Every year I think "next year is when I find rest, surely, at the bend in the road, things will slow down and I'll find normalcy." Yet, somehow the next year I find myself busier than the year before asking the same question, "how did I get here?"
I like to be busy. I thrive on busy. If I don't have things to do, I somehow feel like I'm missing my potential, yet in every season God is whispering to me, asking me to just stop moving for a few minutes to meet with Him. To sit with Him. To breathe in His life-giving breath and listen to His heart beat for His people. And sometimes I'm good at that, in lands not like my own when I'm surrounded by beaches or volcanoes or people speaking a native tongue that isn't my mother tongue.
I'm wrestling with that. That it's easier for me to talk about my sweet Jesus in a foreign language, in a country hundred of miles away from where my body finds its home most often. Where do I go from here? Burned out, exhausted, and still trying to find my bearing after a summer filled with more challenges and changes than my lips can express. I'm different. Things have changed. This is how I always feel after a season of traveling; I've only just finished explaining to those dear to me how I was different from the last round of experiences only to get yanked into new ones. It's exhausting to have to introduce yourself to people who believe they know who you are over and over. It's easier to just retreat within myself, and keep a very small number of people gripped in my hand tight, spitting up words as my mind can't take the internal processing any longer. And sometimes that's all I can handle.
I'm wrestling with that. That it's easier for me to talk about my sweet Jesus in a foreign language, in a country hundred of miles away from where my body finds its home most often. Where do I go from here? Burned out, exhausted, and still trying to find my bearing after a summer filled with more challenges and changes than my lips can express. I'm different. Things have changed. This is how I always feel after a season of traveling; I've only just finished explaining to those dear to me how I was different from the last round of experiences only to get yanked into new ones. It's exhausting to have to introduce yourself to people who believe they know who you are over and over. It's easier to just retreat within myself, and keep a very small number of people gripped in my hand tight, spitting up words as my mind can't take the internal processing any longer. And sometimes that's all I can handle.
