It's happening. I'm entering the last few days of my junior year of college.
Yeah, that's right. I'm going to be a senior.
There's a sense of paralyzing fear that accompanies the thought of graduating.
To be completely honest, this isn't where I thought I'd be.
In my plan, I'd be seriously dating if not engaged to someone before I graduated.
Some days my talks with God about the future go something like this:
"Hey God. So, uh, didn't we talk about this? You KNOW how much I want to be married. Hello? Have you heard me? Are you really listening?"
Followed by sweet Yahweh reminding me that He's got this.
But, this wasn't my plan. So the question that burns itself into my brain is this: "Now what?"
I guess deep down I never expected to be at this cross road. Do I throw myself into my career? Do I work a job for the sake of making money, but not fully invest myself? What matters? How do I best spend my time if the thing I want most isn't an option?
I always thought I'd meet a guy and move wherever he wanted to go. My plan was to work for a few years to make money, then be a stay at home mom. I've never cared about a career - people mean so much more to me than my own success. But what if what I've always wanted isn't an option - with no guarantee that it will happen in the near future, if ever? What then?
So here we are. This wasn't my plan. I'm praying for guidance for this season of lasts and the great unknown to follow.
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