All post

My Everything

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face. The second I opened my eyes I just knew. Jesus loved me. His plans are infinitely better than any I could even begin to try to follow. (Believe me, I've tried.) He knows what's best for me. He sets me free from the chains of this world that hold me down. I feel like everyone in the world just needs to be taken by the shoulders and shaken. How do they not feel this? How can they look around them and for one second doubt the existence of our awesome God? There is no doubt in my mind how completely real God is. He is real. He loves me, for reasons I may never understand. Even when I mess up completely, He opens His arms for me to run into. I see a piece of the puzzle, he sees the masterpiece. My worries in this life are so trivial compared to what He has planned. God is good. Always. Even when I can't feel His prescence around me. Even though I can't see Him. Even though I can't touch His face. He is there. In the wind, in the trees, in a whisper. He is there. And I love Him. So much it hurts. I want to dance and sing for Jesus. Bask in the light of His glory. Sing His praises all day long. Lay in the grass and smile for hours as I spend quiet time with Him. He is all that matters. He is my everything. He captures my heart anew each morning and rocks me to sleep at night. He is indescribable. Uncontainable. He never leaves me, nor forsakes me. I'm so overwhelmed by His love. And His mercy. And His grace. His goodness washes over me. How can He love me? So often I find myself pushing Him away as I slip into whatever worldly sin is closest to my reach. How can He take me back, time and time again? I'll never comprehend it. All I know is that He loves me. And I love Him. A lot.  He is my glass of water in the desert. He is my everything.

My bloody heart

Who am I to refuse you?
Who am I to even try to contain you?
In my labeled boxes, and dusty corners
trying to contain you, in all your splendor.
You cry out to me "child, let me in!"
But do I listen?
No.
It's so very easy for me to get wrapped up in the world.
To get tangled in it's web of lies, telling me all the things I so desperately want to hear.
I'm so selfish.
To think you could love me even when I am constantly turning you out in the cold.
"I'll talk to you later, I'm busy right now" has crossed my mind more times than I'd like to admit.
It's so easy for me to forget how wonderful my quiet times are, to push those into a different compartment of my mind.
To push them away, until the time is right.
To block out your words, your whispers, your commands.
To let my self get wrapped up in the world's demands.
To be pretty, sexy, and cunning.
To look older, skinnier, stunning.
But that's not what you desire.
No.
For you are not of this world. You are something far greater than I can even imagine.
I give you my mangled, bloody heart. Take it, and do what you can with it.
My life is yours.

Boxes

When I come to you, I give you only a piece.
Only a tiny portion of the deeper me.
Just the scraps, the leftovers, the unwanted parts.
I only give you the extra pieces of my heart.
That's not how it's suppose to be.
I'm suppose to want to give you all of me.
I should be filling my days with you, and only you.
Instead I leave you out in the cold until your toes turn blue.
I get so caught up in this world and what it has to offer,
that most of the time I forget you altogether.
You get pushed in a corner, put in a box.
Shoved in a cage with chains and too many locks.
But still, you pursue me relentlessly.
Showing me your honesty.
Showing me your love for me.
Showing me your grace and mercy.
I am a sinner, through and through.
I will never, ever deserve you.

Mmm.

What can I say?
You've stolen my heart.
I had this realization
sometime near the start.
When you fell,
I fell for you.
Of this realization,
you have no clue.
Our progression may be slow,
but I know that God has plans.
I try to follow His path,
but sometimes give in to my heart's demands.
When I hear your voice,
I go weak in the knees.
I can't form clear sentences,
or even say please.
When I see you smile,
it's like the fourth of July.
To others I'm outgoing,
but around you I'm much too shy.
My sentences become clipped,
my tongue becomes tied.
These feelings inside of me?
No longer can be denied.

Senioritis... what?

At the beginning of the year I had senioritis. I pined for college, camp, and friends in general. After a few weeks of drawn out school days of wishing the time away and late nights mentally decorating my dorm room, I came to a realization. Something that I thought was so normal was getting in the way of me following God. Not only was I wish away precious time that I could be spending in the word, but I was wishing away time that I could be spending talking to the kids at my school about Jesus. I've heard from many speakers that they look back on high school and wish they would have reached out more to those around them. While praying for my classes this year, I had felt God calling me to get out of my comfort zone, and while at first it was... uncomfortable not being in choir with the people I had grown to call my friends, it was alright. I've grown to love it. To love who God is shaping me to be. I know that everyone expects you to have senioritis, but once I started actually pursuing opportunities God gives me throughout the day to talk about Jesus, church, or anything God related or even to just show kids God's love. It's been amazing seeing what God is doing in my school this semester. Instead of saying "Oh man, I have another semester left in this dump?" I think "Yes, God has given me another semester to love on those around me" and that is what I intend to do. So while many seniors will be wishing their time away, I will be eagerly awaiting the start of each day and what God has instore for it. Praise the Lord.

Heaven

When I close my eyes I can almost see it
in all it's unabashed glory
those pearly gates, those golden streets
no worries, darkness we did defeat
just awstruck wonder at your beauty.

Letters from a sinner

When I know I've let you down
all the lies I've told are falling all around
these stick webs of falsities catching me
telling me what I've become
to your words I am numb
I've blocked out your voice
with the world's overbearing noise
of your words not taking heed
instead all the sins I've over seen
these are letters from a sinner
with the knowledge that in life, I'll never be a winner
without your aid.
Lord, I'm afraid.

The Game of a Lifetime

A whisper in the wind
a flashback of all the times I've sinned
letting you down
on your head is the crown
that reminds me of your glory.
You're totally and completely holy.
Oh how I love thee.
I truly want to make you happy.
To make you smile at me,
to wash over me completely.
To show me that life is more than a board game.
More than someone screaming my name.
calling out the plays,
people pulling me every which way.
Help me Lord, I plee.
you come to me, so willingly.
My heart you own.
And somehow, I know that I am not alone.

Memories

Sometimes I wonder if it was all in my head
all those things felt and said
Those memories that I hold so close
are just memories to you at the most.
Subscribe to: Posts ( Atom )