperd.

"Why Yahweh? Yahweh is God's name. You can call me preacher or writer or half-baked golfer - these things are accurate descriptions, but these aren't my names. I might call you dad, mom, doctor, or student, and those terms may describe you, but they aren't your name. If you want to call me my by my name, say Max. If I call you by your name, I say it. And if you want to call God by his name, say Yahweh."
Yahweh is an unchanging, uncaused, and an ungoverned God.

"You and I are governed. The weather determines what we wear. The terrain tells us how to travel. Gravity dictates our speed, and health determines our strength. We may challenge these forces and alter them slightly, but we never remove them.
God - our sheperd - doesn't check the weather; he makes it. He doesn't defy gravity; he created it. He isn't affected by health; he has no body. Since he has no body, he has no limitations - equally active in Cambodia as he is in Connecticut."
 "You can no more alter God than a pebble can alter the rhythm of the Pacific."

"We humans wants to do things our way. Forget the easy way. Forget the common way. Forget the best way. Forget God's way. We want to do things our way."
"If your happiness comes from something you deposit, drive, drink, or digest, then face it - you are in prison, the prison of want."
"Who you are has nothing to do with the clothes you wear or the car you drive."
 "Contentment comes when we can honestly say with Paul 'I have learned to be satisfied with the things I have...I know how to live when I am poor, and I know how to live when I have plenty' (Philippians 4:11-12)"
"We see the waves of the water rather than the Savior walking through them. We focus on our paltry provisions rather than on the One who can feed five thousand hungry people. We concentrate on the dark Fridays of crucifixion and miss the bright Sundays of resurrection."
I've been reading this book non-stop since I bought it for 3 dollars at a general store by my grandma's house. It's good. It's practical. It makes sense. It's funny. It's convicting. It warms your heart and breaks it all in one chapter. It's Max Lucado.
It brings back your focus to the only thing that matters - God. And that, my friends, is a very good thing.
So I recommend this book highly. Traveling Light by Max Lucado. Read it. It's good.
The end. Have a nice day.

Mmm. Life.

Why is everyone hungry for more? "More, more," they say.
   "More, more."
   I have God's more-than-enough,
   More joy in one ordinary day
Than they get in all their shopping sprees.
   At day's end I'm ready for sound sleep,
   For you, God, have put my life back together. 
-- Psalm 4:6-8 (Message)

That passage pretty much sums up life for me the past couple days.  My life is like a vase. My sin caused it to fall to the ground and shatter. God lovingly swept up each and every piece and gently glued every shard back in its place. I am once again whole, and God will use the cracks for His glory, just like He will use my weaknesses for His glory. Isn't it encouraging and freeing to know that even though we fail and make mistakes so, so often that God can that? It shouldn't be surprising, He is, after all, the creator of the Universe. He is God, and I am not. And for that fact I am pleased.
I'm just happy. God has given me an overflowing Joy. Mmm. The Joy of peace in Christ. Contentment, but not comfort or laziness - contentment that causes me to desire more and more of God. He is good.
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